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| Family Drama |
| 01.11.05 (4:40 am) [edit] |
|
About 10:30 last night I got a call from Houston. I thought it was my favorite Houstonian - ProducerBoy. But it wasn't... It was the cousin of my friend, Beth, that killed herself in April. She said that she had been meaning to call me and apologize for being so scattered for the memorial service (8 months later?). Anyway, we had a long talk about Beth, her estate, and her final months. Beth's two sons had cut off all ties with her more than 3 years before she committed suicide. And it broke her heart because she never got to see her grandchildren. The boys said they 'couldn't deal' with her bipolar condition. (Bullshit - that's what family is for. She was all alone - it was their father that was behind it 100%.) They returned gifts she sent to the grandchildren and kept her out of the loop. Beth redid her will and completely left her sons out of it. The boys have contested the estate, saying she wasn't lucid enough to redo her will. It's not like she left the entire estate to her dog, or to some cult - she left it to people that had been supportive in her life. The boys' father has said that he would rather eat up the estate in legal fees (which would be nil to him since he is a sr. partner at a huge law firm) than let her family and loved ones get the benefit. So they started depositions a few weeks ago. The boys couldn't answer questions like when their mother's birthday was, what her beloved dogs name was, where she went to college, etc. Then they were asked why they switched atty's and they said 'because their dad said to'. Meanwhile their father said in the deposition that he was staying completely out of the action (bullshit). I was advised that they will be calling me to give a deposition and I would be called to testify if this goes to trial. It was Beth's wish for the boys not to inherit her estate - which was sizeable - but nothing in comparison to their father. Beth's older son was my best friend for many years. He wouldn't even acknowledge me at the Memorial Service. It's a shame because those guys were amazing warm-hearted men - to see the cold heartless creatures that they have become. This must haunt them, if it doesn't, I cannot imagine. We also talked a little bit about whether Beth really intended to kill herself. I still feel in my heart that it was a cry for help to try to get her sons to mend the rift. Normally, a neighbor came over every morning to have coffee with her, but she had gotten tied up with some other stuff. This neighbor also 'covered' for Beth a lot - not letting others know how bad off she was - Beth's water had been shut off for 6 months simply because she wasn't opening her bills. She was bathing with bottled water... I miss her a lot... |
posted by: April (reply)
post date: 01.11.05 (3:34 am)
I am so sorry for your lose. But you know she is in a much better place right now.
Mental illness is a hard thing to fight, i know this personaly... he must have been a very brave and great person to have done it all on her own.
*HUGS*
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 01.11.05 (4:13 am)
Reply to: April
Thanks. It is a reminder to me - that whenever I feel overwhelmed and think about just doing myself in - to see what havoc, pain, and heartache her actions caused in the ones she loved so much...
posted by: rednecks6599 (reply)
post date: 01.11.05 (9:22 am)
I've delt wth suicide of a loved one. It's not easy that's for sure! The best thing you can do is follow your heart!
posted by: newbie (reply)
post date: 01.11.05 (12:59 pm)
I have not yet become jaded in this life, but I have come to expect that people can behave very very poorly. Speaking of, did you hear that Anna Nichole will not be getting the 88 million (or whatever,.. my bank balance imagination stops at mid 6 figures..)
posted by: NurseNancy (reply)
post date: 01.11.05 (1:26 pm)
how sad. A suicide is the final cry for help. I used to work in psych nursing and would deal with a lot of botched attempts. The troubling part was I would see these patients again and again until they sometimes, unfortunately, got it right.
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 01.11.05 (8:13 pm)
Reply to: rednecks6599
You are right, it's not easy. So many questions and 'what ifs'. I just try to keep in mind what she would have wanted...
Thanks for sharing.
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 01.11.05 (8:16 pm)
Reply to: NurseNancy
There's still a lot of question in my mind that her intention was not truly to kill herself but to send a desperate message to her sons... But, we'll never know.
I've heard a lot about how people were 'protecting' her from embarrassment when instead, they were just preventing her from getting help. I cannot believe some of the people close to her let things get as bad as they did. I don't know how they can exist with a clear conscience. I know they meant well - or perhaps they didnt' want to be troubled.
posted by: NurseNancy (reply)
post date: 01.12.05 (12:22 am)
Reply to: ScubaDiva
sometimes people become the ultimate enablers. All with good intent, no doubt. But we all know that the road to hell is paved with good intentions.....
posted by: beavsgrl (reply)
post date: 01.12.05 (1:54 am)
Damn Scuba!! I kinda know what ya mean bout the family and stuff. Mr.Beavs children have totally cut him out of their lives,they won't speak to him,nothing. All because of all the lies Mr,Beavs xbitch told them. It's really sad when crap like that happens in families.
posted by: grateful1 (reply)
post date: 01.12.05 (12:53 pm)
I have never dealt with this kind of lose but i am sure its hard all the same. I am truly sorry for your lose. And as far as her sons i really hope they don't recieve a dime. I don't understand how someone could really turn their backs on someone who loved them so much and didnt ask for bi polar disorder.I dealt with my husband for 4 years with bi polar disorder , it wasn't easy at all. I call it my 4 years of totall hell on earth but i still loved him throught it all and as much as i wanted to just leave and forget about him somtimes, i just couldnt. I knew that he didn't ask to have these problems and underneath all the meanness he loved me and himself too. There were many many suicide attempts, luckily thats all they were. Thankfully today and for almsot 4 years now he is doing fine. No meds, no ups and downs, no doctors and no more gloom and doom. For this is Thank God.
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 01.13.05 (12:20 am)
Reply to: grateful1
That's wonderful that your ex has been able to do better and you were able to support him.
I agree with you on how her sons could turn their back on her when she needed them most. I flew down to Houston to help her out with some problems she was having with her builder, etc. And yes, she could be a handful at times, but she was still loving and her mania was always focused toward helping others...
posted by: grateful1 (reply)
post date: 01.13.05 (3:36 am)
Reply to: ScubaDivaOh he's not my ex...lol. we are still together. those were just thei first 4 years after we met. Now its been 7 years we have been together almost 8 and married for almost only 3!!! I guess mit kind of did sound like i did end up leaving him..lol!!
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 01.13.05 (4:14 am)
Reply to: grateful1
ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Thanks for clarifying. ;)
posted by: verucassalty (reply)
post date: 01.15.05 (7:09 am)
good point about ppl covering up for her. it makes it frustrating when the people who are in your life dont even want to recognize your pain.
sorry to hear this.
by Redonthehead