For several years now, I have had an ongoing battle with my mother (aka "The Mother") about my lawn. She insists I'm too weak and don't need to be taxed to mow/edge, etc. I have told her only about a billion times that if I need help with it, I will ask but I do not need her CONSTANT saying "WE need to do your yard" (aka I'm going to do your yard). I've wanted her assistance in trimming some trees in my backyard for months - but it has never happened because she starts in with "I'll also mow and edge while I'm there". And I say "nooooo. the lawn doesn't need it." or something along the lines of "If I need help with it, I'll ask". (One WOULD think that would end the situation but noooooooooooooo.)

So, the mother was coming over this morning to help trim some trees in the backyard. (It's very sloped and requires someone to hold the ladder.) I made it VERY clear that we were ONLY trimming those trees, no lawn work, nothing else and if she mentioned it, that was it and that I would deal with the trees without her assistance.

(Sounds pretty clear and a therapist would pat me on the back for setting boundaries and groundrules.)

She shows up. Says off the bat that she is "wearing long pants so that she can edge afterwards". I tell her that was not part of the agreement and that we were only sticking to trimming the trees in the back yard.

She asks me to print some information about a class-action lawsuit. I do that - in the meantime, she's decided to whack the hell out of a tree in the front yard. (gee, thanks mom)

So off to the back yard.

Let me add that my mother has VERY serious balance problems... She insists on climbing to trim anyway. She can't see what the fuck she's doing.

I interrupt and suggest that perhaps we switch so that I can gain some 'supervised experience' in cutting some of the trees myself so that I can be independent and do it correctly. (That sounded adult, reasonable and healthy - right?)

Her reply was first that she couldn't hold the ladder herself (Total bullshit). Then she said that I was too heavy for the ladder. (Now I am NOT a size 6, but I am NOT even close to 250 lbs and that was a fucking MEAN thing for her to say.) She goes on and on about how she's set aside her day to do my yard -

And I lose it.

I tell her that she cannot do everything for me and that I would be more appreciative if she would guide me and offer me suggestions based on ehr own experience.

She told me to s'stop the bullshit and hold the ladder so she could cut HER tree.

I said "I thought this was MY house?"

At that point I opted to tell her that we were done for the day and that I would manage to get the trees addressed without her supervision.

So she tells me that I'm full of bullshit, that I won't let her trim trees in my yard without me there, but I'll do it myself. (Um, it's MY tree and I don't want it whacked to hell...)

Then she says to open the garage door because she's taking back "HER" ladders. (They were a housewarming gift from her 5 years ago...)

Typical of her - always playing that kind of shit. I said "fine, I'll go buy my own which you can't play this mind shit with."

Only the ladders won't fit in her car.

So she's telling me that she doesn't understand WHY my uncle and I are so difficult to do things for and how unappreciative we are blah blah blah. (Insert martyrdom speech here)

I told her that she was absolutely right. She was utterly perfect and we were the most ungrateful people in the world and that we were always wrong and she was always right and never overstepped our boudaries and listened to what we said.

I told her that perhaps it would be best if we took a break because I really couldn't tolerate dealing with her perfection anymore right now.

Prediction: Long-ass guilt-ridden birthday card in the mail by Monday to me about how she only wants the best for me and doesn't understand why...

Where's the xanax?