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| Ambush Fix-Up |
| 07.05.04 (8:11 am) [edit] |
|
I guess my blog makes it abundantly clear that I'm single aka not married, shackled, betrothed, etc. Yet some of my married friends feel it is necessary to drag me into 'marital bliss' with them. (I think it's a conspiracy because they believe misery loves company.) Anyway, my friend Deb & her husband invited me to go along with them to a park for a picnic and fireworks last night. I talked to Deb Saturday afternoon when she told me to 'dress really cute'. My "WARNING! WARNING!" alarms went off in my head. Deb & her husband pick me up and lo and behold, there's someone else in the car. A guy. I cringe. The sudden urge to flee hits me but I know there's no escape. I'm trapped. [b]AMBUSH FIX-UP.[/b]Deb introduces me to "Wendell". (Who the hell names their kid that? And who the hell wouldn't pick up a nickname or use a different name as an adult? ) "Wendell" is an unadulterated geek. He is the epitome of all things geek. [b]Apparently, married friends think that just because you are single and over 30 that ANY male that is also single and over 30 is your PERFECT match.[/b] Wendell laughs about something (that the rest of us didn't get). He laughs so hard he starts wheezing and breaks out an inhaler. I suddenly recall that we have no alcohol, it's Sunday (no alcohol sales), and there isn't enough alcohol around to make this experience go quickly enough. Wendell doesn't realize it - but we went to school together when we were in 4th/5th grade. He pretty much hasn't changed except grown 3 feet and is still trying to grow a mustache. Deb pulls down the visor and is 'fixing' her lipstick making eye contact with me in the mirror. The darts my eyes were shooting did not inflict an immediate and painful death as I had hoped. I take several very deep breaths and realize that I have to make the best of it. I try to carry on a conversation with Wendell and the happily married couple. Wendell can't keep it up. (The conversation.) We stop at a convenience store to pick up some drinks. "The men" get out to handle that. Leaving me with Deb. I ask her "What the hell were you thinking???" She said that Wendell wasn't the guy she was thinking of when she told her husband to invite that single coworker. (Her husband knows me fairly well - what the hell was he thinking) I told Deb that if he mentions doing Dungeons and Dragons or talks about online girlfriends, I'm going to leave. Even if that means walking home 15 miles. "The men" come back. Apparently Deb's husband has given Wendell a pep talk. I can see him replaying the advice and pointers in his head as we approach the park. He tells me I have 'lovely brown eyes'. I say "why thank you". (They are as green as grass) The next 8 hours were painful. Highlights included his sweaty hand trying to grab mine. I mentioned that I was dating someone. (I used someone I know as a 'figure' that seemed rather daunting to him - I [i]thought [/i]that would make him back off). He tried putting his arm around me several times. I got up several times to get away from him (I made many trips to the bathroom, trashcans, etc). And he did mention D&D and his past couple of g'fs had been 'online'. (OMG) Walking back to the car, Wendell suggests we get together again sometime soon. I told him that was a nice idea but I was dating someone and it would be inappropriate. He asked for my phone number. Six times. (If I had call-blocking, maybe I would have given it to him.) So instead, I finally made up a number and gave it to him. I told Deb in no uncertain terms that they were not to give him my number or last name. On behalf of single people everywhere, I plead to you married/committed folks - [b]DO NOT set us up without prior knowledge, approval, permission. [/b]Please use some judgment - would YOU date that person? [b]And never, ever do an ambush set-up on an outing that ends up being almost 10 hours long...[/b] [b]Unless you have a lot of booze. Or an escape vehicle. [/b] |
posted by: Cyberpal (reply)
post date: 07.05.04 (5:50 am)
Hehe!! LMAO!! The blind date from hell then, eh? I'm sure there is more to this story..... come on, dont hold back, where is it Scubs? :-P
posted by: lynne (reply)
post date: 07.05.04 (6:38 am)
Hahaha. My friends do that to me too. Except in my case, I am the one who is the geek. Although I am often such a geek that unless my friends tell me in advance that they are trying to set me up, it doesnt even occur to me that is what is going on. I just figure they are bringing along a friend for reasons that have nothing to do with me. I just go along for the ride and make conversation with the poor guy who is usually someone I might like (my friends know me) if I were to get to know him.
A friend of mine once mentioned that I really should learn to flirt more. He had a point. I often have romantic feelings for men who later on say "You did? I never knew" Haha. Such is life, eh?
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 07.05.04 (8:59 am)
Reply to: XAirborneRTO
I'm not going to kill Deb for this because she had met one of her hubby's coworkers that she thought was a prospect. Her hubby picked the wrong one. She meant well. She said she was trying to figure out a way to warn me once he came to their place....
I didn't want to hurt the poor boy's feelings. The safest way out instead of saying "you are a geek" is that "I'm seeing someone". Then of course, Deb's husband asked who. So I had to come up with something on the fly. And, I just used someone I had been thinking about.
But Deb is taking me out for an extremely extravagant lunch sometime soon.
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 07.05.04 (9:00 am)
Reply to: Cyberpal
I don't want to bore you with the rest. The blog was long enough. Wendell's car was at Deb's house and he suggested driving me home - at which point Deb (thank goodness) jumped in and said my place was on the way...
posted by: Cyberpal (reply)
post date: 07.05.04 (9:15 am)
Reply to: ScubaDiva
No, I just meant that when I read this initially it wasn't complete... just read the whole post now! Aint it great to have such caring friends? :-P
posted by: Lastpoetickiss (reply)
post date: 07.05.04 (9:41 am)
LMAO!!! Oh dear that sucks! Shoot the husband...then steal Wendells D&D cards. mwahahha
posted by: misskendy (reply)
post date: 07.05.04 (9:42 am)
aaaw poor diva!!! * raises a tequlia*
posted by: riverrat338 (reply)
post date: 07.05.04 (9:48 am)
I first read the title as "Amish fix up". But now reading it, it sounds like being fixed up with an amish guy would have been better! Damn that sucks diva. I agree. I don't like it when friends think they know "the perfect person" for you to meet.
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 07.05.04 (10:18 am)
Reply to: riverrat338
Lol - the Amish consider zippers sinful. Heaven knows what they'd think of me then! LOL
posted by: riverrat338 (reply)
post date: 07.05.04 (10:42 am)
oh ye! ohhh ye! plow thy field hard! plow thy field hard! Oh Ezekiel!
posted by: likeabadstar (reply)
post date: 07.05.04 (10:47 am)
HAHA. my new boyfriend is a result of a hookup. i hate the forced ones. this one just sort of worked out for the good though.
you poor, poor woman.
its a good guideline to stay away from anyone who overly indulges in tales of dragons and dungeons.
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 07.05.04 (12:28 pm)
Reply to: likeabadstar
A 'hook-up' is different than a 'set-up' or 'fix-up'. You 'hook-up' with someone at a party or bar.
Regardless, had I known his name was Wendell, or any other description of him, I would have driven myself and feigned a headache or an emergency phone call...
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 07.05.04 (12:30 pm)
Reply to: KRAZEDONE
Who is Mr. Mystery Man? I have no idea who you're talking about, seriously.
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 07.05.04 (12:48 pm)
Reply to: KRAZEDONE
LOL I wouldn't describe him as a mystery man. He's been less than subtle in his replies... And you've been communicating with him too!
posted by: whoisjohngalt (reply)
post date: 07.05.04 (3:09 pm)
Poor Wendell! Then again--inhalers, D&D...oh my. Some people just beg you to do it, huh?
"Unless you have a lot of booze."
I don't know--do you *really* want to get drunk around Wen-dull? ;)
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 07.05.04 (4:07 pm)
Reply to: whoisjohngalt
Me drinking would have been a 50/50 chance - I'd either be courteous and more amusing (NOT flirting or giving the dude any action) or I'd tell him that he was too geeky for my taste. (I'd put my money on the 2nd one) ;)
posted by: ODUwildman (reply)
post date: 07.05.04 (4:55 pm)
Wendell?
For some reason, that Arrested Development song from 1992 is now in my head.
Curse you!
posted by: whoisjohngalt (reply)
post date: 07.05.04 (6:29 pm)
Reply to: ScubaDiva
Awwww....poor guy. Geeks need love to--"but they gotta pay!"
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 07.05.04 (6:42 pm)
Reply to: ODUwildman
How ironic... I worked at the radio station that 'broke' A.D. I knew the whole band. Ran into Speech in late 2001... Nice guy.
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 07.05.04 (6:45 pm)
Reply to: whoisjohngalt
"they gotta pay!"
Pay what?
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 07.06.04 (5:13 am)
Reply to: XAirborneRTO
He might have asked, but I had tuned him out quite early. I kept saying "aha" and "oh really" a lot.
And has "the boy" finally picked up your advice? Is it working for him?
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 07.06.04 (5:14 am)
Reply to: XAirborneRTO
I didn't ask details of his 'relationships' - I just didn't want to know and didn't want to pretend that I was remotely interested in any fashion.
I know other guys that like to shoot birds? Other than the finger, I don't think so...
posted by: chicalookate (reply)
post date: 07.06.04 (5:38 am)
I am lucky in that most of my friends don't know many single straight men. That leaves me out of the painful hook up experience.
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 07.06.04 (6:09 am)
Reply to: chicalookate
You're welcome to borrow mine - anytime. ;)
posted by: chicalookate (reply)
post date: 07.06.04 (6:22 am)
I am not that desperate yet.... probably never will....but thanks for the offer.
posted by: whoisjohngalt (reply)
post date: 07.06.04 (6:41 am)
Reply to: ScubaDiva
Nothin', nevermind...just being a geek and quoting Family Guy. ;)
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 07.06.04 (8:58 am)
Reply to: XAirborneRTO
So enlighten me, what line do you use to make the females swoon?
Are you a member of NRA?
or
Spread'em baby.
or...
I should stop.
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 07.06.04 (8:59 am)
Reply to: whoisjohngalt
Oh.. I only saw bits and pieces of that show. Liked it though..
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 07.06.04 (9:03 am)
Reply to: chicalookate
Ok - but should you change your mind... LOL
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 07.06.04 (11:20 am)
Reply to: XAirborneRTO
Would this be like a huge science experiment? I'm thinking... I don't really have friends that:
a) are single
b) very adept at dating
c) I would want to see in action on a date
d) a combination thereof.
And would I really want to trust someone that YOU'D set me up with?
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 07.06.04 (11:21 am)
Reply to: XAirborneRTO
BTW, I heard from "Kiltboy" on the 4th - he wanted me to come over for "coffee". I told him I don't drink coffee.
That shut him up.
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 07.06.04 (11:23 am)
Reply to: XAirborneRTO
You already offered to show me how to handle a gun... But I guess we have to wait until you finish healing and get back from your trip to SD.
Oh wait, is this sexual innuendo? (I'm kidding)
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 07.06.04 (11:25 am)
Reply to: XAirborneRTO
Guess it's kinda like watching the Master in action? Women just melt in your presence eh? (Maybe they are just dehydrated, drunk, or sleepy?)
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 07.06.04 (11:25 am)
Reply to: XAirborneRTO
Guess it's kinda like watching the Master in action? Women just melt in your presence eh? (Maybe they are just dehydrated, drunk, or sleepy?)
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 07.06.04 (3:20 pm)
Reply to: XAirborneRTO
I barely survived the mom invasion. After taking it apart 8 more times today, fiddling with things, put it back together, filling it with water, flushing, cussing because it was leaking and starting all over again...
Thinking... I did date a Navy boy once. I was 19 or 20. I thought he'd tame my wild streak. He bored me to death...
No other Navy guys I can think of, so I'll pass on passing my number around unless you meet someone that matches all of my criteria... Then, we'll have to talk. ;)
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 07.06.04 (3:24 pm)
Reply to: XAirborneRTO
You have a uniform? I love the UPS uniforms. Those brown shorts... UMMMM.
I'm kidding...
(Thinking...) Nope, never dated a guy in a uniform. (Confirming...) Nope. Unless you count a dr. wearing a white coat? Nah..
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 07.06.04 (3:27 pm)
Reply to: XAirborneRTO
Me and you go out? Why would we do that?
And I think my friends would hold it against me considering how much I bitch about being set up myself. I prefer more 'casual' methods of setting people up - namely, throw a shindig and invite them both. Do an introduction and casually mention that they have something in common so there's no pressure.
But now, most of my pals are either hitched or not the type...
And we both know about me and strong drink...
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 07.06.04 (3:29 pm)
Reply to: XAirborneRTO
Ok, if you can't snag a chick with the uniform, the badge, the handcuffs, the big guns, the studliness, wit, charm, and sense of style.. WHY would you need strong drink or a free meal at the Olive Garden to get them to drop their panties?
Unless.. you're a legend in your own mind? ;)
posted by: Saint027 (reply)
post date: 07.06.04 (5:01 pm)
Reply to: XAirborneRTO
I want to be a fly on the wall for this "experiment" of yours. Nothing like the misery of others to make you feel superior. lol
posted by: Saint027 (reply)
post date: 07.06.04 (5:04 pm)
So what you're saying is I have until I'm 30 before people start setting me up on miserable dates? Problem being, I'da "fixed" a geek girl's "toilet". I have no shame. And I played D&D when i was a kid. Nothing wrong with that :P
My problem's I'm too geeky for the jocks and too athletic for the geeks. Talk about not fitting in! I decided I must be the messiah reborn, come to save Diva from her broken toilets and bad 4th of July dates. LMAO
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 07.06.04 (7:02 pm)
Reply to: XAirborneRTO
Now stud, you want me to go parachuting with you when you talk about losing your teeth????
I cherish my naturally-straight pearly whites, tyvm.
I was gonna say I'd give it a shot but you just blew that one.
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 07.06.04 (7:20 pm)
Reply to: Saint027
Like you want to be subjectd to these set-ups? You don't. Trust me.
You played S&M as a child? (kidding!)
So you're a combo geek/jock. You're doomed. LOL
posted by: Saint027 (reply)
post date: 07.07.04 (3:23 am)
Reply to: ScubaDiva
I don't think anyone would ever set me up like that. My friends know that if they did, they would wake up at the bottom of the Potomac with some cement shoes. lol
S&M is not D&D. And I'm not going to go there ;)
Yes, I'm a combo geek/jock. I guess I'll just have to blaze my own path through life. Ha ha
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 07.07.04 (5:27 am)
Reply to: XAirborneRTO
Jumping military or civilian still equals jumping outta a plane.
And I'm not going to comment on strap-ons.
LMAO
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 07.07.04 (5:35 am)
Reply to: Saint027
That just makes you extra special. You'll find ms. right now and ms. maybe right. Enjoy the journey. When you get to be in your 30's - you'll find yourself amidst divorcees with kids and bitter drama and dealing with ex-husbands or bfs.
So my suggestion, date a 22 yr. old. LOL
S&M also stands for Sales & Marketing. I always cracked up when my position was described : S&M National Accounts. Made me chuckle my ass off.
posted by: Saint027 (reply)
post date: 07.07.04 (5:42 am)
I'll work some S&M, but I'm not talking about sales and marketing. lol
I'm not worried. If I'm single the rest of my life, I will simply enjoy the journey. A spouse does not always ensure happiness. Trust me.
I'm not into the "looking to find myself" thing right now. It appears I'm attracted to older women who already have life figured out. 22 year olds are full of too much drama.
Thanks for the advice though. As usual, you speak sooth.
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 07.07.04 (6:09 am)
"I'll work some S&M, but I'm not talking about sales and marketing. lol"
I somehow don't picture you bound and gagged in black leather. Pink leather, maybe. LOL
As long as you're content - that's what matters. Just don't be gunshy of trying again if you come upon someone worthy that has a bed..
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 07.07.04 (8:36 am)
Reply to: XAirborneRTO
How about a pink tutu with pink leather?
The thought of a big tough marine in a tutu would make me laugh so hard, I'd prolly make a puddle.
posted by: LarryConley (reply)
post date: 07.07.04 (6:36 pm)
Reply to: ScubaDiva
You obviously hang out with the wrong kind of geeks. I play D&D and would NEVER be found on a Sunday without adequate alchohol supplies. Then again.. I don't bring the subject up to strangers (often)....
The last 'online game' con I went to we had the distinction of out drinking a certain famous motorcycle group.
Now couple drinks of this and anyone would find D&D interesting (or at least funny)
http://www.delyorik.com/images/simu2k3/#Eldreth
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 07.08.04 (4:55 am)
Reply to: LarryConley
Let's just say that I remember Wendell playing D&D when we were 10. And he hasn't changed much. I'm sure there are plenty of folks that are quite normal that play D&D BUT - it does create a certain image.
I didn't bring alcohol because we were going to a state park that did not permit alcohol and you get fined $150 for possession...
Thanks for the comments. :)
posted by: LarryConley (reply)
post date: 07.08.04 (12:37 pm)
Reply to: ScubaDiva
""I didn't bring alcohol because we were going to a state park that did not permit alcohol and you get fined $150 for possession...""
Dear me.. No sales on Sunday.. no alcohol in the parks which part of the dark ages are you being forced to live in :) :)
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 07.08.04 (12:56 pm)
Reply to: LarryConley
It's the Bible Belt... I bet the fine for possession of a joint was less! LOL
posted by: LarryConley (reply)
post date: 07.08.04 (5:25 pm)
Reply to: ScubaDiva
Probably depends on the state.. but it wouldn't suprise me
posted by: SheSpecies (reply)
post date: 07.08.04 (6:41 pm)
LOL You poor baby...
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 07.09.04 (4:02 am)
Reply to: SheSpecies
Yep. He's called 2x - my friends swear they didn't give it to him. I haven't answered...
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 07.09.04 (5:33 am)
Reply to: XAirborneRTO
You big strong manly man would never succumb to a geeky boy like Wendell. And I know you'd respect me more than to give me up.
He was in the truck when they picked me up on Sunday - so that's a no-brainer. I think he used an address lookup to get my phone number.
Good try, but I don't buy it.
posted by: LarryConley (reply)
post date: 07.09.04 (11:07 am)
Reply to: ScubaDiva
Your just going to have to shock him. Next time you speak to him tell him that your sorry.. but your not interested in men......
posted by: SheSpecies (reply)
post date: 07.09.04 (12:00 pm)
Reply to: ScubaDiva
Gawd...psychodude. :-/
That deserves an ass-whooping.
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 07.09.04 (3:13 pm)
Reply to: LarryConley
I told him I was seeing someone - repeatedly. I'm just not going to answer his calls. He'll get the picture. Eventually. There's always call-blocking. hee hee
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 07.09.04 (3:13 pm)
Reply to: SheSpecies
Did you say ass-whooping? Hmmm. LOL
posted by: SheSpecies (reply)
post date: 07.09.04 (4:12 pm)
Reply to: ScubaDiva
I sure did! ::wink:: Hahahaha
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 07.10.04 (4:23 pm)
Reply to: XAirborneRTO
Come down? Umm. Wouldn't that be "come up"?
He's stopped calling... But ty for the offer Mr. Knight in Shining Sidearm
by Redonthehead