This is a first

Single 30-something Female Dating Debacles and Random Musings in Coffee Shops


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This is a first
05.06.07 (9:48 am)   [edit]
Let's recap how my calendar for Saturday night went through some changes. Beginning of the week, "the cyclist" had told me to keep Saturday night open for him. Then of course, he crashed and burned. So then my date on Friday asked if I'd like to do something Saturday night. Since I was now free, I said sure. Last night, I got an email in my myspace account from a guy we'll call "the pilot". He's passionate about diving. I'm always happy to talk to people that are into diving. He asked me if I'd like to get together Saturday night. I explained that I was already committed but this person was notoriously flakey and I might end up being available. So "the pilot" and I talked on the phone for a while. He says he's a corporate pilot for a large corporation. Also does aerobatic flying. (I've dated someone before that flew so it was cool but I think you guys know I'm not super-impressed by stuff like that.) Meanwhile, the flake bows out for the evening. So I tell "the pilot" that I'm free on VM but I tell him that I'm taking a nap and to call me after 5pm to firm things up. He didn't. He called back THREE times shortly thereafter. (Sign that limits aren't respected.) Still agreed to meet despite that and my hip is utterly killing. It's Cinco de Mayo remember, and he wants to meet at one of 'the hot spot' Mexican restaurants with a dj outside. Mad crazy. 90 minute wait for a table and so loud you couldn't talk without screaming. "The pilot" is somewhat vertically-challenged and ...(this is a first) is wearing a TOUPEE! (and a bad one at that!) Oh dear. It's going to be a long evening. I was getting a "I'm totally smitten with you" vibe. Too touchy. Too desperate. Trying too hard. Within 5 minutes, he's already inviting me on a weekend trip to Savannah for diving. I say that I don't go on trips with men I don't know well. Then he's talking about taking me to Nappa Valley, wanting to show me the sights. I was grilled, literally, with questions about why I haven't been in a long-term relationship in a while, why I've never lived with anyone, why I don't want children. All the while, he's trying to hold my hands, touch my face and my hair. My body language could not have been more obvious to "BACK OFF!" When we were (finally) seated, he tried to grab my foot and massage it. (I was tempted to drive my heel into his...) It was truly odd. Conversation was awkward at best but I thought if he got a little more comfortable, he wouldn't try to impress me so much (He's 'good friends' with Jay-Z and he flies an $85mil jet, was looking into buying a $850k home.) I asked him about his friends and what he did in his off-time since his schedule was so free-time rich. I asked who is best friends were and the only person he mentioned was a man that he spoke really negatively about. Other than working out, he couldn't come up with anything else that he does. He kept telling me how unique I was and how he could tell we were a good match. I'm sitting there with a dumb distant smile on my face. I was thinking that I'm glad I'm not a 'user' because if I was, this man could be utilized more than a condom dispenser in a whorehouse. We were seated in a booth for two - meaning one seat per person. Yet he came over and squeezed in with me. UGH. (I noticed that he wears contacts. I commented that I thought you had to have perfect vision to fly.) I told him that I take my time getting to know someone and that I wasn't physical or affectionate until I felt more comfortable. He tried several times to kiss me, but I turned my face and told him that I did not kiss on a first date. He was asking me what my plans were for Sunday and the rest of the week. I told him that I was busy during the week and I liked to take things slow. He wanted me to go out to a nightclub afterwards, but I was tired and needed to get out of there. He walked me to my car and again, tried to kiss me. I repeated again that I did not kiss on a first date. If this guy 86'd the toupee, wasn't so pushy and didn't try too hard, he might be someone fun to hang with. (Still not sure if he really flies the corp $85mil jet... $85mil? and the contacts...) Anyway, it was interesting to see my response to someone that was violating my boundaries. I'm usually a touchy person but he made me feel really shut down and uncomfortable.
 


posted by: LadyG (reply)
post date: 05.06.07 (8:11 am)

To bad he never got the message. He clearly has some issues.



posted by: rosietulips (reply)
post date: 05.07.07 (10:12 am)

I think I would have pulled off the toupee if he pissed me off enough!



posted by: scubadiva (reply)
post date: 05.07.07 (10:20 am)

Reply to: rosietulips
I just don't get toupees. I mean have you ever seen one that looked remotely realistic? A man that is balding and embraces it is much sexier than a 'rug' or a comb-over.

I sent him an email telling him that his attention was uninvited and unappreciated. He was extremely apologetic. Not interested in him romantically but he seemed like a nice guy that was trying too hard. If he does chill out some, I'd be cool with being friends and potential diving buds. (He's gotta take off the rug to dive!)

Maybe I'll make it a personal mission to get him to embrace his follically-challenged self!



posted by: scubadiva (reply)
post date: 05.07.07 (10:21 am)

Reply to: LadyG
I think he's a genuinely nice guy at his core but he tries too darn hard. I tried to put him at ease through the evening to get him to quit with all the superficiality... Maybe he'll relax.



posted by: FinalyFree (reply)
post date: 05.08.07 (4:34 pm)

Can't people just see when someone is giving out all the 'not interested' signs? Or do some people consider themselves to be so irresistable they ignore them all? I don't get it.

Maybe he'll chill a little and you guys could just be friends?

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