When my friend Jen told me that she had believed her convicted-felon, admitted adulterous, diagnosed sociopathic husband for an instant that I had been fooling around with him (I'd never met the guy or even seen a picture of him...), I sent back all of her cards, letters and pictures.

Or at least I thought I had...

A few minutes ago, I came upon a postcard she had sent me - talking about how she wanted us to go snowboarding, white-water rafting, and diving together soon. And she had signed it, "Friends for life".

Once again, grief, regret and tears overcome me. I know I cannot change the past - there are many things that I wish I could, all I can do is remember what she brought to my life.

I've decided to write her father a letter, asking if he could provide details of what happened to Jen. And to ask if by any chance, the letters and photos I sent back - if they find them, if they could return them. I'd love to have something of Jen's be it a pair of earrings or something sentimental, that I could keep close to me - to remind me of her spirit. I know it's in my heart, but having that something more... but I won't ask that - that's too much.