I've been having dreams about my friend Jen for the past several weeks and couldn't get her off my mind. Jen was known by many of you as 'the bipolar stripper'. She stopped communication with me two years ago because her sociopathic cheating husband had told her that I was having an affair with him. And she believed him, so she refused my calls for months and didn't respond to my letters for months. (Theme familiar from some recent drama involving someone else in my life, eh?)

Then out of the blue, she calls me and tells me that was the reason why she wasn't talking to me.  I laughed - that she would seriously believe that idiot over our years of friendship and proven record of loyalty.

 Yesterday, I called Jen's house. Left a voicemail simply saying that Jen had been on my mind a lot lately and I was calling to see how she was doing.

 This morning, I got a call from her father, who I have had a lot of conversations with during the time that she wasn't talking to me because he was as baffled as I was as to why she wouldn't talk to me.

He told me Jen died on February 25, 2006. That someone killed her. And that was probably her reaching out to me. He was visibly (and justifiably) upset so I didn't ask for more details. I figured I could find them online. He did say that the person responsible had been caught. He said that he was terribly sorry he hadn't contacted me earlier but they didn't have my phone number.

I feel horrible that Jen and I were not able to patch things up. I was expecting to hear that she had killed herself because she would get into those deep dark depressions. When she was doing well, she was such a loving spirit. She broke my heart with her doubting of me vs. her 'husband' when I needed her support. I hope she's forgiven me for telling her that I forgave her, but that I couldn't be her friend anymore because in my heart, she's always been there.