Over the past couple of weeks, I've been feeling rather betrayed by someone that I respected, loved and thought was my friend. Some say I'm loyal to a fault, but I've been in a state of disbelief and shock to even conceive that this person that I thought was the epitome of integrity and honorability, could have the capacity to do what this person has done (and not done). It is completely contradictory to everything in my being that I've known and witnessed in this person that is anything but a loser.

I thought that dealing with the rape was the hardest thing I've had to encounter - because Todd was someone I had known for 8 months and considered someone trustworthy - someone that wouldn't drug and rape me. But my judgment was wrong - it's caused me to doubt my own feelings and instincts.

Now, this individual, this person I've thought was my friend - a very good friend - won't even step up and be honest. It's caused me to doubt myself and my own judgment even further. I know in my heart that there is a lot more to the situation than I'm aware of - and, tenacious as I am, I'm not giving up quite so easily. It doesn't make sense - if this individual would offer an explanation (where I knew it was truly this individual speaking) , then I could make sense of it and begin to heal from the hurt.

But until then, I refuse to - I sit here with an open wound, waiting for closure.

True friends stab you in the front. Oscar Wilde