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| Some friend... |
| 12.09.05 (3:43 pm) [edit] |
|
So I'm getting ready to go out on a date tonight and I'm talking to one of my guy friends. I was confiding in him that I felt a little antsy about meeting this guy, that I have this paranoid fear that my date is a friend of "T's". (He contacted me from myspace). I know that suspicion is paranoid, and the only way I'm going to deal with it is to confront it head on. So my 'friend' says to me "Now don't go over to his place if he invites you over to look at his floors." (That's what "T" said to get me over to his house to drug and rape me.) I was utterly dumbfounded. He might have had the best of intentions in saying it, but, (pardon my french) What the fuck? I hung up and literally cried. I called someone for support and it was good to hear that she thought he was an ass for saying it too. But I still stood in the shower and cried. I'm still teary when I think about what he said. I seriously thought about cancelling the date. (If I mention it to him, he'll say I am over-reacting and overly sensitive - which is total "T-esque" as well.) Dammit. Now my eyes are puffy. |
posted by: Dstar (reply)
post date: 12.09.05 (3:17 pm)
Most guys can't relate and understand what you are going through. That makes us say idiot things like that. I bet he would feel really bad if he realized what he did.
Have fun on your date!!!
posted by: burgler (reply)
post date: 12.09.05 (6:14 pm)
this in no way at all relates to your post. but i saw that you had posted to my blog like a year ago, then i just looked tonight and saw that you were from atlanta! i was down there for work about 3 weeks ago, and will be there again in January. so i just thought i'd say hello.
by the way, i hope your date went well!
posted by: almsthvn (reply)
post date: 12.10.05 (6:17 am)
a definite horse-butt for saying something that assssssinine. Guys. Scoff.
posted by: kreativekat (reply)
post date: 12.10.05 (6:24 am)
Not a kool friend.. You are still dealing with that whole thing.. He had to have known that was a button to push for you.
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 12.10.05 (6:49 am)
Reply to: kreativekat
He's someone that is not exactly very sensitive. I'm going to tell him next time we speak that it really hurt my feelings. (He probably won't give a damn, but I'm going to get it off my chest)
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 12.10.05 (6:50 am)
Reply to: Dstar
Actually, most guys in my life have been amazingly supportive and understanding and sensitive tot he point I've been flabbergasted. Maybe I'm just lucky with the male friends that I do have.
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 12.10.05 (6:50 am)
Reply to: burgler
Plan on bundling up for your visit in January.
And thanks, the date went exceedingly well.
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 12.10.05 (6:50 am)
Reply to: almsthvn
He is a horse butt
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 12.10.05 (6:52 am)
Reply to: kreativekat
I don't know. Maybe he was envious that I was going on a date... We did date but it never got off the ground. (Gee, I wonder why? LOL)
Looking back, I can't offer an explanation as to why we've remained friends. He hasn't been supportive, he can be an ass, and I can't think of a way that he enhances my life.
posted by: onebadjen (reply)
post date: 12.10.05 (9:15 am)
friends! ha! in the midst of my temper fit a guy i consider one of my best friends says to me "I'm thinking you just don't fucking WANT a boyfriend. You want a hound dog you can kick the fuck out when you're done with using him as an animated dildo. That would be Kevin."
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 12.10.05 (9:31 am)
Reply to: onebadjen
And what did you say in response to that?
posted by: onebadjen (reply)
post date: 12.10.05 (11:44 am)
Reply to: onebadjen
i was rather taken aback... this is a guy who was against me even meeting kevin in the 1st place, and to have something that remotely supported me taking back up with kev come from him... yikes.
but then again, maybe the comment he made was designed to provoke me into playing nice with matt? it was the end result of it at least.
dom-friends can be devious.
posted by: lynne (reply)
post date: 12.10.05 (12:01 pm)
I think a lot of people but men especially like to believe that when a woman is raped, she must have done *something* to deserve it. Like maybe she dressed seductively, or walked outside at night alone, or went over to someone's house to look at floors? People do this because it is too hard for them to accept that sometimes bad things happen to people and there is NOTHING anyone can do about it. People also do this because of mysogynistic attitudes they might have. I dont know this guy, of course, but even if his comment was rooted in his own feelings of helplessness, you should know that going over to someone's house is not an especially unreasonable thing to do.
posted by: bacardibreezer (reply)
post date: 12.10.05 (3:42 pm)
What the hell?! That is just wrong...I sure hope he apologises for that!
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 12.10.05 (5:17 pm)
Reply to: lynne
Part of me wonders if he was somewhat envious that I went out on a date. He's been dating someone but has come off rather blase about her - he is extremely emotionally detached from everything. (Which is why we only lasted a few dates)
Every other male that I can think of that knows about it has been extremely supportive and sympathetic. I don't want to blame it on the men of the world - that's just wrong. It's an individual.
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 12.10.05 (5:18 pm)
Reply to: bacardibreezer
I've seen him pop on line about 5x today - he hasn't said a word to me. We'll see how it develops.
by Redonthehead