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| Bipolar Stripper Resurfaces |
| 11.21.05 (7:29 am) [edit] |
|
For you 'seasoned' Tbloggers, you may recall the drama that ocurred with me and my former best friend "Jen, the untreated bipolar former stripper". (I don't mean that derogatorily, it's just the easiest way to remind everyone who she is.) I inadvertently dialed her number on Friday instead of Jeff (next to each other on my phonebook). I realized it after the first ring and hung up. Yesterday, I got four calls from Jen. Voicemails saying she's glad that I want to be friends again and that she has missed me. (Sort of jumping the gun there!) The dilemma: I forgave Jen. I told her that 18 months ago when I told her I could not be her friend anymore. That did not mean that I could ever trust her again - she hurt me deeply. Do I return the call and explain to her that I dialed her number by accident and it wasn't intended to renew the friendship? I don't want to cause her any undue pain, and I know that not answering/returning the call would do that (As I'm QUITE aware of how that feels). I'm thinking that it would be better to send her a note - she doesn't have email that I'm aware of. I've got to head off to the gym and then the counselor - I'll update the backstory later... |
posted by: rosietulips (reply)
post date: 11.21.05 (10:17 am)
I remember that friend...you can still call and let her know it was an accident you dailed her though!
posted by: onebadjen (reply)
post date: 11.21.05 (3:23 pm)
maybe let it go a day or two then tell her if she persists? she must be awefully desperate for friendship to call back so many times. if i was in her place, i would be eyeing the caller id with suspicion and wait and see if you called back.
posted by: islandartist (reply)
post date: 11.21.05 (9:39 pm)
yes, that does sound strange that she'd freak and call back so many times. gosh, difficult call- but I'm the type to sit back and wince each time i saw her number on call display and not call back.
I would be devastated to find out it was a 'wrong number' if i was her but then again i wouldn't be calling you back that many times either...
like i said
tough call.
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 11.22.05 (3:18 am)
Reply to: islandartist
Because she is untreated bipolar - I don't want to do anything to disrupt things more than I already have. I put myself in her place - clearly she's gotten her hopes up and I just hate dashing them. She didn't sound manic and she didn't sound depressed - I don't want to do anything to set it off.
I actually had her number pulled up on my phone to call last night, but I just didn't do it. Why? I dunno. I just don't have the heart to dash those hopes. But, I think about the two people in my life that have done something similar to me - so I will call her and explain - just because it is going to be uncomfortable for me - she deserves not to be left hanging...
I just want to sit down with a clear head and think about how best to say things and not be a cold-hearted bitch but make it clear that I can never trust her again.
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 11.22.05 (3:19 am)
Reply to: rosietulips
I'm going to... I just wish I hadn't opened this can of worms, ya know? It's going to cause her pain and I feel like ca-ca.
posted by: chicalookate (reply)
post date: 11.22.05 (4:43 am)
I would probably send a note... and she did really jump the gun there. (Damn caller id!!!)
posted by: kreativekat (reply)
post date: 11.22.05 (10:15 am)
ohhh that is a dilemma.. either way she is going to be hurt. I say do it the gentlest way, telling her that her number was dialed in error.
posted by: bacardibreezer (reply)
post date: 11.22.05 (8:28 pm)
Hmm...maybe it was no accident? Maybe it's something urging you to make amends and try to get along with her for the sake of happiness and forgiveness? I don't know..it's up to you.
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 11.23.05 (3:34 am)
Reply to: bacardibreezer
I haven't updated the backstory... Here's the abridged version:
She married her highschool sweetheart who is a felon, drug dealer, and diagnosed sociopath. He cheated with various women in their bed and blamed her for it. He locked her dog in the laundryroom for 5 days and didn't feed it while she went home to visit her family. I was polite to him, but I was no fan of him and she knew it.
She left him (hallelujah). She went thru 2 other men. I had started to fall for 'the artist' who dumped me on Thanksgiving 2 years ago. I was devastated. I called her. She didn't call me back. Kept calling. Wrote. No response. I was already disheartened by the dumping and the subsequent holidays. I blamed myself - wondering what the hell I could have done... I was on the verge of getting in my car and driving the 14 hours to her house to confront her.
Six months later... she calls me out of the blue. She tells me that her sociopath husband told her that we'd been having phone conversations behind her back and he was moving to Atlanta.
I laughed so hard - if a 'friend' can even think that I would do that for an instant - they are not the person I thought they were. And to ignore my calls for months when I'm in a horrible situation and need my friend and caused so much added pain and heartache - is not someone I can have in my life.
I wrote her a letter explaining that - because she was crying and begging for my forgiveness. I told her that I forgave her but I could not be her friend anymore. I wished her well and told her that I hoped she could move on from it.
I can say with a clear mind that I have forgiven her but I cannot open my heart and trust a someone who put me through that.
(The irony is that I'm going thru a similar situation with someone else I thought was my friend at this very moment and it hurts even worse this time because he's not bipolar)
posted by: uniquelyours (reply)
post date: 11.23.05 (4:06 am)
*has just finished reading the backstory you left for bacardibreezer*
Dont call her back.
If you pick up the phone the next time and its her, just politely tell her you accidently dialed her nbr. And that your feelings hasnt changed since your decision 18 months ago...
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 11.23.05 (4:14 am)
Reply to: uniquelyours
I haven't heard a peep since the four calls on Sunday... So perhaps she has gotten the picture. Then again, I'm sorta expecting a letter from her next.
by Redonthehead