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| My plumber and Poetry |
| 04.21.04 (8:46 am) [edit] |
|
I have a ritual. Every Sunday evening, I crank up the water heater to full blast, fill up my huge tub with steaming hot water and bath oils and "smelly salts", surround myself with candles and put on some relaxing tuneage. I refer to this as my date with "Mr. Bubble" - although no Mr. Bubble is involved. I outgrew him when I was 8. A couple of weeks ago, I emerged from my bath, all soft and feeling ethereal, donned my purple silk robe and headed downstairs for some cold water. My cat is sitting on my kitchen table, staring at the ceiling as water is steadily dripping from the ceiling. My thoughts - "Oh shit!" I grab some towels, bowls and the relaxing aura from my bath is ruined. I run back upstairs to pull the drain to stop the water from continuing. I spend the evening cleaning up the mess. Suddenly, I'm in the market for a plumber... I ask around to my fellow home-owning friends for referrals. Being a single girl, I didn't want to be taken advantage of... A friend recommends "Matt" the plumber. I call him. He says he'll be over on Saturday. He sounds nice and somewhat intelligent. Saturday arrives. I'm nervous. People have been saying it's probably the seals on my Jacquzzi and it's going to be expensive. I get the door - Matt the plumber arrives. [b]And Matt the plumber is a TOTAL hottie! [/b] Up we go to my bedroom - I'm thinking, damn, he's the cutest guy in a long time that been up in my lair. If he had been wearing a tool belt, I might have attacked him right there on the spot. Matt the cute plumber leans over looking in my tub doodling with things - I 'm thinking - ohh what a cute butt! [b]This is one time I'd LUV to see plumber's crack.[/b] In no time at all, Matt the hot plumber figures out some rubber doo-hickey has rotted around the overflow thingy. He runs out to his truck, gets another one, and slaps that puppy on. He asks if there's anything else he can do while he's here. (I thought of saying "me?" but figured that would be too pretentious - especially since he bills by the hour! LOL) Alas, he leaves. He calls the next evening - remembering how I said I take my Sunday evening baths, he wanted to know if it was working ok. (How sweet and thoughtful!) Then he starts talking about how he writes poetry and wanted to know if I'd read it and give him feedback. I thought - "ooooo, he fixes things AND he writes poetry?" Hot Matt the Plumber emails me some of his poetry. I laugh, I cry, I laugh some more. It's bad. I mean really really bad. He should stick to just being a hot plumber. |
posted by: chicalookate (reply)
post date: 04.21.04 (7:34 am)
That is is fun... who cares if it is bad.... I think you should find a way to jump him. :D But that is just my opinion.
posted by: lynne (reply)
post date: 04.21.04 (8:03 am)
Yeah, most people's poetry is bad. I know that mine sure is. That doesnt make me less datable though. Ask him out! :) If you and he hook up, you'll never have to plunge another toilet again.
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 04.21.04 (9:20 am)
He's got a 6yr old daughter and a pit bull. Doesn't pass the rules. And, I admire his professional drive, but he wouldn't be that good in a social setting unless I duct taped his mouth. LMAO
posted by: elusivestate (reply)
post date: 04.22.04 (9:09 am)
oh man, that was a great story. you could TOTALLY write a porn story about it! (just kidding) Can I link you?
posted by: forevermystical (reply)
post date: 04.24.04 (6:55 am)
Even though he doesn't pass the required...you can still do him!! ;)
posted by: reducto (reply)
post date: 05.02.04 (2:27 am)
One time I was really, really, drunk in college and wrote this girl I loved a two-page poem...later, much later, when she, uh, got married and we were friends, she showed me what I wrote...
It was like a retarded 1st grader wrote this...and it was barely legible.....oh man, it was the worst thing I've ever seen in print.
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 05.02.04 (8:53 am)
Reply to: reducto
Writing love letters while inebriated is right up there with making phone calls, emails, or late night visits. Friends don't let friends do it...
I can't say I've ever done that. I've had a number of drunken calls and visits myself. Perhaps I shall blog about them someday...
posted by: Answermeister (reply)
post date: 05.02.04 (9:58 pm)
He showed it to you because he wants to fuck you... go for it.
I heard that there is an actual fungus or something that is called plumber's crack or something like that. Yum.
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 05.02.04 (10:03 pm)
Reply to: Answermeister
Nah - he's got a gf that he's been with for 6 months or so - he seems to be happy. But, if they break up... LOL
by Redonthehead