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| Jen |
| 04.16.04 (10:47 am) [edit] |
|
My friendship with Jen resembles Melrose Place or maybe Days of Our Lives. We met 4 years ago while in Freeport, Bahamas. We had both been down on vacation with groups of friends who were as fun as a wet rag. Jen and I both shared a passion for diving, so we immediately bonded. Our friends didn't even miss us. We went to local fish frys and enjoyed the non-touristy things - not to mention the diving. Jen lived in Key Largo at the time. So we communicated a lot via phone and letters. (She wouldn't know an email if it bit her on the ass). Our lives could not be any more different. Jen is petite - sweet, but not the brightest bulb in the room. She told me she worked at "Ford" when we met - but with the fake boobs, I had a feeling she was not being honest. She admitted later that she worked sometimes as a "go-go dancer" (translation: stripper). Now, if you're like me, I have a certain impression of strippers - she didn't really fit that impression - other than the surgically-enhanced headlights. She also comes from a very wealthy family that would give her anything she wants. Now, on top of the "go-go dancing", I learn she only does it part time to supplement her disability from social security. She's on disability because she's bipolar. And, she's not doing anything to maintain her treament other than A LOT of ECT's. (ECT's are electroshock therapy treatments - think "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest"). The treatments didn't do squat to improve her condition but she didn't want to see another doctor because her current one is "so nice". (ARRRRGH) Jen failed to mention for the first couple of months that she's married. Oh, what a gem it is that she married. His name Stuart. But, I refer to him as the sociopathic, pathological lying, stealing, cheating, drug-using/dealing felon. Yet Jen excuses most of what he does because he's her "high school sweetheart". (GIVE ME A BREAK!) Stuart screwed around on her so many times - often in their bed and blamed her for it because she was visiting her family and getting more ECT treatments. He let her do most of the work and maintained his relatively carefree existence. I call and Stuart "forgets" to mention it to Jen 90% of the time. I am always very cordial to Stuart on the phone - he has no idea I think he's total slime. For 2 years, Jen keeps waivering over whether she should leave him or not. Lo and behold, late last summer, Jen does it. Her parents come down to Florida and pack her stuff up and take her home to Virginia Beach. Jen's parents have "given" Stuart a truck to use, but it still remains in their name. They were planning on giving it to him - I told her to have him sign divorce papers in exchange for signing over the truck to him. They don't do it. BIG mistake. Not a week home, Jen hooks up with an older "gentleman" who owns a fairly well-known surf/apparel shop. He's not much of an improvement from Stuart. She seems to zone in on men with no character - but at least this one has money. She's milking him for every dime she can. Trips to Mexico, California... He's as controlling as the last one. He drinks like a fish. Considering his parenting skills over his teenage son, the man should be in jail for neglect. Jen and I are still talking several times a week in addition to letters. Last thanksgiving, I talk to Jen about coming for a visit. I have surgery on my ankle scheduled last December - Jen wanted to come down afterwards to stay with me. I told her I'd rather her come down before the surgery so we can have some fun and play around town because I'd be in a cast for 3 months. Suddenly, early December, Jen's not calling. My calls are going unreturned. I'm in the midst of a horrific romantic disaster - think Hindenberg meets Titanic. I'm pouring my heart out in letters to her since she's not calling back. I'm home confined to bed except to crutch myself to the bathroom, doped up on painkillers, and feeling like my heart has been stomped by this "man". The one time I need Jen in 4 years and she won't return my calls. Her parents simply say she's not home... January passes. NO calls or letters from Jen. I'm increasingly hurt. February - I get her dad on the phone who tells me that Jen is mad at me but they couldn't get her to explain why. I'm racking my brain trying to figure out what I could have done. (She wanted to buy me an expensive gift, but I told her not to - I'd rather her put a dent in her credit card bills). So I decide to send her a couple of things I had saved from traveling that I had wanted to give to her in person - with a note. Confirmed receipt from Fed Ex - no response. At that point, I didn't care about our friendship any further - I just wanted to know what the hell I had done. March Passes. Not a peep. I tried calling a few times out of curiosity. No luck. I close the door on her entirely - wish her well, hope she finally manages her manic depression better and realizes men won't bring happiness to life if she isn't happy with herself. Then last week, I get a postcard from Jen. From Lake Tahoe. Apparently she dumped surf guy for someone else and is out in Tahoe now. (I'm quite sure he's a real winner too based on her previous selections). The postcard said something like I needed to come up to Tahoe so I could snowboard and "we can catch up". I cannot believe she'd be so blase about things. That night she calls. My response is rather, shall we say, flat. I ask her why she waits FIVE months to contact me. She said that her husband (still estranged and yet to be divorced) told her on the phone in early December that he had been communicating with me for a while and he was moving in with me. (I literallly laughed out loud!) I told her that if she even believed that for one moment, she either didn't know me at all, or she was too easily misled. (I mean come on! First of all, she knows for years that I think he's slime. And I'm writing her about how I'm in love with someone else here and he trashed my heart at that same time???) I told her that there was nothing left to say. She starts crying begging for forgiveness. It has no effect on me at this point. I tell her I have to go. I hang up. She calls back multiple times - I let it go to voicemail. Then her current wallet of the month leaves me a message saying to "call Jen back because you've upset her". I laugh even harder. I have closure on everything now. Jen calls back twice the next day. One of the messages said "I've left you two messages and you haven't called me back". I think, how ironic. I write a letter to Jen explaining that there is no further need to communicate with me - because she was crying the majority of the time we were on the phone, I wanted to make sure she understood why our friendship was done. (Despite how she left me in the dark). I mailed it, along with all our pictures, letters, and cards. (I had been planning on doing it prior to her contact). I didn't have her address, so I mailed it to her parents and asked them to please forward it. Then yesterday, I got a card from Jen. I marked it "return to sender" and put it back in the mail. One of my other friends said I'm being heartless - but I want nothing to do with her. I do not have people in my life that I cannot trust or rely on or abandon me like she did. There's no need to have them around. I half-expect her to show up at my front door soon. I wouldn't answer the door if she showed up. She doesn't know about all the health stuff that is going on with me lately - but I'm unwilling to put myself under any more stress. I have closure on the situation, I gave her 4 years of support, friendship and love. That's enough. Anyway - that's the drama of Jen. Lesson learned - avoid bipolar strippers that dive. (Nothing against anyone with manic depression - or strippers. It's just a rollercoaster of a friendship that takes a lot of patience.) |
posted by: J (reply)
post date: 05.06.04 (2:00 pm)
lol ok i read it now.
posted by: ScubaDiva (reply)
post date: 05.07.04 (4:57 am)
Reply to: J
See what I mean?
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