I've been one form or another of red head since I was 15. I was brownish-red and kicked up the color.

I had a coupon for a chi-chi salon to get a free cut AND color (value $200). Sign me up.
Cut is fine (thankfully).
However, when we were doing the color consult - she suggested going a little more brown.
I said that was okay as long as I was much more red than brown.

After the coloring is complete, I'm looking in the mirror. My hair is MOUSY BROWN!
I said "This isn't reddish brown. This is brown."
She said "I thought you wanted to go darker."
I said "As long as we were still in the red hue and I didn't look like Bozo the Clown or Carrot Top"

So go through 2nd coloring.
I still can't see any red.
(She says that's because my hair is now dark brown.)
Well, DUH.

So we go for a 3rd time. It was most unpleasant. My scalp was starting to burn in the last minutes.
My hair is only slightly red - if I tilt my head and the light is hitting it correctly.

In a word, (or two) hate it.
Loathe it.
Despise it.

However, everyone in the office loves it.
So do I bend to public opinion and stay brunette, when everything in my personality screams redhead?
I guess you get what you pay for.

Considering I was going on less than 4 hours of sleep yesterday (when my operating manual clearly says I need at least 7 good hours), I realized I was going to be challenged to be even remotely productive.

I had a meeting with an existing client at 11am. We'd emailed (he texted) about a time to sit down to review his campaign. It has kicked butt despite having a really crappy website (I drive traffic to the site, but I cannot influence the first impression from there...) I've told him from the get-go that he needed to make some changes. He kept putting it off. However, he's gone from 81 calls a month to over 200. In five months. (I can only do so much, you know?)

We had an appt a few weeks ago that he blew off at our office when we were offering a lot of feedback for him.He started ranting about how our service sucks to a mutual contact - to the point that my contact was really uncomfortable about things. He told me in confidence - but the things the customer were saying were borderline slanderous. I've been very attentive and interactive with him - of course Mr. Customer has never raised any of them to me....

So when we rescheduled, he confirmed 11am but didn't note his office or mine (he was using a Crackberry - you know how people are a lot more abrupt). My bad for not confirming here. I was set up in our multimedia conference room at 10:55. He calls me at 11:16, getting pissy as to why I'm not there. I told him I thought we were meeting here since his office doesn't have internet, etc.

That was the beginning of him getting really confrontational. He wanted to get the keyword lists that we were doing for him. (Sorry, but we don't give that out - and I knew it was because he wanted to take that list to another company.) We're paid to manage his campaign, not to give him information to take elsewhere... Besides, if he's going to go to someone else, it wouldn't be a fair comparison to start off with all the work we've done.

Next I go meet with a new prospect. Actually 2nd meeting. Woman that has been promoted from running the front office to marketing (translation - she's clueless). Plus the man that is in charge of operations - they've never done any sort of marketing before... I've spent a lot of time consulting for them (unpaid already).  So 2nd sit-down - should be just a matter of action to sign the paperwork to get the ball rolling...

This operations dude starts pushing me to tell him how long it will be until he has "50 customers". I have no idea. I re-explained to him that all I am doing is driving people that are searching online in his area for the services he offers to his website. I can make recommendations of things to do to the site to improve that experience - but I have no way to influence how people perceive the process beyond there. If their pricing is competitive, etc. He kept pushing - again and again.

Getting really arrogant with me.
I told him that I wasn't going to lie to him. That anyone that made those sort of recommendations - particularly for a new business that had no clue what their call to close ratio is (meaning the number of phone calls that become customers). It'd be misleading for me to do so. I told him that what I could do was show him the averages.

He really pissed me off. I'm ready to tell them to go f  themselves - that I don't want to work with them. It's not worth being treated like that.

Busy day... I channeled my Inner Domestic Goddess - doing the fall version of spring cleaning. I am somewhat ADD when it comes to cleaning.

Then I went for a walk/run. Used to be more run than walk. As I've had no free time to work out, my cardio routine has been...nonexistent. Last weekend, I did one hour. Today, I ran a little less than 1/3 of the 4 miles. Progress. I feel like my body will be screaming in the morning.

Long shower ensued.

After a bite to eat, I am curled up in bed watching "Psycho".
Last weekend, it was "Touch of Evil".
As a note, I saw an exceptional indie film this morning - "Ms. Palfrey & The Clermont"  (or vice versa). Great flick. I cried.

I also just got an email from Mr. Orlando. (rolling eyes) (Update on my dates tomorrow)

Had a nice time reconnecting with Hot Stud. He is such a sweetie. Spent several hours just watching him work on some of his photos from a recent shoot. Just being around him and his attentive self (temporarily) makes things seem okay. I returned the favor (well, as much as I could) by whipping up some breakfast for him.  Ended up spending the entire morning going over his new company's business plan and brainstorming. (Figured that helped repay things too since my marketing consulting rates start at $100/hr.)

Enough gushing about him.

Strange things happen...

Doc X-Ray called. He has been in Connecticut since July. He's got another assignment coming back to Atlanta for six weeks. (Oh, that's nice I say.) He is being housed this time about 10 minutes away (rather than 1hr away last time.) He said he'd like to take me to dinner and 'catch up'. (Laughing to myself.) I told him we'd have to go some place that takes cash only. (He apologized - but apologies are not repayment.) I said my schedule was pretty hectic and I was going to do some traveling (great way to avoid him). He said "Talk to you later sexy." (Rolling eyes...)

Then... I get an text from "The Artist".  I had a brief but intense affair with him 5 years ago. Never dated someone like him before. He lived in a loft and existed primarily on PopTarts. (Somewhat destitute but an incredibly gifted painter) He pursued me for ages and I finally gave in. It was bliss for a while. So much so that he decided to stop taking his medication (I didn't realize he was bipolar.) Things went very bad very shortly thereafter. He moved to Miami and became a tattoo artist. Occasional emails/texts over the years...

So the text said "Are you still working at the aquarium?"
I replied "I volunteer there."
He said "I want a tour."
I replied "Look at my pics and that will give you a good start until you can come to town."
He said "I am in town."
I said "Bullshit.
He said "I am."
So I called him. Sure enough - he's in town for several weeks for a work assignment.
Told him my schedule was somewhat hectic and Sundays were good only if the Falcons weren't playing in town.
I'd check the schedules and get back to him.
More texting. He said he recalled our first date. (It was in October. A full moon. It was cold. He gave me a toe-curling kiss that warmed me up a bit in the moonlight.)
But I will NOT go back down that road.

So that was odd enough, right?

Add to the mix an email out of the blue.
From Kiltboy/Radio Guy.
We banter back and forth about politics from time to time.
Had a discussion on Sunday watching talking head shows.
Kiltboy's email said he had a very hot dream about me.
I told him that was nice. I'm glad I was able to be fantasy material.
He started suggesting we reconnect.
(No chance in hell in that department.)
We've had playful banter before but it hasn't developed.
I told him it was a shame that I didn't get to hear about these dreams.
So he sent me a detailed account.
(He should get a job writing romance novels!)
I needed a cold shower.
He wanted to hook up.
Told him I wasn't going to bother with the teasing.
That he was all talk.
So he got off the air at 8pm.
I was still at the office.
He showed up here. (He used to work at the radio station in my building.)
He knows the security guard who adores him.
He surprised me by calling and saying "I'm at the door."
We talked.
We had a smooch. It was pretty okay. Not as sweltering as our last smooch... almost two years ago.
And I sent him on his way.
Told him he'd have to do some woo-ing before I consider a hot tryst in the bathroom like he suggested.

So what is the deal with all these guys coming out of the woodwork in less than 12 hours?????

Yesterday was rough.
I had a double-dose of unpleasantness.
I cannot watch tv crime shows.
Last night, show about a girl that raped after a man purposely got her drunk.
Then another show where a man used a rag with an inhalant on it to render her unconscious so he could kidnap her.

I should have turned off the tv.
Or watched something more uplifting.
(I don't consider the rapist getting shot by the girl's father as uplifting.)

It made me cry.
 

Came downstairs on Friday to discover the felines (most likely Tux) hopped up on a very large ceramic planter and caused it to fall, smashing into a hundred pieces.
 
Crashing on my ivory wool oriental rug.

It's about 12 gallons of dirt.
Of course, I had watered it that morning.

Wet dirt + white wool.
Great.

PLUS, one of them decided to use the dirt as a litter box.

Wet dirt + white wool + cat pee = SPECTACULAR.

I spent a good 3 hours yesterday cleaning up the dirt and broken pieces of ceramic. Repotting the plant. Rug is ruined.

For sale:
Two kittens.

I'm going to stick to fish.

Feeling down yet again. Dark stuff keeps creeping in.

Very needy. Hot Stud texted me today (unsolicited) saying he hoped I was having a good weekend. I replied that I wasn't.
He told me to turn on some kick-ass rock n roll.
Not what I need...
I hate when I feel this way.
I've been staring at the pics of 'us' a lot.
Why am I doing this?
As much of a perfect male specimen as he is, there's no chance for 'us' ever being 'us.
Unfortunately, I seem to think he's everything I could want in a man (except he doesn't want me).
My instinct says that he's involved with someone but doesn't want to tell me.
(He's always said that he's not monogamous - but I've always hoped that one day he'd come around.)

I'm smart.
Why am I stuck on him?
He's not into me.
He won't ever be into me.
I gravitate to him because he's safe.
I compare to every guy I encounter and they fall short.

I started a new blog today.
If you didn't know this, I 'sanitize' this one.
I'm not dishonest in what I post here, I spin things for entertainment purposes.
I am not completely open here. I consider this a PG version of my life.
Maybe even a Lifetime tv movie version of me.
I hope Tori Spelling wouldn't play me.

I have a team mate who is Jewish. We'll call him Sandrew. Now Sandrew is not my favorite person in the world. He's sneaky,slimy and unethical and has stolen business from me. I feel the need to take a shower after talking to him - he gives sales people a bad name. He really should be a used-car salesman.  He claims he's best friends with everyone of any relevance business-wise in town. He married into money and over-inflates his success/importance. (Plus he's got a major Napoleon complex!)

I have another 'friend' that is also of the Jewish faith. About the same age. I figured that they knew each other. (You know that whole Jewish mafia thing?) Friend utterly despises Sandrew. Gave me a lot of inside scoop on him. (Which tickled me to death.)

I told Sandrew that my "friend" said hello a few months ago. (Friend relo'd to another city last year.) Sandrew's response was, lukewarm at best.

So yesterday, my 'friend' called me to tell me that Sandrew called him to hit him up for connections/business. My friend told Sandrew that he was busy and hung up. He called me to tell me about it. Cracked me up that Sandrew would even try to go behind my back.

Being that it is Yom Kippur and our Jewish friends aren't supposed to be eating between sun-up and sun-down, I brought my breakfast. He sits one cubicle away from me. I'm enjoying some particularly aromatic oatmeal with lots of cinnamon. I'm making a lot of "mmmmm" noises.

I'm evil. I know. But I'm really enjoying this in a passive-aggressive way.

As it's now 4:14 am, I've been in bed with my laptop reading and blogging compliments of the wifi signal I'm snagging from someone.

However, my tush has been hot.
I'm still too young for menopause.

I realized a few minutes ago that I was sitting on the power charger.
Duh.

Oh boy. Cops is on. Cross-dressing prostitutes. I wonder, when they are getting dressed, do they think they look hot in that? One is wearing dreadful short-shorts and a fur jacket - completed with some strappy gold sandals. Size 14 shoe. Heinous red wig. They just discovered a meth pipe. Looks like they are going to get a ride to the slammer. That floral dress with the shoes is a crime in itself.
 

Not taking the latest news very well. I got really really drunk today - I started drinking around 11am, remaining in the fetal position watching movies all day. I was passed out by 5pm. Woke up around midnight. And for some reason, decided to check email. What a blessing. Some words of encouragement for me that I need to read, re-read, and potentially tattoo on myself.

Here it is:

Nothing ever truly turns out the way you want. But it ultimately......it turns out to be for the best, as long as you are on the side of righteousness....and you are. Think about the OJ trial........13 years to the date, 13 convictions, 13 hours of deliberation...the 13's go on and on...pretty remarkable actually. But he eventually got what he deserved.

This guy who wronged you is headed for a downward spiral........period.......just watch, it's coming. YOU on the other hand has the upward swing of life still headed your way.....his life is on the path of the pendulum swinging in the negative direction....your is actually headed in the positive direction.....be patient, you'll see, I'm not wrong about this, I have a knack for seeing things in the future. Have faith that you will see your justice....just not yet....but yes, it's coming.

You are a wonderful person, you can relax and have confidence knowing you have some wonderful things in life to look forward too. Some people peak early in life and it's pretty much a slow progression downhill from there. (The Al Bundy's of the world)

This guy is going to be dealing with more negative than positive for a long time....you're on the upswing......so just stay positive. Positive thinking truly works.....there is something about surrounding yourself with a positive energy mindset. Negative attracts negative. Positive attracts positive, just the way life works. Ok....I've got to get back to work. Hang in there, you'll see....in the long run, you will win, and he will lose, I guarantee it.

yesterday was a really bad day. i knew it was looming somewhat - it was the anniversary of my cat Sassy dying suddenly. it was the beginning of a really bad year - lots of very ungood things in my life.

but i'm tenacious and i roll with the punches. i pick myself up, dust myself off and keep on truckin'. sometimes it gets really hard to keep on keeping on.

i also met with my attorney about the rape case. todd, the rapist, got off on criminal charges. so i chose to pursue things in civil court. depositions had been done. trial was looming. he decides to file bankruptcy.

life's a bitch, right?

however, he's listed me as a creditor and asking for the civil case to be stayed. no judgment has been issued for me against him. it's a manuever to get of out this once again. 

now I can to deal with a bankruptcy court to ask me to be removed as a creditor. i won't get into what further details my attorney said, but let's just say that i'm not giving up the fight. he's not getting away with it again.

i had a long talk last night with a couple of friends that supported me in my decision.

Sad day for me. A year ago, my cat Sassy died. It was the beginning of a series of not great events in the past year.

A year later, I still get teary-eyed when I think about it. I still have pics of both Lulu and Sassy up and not one of 'the new kittens'. I feel like I haven't really bonded with them - they keep doing things that make me want to kill them (figuratively speaking).

They are a year old - they should be more obedient.

Fortunately, I have a busy day where I have to be 'on' so I'll be somewhat distracted even if my heart is heavy. When I get home tonight, I'll slow down and let myself mourn.

I knocked my 'noggin on Saturday night. The headache is still awful. My boss sent me home yesterday - the last day of the month. (Totally unheard of.) I laid down about 4pm and was miserable. It had eased when I got up at 5am. Apparently laying down helps.

No blood coming out of my ears...

Yes, back at the office. Yes, pain coming back already. No, not going to doctor. My brain got knocked around. Nothing they can do.

I hate doctors.