Yesterday's developments with Mr. Orlando were... interesting.

He told me that he was not going to date anyone else. That he wasn't interested in anyone else.
I think that's the first time a guy has ever said that to me. I know he was wanting me to say the same.
I am not smitten with anyone else.

But...

No clue when I'm going to see him again. It looked like we might be able to reconnect over the 4th holiday, but he's going to have his son. I told him that I might still go to the beach again for giggles. He then asked how I felt about him driving over with his son for a beach day with him.

I said absolutely not. My dad paraded a shit-load of different woman in front of me when I was kid. I wanted time with my father, not the floozies. I would really like to spend time with him, but not that way.

I don't know if he has the money to afford a flight to Atlanta - Airtran runs specials. He's coming to town for a convention over Labor Day weekend. It's something I'm not into - and I don't want to interfere with the excitement he has about the event. I know it's an intensive all day all night sort of thing. He's coming up here with a friend. I told him that weekend - I wanted him to immerse himself in the experience. We'd get together another time.

So... he knows most of my closer friends are guys. Will I continue to date recreationally? Maybe. At this point, I don't see hanging up my heels when I don't see realistically this becoming more. I live here. My career is here. I have zero desire to relo to Orlando. And I'm not going to sell my home and totally move my life on the whim of a man. And I would never expect a man to do the same - particularly when there is a kid involved.

I have had too much experience with LTR's. They provided the security of a relationship without the reality of a relationship. When you're together in the same city for a weekend or whatever, it's not real - real life is suspended. Maybe it's the practical side of me...

No, I won't share with him that I won't write off dating other men. I know it would break his heart. He keeps telling me about how he's sharing with his close friends about how amazing I am, blah blah blah. That one of his oldest friends says he's got to meet the woman that has done this to him. I dig him but I am not shouting it from the rooftops. (But I am posting it here...) I'm just a little more cautious.

I was referred to a prospective client about a month ago. Telecom company. Set up an appt. Showed up. The receptionist was somewhat surprised to see me. Ended up calling him and he said that he got in late the night before and was working from home.

Um okay. It was 11:30 am. Didn't think of having the courtesy to tough it out and show up in the office?

Rescheduled. Called to confirm the day before.

I show up again. He's not there AGAIN. I call his cell -he says he's in Missouri.

Then why the F*** did you confirm the appt the day before?

I told him that if he wanted to meet, that he could come to MY office. I wasn't going out of my way again.

Lo and behold, he actually showed up yesterday. Had a fairly decent meeting. But at the end, he sort of creeped me out. He said he looked forward to doing business with me because he liked redheads and could tell that I would be feisty.

(Granted, I am feisty and a redhead, but would he say that to a man?)

So I'm creeped out.

I guess I didn't go into details about Mr. Orlando...

I met him Monday night. Great conversation. Intelligent. Funny. Tall. Super-handsome. Great eyes that are devilish-looking.

He asked if he could call me - that he was heading back to Orlando but wanted to talk further. There was some chemistry so I gave him my number. We talked Wednesday night. Thursday night, he said he'd like to take me out Friday night. I was surprised that he'd drive ALL the way from Orlando.

As we continued talking that night, he said he'd like to spend the day with me on Saturday too. He's gotten a room at the same place I'm staying.

It sounds really odd - feels like I've known this guy forever. He's equally smitten. Romantic but manly. Has me thinking some rather impure thoughts.  I'm not sure what the hell is going on here. He's based in Orlando - he's got a son from a previous marriage - so obviously relo isn't feasible. I haven't felt this way about a guy like this... in my memory... ever.

My vacation mantra was no heels, no straight iron, no gussying up. Due to the Florida humidity, I did break down and get a straight iron to try to tame my hair.

Took my nightly walk down the beach. I usually walk 60-80 minutes and then turn around. I was about 45 minutes down the beach when a 'football' got thrown my direction. I grabbed it - tossed it back - turns out it was a bunch of lifeguards playing rugby.

 
One of the guys said I had a good arm - that they needed another girl to even things out.
(3 girl lifeguards + 8 beautiful guy guards)

I said I had no clue how to play. One of the girls said that if the ball is thrown my way to catch it.

Um, okay.

I somehow thought there might be more to it.

I enjoyed watching the guys - that made the pilot look like a senior citizen. (well, maybe they were 20)

I actually ended up making a diving catch  - got the ball and scored.

I cut my elbow though and twisted my ankle.
It was worth it for the game, right?

I decided that was enough - it was getting dark. And windy.
Storm coming up in the distance - coming toward me. The sky was dark purple/navy - and it wasn't time for it to get dark yet.

I start walking/limping. Some guy with a great big pole (fishing) offered to give me a ride back to the condo - I passed.

The wind got so strong - I had a new appreciation of those Weather Channel people in a hurricane - I was struggling to walk forward.

I couldn't get shelter in any of the other condos there because they have security gates from the public beach. Fortunately, there wasn't any lightning. I ended up soaked. But I actually enjoyed walking in the rain. I was twirling in the downpour.

I realized I had definitely reached ideal vacation relaxation zone.

 

Pilot gets off work from a double shift today at 9pm.

He's emailed me asking if I'd like to meet him for drinks.

Then he added (slyly) that he has the day off.

I giggled. He's SO transparent and young.
*albeit adorable.

But I'm still not going to channel Mrs. Robinson.

A friend of mine might actually drive down on Friday... I have the condo until Saturday 9am - may get a hotel for Sat night just to hang on the beach.

Walked an hour up beach and then ran back.
Got greased up with SPF 100 and my bikini.
Down to beach.
Set up lounge chair.
Towels perfectly arranged.
I sit down.

Chair collapses.
(Turns out you have to lock it shut)

Get chair situated again and sit down. MP3 player on and going. Book in hands. Reading.
90 minutes in, had dozed off. Suddenly cold - turns out thunderstorm approaching.
Lifeguards make us clear beach.
Pack up crap. Back to condo.
Rains for 20 minutes.
Sunshine.

Back out to beach. Chair set-up. (Locked it this time) Mp3. Book.
Fall asleep again.
Thunder.

Pack up crap. Back to condo. Storm.
check radar and see it should be clear again shortly.

Back to pool this time.
Chair set-up. Book, mp3.

45 minutes before thunder happens again.

I think I spent more time setting up than I actually did sunning.

Ladies, may I get a high-5?

I was bored last night. I was picked up by an incredibly hot 21 year old Air Force Pilot. I wondered what the hell he was doing. In addition to being eye-candy, he really does have a lot going for him. Admire his focus.

Like I said, I was bored.

It was clear he was trying to make a move. So I decided to see how long it would take for him to try to kiss me. TWO hours in, he still hadn't tried. I decided to make it a little easier for him, so I started giving him some 'signals' - turning in to him, casually touching him, touching myself (not that way) and playing with my hair. He was inching millimeter by millimeter closer to me.

At hour 4, he actually goes in for a smooch.
I had a flashback to high school.

I guess I'm officially a 'cougar' now, but I have no desire in pursuing things. I like my men housebroken.

Went to a couple of networking events with 'the web designer'. He's certainly hot but young (31). I pass a lot of business to him. In theory, he's sending it back, but that hasn't really happened yet. Regardless, he's helping out my customers, so that's good. I'm teaching him about how to work a room and introduce himself.

Then, I met "Kilt Boy" for a drink. (Water with lemon, of course for me) I was expecting him to bail. He didn't. Of course he was wearing his kilt. (I don't think I've ever seen him NOT in a kilt.) There was a place nearby that is rather legendary - but I had never been there - so I figured it would be a hoot to go. I found it hysterical. It's for the 50+ crowd. People shagging (as in dancing) all over the place. Old men looking rather...desperate. We were the youngest in the room by at least 20+ years.|

Kiltboy and I talked for about an hour. Lots of catching up. At one point he asked if I was going to update him, but we never got around to it. Then we went elsewhere for a bite to eat. (He ate, I sat - remember  beach vacation coming up - bikini..)

Interesting reconnecting with him. No longing for him. I think he's a great guy but somewhat misguided. I think he's going to find his niche someday and really surprise a lot of people.

Then I had a conversation with Hot Stud.
That's another posting.

I've got one of those 'gravity-recliner' lounge chairs for outside. It's uber-comfortable when channeling my inner-tanning-goddess.

 However, I did boot camp Sat and Sun am's. Inner thighs KILLING.

Trying to get out of the chair without screaming due to inner thigh issues is nightmarish.

And I learned, it's not completely gravity-proof.

Like a good girl that wants to feel remotely decent at the beach, I worked out this morning with Jillian - that kick-your-ass trainer from "Biggest Loser". She's big into jumping jacks. I'm not. I feel jiggily when I do them. But she said "Don't bitch about doing them - I have 400lb people doing them". So I spoke back to her and told her to go screw herself. The workout wasn't a big deal. Don't bother with it. I can tell you what she said and save you $11. Or I can claim I got that one for free because Barnes & Noble had buy 3 dvds get one free....

Then I did some house-cleaning. (It seems like a never-ending process.) And at 11am, I donned afore-mentioned bikini and greased myself up with spf 15/30 and read a spine-tingling book about how Google became what it is today. Interesting but most folks would consider it as stimulating as dryer lint.

Came in at 3:30, showered and realized it was too damn hot to stay at home. (No, I keep forgetting to find an A/C repair man that can come on a Saturday or Sunday) So I'm at a coffee shot drinking some iced tea and killing time since it's about 94 outside.

Did I mention the A/C in my car isn't really blowing cold air either?

I'm in a hot spot for sure!
 

A friend's former girlfriend was killed in an accident a few weeks ago. Of course, it's terribly tragic and he's really torn up about it. I checked in on his myspace page this morning to monitor how he's doing...

Two things... First of all they set up a Flickr phototribute to her - her friends included pictures and captions of what happened around the photo. I don't know the girl, but it was still such a great memorial.

The second thing that came to light was - how much more she lived life. Looking at all the pictures - I was envious. So much of my life is about trying to deal with chaos. I often relate to that character in Charlie Brown that constantly has that swirl of dirt around him. That's how I feel. I yearn for simplicity. My life is dictated and overflowing with stuff that I 'have' to do. (And in reality, a lot of it is critical... like bills, litterboxes, grocery-shopping, laundry...) My existence is about trying to catch up. It creates such a sense of anxiety. I want to be care-free. But is that even remotely possible? I'm hoping the beach time will help me decompress. I wish wish wish that I could do some diving but the doc said NO diving...

Additionally - I have zero pictures of myself. Of myself with friends. When I was a kid, our house burned down and we lost most family photos. Then my mother when through a phase where she physically cut herself out of every photo - which also impressed negatively upon me about photos.

Wow. I hadn't thought about that in eons. I hadn't really made the connection until then.
Hot Stud is a amazingly talented photographer. I have always rebuffed him taking pictures of me. Ditto with another well-known photographer in town. Well, there was a multitude of reasons for that. But I know where it started.

I'm going to take the opportunity during the vacay to possibly ask complete strangers to take pictures of me. Or maybe some cheesy self- portraits. It's a start in the right direction.  

I've gone from laying out topless from time to time at home to just embracing the bikini this season. (Sunburned boobs are NOT fun!)

Now wearing a bikini at home is one thing. I would NEVER wear it around people I knew. It's not a thong. Not particularly skimpy. I'm by no means a SI Swimsuit model.

However, when I go to the beach, I am embracing the bikini in public - be it a public that doesn't know me. :)
I'm going to consider it empowering.

Unless people run screaming...

It's a fluke of nature. It's hot and humid, but I'm having a good hair day. Non-frizz.
I am in disbelief.

Was supposed to rendezvous with my temp boss this morning so I could officially ask him for time off but he ended up not coming in the office. I emailed him and put the form on his desk.

I'm not quite as emotional as I was earlier in the week. It was really odd how intense it was. Not feeling 100% but... I've been a good girl and eating super-healthy and taking my vitamins.

Maybe it's just knowing I'm going to have a week on the beach soon that is helping.

I'm sitting in a local (air conditioned) restaurant with free wifi sipping on some iced tea, catching up on some things instead of simmering in my car in traffic.

Next door to the restaurant is a "Brazilian Waxing" place.

I keep watching these scantily-clad women coming in and out.
(Think strippers) She charges $35 a pop.

Rather entertaining.

I'd be walking awfully funny when I was leaving.
And I know why the music is playing so loud here - to cover up the screams of "OW!"

I've been feeling really down. It took me a while to make the connection. First it was that I was not sleeping well. And then I was really tired. And then I was feeling sad.

Sometimes it takes a while for things to click.

I'm experiencing depression again.
Sort of scary because I don't want to go back to that dark hole that I was previously. So I'm trying to proactively make Herculean efforts to stop it.

Taking the vacation.
Eating better.
Not working as hard.
Even considering medication although it's never worked for me in the past.
I need to get my ass working out religously every day to get the endorphins going.

I've been trying to reach out to people. Somewhat unsuccessfully. I am one of those people that people expect to be upbeat and high energy. I've been trying to keep on that face, but it's not working. I hate having to resort to it. People just don't seem to know how to deal with me when I'm like this. Hell, I don't know what to do either.

I'm on the verge of tears a lot lately. (That's unusual for me.) I've even avoided asking my temporary boss for the time off because I think I'll break down in tears.

That's not exactly the impression I want to leave. I'm trying to stick to the "I'm just burnt out and need some downtime".

My coworker that  is on the phone with his wife 20x a day... did something really sweet. I said something out loud along the lines of "I need a hug" and he came over and gave me one.

Now it was a really half-assed one.
But he's married.
So if he gave a really good one, I'd look at him funny.

I discovered yesterday morning that the felines knocked over a large ceramic planter that was on a table. It broke into a number of pieces and they decided to play in the dirt on my white wool rug.

I'm sick of having crap all over my counters to keep them from jumping up. I'm sick of them breaking shit. I'm sick of them chewing through electrical cords. They are 10 months old now. It's long enough. I'm patient but this is getting old. I'm appreciating how great Lulu & Sassy were.

They need to do something really adorable shortly or I'm going to be posting them on Craigs List.