Last night was hard. I'm so grateful for ALL the people that called me to offer their support and condolences. I was 'distracted' by calls for hours (and drinking 2 glasses of wine didn't hurt either). I know a lot of people meant well, but it got hard talking about it. I just wanted a long hug and a good cry. However, most folks weren't within hug-range, so their calls were the best that they could do. Hot Stud has been out of town and calling regularly - he's back tomorrow. I think I'll get my hug and cry in then.

I had a really hard time sleeping last night. I am so used to Lulu sleeping with her head resting on my left upper arm, snuggled up to me, that when I woke up and saw that, instinctively, I had my arm out for her, it made me cry. And I had dreams about cats meowing in distress.

I got an email back from the person with the two kittens on Craigs List. I don't know what their sexes are. She can't afford to keep them - they already have 3 cats. Waiting to hear back from her...

As an amusing side note, the Turkish photographer texted me - he wanted to help. I told him I just wanted a hug, a shoulder to cry on and some TLC. He replied back that I needed sex. (Uh, no that's the LAST thing - particularly with him.) Boys will be tools. I'm sure he meant well (I doubt it but I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt.)

Just because a female says that she slept in a man's bed, it does NOT mean any hanky panky went on.

Particularly when there is a rather rambunctious puppy sleeping between us and when he's not impressing me with how he's treating me before getting me in the sack, it's not going to be better after he's had a sampling of the goodies.

Thank you.

Mr. "Stood me up but claims he didn't" wanted to have a date re-do for last week. Last week he was going to cook me dinner. This time, I tried to be polite to ask if I could bring anything (assuming he was cooking dinner). He said bottle of wine. So I did.

There was no dinner. (No biggie, I had already eaten.) We sat in the clubhouse (top floor of his condo) watching the storms roll past the skyline. There's a huge fish statue outside one of the windows - so I came up with "Fish Guy" as a new nickname. We talked for hours. Realized that I asked questions about him, which he answered, but he never asked anything about me.

It got old. (I noticed this in the earlier date too.)

Doesn't matter how cute he is or how good a kisser he is. That can only last so long.

Ended up crashing at his place since it was so stormy and late. Me + "Fish Guy" and his puppy. I was licked and pawed all night. (By the dog) "Fish Guy" did even try to hit me up for some early-morning action. I don't sleep well with others - I'm a really light sleeper. I didn't do too bad with him, despite the dog and his own snoring. It was comfortable.

However, I don't really see the need for another date with him. I hate to use that cliche "he's just not that into me" but I feel like I'm merely an afterthought. I want to know a guy is interested in me - and we're not talking about repeated verbal affirmations. It's the simple stuff - actions speak louder than words.

I adore his dog though. I wonder if I could get visitation for the dog? LOL

I think I'm going on dating hiatus again.

I was invited to a huge party Saturday night. A guy I had met at a professional function a few months ago has huge parties every month at his house - with a DJ and liquor sponsors (translation: booze was flowing).

I really wanted to get out and about Saturday night. I invited a number of friends. I admit I wanted to have a drink or three, so I was coordinating with someone to be Designated Driver.  My friend, aka the 'cute electrician' volunteered to be DD.

But we ended up meeting at Starbucks. Driving to meet the DD is sort of counter-intentional, isn't it? We go to the party. Fun people-watching. (What is it about Halloween-pending that makes some women think they can dress slutty and behave equally classy? Example: woman in chaps with tiny black underwear asking people to spank her?)

Laughed listening to a herd of guys talking about their 'strategy' for getting some game that night. I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing too hard. And some of the guys - I know they had to use more hair products and spent more time getting ready than I did. You know that 'South Beach" look?

Lush that I was, I got a shot of Jagermeister. And sipped 1/2 of it for more than two hours. (I was driving, remember?) I would have loved to have actually had a couple of drinks and had some more alcohol-induced fun, but I was driving thanks to my DD. He wanted to know about some of the funny dates I had been on. I mentioned that I blog about them. He asked if he was going to be in the blog. I told him I only blog about dates. (well, sorta)

After about 3 hours, "cute electrician" said he needed food. So we went to the local Waffle House (it was after 1am) so he could chow. I kept warm with a cup of tea. Went to our cars. He said he wasn't tired. It was really late for me, I was cold and I had to pee. Small talk. He was going rock climbing in the morning. I won't climb rocks - bad on the manicure. But I am totally into doing some hiking.

Then he says "I'd really like to kiss you."

I was speechless. Dumbfounded. Totally not expecting it.

Did I mention "cute electrician" is 25? Yep. 25. He was born in the 80's. And although he's got these amazing eyes and is definitely worth rewiring my house, he looks like he's 18. I was completely not in that "date mindset". I think I've handled a lot of unusual dating situations rather gracefully, but I felt really bad after this one. He looked at me like I had taken away his puppy. I couldn't say I don't kiss on the first date because this wasn't a 'date' in my book. It was two friends getting together...

I went home, washed my face, got in my flannel jammies and thought about it. He's a really nice guy and I don't mean that in a kiss of death sort of context. It's just when he's going to be my age, I'll be close to 50. (well, I exaggerate but...) I decided that if he'd still be willing to do a rematch/redate, that I'd give it a shot. I think there would be maturity issues, but he's innocent (and boy does he look innocent!) until he demonstrates otherwise.

I sent an email this morning apologizing for being caught off guard and suggested a hiking outing.

However, he smokes. (Deal breaker)
 

I hate when people (ie guys) are non-committal about weekend plans. .

It leads to scheduling problems.

Technically, I have FOUR dates this weekend. Two for Saturday and two for Sunday. Each of them said 'let's do something on Sat/Sun.' and they never finalized the time/place etc. I know what's going to happen. I'm going to have to tell some of them that I made other plans.

Last time I checked, I was unable to clone myself.

I have cramps and am in a pissy mood - otherwise I'd try to shift one to tonight.

Friday before last, I had that date with that guy from my past. (I can't remember if I gave him a nickname. He was the one I considered super-cocky but he was genuinely sweet when we met for a glass of wine.)

He wanted to get together last Friday because he decided to take the day off last minute. I was already on the other side of town getting my car serviced. I realize that my impression of his curt responses were based on text/email messages. It just comes off as blunt/rude. 

He invited me over to his place tonight to cook me dinner. No guy has ever done that. I had a guy once want to cook dinner at my place - he brought over a bagged salad, some bottled marinade and chicken breast. (It was the thought that counts, right?)

We'll see if he can impress me. He reiterated that he is interested to see where this goes. (hopefully he's not referring to my panties.) I have to make it an early evening because I need to get home to Lulu and I will be out most of the day tomorrow.

I don't want to stay at home tonight. So I have a date. Not someone I would put on the first or even second string. We've tried getting together for a date intermittently for years. But he always made it so difficult to just commit to a date.

I know he's expecting something tonight. I told him that I would meet him for a glass of wine to say hi. He wanted me to have the bottle at his place.

I laughed.

I said no. Public place. And nothing was going to happen other than talking.
He said he'd need to pick up condoms on the way home from work.

I find this guy so idiotic. I'm going for entertainment purposes because this guy is clueless. But considering how he doesn't seem to get NO for an answer, I'm not leaving the restaurant we're meeting at and I'm going to watch my drink.
 

15 mins later - he's annoying me eve more. I think I'm going to stay home and give myself a pedicure. With guys like this, it's a wonder the species has continued. Although I do have a date on Sunday with a guy that I've had a crush on for a while - but it's a challenge - crossing business with pleasure. 

In times like this, you learn who your real friends are. And who aren't. Although those that aren't - I had a fairly good idea ahead of time. This just made it abundantly clear. One IM'd me a few hours after she died - his reply 'that sucks'. His dog is the center off his existence. Then he sent me another message asking me what I was bringing for his going away party this weekend. Fucker.

Everyone keeps emailing and calling to make sure I'm okay. I'm not sure if I should be honest or if I should just do the 'stiff upper lip' thing.

Since Monday afternoon, I've had several cups (or pots) of coffee. I tried eating some rice last night but couldn't keep it down. I don't feel weak or like my blood sugar is low...

I had to go to a business function yesterday and another this evening. I tried to go shopping after yesterday's' event but it was a lost cause. Nothing caught my eye. Whenever I'm looking for very specific basic items - ie long-sleeve rounded neck non-ribbed ivory shirt - can't find it. Everything is ruched, bedazzled or foil painted.

Hot Stud has called and emailed. We're going away later in the month. I need distrations right now. I just want to stay in bed. I *do* wish I had someone to snuggle with (does not mean sex.) I feel alone.

I wrote a brief note to my mother advising her Sassy was gone. It was hard.

I haven't had anything to eat since Monday evening. The thought of food makes me want to throw up. I was at a meeting this morning and I had to hold it together to keep from crying. My wallpaper on my laptop is a really cute picture of Sassy.

I want a hug.
I need some TLC. (no, not sex - there is a difference)
I need to have some distraction.
I need to laugh.

Hot Stud and I finalized the dates for our 'getaway'. It's going to be a challenge for me. I have had feelings for him but this experience solidified it further. However, I'm afraid I could end up hurt, disappointed and losing our relationship as it is. Every guy I date falls short of him in every category.

What am I going to do?

 

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v168/ScubaDiva /Feline" title="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v168/ScubaDiva /Feline" target="_blank"http://img.photobucket.com/al...%20Pics/whaddafukulookina t.jpg">

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v168/ScubaDiva /Feline" title="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v168/ScubaDiva /Feline" target="_blank"http://img.photobucket.com/al...%20Pics/SassyProwl.jpg">

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v168/ScubaDiva /Feline" title="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v168/ScubaDiva /Feline" target="_blank"http://img.photobucket.com/al...%20Pics/sassyleaves-1.jpg">

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v168/ScubaDiva /Feline" title="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v168/ScubaDiva /Feline" target="_blank"http://img.photobucket.com/al...%20Pics/sassylick.jpg">

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v168/ScubaDiva /Feline" title="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v168/ScubaDiva /Feline" target="_blank"http://img.photobucket.com/al...%20Pics/sassykitten.jpg">

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v168/ScubaDiva /Feline" title="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v168/ScubaDiva /Feline" target="_blank"http://img.photobucket.com/al...%20Pics/sassykitten.jpg">

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v168/ScubaDiva /Feline" title="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v168/ScubaDiva /Feline" target="_blank"http://img.photobucket.com/al...%20Pics/SassyReady.jpg">

Thanks to everyone for the kind words. I had left a message for "Hot Stud" shortly after it happens. He called me back, said he didn't even listen to my entire message and he was on his way over.

He is a massage therapist and has often worked with animals - he inspected her - I couldn't watch. He didn't see any evidence of bite marks (from a snake) or any sort of blood. He said maybe it was a stroke. Then he walked the back yard and discovered a small chickadee that had been freshly killed and was missing its beak and a small part of its head. Sassy loved catching them and bringing them in the house for me to catch...

Maybe that one got the best of her.

Hot Stud wrapped her up in a blanket, several garbage bags, put her in a box and another bag and we (he) dug a hole under her favorite spot under the peach tree.

It's so quiet here. Lulu doesn't even seem to notice or care. I left Sassy out on the floor while I searched for her favorite toy because I wanted to bury her with it before Hot Stud came over. Lulu didn't even come close or acknowledge her. So I sat close to Sassy and called Lulu over. She came to me and disregarded Sassy.

The thing is, Lulu is older and she's not been doing well. I've been coming to terms with the fact that she might not be around much longer... But Sassy?

She's the one that was fearless - would go up to strangers and even big dogs. She kept me warm on cold nights. I'd say to her "Want to go night night?" and she'd go upstairs and hop on the bed. Then she'd paw at the covers to get under them. And she'd always sleep right inbetween my knees all night. I'd always wonder how she could do that without suffocating. I miss her bells ringing and her insistent meows coming in announcing anything - be it that it had started raining or that it was 5pm and she wanted something to eat NOW.  I'd ask her if she wanted to get "high" and she'd hop on a particular chair where I gave her catnip. One misty fall night, I was getting ready to go out on a date - I had gone to get the mail - and Sassy went bolting out the front door. She was black and it was pitch dark. I spent over an hour chasing her around the perimeter of my house to try to get her. I called my date to let him know I would be late and he got all pissy on me. (He *could* have offered to help.) That was the end of him. And Sassy showed up promply at the front door, waiting for me to let her in the house - meowing as if to say "What took you so damn long?"

I know she was just a cat. But I considered Sassy, like Lulu, one of my kids. I know it's stupid, but I bleme myself - why didn't I check her throat when she went limp and try to see what was wrong. It's going to be a sad couple of days.

I know Hot Stud tried to do the guy thing and 'fix things' by making my yard better - but what I really wanted was to be held and cry. But that wouldn't have really solved anything. He always steps up and reaffirms my faith in the male race. It's hard to squash those feelings I have for him. (sigh)

I wish I could figure out how to post a few pics of Sassy so you could all see what a spunky feline she was.

Just got an email from the former boss.
He asked why I hadn't submitted expense previously.
(Like he hadn't noticed that in 6 months, I hadn't submitted a single expense report?)

My first company laptop kept shutting down after it had been on for 5 minutes and I'd lose everything saved.
Repeatedly had Dell come out to try to fix it. So that was April - early August.
New laptop in early August.
Started playing catch-up but it crashed - smoke and sparks. Lost everything I had saved.
And I was working 14+ hour days with just regular work - so when doing laundry, cleaning house, had to get done.

It took a good 8 hours to get all the expense reports done. Thankfully, I kept really good records. I am going to be spending a good 20 minutes photocopying receipts.

I'm thrilled to report I was fired yesterday. I had already gotten the written offer from my new job to start training at the end of the month. I let the current job fire me so I could enjoy getting unemployment for the month. I took the remainder of my vacation/sick time last week and got my expense reports done over the weekend. (About $5k due to me for the past six months.)

The boss told me that 'we needed to talk' Monday morning. He was so negative while telling me he is a really optimistic person and how he focuses on 'coaching' his team. (I had the phone on speakerphone/mute and was laughing my rear-end off.)

He kept rambling on and on. After about 20 minutes of listening to him, I interrupted him and asked "Dave, what are you trying to say?" He replied "I don't think this is working out."

I said "Okay."

He said "I'll be happy to be a reference for your job search."

I said "That won't be necessary. I accepted another position last week."

Long pause.

So I said "I've forwarded my expense reports to you and I'll send back the company equipment."

He stammers "We'll send your final checks when we get the stuff back."

I did a happy dance.

Another co-worker got canned last week - he hadn't closed any business in the 6 months since we went through training together. The dude called me constantly on Friday (when he got the boot). And again yesterday. We weren't 'buds' while we worked there, why would we suddenly become tight over the fact we were both former employees?

The new job is certainly going tto be a challenge - well - the new boss will be - my goal is to kick butt from the get-go so he'll back down.