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| Diva on Warpath |
| 07.28.07 (8:14 am) [edit] |
| Remember a few weeks ago when a (nameless) neighbor left a note on my garage door advising me to mow my yard and other things. My yard needed a mow, but it wasn't at the point it was out of control. I ignored the note. The next day, there was another one, but it 'disappeared' before I actually retrieved it. Yesterday, I was having a 'catch up day' working from home. Around 2pm, I'm on the phone and someone rings the doorbell. And then knocks. (I have a "DO NOT DISTURB" sign on my door.) THEN, they start rattling my front door. I whisper to the person I'm on the phone with that I have to go - I'm ready to call 911. I don't have a clear view of the front to see who it is. I see that there is actually a note thru the door/jamb. It's in the same handwriting as the other note that looks like a 3rd grader (and the spelling/grammar is just as adept). This one goes above and beyond... We've had rain here daily for the past 10 days - means the grass has grown some and I haven't had an oppty to mow. The yard could use a mow. The note said I "had" to mow my yard. I "HAD" to keep on more lights inside my house at night. And I "HAD" to put furniture in my front rooms. Hold up. What the FUCK are they doing looking INTO my windows. And who the hell's business is it HOW I choose to furnish or not furnish my home? If I knew ANY way to get some S&M furniture - I swear I would fill up the front rooms with it. Seriously. I replied back in red ink "Dear Nobody. Stay off my property. You are TRESPASSING. And FUCK OFF." I had a friend that was going to come over and mow for me today. But after those notes, I'm purposely NOT going to mow this weekend. I'm pissed. I'm heading to the hardware store and putting up "NO TRESPASSING" signs. That will piss them off more. Good. |
| 11 Comments |
| Staredown |
| 07.26.07 (5:46 pm) [edit] |
| I had counseling session #3 today. Not sure I'm going to go back. She kept doing this 'thing' where she'd just sit in the chair and stare at me. For many minutes. Repeatedly. Then she'd ask what I was feeling. I didn't say it, but I was 'feeling' - I'm paying $100/hr to sit here in silence? I can do that at home. It was fucking creepy. |
| 1 Comments |
| Gleeful |
| 07.22.07 (7:24 am) [edit] |
| I was invited yesterday to attend a meeting for the state chapter of the National Speaker's Association. Not sure if that is a direction I want to focus on. Perhaps to use as a tool to market myself and further establish credibility, but I keep saying "I'm still trying to figure it all out." Afterwards, I spent almost the entire day on the phone with friends. It was wonderful reconnecting with everyone. It was revitalizing. I had dinner with another friend. I feel SO much better than I did a week ago. I feel back on stable ground and utterly gleeful. Rather ironic considering I expect to be fired 8/1. I'm totally unsure of my future, but I'm so excited about it. |
| 1 Comments |
| Figuring it out |
| 07.20.07 (3:44 pm) [edit] |
| Oh wow. Opportunities are really evolving for me. Some really amazing people are around me that are offering great insight. I still haven't 'figured it all out' yet. But, I'm excited. |
| 0 Comments |
| Pussy Dreams |
| 07.19.07 (5:14 am) [edit] |
| It's 5:10 am. I'm on the sofa with my laptop doing some work (but taking a brief break to write this). Lulu, my cat, is next to me in the middle of a very intense dream. Not only are the paws and tail twitching, but the whiskers and nose are as well. And she's making low-pitched growls. I'd love to know what she's dreaming about! |
| 0 Comments |
| I'm more aligned with the Devil, tyvm |
| 07.18.07 (3:22 pm) [edit] |
| Nothing too exciting to write about. I laughed last night on the phone so hard I was in tears. I can't remember the last time I had such a good laugh. It was a good thing. I met with another professional contact yesterday - she's a business coach - I have some potential referrals for her. We ended up talking about how I am struggling to figure out how to best utilize my talents and strengths in a way to make a living out of it. (Things I'm already working on but it is always good to bounce ideas off another.) She ended up suggesting a couple of job opportunities working with her. I might be amenable to them. However, she is REALLY REALLY into her religion. (That's cool but... )She started and closed our meeting with a prayer. It was a little overboard. And then she invited me to her church on Sunday via email this morning. She weaved things about her faith into our conversation - I didn't say anything to indicate one way or another about my personal position on it. I really loathe when I'm on the religious recruiting ground. I know it's approaching the end of the month and they have so many souls to recruit and all.... |
| 0 Comments |
| Exhaling. |
| 07.16.07 (7:45 pm) [edit] |
| I've been *really* concerned the past couple of days because of the increasing level of depression I've been feeling. Yesterday, I did a double-shift at the fish tank. That got me out of the house and in a place that makes me happy. I listened to my "happy songs" on my MP3 player (Abba, Gloria Gaynor - that sort of stuff). I did some journaling and I reconnected with some friends. This morning, I feel like a different person. I am wondering if the epidurals had something to do with the depression? I dunno. I see a correlation between when it started and how it retreated. The boss forwarded me a butt-load of stuff to work on because they canned another one of my team mates. Had a 'strategy' phone call this afternoon. At least this time he didn't hang over my head that I have to close X dollars by 7/31 or I'm fired. Whether I'm safe for another month or not, I dunno. The only reason why I'm concerned - I'd like to have health insurance for another month - I'm sure COBRA would be expensive considering the plan I have. Anyway, I feel like exhaling. I'm not back 100% from the depression - I guess it was a blip - but I'm about 89.65%. |
| 7 Comments |
| Ouch |
| 07.15.07 (9:48 am) [edit] |
| Last night was sort of a stake through the heart. (Ok, I exaggerate a wee bit.) I was having a combo business meeting/social dinner with a guy. I would totally be into him but he's got a girlfriend. I mentioned that I was totally in need of cuddling. I don't really have any cuddle-buddies around - they'd all want 'more'. I'm not interested in revisiting that with them. "Hot Stud" would be a viable option, but he had been out of town. As we are leaving the place we were having our business meeting to go to dinner, "Hot Stud" called. I hadn't talked to him in a couple of days b/c his dad has been sick. My dinner person was standing there - and told me to ask "Hot Stud" to join us. "Hot Stud's" reply to me was "I've already got plans tonight." Translation: a date. Dinner person said to ask him to get together after his date. Uh. No. I don't want sloppy seconds and I know Hot Stud well enough to know he'll be busy all night long. (ahem) Considering the return of the aforementioned depression on my heels, this was not an embarrassing response to get in front of someone else. I think hormones are influencing me like crazy right now. (I totally admit I'm PMS-ing) Dinner guy tells me it's clear that I still have feelings for Hot Stud. Yes and no. I think a lot of people misconstrue my gratitude and affection toward him - I absolutely love the guy - but I also made the decision that although I think in many ways he is the ideal man, there are some areas that are blaringly not ideal for me. I'm smart enough to know he's not going to change. Dinner guy told me I needed to get laid. I know I could call any one of 10 guys and get laid within the hour if I wanted that - but I don't. I want more than just a romp. And I haven't met anyone worthy of distraction. And that's depressing too. |
| 2 Comments |
| Mwah |
| 07.14.07 (5:16 pm) [edit] |
| So much to write, but I'm limited with time. I'm still having a lot of residual epidural pain. My entire upper back is sore to the touch. I don't think it is supposed to be that way. Back later. |
| 1 Comments |
| Mortified |
| 07.13.07 (7:33 am) [edit] |
| Last night, I went to a dinner honoring the top volunteers at the Fish Tank. I took the guy I'm enchanted with (see previous post). At a table with Mr. Enchantment and three other volunteers and their spouses. It was painful - all they could talk about was stuff related to the Fish Tank. Mr. Enchantment and I were talking between ourselves about work and some other relatively dangerous topics. There's some serious chemistry between us, but we haven't talked too much about personal lives. Then someone walks up to me and introduces another volunteer with Dive Programs. I say hello to her and recognize that we used to dive together - five or six years ago. Translation - when I was really really fat. She didn't recognize me. I said "Hi _____". Then she kept saying "OH MY GOD! YOU LOOK SO GOOD! YOU'VE LOST SO MUCH WEIGHT! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!" I was...mortified. Sitting next to me is this guy and he is just looking at me. Awkward is an understatement. I told him later that I just don't feel comfortable with the focus on me. |
| 1 Comments |
| Complicated |
| 07.13.07 (7:25 am) [edit] |
| The networking event I have been involved with happened Wednesday night. I wore my Mary Janes. Kiltboy...showed up in his kilt. I didn't give him much attention. He asked if I wore the Mary Janes for him. I told him I hadn't given it a thought. (So fun to taunt him!) The guy who owns the company and I have been spending a lot of time together promoting his event and professionally. Plus, he escorted me to a dinner the Fish Tank threw last night - Hot Stud was out of town. There's been some SERIOUS flirting between me. Problem is...he's got a gf that lives out of town. I've known this from the get-go. I've never been in this sort of situation. I have no interest in being 'the other woman' and if he did anything beyond flirting, I'd lose respect/interest in him. And I don't want someone that would break up with a girlfriend when they met someone new and deal with rebounding. Must. Get. Him. Out. Of. System. |
| 0 Comments |
| Indulge his Fetish |
| 07.11.07 (12:18 am) [edit] |
| Biggest decision of the evening involves what to wear for it... Tempted to wear my 4inch Mary Janes that (I can't remember his nickname - radioboy?)radioboy has a fetish for. (Torture anyone? Not like he deserves it.) Several other guys that I've had romantic involvements with will be there. I'm totally comfortable with them being around and teasing them for a little harmless fun because I'm TOTALLY in my zone. So many cute pieces that I want to wear but together, the look just didn't work. Night 3 wihtoutsleep. SCUSK |
| 1 Comments |
| Nappy |
| 07.10.07 (12:59 pm) [edit] |
| I was offered a job today. I met with this person because I figured he'd be a good contact. I just didn't expect it to be that productive. It's only part-time and it is more evening-based, but things are starting to evolve. I am sooooooooo tired. I need a nap. |
| 0 Comments |
| Fly on the wall |
| 07.10.07 (6:26 am) [edit] |
| Tomorrow night, I have a rather large business function that I'm involved with organizing. I got Hot Stud to do the photography. Three other guys I've dated will be there professionally. And one that I kinda have my eyes on. I'd love to be a fly on the wall to watch it go down. |
| 1 Comments |
| Wah Wah Wah |
| 07.10.07 (6:23 am) [edit] |
| I'm on a two-day insomnia bender. Sunday night, I got about 3 hours of sleep. Monday night, maybe an hour. I'm going to be dragging. I have a 7:30 am meeting followed by a 9am meeting. Then a 10:30 meeting. Then I have to crank out a proposal or three. And then I have another meeting late this afternoon and a business function tonight. A guy I dated long ago called yesterday night - and offered to mow my yard to have sex. (Um, thanks but no thanks.) Then he offered to do it for a blow job. (I can't make this up!) I talked to friend later who said if I took him up on the offer, make sure he does the yard work first. (Like I am not smart enough for that one?) I need to snort some espresso. |
| 0 Comments |
| Find me a man Contest |
| 07.09.07 (2:52 am) [edit] |
| Here's the challenge: My dating career has been long and distinguished. Despite the fabulous male friends I've encountered, my mission (of a fabulous boyfriend) has failed. Clearly, my judgment is whack. So why not leave it up to you bloggers to find my true love. Couple of rules... Must be single (as in divorced not separated or living with someone else) Must not live with his parents (unless ill family member) Really prefer no kids. Must live in the Metro Atlanta Area. Must be college-educated Must be able to carry on an intelligent conversation. Must be able to laugh. A lot. Must be comfortable in his body and interested in improving it. Must be interested in some sport activities (golf and nascar don't count). Must be between 35-48 - there are many old 30 year olds and many young 48 year olds. Height not a big deal to me - I've dated guys about my height and taller. It's all fine providing he can land a toe-curling make my knees melt into jelly while thinking impure thoughts sort of kiss. Main thing is that he has passion about life - be it cooking, traveling, education, sex... Enjoys a night out at a restaurant followed by a long moonlit walk holding hands to a midnight picnic under the stars. But just as much, enjoys cooking something up at home, watching a movie and cuddling up. Someone that appreciates my eccentricities, devotion, and quirky idiosyncracies. |
| 10 Comments |
| Insomnia SUCKS |
| 07.09.07 (2:40 am) [edit] |
| It's 2:29 a.m. I have taken two Ambien at 30 min intervals. Still wide awake. Journaled a lot of 'stuff' on my mind to let it go. Still awake. Fortunately, I have ambien-drunk-dialed anyone tonight. (yet) Watching a somewhat intriguing thriller I got from Blockbuster online. The rest of the movie selections sucked. I relied on their 'recommendations' which apparently are from the bottom of the movie barrel. "Poison" should have been titled "Horseshit" - honest to God, the WORST movie I've ever seen - and I bet the ones with Paris Hilton and Mariah Carey and Britney Spears are leagues above it. And then "Hard Trip" which I thought was a somewhat current release. Turns out it was a documentary about the porn industry. (Rated R) So, like a train wreck, you just have to watch it. I found it rather pathetic how these people claimed that their families totally supported what they were doing. And how they were making 'tons' of money while living in a total dump with thread-bare furniture and a mattress on the floor. Then the piece de la resistance was "Loving and Cheating" another documentary that interviewed several couples - from engaged, to recently-married, to married 10+ years, 20+ years and 50 years. The yet to be marrieds were all doe-eyed and romantic about their commitment. The marrieds were all saying that they didn't think it was feasible to be monogamous to the same person for the rest of their lives. Kinda puts a hole in the heart of love. Found it depressing. The thought of juggling a husband, my boyfriend and my husband's girlfriend... It all sounds TOO damn complex. One man + one woman is tough enough. Made me depressed that I'll never find my penguin. I'm forever and ever doomed to be single. I'm deciding which spinster angle I should go - the one that collects stray cats, or maybe little crystal figurines, or maybe dolls, or buy a wedding dress and wander around in it at night crying? Or maybe in my new black stillettos and black lace bra/panties? I WANT A SANE BOYFRIEND THAT IS SINGLE, SANE, STRAIGHT, LOCAL and EMPLOYED. That's a start, right? Now accepting nominations. Must live in Metro Atlanta area (Preferably ITP). So now you can start combing the fields of eligible men for me. Next posting will go into more detail. |
| 0 Comments |
| WTF? |
| 07.08.07 (8:28 pm) [edit] |
| This morning, I ventured out to get the mail. I noticed there was a note on my garage door. Odd... I pull it off the door and read it. It says "Dear Scuba Dive (they used my real name but misspelled it) ya need to mow ya lawn, ya need to take the weeds off your lamp post. Signed Anonmous (sp) I live far far away" WTF? I thought it was maybe Hot Stud that came by - but he would have called. And he would have spelled my name and anonymous correctly. I checked with another friend and he said he'd never leave a message like that. I went to the grocery store this evening and when I drove back, there was another note on my garage door. I didn't bother to get it because I am too damn sore to care. WTF??? I'm *really* tempted to leave a note replying that they stay the fuck off my property. |
| 6 Comments |
| ScubaDiva is Alive...sorta |
| 07.08.07 (8:24 pm) [edit] |
| I had another epidural on Friday. The monumental pain I had from the one last week resided by Tuesday. Calls to my doctor's office were unreturned b/c he's on vacation in Alaska. I spoke to his nurse who said I should just go ahead and have the next one. I went in to the epidural place. Talked to the anesthesiologist and told him about what happened last time and my hesitancy about going thru it again. He said it was just a fluke. So I decided to give it a shot. (No pun intended). The first one was for my lumbar area. The next one was for my cervical (neck/shoulder) area. The process involves injecting anesthesia first and then contrast and then the steroid. You have to lay VERY still. I don't budge during the process. When it's over, they tell me to be careful getting off the table. Only problem is, I can't move my left arm or leg at all. My body on the left side is totally numb. Another "just a fluke" apparently... I have to lay on the table for four hours while the anesthesia wears off. I miss work for the day and I head home to crash flat on my back for the next 48 hours. And the pain I experienced last time comes back again. Fortunately, this time, I've slept most of the weekend. No improvement at all from the initial epidural on the lumbar area. And I'm doubtful of the cervical one will be any better. I think this whole epidural thing is a SCAM. |
| 3 Comments |
| Pushing My Buttons |
| 07.03.07 (10:00 am) [edit] |
| Had a 'chat' with the boss yesterday late afternoon. He royally pissed me off with how he was talking to me like a 3 year old. He sent me a form at 8:10pm last night saying I'm to sign it and fax back. I didn't check email after the event last night. Call me silly but I don't LIVE on email for work 24/7. This morning, at 7:10, he sends me another email asking where the signed form is. There was also an email saying someone hired the month before I was hired was canned. The document says I'm to pass along ALL of my personal and professional contacts to their database by Friday. (I'm not leveraging my relationships for them to have a database.) I was already at my first appt of the morning by that point and didn't bring my printer along with me. He got rather snippy with me. My time there is SERIOUSLY counting down. |
| 3 Comments |
| When I grow up... |
| 07.02.07 (7:12 pm) [edit] |
| Totally and completely FRUSTRATED with my job. Convo with my 'manager' this afternoon was the nail in the coffin as far as I'm concerned. There are... 5 sales reps. As in sales, we have a monthly quota. Two of the reps have been there for more than a year. Not one of them has, in the almost 3 months I've been with the company, hit their quota. Yet I was treated like a three-year old by the boss this afternoon on a phone call. I bit my tongue and kept from saying what was really on my mind. I'm in sales to make money. I'm working my tail off to get the message out there and get in front of as many people as possible. I am not making money (and nor is the company) from my activity. Started perusing job openings. Feeling extremely restless career-wise. I think I want to get out of sales. Actually, I know I want to get out of sales. What I want to do, that's a whole 'nother ball of wax. |
| 6 Comments |
by Redonthehead