I Can't Make This Stuff Up

Single 30-something Female Dating Debacles and Random Musings in Coffee Shops


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Hot Stud Update
05.31.07 (4:36 pm)   [edit]
I'm in an uber-pissy mood. I'm somewhat of a control freak I guess. It irritates the hell out of me when I have to rely on other people and they don't do their job and I'm the one with my ass hanging out in the wind. Today the forces of nature seem to be influencing me to react in major bitch mode. (Keep reading for the Hot Stud part!) Project Manager did a less-than-ideal job on a totally un-customized customized proposal. So I started doing it myself. But my brand-new laptop is messed up. Was sent a replacement yesterday, but I have to have our company's IT dept walk me through setting it up. The screen keeps flickering like crazy. I'm working on the proposal and every 2 mins or so, I'd have to power it off and power it back on. Kinda cuts into the productivity. So then I call Earthlink to ask where the hell the credit is for my 'activation fee' and that I haven't gotten the label to return the equipment. The woman was a TOTAL bitch and said "I'm not going to bother with you over a measly $29" and said she's crediting me. Then I got a collection notice related to the car accident. I never got a bill from the company - I just got a 'you owe us $340' note in early March and faxed them telling to send me an itemized statement. And I did it twice more because I never got it. Dealt with that woman being an idiot. I called Comcast because when they were burying the cable and dug it under my driveway, it cracked it. The crack is all the way across my driveway - exactly in line with where the cable was run. They promised they'd call me back 10 days ago. No one has called. Sat on hold for 65 minutes. Was told they couldn't transfer me but someone would call me back. I refused. Said that was what I was told 10 days ago. And I'm still waiting on their staff disabling my firewalls and requiring me to completely wipe my hard drive from more than 3 weeks ago. (They're still 'researching' that one...) Hot Stud called and offered to come over and do yard work and give me a massage. And I TURNED HIM DOWN! I'm in SUCH a pissy mood that I just don't want to be around anyone. Although a massage would probably do me good... Too late, turned him down.
 
What A STEAL!
05.31.07 (1:03 pm)   [edit]
Years ago, I worked for the parent company of a major online retailer. As a result, we got some pretty nifty discounts. They've never removed the discounts and I frequently purchase stuff from them. Two weeks ago, they were having a special on a flat-panel LCD tv with built-in dvd player. With my discount, the price was too good to refuse. I checked online today to see where the tv was... It says it was delivered 10 days ago. HUH? UPS just left a box for a 36-inch tv on my front door step that is valued around $1000? Um, hello, steal me! They are re-sending it back out but they can't make any sort of notification to require a signature to UPS.
 
World's Worst Kisser
05.30.07 (8:13 pm)   [edit]
I had a business lunch with a guy I dated *very briefly* maybe five years or more ago. He's had the nickname of "World's Worst Kisser" because he's earned the title. Slobbery and lizard like. We never went beyond that bad kiss but he has called me up and said I was the 'best sex' he's ever had. Uh, no. Anyhoo, we had lunch today. Networking for business. I saw him Xmas eve at a bar while I was on a date. He had gained a lot of weight then. He'd gained even more weight since then. The guy has to be 400lbs if not more. If I had wanted to hug him, I wouldn't have been able to put my arms around the guy. I (unknowingly) dated one of his employees about 2 years ago. It was funny when we realized our common denominator - his boss. We laughed about how he's a pathological liar. We talk every once in a while with a "You won't believe what he said this time!" sort of story... He kept going on and on and on about how great I looked. (I couldn't exactly say the same of him) So I talked business. He kept asking me in a circular kind of way if I was dating anyone. I didn't want to go into the personal realm. After our lunch, I got on the phone with my friend/his employee and we traded WWK's version of things and reality. It was most amusing!
 
Business Stalker!
05.30.07 (7:26 am)   [edit]
I was at an after-hours work function last night, talking in-depth to someone about potential business. The room was rather noisy, so we had deliberately moved to a corner to hear each other. Then a woman comes up to us and throws herself in the middle of the conversation. We both looked at her like "You're interrupting us" but she didn't get it. We tried to placate her for a moment and send her on her way. But she wouldn't go. I figured if we split up and regrouped later, that we'd be able to eliminate the problem. I tell business contact that I'm going to the ladies room and we'd continue our discussion in a few minutes. Annoying lady follows me into the restroom! She says that she heard I was all connected and she wanted to know who I could "hook" her up with. Did I mention that I was in a stall peeing at the time? I ignored her. Spent an eternity post-flush, hoping she'd go away. But she didn't. So I finally to to wash my hands and she's all over me about who I know and what I can do for her. Professionally, I'm an avid networker but I do it out of generosity, not obligation. This woman was REALLY pissing me off. I decided to try a different approach. I asked her what she did. She said that she wanted a job that made her as much money as she made her boss. I said that's great but that doesn't tell me anything. I asked her if she was looking for a job. She said "You didn't see me here tonight!" Um, okay. I ask her what kind of job she's looking for. She goes back to the 'making as much money as she made her boss' reply. I ask her if she could be more specific - is she interestd in sales? She says yes. I ask what type of sales. She says 'technology'. Could she possibly be more vague? I gave up trying to figure it out. I ask for her card and I'll pass along her information if anything comes up. (I deliberately don't give her one of mine.) So I leave the bathroom and she's following me again. There are at least 100 other people in the room - WHY WON'T SHE MOVE ON!?!?!?! I try to ditch her again, introducing her to someone that I had met previously, hoping that I could unload her on him. It worked. For about 3 minutes. I was back in conversation with the potential client and she interrupts me again. I ignore her. Potential client is annoyed as well and follows my lead. She then stands between us and grabs my arm to ask me how much my company pays me. (O.M.G.!!!!) I take a deep breath. Step back and tell her that I was having a private conversation and I didn't know anyone that could be of service to her. I said to the potential client "Let's find an area where we can continue our conversation uninterrupted." Remember I said I didn't give her my card? Well, she got one off someone else last night and she's left me two voicemails and two emails in the past 10 hours. Can you imagine what she must be like with a guy she's interested in????
 
Razor Burn
05.27.07 (4:24 pm)   [edit]
Had a nice time on my date. He was a total gentleman. The plans for basketball were scrapped because of all the smoky smog from the wildfires in sough Georgia. We met for lunch and talked for a long time and then watched a movie. And smooched. I would have smooched him more but he didn't shave this morning. All that stubble makes this girl's delicate skin get all red and irritated. He wanted to see me again tomorrow (and maybe he would shave!) but I committed to doing 12 hours at the fish tank tomorrow. (What the HELL was I thinking?)
 
Mauling during Movies
05.27.07 (2:11 am)   [edit]
Got an email from my date for tomorrow... Out of the blue he said something about a movie and lunch... I'm confused. We never discussed a movie. After all this fashion-planning for a basketball encounter... I haven't been to a movie with a date since...the Bond movie before Casino Royale - the one with Halle Berry in it. The sexual tension in the air was so strong and he kept nibbling on my neck, I didn't really understand the movie. I was kinda distracted. I don't really like doing movies for dates. I don't like to sit still for that long. Movie at home is different b/c you can get all comfy and not worry about smuggling in your own beverages. Back to bed. No chipmunk - dear or alive - yet.
 
Chipmunk #3
05.26.07 (2:42 pm)   [edit]
If you're a regular reader recently, you've heard about my cats catching/killing two chipmunks in the past week... I've had no more 'incidents' this week because I kept them inside (they were grounded). Lovely day outside, did a lot of productive stuff this morning so decided to hang out in my hammock for a while and enjoy a book. I'm coated in sunscreen, perfectly balanced in the hammock, enjoying some tunes from my mp3 player... I hear a noise... I look up to find Lulu with a chipmunk in her mouth, bringing it to me! I yell at her to put it down. She does. And it goes scurrying INTO my house. Shit. I had no idea I actually had at least three chipmunks. Alvin & Simon are deceased. And now Theodore has moved in. I have utterly no idea where the hell Theodore is in my house. Anyone speak chipmunk?
 
Email addresses
05.26.07 (10:48 am)   [edit]
I was having a conversation with a friend about the various levels of importance people have in our lives - and how a lot of that is dictated by email. When I was out the other night, someone asked for my email address - my friend paid close attention to what email address I gave him. You see, I have several email accounts. I have a professional email address that I use only for official correspondence - ie job searches, etc. Those that I really don't care about or communicate with on an irregular basis get my hotmail address. It's also the address I use to sign up for crap - translation - giant trash can. I check it maybe once or twice a week and clear out all the spam and crap. Then there's my gmail account. If you have my gmail address, you're in the loop. Some people graduate to the gmail account from the hotmail address. FYI - I gave that person my hotmail address. They gotta earn their way up to the bigtime.
 
Game on
05.26.07 (7:42 am)   [edit]
My date tomorrow is going to be amusing as hell. Anyone that knows me is going to laugh. I have a date to play basketball. Let's see... the last time I played basketball was... never. I think it's a good excuse for close contact with a hot sweaty guy though. So I'm game. I imagine the playing of basketball will last no more than 15 minutes max. Good thing he's bringing a picnic. So the questions that go through my mind - this is a date but a sporting date. Do I wear a sport bra or a more regular one? And what to wear over the afore-mentioned bra? (Making note to self to not wear a low-cut shirt and a push-up bra so that the girls don't make an unscheduled public appearance!) I want to be cute... I don't have any 'hang out at the basketball court' kind of attire. I'm sure as hell not going to wear those horribly huge baggy shorts. (Plus they'd make me look shorter!) I'm sure we're going to play for some stakes. I figure whether I win (right) or lose (definitely), it's win-win situation. ;)
 
Drought
05.25.07 (5:55 pm)   [edit]
The dating pool has been rather...unproductive lately. Usually, there's plenty to choose from but I haven't been feeling like sending out that "vibe" (in contrast to my vibrator). Was at a networking event last night at a very 'in' club. The premise was it was business-oriented from 6-8pm and then 'social networking' afterwards. Apparently, everyone's concept of 'business-oriented' was 'meat-market'. One woman was wearing a sticky name-tag on her bare skin over her somewhat-covered breasts. One man listed his line of work as "Adult Entertainment Industry". Great. This is not the sort of clientel I waste my time (or cute outfit) on. Had a nice chat with a rather, um, intense sort of guy that was probably 8 years younger than myself. (Translation: too young) He's into 'investments'. (Laughing because when I asked about what he did - he couldn't explain it.) He wanted to take me out to dinner afterwards, I passed. He said he drives a new Mercedes, but I saw him in the parking deck earlier in a non-recent model Camry. I guess that his Merc is in the shop? Someone from the past has been making remarkable attempts to regenerate my interest. And, I'll say that it appears to be working. (No, it's not toupee guy or bicycle guy!) Supposed to see him this weekend. We'll see...
 
Hamster Hard-On
05.22.07 (5:27 pm)   [edit]
*** I just had to share this... For some reason, thinking about a Hamster with a raging hard-on makes me giggle. (Is that wrong?) Viagra helps jet-lagged hamsters But researchers had to turn down dosage to shrink a certain side effect WASHINGTON - The male impotence drug Viagra may be useful for treating jet lag as well, according to Argentine researchers who gave it to hamsters made to feel like rodent globe-trotters. The researchers manipulated the schedule of turning lights on and off to induce jet lag in the laboratory animals, they reported on Monday in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. Adult male hamsters given Viagra, also called sildenafil, recovered from jet lag up to 50 percent faster than hamsters that were not given it, the researchers said. The scientists stopped giving the hamsters the highest dose they had been using in the experiment due to a certain side effect. "However, we used the intermediate dose for the rest of the experiments because at that dose animals did not manifest the effects of sildenafil-induced penile erections," they wrote. The drug helped the rodents cope with jet lag only when given before the equivalent of an eastbound flight, not the reverse when they delayed turning on lights to simulate westbound travel, the study found. The researchers said the findings suggested that Viagra could be useful to help people cope with jet lag or shift work. They said the dose needed for such uses could be lower than the one used for treatment of erectile dysfunction. Viagra interferes with an enzyme that lowers levels of a naturally occurring compound that plays a role in the regulation of the circadian cycle, the body's internal clock, the researchers said. URL: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/1... Hard On
 
Living with a Murderer
05.20.07 (10:10 am)   [edit]
I slept 14 hours Thursday night and felt pretty good Friday. Good on Saturday too. Exchanged the vacuum and went gonzo (pardon the term Ian)vacuuming baseboards and tons of crap. Came to my home office, was going to vacuum under the desk when lo and behold... It's ANOTHER dead chipmunk! It was still warm. In the past week, Sassy has killed TWO chipmunks and a baby rat. In eight years, she's killed nothing but some bugs and a hummingbird - caught many birds to let them loose in the house, and caught chipmunks before but let them go... I put her nose in front of Simon (may he RIP) and scolded her and put her in the powder room with a bowl of water and her litterbox and left the light out for a couple of hours to give her quiet time to reflect on her behavior. I hate to have to make them both inside cats when they have been so well-behaved in my fenced-in back yard for years. Do I resort to putting a muzzle on her? Listening to them MEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWW like crazy the rest of the day because they wanted to go out was annoying. I know it's instinct but why now? I felt so sorry for that little critter.
 
Rape Case Update
05.16.07 (6:01 pm)   [edit]
Talked to the atty today. Todd, aka the rapist, has got legal representation. Now we are waiting for their response. His atty (of course) claims Todd has no money and has lots of emails about our 'history'. Emails when we were considering a relationship... six months prior. And I wholeheartedly admitted to the police and my atty that I sent him a couple of emails after the rape for the express purpose of trying to find out about his STD status. I played nice because I was scared to death since he didn't use protection. I still don't feel anything one way or the other about it. I'm curious to hear what he has to say about things - I'm sure he's going to claim that I asked for it. My atty said that the atty fees for Todd would potentially dip into any fund that I would be awarded. (I've told him repeatedly that I have no desire to settle this - I want it all out in court. I could care less about the money other than to donate it to some causes that I think could benefit.) So after the response is filed, it is discovery time (he said something about them requesting my medical records) and then depositions. Long day. Going to bed.
 
R.I.P. Alvin
05.12.07 (10:02 am)   [edit]
I'm so sad. I came downstairs yesterday afternoon to discover ALVIN, my beloved chipmunk, laying in my living room, dead. Sassy had caught him. This time she didn't let him go. Killer. Murderer. I know it's instinctual for her - and she's caught him on multiple occasions but always let him go unharmed. It's just not going to be the same without Alvin around. RIP Alvin.
 
Stood up - sorta
05.12.07 (9:19 am)   [edit]
My posterior has been dragging all week. I had committed to attend a jazz thingy at the fish tank last night with an individual. All day long, I was thinking I'd much much rather take a long bubble bath and crawl into bed. But at 5pm, I took a cold shower to try to revive myself, drank a large cup of coffee and got all girlified in a dress and heels and headed down to the fish tank. Traffic was bad b/c of the rain, so I called 'an individual' and left a vm letting him know I was probably going to be running a couple of minutes late. Traffic eased up and I ended up being at the place we agreed to meet on time. I waited. And waited. I called again and got voicemail - left a message saying that I was waiting by security. While waiting, some friends come through security. I join them inside for drinks and dancing. I notice later 'an individual' sends me a text saying he has a flat tire with a somewhat passive-aggressive tone that somehow because I didn't choose to drive down together with him, that the flat was MY fault. Um, ok. (I understand getting a flat can make someone irked.) However, when I was driving to the fish tank, didn't see a anyone on the side of the road with a flat. My friends speculate that there was no flat. He didn't answer my first two calls and then sends a text message? Seems fishy to me. I don't know if it qualifies as being stood up, but I was happy as a clam and the cold shower and coffee did the trick. Fate works in mysterious ways as always... Ended up having a spectacular time and was up waaay too late last night. He doesn't realize that he can be replaced too easily.
 
Drunk-Dialing (Sorta)
05.09.07 (1:03 pm)   [edit]
I think my horoscope probably warned me about phones yesterday. Between Comcast and my VOIP pointing fingers at each other... Between someone who doesn't seem to grasp the concept of calling once and waiting for the call to be returned. But the piece de la resistance... You've heard about people doing semi-nutty things while under the influence of Ambien? (You're nodding right?) I was sooo high-strung yesterday, I figured I'd pop some Ambien to sleep. After taking it (being 3 of them), called my dear friend Cat and had a lovely chat about work and girly things. Hung up. Then remembered something else to tell her in my (at that point) drugged-out state. But apparently I didn't call Cat. I called someone else next in line alphabetically. If you know me personally, you know that I will sometimes leave rambling messages on voicemail. I have no clue what I said in that 5 minute and 13 second message, however, that person left me a voicemail that, let's just say, I hope to God the incident is never mentioned again. I just went back to look at caller id. It's worse than I thought. I apparently had an extended 33 minute conversation with my friend Nic after I left the rambling voicemail. (Vaguely recall talking to him. I'm sure I was entertaining as hell.) Note to self: When taking Ambien, leave the phone in another room. Under a heavy piece of furniture. The theme song for this posting is "Call me when you're sober" by Evanescence
 
Leapin' Lizards
05.06.07 (2:40 pm)   [edit]
Yesterday I was feeling exhausted, so I decided to take a midday nap on the sofa. A few minutes later, Lulu the Wunderkat comes in from the back yard, making one of those odd cat-meows. My ears perk up because I'm familiar with that meow. It means she's brining me something. Usually it's one of her toys. But since she's coming from outside... She hops up on me before I get a chance to move and she drops a LIVE lizard on me. I scream and hop up. (I'm not freaked by lizards, but more from lizards live in my house!) Lizard (we'll call him Larry) goes running under the large console that my huge tv is on. (Translation: I can't reach Larry) Lulu leaves. She's done her part. So I spend the next 90 minutes trying to get Larry out so he can live a happy life outside. Unfortunately, Larry and I don't speak the same language (despite Shespecies recommendations). I had to abandon the search to get ready for the date last night. This morning, Lulu presented me with Larry again. RIP Larry
 
This is a first
05.06.07 (9:48 am)   [edit]
Let's recap how my calendar for Saturday night went through some changes. Beginning of the week, "the cyclist" had told me to keep Saturday night open for him. Then of course, he crashed and burned. So then my date on Friday asked if I'd like to do something Saturday night. Since I was now free, I said sure. Last night, I got an email in my myspace account from a guy we'll call "the pilot". He's passionate about diving. I'm always happy to talk to people that are into diving. He asked me if I'd like to get together Saturday night. I explained that I was already committed but this person was notoriously flakey and I might end up being available. So "the pilot" and I talked on the phone for a while. He says he's a corporate pilot for a large corporation. Also does aerobatic flying. (I've dated someone before that flew so it was cool but I think you guys know I'm not super-impressed by stuff like that.) Meanwhile, the flake bows out for the evening. So I tell "the pilot" that I'm free on VM but I tell him that I'm taking a nap and to call me after 5pm to firm things up. He didn't. He called back THREE times shortly thereafter. (Sign that limits aren't respected.) Still agreed to meet despite that and my hip is utterly killing. It's Cinco de Mayo remember, and he wants to meet at one of 'the hot spot' Mexican restaurants with a dj outside. Mad crazy. 90 minute wait for a table and so loud you couldn't talk without screaming. "The pilot" is somewhat vertically-challenged and ...(this is a first) is wearing a TOUPEE! (and a bad one at that!) Oh dear. It's going to be a long evening. I was getting a "I'm totally smitten with you" vibe. Too touchy. Too desperate. Trying too hard. Within 5 minutes, he's already inviting me on a weekend trip to Savannah for diving. I say that I don't go on trips with men I don't know well. Then he's talking about taking me to Nappa Valley, wanting to show me the sights. I was grilled, literally, with questions about why I haven't been in a long-term relationship in a while, why I've never lived with anyone, why I don't want children. All the while, he's trying to hold my hands, touch my face and my hair. My body language could not have been more obvious to "BACK OFF!" When we were (finally) seated, he tried to grab my foot and massage it. (I was tempted to drive my heel into his...) It was truly odd. Conversation was awkward at best but I thought if he got a little more comfortable, he wouldn't try to impress me so much (He's 'good friends' with Jay-Z and he flies an $85mil jet, was looking into buying a $850k home.) I asked him about his friends and what he did in his off-time since his schedule was so free-time rich. I asked who is best friends were and the only person he mentioned was a man that he spoke really negatively about. Other than working out, he couldn't come up with anything else that he does. He kept telling me how unique I was and how he could tell we were a good match. I'm sitting there with a dumb distant smile on my face. I was thinking that I'm glad I'm not a 'user' because if I was, this man could be utilized more than a condom dispenser in a whorehouse. We were seated in a booth for two - meaning one seat per person. Yet he came over and squeezed in with me. UGH. (I noticed that he wears contacts. I commented that I thought you had to have perfect vision to fly.) I told him that I take my time getting to know someone and that I wasn't physical or affectionate until I felt more comfortable. He tried several times to kiss me, but I turned my face and told him that I did not kiss on a first date. He was asking me what my plans were for Sunday and the rest of the week. I told him that I was busy during the week and I liked to take things slow. He wanted me to go out to a nightclub afterwards, but I was tired and needed to get out of there. He walked me to my car and again, tried to kiss me. I repeated again that I did not kiss on a first date. If this guy 86'd the toupee, wasn't so pushy and didn't try too hard, he might be someone fun to hang with. (Still not sure if he really flies the corp $85mil jet... $85mil? and the contacts...) Anyway, it was interesting to see my response to someone that was violating my boundaries. I'm usually a touchy person but he made me feel really shut down and uncomfortable.
 
The world is against me!
05.03.07 (5:04 pm)   [edit]
Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some smaller countries are neutral. - Robert Orben
 
Oh MY GOD
05.03.07 (11:07 am)   [edit]
Oh MY GOD. I got two emails from someone I didn't recognize a few days ago on Myspace. The first one was from a girl, and I use that term because she just turned 21 who said she really enjoyed reading my postings and thought we'd be fun to hang around with. Then I read the next email - which was sent a few days before. This was from a guy I used to date (briefly) about three years ago. He is married now to the 21 year old. He's approaching me because they want to hook up with me. I think not. I replied, after picking my jaw off the ground, that I am glad he's happily married and that although I'm flattered, I'm a one guy/one girl relationship kind of girl. Oh MY GOD!
 
Toast
05.03.07 (9:14 am)   [edit]
"The Cyclist" is ToAsT. The chemistry was not evolving when we were in person, in fact it was de-evolving. Then the odd email yesterday morning - it didn't even bother me. Made me realize that clearly it was time to move on. He didn't take that news too well. (Oh well!) Date tomorrow was already planned with someone else. However, I am free Saturday night now. LOL
 
HOT Prospect
05.02.07 (2:18 pm)   [edit]
I love when this happens... BIG appointment today with a prospect. Did my homework, had my Project Manager prepared ahead of time. Go into the appointment (ironically dressed as the naughty librarian) and the guy I'm presenting to is HOT HOT HOT. We chit chat for a few moments to develop rapport (and I learn he's single and moved here from Detroit in January and loves the city). Then I call the PM. Turns out the speaker phone didn't work in the conference room, so we had to use my cell phone's speaker phone and sit really close. How convenient! I was controlling the sales call and the PM would hop in from time to time. Meanwhile, hot prospect (in more ways than one), and I are staring at each other. You could cut the sexual tension in the room with an exacto knife. When the PM was done, I wrapped up the call with him. Hot Prospect offered to show me around their offices, commenting that he loved my perfume. I mentioned that I was heading down to the fish tank afterwards and he said he had never been there. Well, I'm going to fix that! LOL I told him I'd be more than happy to give him a personal tour of the place. If I get this deal, it's my quota for the next two months and major bonus points for bringing in such a prominent client.(Cha-ching!) If he asks if he call my cell phone to set up a visit to the fish tank with me later, that's just icing on the cake. ;)
 
Out of the Blue
05.02.07 (6:13 am)   [edit]
I got a most unusual email sent by that guy last night. Where this is coming from, I dunno... "I think you're feeling a lot more than just the rape issue. You need to consider if you are ready for this. That seems to be more to the point. Take a day or so to think about it. We can just do dinner Saturday...dinner only and talk. Like you I want to know what I'm looking at and its true potential. I would hate to start something and have it lead to a situation where damage was done due to a past incident. That would bother me a lot. So take a day or two, lets talk maybe Thursday night after I get home from my meeting." Things between this guy and I have gotten intense fairly quickly while we are both keeping our feet on the ground (and my panties on, for the record!). But there seems to be a sense of disconnect for me between the person I have the long phone conversations with and the person I spend time with in person. The connection isn't quite as strong. Funny thing is, I'm not upset by this email at all. What that means, I dunno.
 

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