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| It's been awhile... |
| 03.28.07 (2:44 pm) [edit] |
| I haven't updated because I've been recuperating from the car accident. It's taking a lot longer than I expected. Doctor has switched anti-inflamatories and muscle relaxants (which I don't like) as well as moving to a physical therapy place that is more suited to take care of me. (They are more holistic and Pilates-based - which I dig.) Here's the bomb I've been having to keep from writing about for a very long time... Yesterday, my attorney filed a civil suit against Todd for the rape. It will be two years in May. I'm anxious about him coming after me when he gets served since he has exhibited such a temper before. I've done a lot of soul-searching and work in counseling to make sure that my motivations were proper. * The DA chose not to pursue criminal charges. Unless Todd rapes again in my county, there is a strong likelihood that my complaint will never show up. Filing suit creates a public record, a paper trail. * Perhaps it will also discourage him from doing this again. I was lucky to live through it. Todd's always been rather money-motivated, so perhaps this will catch his attention. * I don't expect to get any sense of closure or healing from it. That has been coming from within and thanks to the support of some amazing friends (and a great therapist). I'm very aware that this could actually stir things up a lot for me. But I'm ready for it. * I'm not motivated by doing this for revenge or anger. I'm above that. I've worked through all of the emotional gamut that follows rape. * I'm not doing this for the money because I don't want anything from him - anything I am awarded will be donated to my local rape crisis center. So now, I sit and wait. Sort of. A guy friend is squatting at my place and I have a couple of other places I can crash if I need to until we hear that he has gotten an attorney. I don't feel any anxiety about this. I feel committed and confident that I'm doing the right thing. It was really difficult to read the complaint before it was filed. I couldn't understand why the upswelling of emotions came up then - but after a lot of reflecting, I got it. (I'm really introspective nowadays.) To read the account of what happened from a 3rd party, seeing it in print, was an unpleasant experience. I took care of myself, called a friend and talked. Felt better afterwards. My therapist says that I've done an amazing job of reframing things and taking my life back. (Granted, it wasn't exactly in great shape beforehand!) I can't believe it has been almost two years. It seems like a lifetime ago. I'm amazed at how much I've changed (physically and every other way) since then. It hasn't been easy by any means. I learned so much about myself. It also was one of those life experiences where your real friends step up. The rest have been discarded. I don't need them in my life. I truly believe that I've taken a horrible horrible experience and turned it around. They say that which doesn't kill us, makes us stronger, right? |
| Crazier than I Thought! |
| 03.13.07 (5:03 pm) [edit] |
| We'll see how quickly I get through this post as I'm at the library shifting between reading emails and typing... Went back to work yesterday for a 1/2 day. I was dying - shoulder/neck spasming like crazy. Even crazier was that I WANTED to go back. I was going nuts at home. I go back to 876 emails. (No exaggeration.) I start deleting as many as I can that are irrelevant. Reading the crap that I was cc'd on. My boss comes in around 11am - I sent an email to him around 9am advising that I'd be doing a 1/2 day and my Physical Therapy schedule this week. He comes in and is rather...um, shall we say distant? My Diva sense told me something was up. There was a flurry of emails about an account I inherited that was f'd up before I got it. Before the car accident, I had sent the client an email advising her that we'd have to reschedule some events because they hadn't paid us for previous stuff. (My boss had screwed things up earlier.) Apparently the client didn't read that part of the email and problems ensued. He IM's me (with the door to his office shut) to come in to catch up. I go in, to be blindsided that it was a meeting with him and the president of the company. (I was right.) He tells me that he's glad I'm okay from the accident and we needed to clear up some "communication issues". (Fortunately I had taken some Flexaril shortly beforehand so I was mello as Jello.) I was blamed for not calling him while I was in the ER to tell him I was going to be out that day. (Seriously.) A text message was sent to him the morning after the car accident from the ER saying I was hurt and wouldn't be in (at 7am). I called when I got out of the ER (doped up on a Demerol shot) at 4:30 pm. I called him and got his vm. Left a message and talked to another coworker. She said he didn't get the text. Then I was blamed for not staying in communication with the office. (Um, I was doped up and throwing up and sleeping the majority of the time I was out. I left him detailed instructions about following up on things with him.) I called several times during the two weeks I was out and left numerous vm's updating him and asking him to follow up on things as well as times that were best to reach me b/w dr appts, etc. Did he call me once? Nope. I changed my cell phone number in early November. I gave it to him. Dumbass that he is, he didn't recall that. He said he tried to call me many times and got a number of 'strange people'. He was calling my old number. Now, the office has a major big-brother phone system that can pull up any conversation you've had in six months and listen to it. Including phone numbers. Did he bother to be intelligent enough to look? Nope. Then they show me my resume on Monster.com. Yes, it's been updated. They said I was apparently well enough to be doing my resuming and posting it online. (I had supplied the HR chick with the dr's note already.) They said I should tell them if I was planning on looking for another job. (I was laughing hysterically on the inside. This state is a "right to work state" meaning they can fire my ass whenever they want without any notice or severance. Like I would give them that courtesy? Maybe if they weren't such asses...) The president asked me why I was looking for another job. I told her that I had updated my resume because I had no idea what was going on at the company - I'm in a sales position and it's mid-March and we've yet to receive our compensation plan - or a commission check. Keep getting a song and dance about how it will completed "tomorrow" - and this has been going on since DECEMBER! I told her that I'm in sales. I'm motivated by money. I couldn't continue to lollygag around waiting to find out how my finances were going to evolve. She said that was 'irrelevant'. I replied to her that my mortgage company would disagree. Then they gave me a two page written notice detailing ridiculous stuff and told me I had to sign it. I am being warned... I provided the president with a printout from my cell phone provider detailing the 8 minute conversation where my boss called me on my new cell phone number in November. (Proving I gave it to him.) I also provided proof about the account that they said I never emailed showing I sent it. And I called in sick this morning. I wholly expect to be fired this week. Do I care? Uh, no. They were paying me about equal to what I'd make on unemployment. *Although I'm already getting job nibbles. Have a nice day. |
| Gang Bang |
| 03.05.07 (2:00 pm) [edit] |
| Thanks for everyone's get well wishes. I'm bored as hell. Have some amusing tales to post but takes too darn long typing with one hand. And I have to go to PT in a few mins. I am catching up on watching movies - saw "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" the other day. A friend thought I said "Kiss Kiss Gang Bang". Uh, no. |
| Under the Influence |
| 03.02.07 (11:25 am) [edit] |
| I'm alive. Sorta. Bad car accident. Some guy turned in front of me and I T-boned him going about 40mph. Thankfully, he's fine and he was ticketed for failure to yield. Been out of work for a while. Bored out of my mind. Not digging this whole invalid thing. I can't use my left arm at all. Pain meds, which I hate taking, give me horrible stomach cramps and 'the runs', so I'm not taking them. Hot Stud has been playing nurse and being an utter sweetie. No, he's not caring for me in a loincloth, but he's still a welcome sight. The other day, he filled up a bunch of pots with soil so I could start my garden seeds. I was so doped up, I didn't mark what was what. So I have about 50 pots of everything from three varieties of tomatoes, to herbs, cukes, peppers, and a ton of annuals and not a clue what they are. I'll have to wait to see when they sprout. Gardening under the influence is not a good thing. "The crush" has failed miserably and although I had already written him off, this incident sealed the deal. He didn't even bother to call me for almost a week after it happened and when he did, he didn't even ask how I was or ask if I needed anything. He just wanted to know if I had any good pain meds. Sitting up hurts. Need to recline and drug up again. That's it. |
by Redonthehead