Went to see "Thanks for Smoking" with he who I haven't formed an impression about. Movie was funny. He was nice but no chemistry and he didn't even offer to walk me to my car - dark, not so safe area.

Then I had plans to have a late dinner with the Hot Stud. Ended up over at his place. Played with his dog and cat (sooo cute!) and he fed me sliced mango and kiwi. Yum. (Referring both to the fruit and him.) Smooched a bit, he did that growling thing again - I don't know what it is but when he does it, my knees quiver. He had just gotten out of the shower (well, not JUST because he was dressed) but his hair was wet. And playing with wet hair just isn't as fun. Nonetheless total gentleman - and he walked me to my car. Still in a conundrum about him.

Talked to the Chief Investigator with the DA's office yesterday. Some developments. Will post later - have a busy day.

BTW, the toes were painted a deep red, but no one enjoyed seeing them up close.

I'm overdoing it and it's really getting to me. When I look at what little I'm doing in actuality on a day-to-day basis, it's ridiculous. But I did NOTHING this weekend. I went to the library. I forced myself to go to the gym. I was exhausted the entire time. I didn't even go get the mail a couple of days because I was too physically tired to walk to the mailbox.

Now that the depression has lifted, the symptoms of Chronic Fatigue are even more evident. It's not a "yawn, I'm so tired sort of tired", but it feels like I've been working hard for days upon days. There are times when I can't even open a Tupperware container. 

I feel guilty. My yard is an embarrassment. My house is a disaster. There's so much that I need to do, but I just can't do it. I push myself to get things done and overdo stuff. Then I get the backlash where I'm incapacitated. Feast or famine.

Anyone have a magic wand to make me better?

Hot Stud called last night, apologized for not calling me Thursday when we were supposed to get together... (I was sorta relieved he didn't call - hated to be the one to always cancel.) Said he had a horrific day. Wants to reschedule for sometime next week. Gotten the hair done, maybe I'll be inspired to get girl-i-fied for him?

I have tix to a movie screening Tues night. Supposed to go with someone else and catch dinner/drinks. Haven't formed an opinion on him yet - hence no nickname. Imagine - me walking away from a date without forming any sort of impression. (Hence I didn't blog about it...)

The VIP party for the event I'm working on is growing to be even more of a male minefield of exes, dates, and prospects by the week. One guy is a film-maker and volunteered to take candid shots during the weekend. There's a little bit of flirting going on. Then there's another guy who is a real commercial photographer that is doing work in trade for attending the event and getting introduced to some folks he's been dying to meet. And then, Hot Stud will be there too. (Not to mention a couple of other guys I've dated that have resorted to friend status...) I have a feeling there will be an interesting post after the event recapping things...

It's damn cold outside. Debating if I want to go out to the gym or hibernate. It's actually warmer in Montana than it is here. (And of course, I've packed away my flannel jammies and sheets already...) 

People that get on an elevator to go up/down one level piss me off. Unless you're wearing stillettos. And inevitably, they are wearing perfume that will suffocate all of us long after they leave the elevator.

I have a headache. I am cranky and sleep-deprived.
Can someone research whether lack of sleep is a legal defense for temporary insanity for

a) ripping out the vocal cords of the yappy Pomeranian next door

b) telling a businessperson that I'm dealing with to go stick his head in a wood chipper.

Wait. If I mention it, it's premeditated right? So I'm typing this in invisible ink so that only people with special powers can see it. I'm listening to the voices in my head. They like pink invisible ink.

As you may or may not have known, I've been undergoing experimental treatment for depression called TMS (Transmagnetic Stimulation) for the past 6 weeks. Today was my last treatment. It's been incredible - how without medication - I've emerged from that awful depression that has been hanging over me for so long.

I've responded so well that they have offered me another 3 weeks of treatments. The treatment is free and there are no side-effects, so I think I'm going to go ahead with it.

I went into the study quite skeptical - there was a chance I was getting the sham treatment - but within 10 days, I was starting to see a gradual lifting of the depression. Fewer anxiety attacks, and I was able to 'deal with the punches' of some stuff that, in the past, would have completely sent me over the edge. I still feel sort of numb, but I recognize some of my old self coming back (which may or may not be a good thing! LOL)

The big question I have now - is how long does this last? The doctors tell me that it could be indefinitely - potentially even for the rest of my life. Or I might choose to sustain the effect with some low-level anti-depressants later. TMS is being evaluated by the FDA as well as other countries in Europe and the results have been quite impressive. The doctors said that this study was going to continue for another 3 years and then the FDA would be evaluating it.  It just blows my mind that a non-pharmacological treatment, that has no side-effects and fairly rapidly turns around the symptoms of depression, why the FDA fast-tracks some medications (that end up doing more harm than good) when there are treatments out there that don't create quite the sensation...

Anyway - there are studies of TMS going on all across the country. So if you know of someone that is dealing with depression or bipolar disorder and haven't responded to treatment, you might want to encourage them to investigate TMS.

The End.

Oh get your mind out of the gutter, that's not what this post is about...

 This afternoon, I was enjoying the spring weather and the wonderful pharmacological invention called Zyrtec as I was thinning out my tomato seedlings. Alas, when I moved a pot, I thought I saw a worm. So I tried to grab it to put it back in the pot... But that little critter was fast! Then I got another glance at it and I thought "that's not a worm!" I thought it was a baby snake.

But I was curious. So I kept searching and found it. It was a baby lizard, about 2 1/2 inches long. It took a little while but I finally caught it. I thought it would be a nice show and tell for the kitties. I had it cupped in my hands. I kept calling for the cats to come over. Lulu did but she was totally uninterested in the lizard, she wanted me to pet her. Sassy wouldn't even come over - she was the one that would have been intrigued by it.

Anyhoo, Leopold the lizard went on his merry way after starting to crawl up the sleeve of my shirt! I jumped and yanked off my shirt. (I was in a sports bra you pervs!). He was quite well-behaved otherwise. He had a really pretty opalescent glimmery sheen to him.

hen I sat in my lounge chair because I was totally zonked, started reading the book "In the company of a Courtesan" and fell asleep. My neck absolutely kills now. I tried a long hot shower but it didn't work...

Speaking of my neck hurting... I spoke to the hot stud yesterday (he owns a national massage therapy company). He's tied up this weekend with a big gig with a pharmaceutical company but wants to get together next week. I opted not to tell him about the dream of him, me and Britney Spears...

I am working on producing a local event here in town. Dealing with a lot of restaurants. Got a call today from a very sweet gentleman with a very heavy accent. Trying to figure out what he was saying required a lot more brain activity than I could devote.

He kept asking me a question. I had to ask him to repeat it about 10 times. (not exaggerating) I kept telling him that I couldn't understand him. He kept saying he had bad reception (uh, no, that wasn't  the problem!)

I thought I had finally deciphered what he was asking - if he could serve omlettes.
I said "Sure, you can serve whatever food items you want, including omlettes."

Long pause followed.... (imagine crickets chirping)

He replied - I was asking about electical OUTLETS.
Opps!

I haven't seen my mother since before Thanksgiving (that I can recall), it might even be longer. She lives 10 mins away. I've told her repeatedly on the phone that I need some space but she has pushed and pushed nonetheless. Calling left and right. I haven't returned the calls. Writing me. I haven't responded except once - with a reply begging her to please back off, that I need space and ask for her to not contact me for a while because I'm working some stuff out. Did she listen? Of course not.

She came over and let herself in my home, uninvited. I didn't see her (I was upstairs in my office) but I was quite emphatically telling her to get the hell out of my house or I was calling the police. (That was mid-December). I also demanded that she return my key and my 2nd garage door opener (repeatedly). Still the calls continue on a weekly if not more basis. And I don't return them. She sent a letter mid-February and I sent it back.

Last week, she left a message saying she had a new umbrella for my back porch and it was 'urgent' that she get it to me. (Right, urgent...) I didn't reply.

She called again this afternoon and came over. (I didn't answer the phone or the door.)

I'm sending her one final letter telling her that if she attempts to contact me again in any shape form or fashion, that I will be requesting a temporary restraining order against her. It sounds horrible and harsh - but I don't know how else to make my point to her. Had she backed off and let me have some space and returned my stuff, it would have signaled to me that she was willing to respect some boundaries and perhaps there was hope. Instead, to hell with whatever I need, she has her own agenda and knows what's best for me - even though she doesn't have a clue what has been going on. It's sad. Really sad because I feel like shit and the bad guy for having to do this, but interacting with her causes so much more chaos... I'm still struggling and need as little disruption in my life as possible.

Over the past couple of weeks, I've been feeling rather betrayed by someone that I respected, loved and thought was my friend. Some say I'm loyal to a fault, but I've been in a state of disbelief and shock to even conceive that this person that I thought was the epitome of integrity and honorability, could have the capacity to do what this person has done (and not done). It is completely contradictory to everything in my being that I've known and witnessed in this person that is anything but a loser.

I thought that dealing with the rape was the hardest thing I've had to encounter - because Todd was someone I had known for 8 months and considered someone trustworthy - someone that wouldn't drug and rape me. But my judgment was wrong - it's caused me to doubt my own feelings and instincts.

Now, this individual, this person I've thought was my friend - a very good friend - won't even step up and be honest. It's caused me to doubt myself and my own judgment even further. I know in my heart that there is a lot more to the situation than I'm aware of - and, tenacious as I am, I'm not giving up quite so easily. It doesn't make sense - if this individual would offer an explanation (where I knew it was truly this individual speaking) , then I could make sense of it and begin to heal from the hurt.

But until then, I refuse to - I sit here with an open wound, waiting for closure.

True friends stab you in the front. Oscar Wilde

I met the VP of marketing of a major retailer last night to get some $ for the event I'm working on. Their target customer is a perfect match. He was in town until today, so I met him in a quiet upscale bar/restaurant. Have communicated primarily via email but had a couple of short convos leading up to the meeting.

Seated at a table. Waitress asks what I'd like to drink - I say a Pellegrino. He says... "How am I supposed to get you in bed if you're not drinking?"

I debated - I could get up and leave or just ignore it. I chose the latter. Kept the conversation on the event and his company's goals for the Atlanta market. He was non-commmittal about the sponsorship $. (If I see a dime, I'd be shocked.)

But I told the Valet when I was leaving that he would be paying my $12 parking fee.

My peach tree has been in desperate need of a cutting back because some of the branches are growing under the gutter (on the 2nd story). Several people have volunteered to help out since last time I ended up falling off the 12 ft ladder, bouncing and ending up in the ER.

Of course, every one of my volunteers bailed. (Am I shocked? No - rather typical)

So I climbed up the ladder myself. And up into the branches. I had apparently tapped into my inner monkey. As I was holding on with one arm to a branch and using the pruning hacker thingsy with the other, a yellow jacket buzzed me. And in dodging him, I lost my balance.

Gravity still works. I landed, rather ungracefully, on my left shoulder. Heard a not-good sound. Fortunately the sharp blade only scraped my stomach. The cats came over, eventually, to investigate. I can't move my shoulder/arm. Ouch is an understatement. Head hurts like a mutha. I hit it on one of the bricks that border the bed of the peach tree. Thrown up a couple of times. (Guessing that's not a good sign). I am NOT going to the ER. I don't care of blood is coming out of my ears. That place was a nightmare.

Light from 'puter hurting my eyes. Going to go lay down for a while. I'll watch Grease. That always makes me feel better.

To quote Gloria Gaynor, I will survive. And whoever said, what goes up must come down.

I'm looking for someone to do an exorcism of this tree. It's whack.

I saw an 'at home pregnancy test' at the Dollar Store today... Would anyone seriously trust the result of one of those?

Gotcha with the title of this posting, didn't I? LOL

Someone came to my blog doing a search on Ask.com for the following:

"How far from toilet toothbrush not to spread germs"

HUH?