Some seriously strange google searches have brought people to my site in the past three days:

Dorthy Hamil Invocation
(I had a Dorthy Hamil haircut when I was 10...It seriously traumatized me as a kid and I've been trying to grow it out ever since.)

Scuba + bondage
(Sounds rather dangerous.)

Worst breakups
(I haven't really been involved with anyone since blogging that would constitute a relationship - henceforth no breakups.)

Workout + plan
(uh, ok)

lunesta + expensive
(huh?)

Porn + scuba diving
(I guess their version of a 'wetsuit' is a little different than the one I wear)

Her masseuse
(I wish I had a private masseusse)

Friends with a married man
(Yes, I have many friends that are married)

Nude tortured frat boy
(LMAO - although I think most frat boys deserve to be tortured, no clue how I came up on this search)

scuba sex pics
(I don't think so stud!)

studs in loincloths
(I admit to making statements like that!)

Skating pussy pics
(LMAO)

sexy panty drawer
(um, ok)

blog blow job
(Usually I am referring to a hurricane when I say blow job)

 1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
It's too early - haven't looked in the mirror yet.

2. How much cash do you have on you?
$3 plus couple bucks in cash and technically, it's not on me, it's in my purse.

3. What's a word that rhymes with "DOOR"?
Store

4. Favorite planet?
Pluto because some say it's not really a planet.

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your mobile?
Dan

6. What is your favorite ring on your phone?
Copacabana... Tainted Love...

7. What shirt are you wearing?
About to hit the gym - red sweatshirt, white tshirt, black yoga pants.

8. What do you "label" yourself as?
I could never whittle it down to just a few words.

9. Name the brand of shoes you're currently wearing?
New Balance. Extra wide to accommodate my ankle brace.

10. Bright or Dark room?
Dark. But not completely dark.

11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
She's my rock.

12. What is one household chore that you really don't mind doing (you don't have to LIKE it, but you do it willingly)?
Laundry.

13. What were you doing at midnight last night?
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZz 

14. What did your last text message you received on your mobile say?
"Your tmobile bill is past due." LOL

15. Where is your letter box?
Letter box? What the hell is a letter box?

16. What's a word that you say a lot?
Is "uber" a word? (It's Dan's fault)

17.Who told you he/she loved you last?
I dunno. I don't hear it a lot.

18. Last furry thing you touched?
Lulu or Sassy.

19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days?
Klonopin, Aleve, baby aspirin.

20. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed?
Zilch. Digital camera.

21. Favorite age you have been so far?
Mid-twenties were fun. Late-twenties were fun too.

22. Your worst enemy?
Someone that doesn't have the balls to be honest.

23. What is your current desktop picture?
Picture of the water off Playa del Carmen.

24. What was the last thing you said to someone?
Does saying it on VM count? "I said I wish I could give you a hug right now."

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be?
I'll take the money. Then I can have plenty of frequent flier miles.

26. Do you like someone?
I like lots of people. But romantically? Nope.

27. The last song you listened to?
Beautiful Wreck - Shawn Mullins (very sweet home-town boy!)

28. If the last person you spoke to was getting shot at, would you jump in front of the bullet?
No, because it was some ass trying to negotiate a cheaper rate for the festival. I'd definitely step out of the way.

29. If you could punch 1 person in your life right now, who would it be?
I'm going to take the 5th.

30. What is the closest object to your left foot? 
My MP3 player. It's charging.

31. What does your MySpace quote mean?
I have a quote?

32. Elaborate on your default photo:
Its me being my scuba self.

33. How many comments do you have?
Ooodles

34. What's your current relationship status?
LMAO right. Me in a relationship! That's funny.

35. What exactly are you wearing right now?
(Haven't we already covered this?)

36. What is your current problem?
Let's not go there. 

37. What do you love most?
My inner circle of friends, my cats, homegrown tomatoes, shopping, sunny days, 84degree water with 100+ft vis.

38. What makes you most happy?
Number 37

39. Are you musically inclined?
I don't have a musical bone in my body.

40. What would you do if you woke up one morning and found out you were on cocaine?
That's just dumb.

41. If you could go back in time, and change something, what would it be?
May 11, 2005 I'll leave it at that.

42. If you MUST be an animal for ONE day, what would you be?
A dolphin.

43. Ever have a near death experience?
Maybe.

44. Name an obvious quality you have?
Wit.

45. What's the name of the song that's stuck in your head right now?
Nothing at the moment.

46. Are you happy today?
Not particularly. Lots of s**t going on right now that I'm confuzzled about.

47. Who will cut and paste this to first?
Dunno.

48. Name someone with the same birthday as you:
Several of Katherine's exgf's. Celebrity-wise: Cal Ripkin, Jr. Yasser Arafat. Steve Guttenberg. (Not quite anything to brag about)

49. Do you have a secret crush on someone?
Nope.

50. Do you have a garbage disposal in your kitchen sink?
Yep - that was installed by a most kind individual. And it's still working wonderfully. (Thanks Sam!)

51. Have you ever been in a fight?
Nope. I believe that my only-childness deprived me of learning how to fight.

52. Have you ever sang in front of a large audience?
I sang at the Grand Ole Opry when I was 13 - big mistake.

53. What's the first thing you notice about the OPPOSITE sex:
Their intelligence/wit. Physically - hands.

54. Whats your biggest mistake?
Trusting people that didn't deserve to lick my cat's litterbox.

55. Say something totally random about you?
My toes are cold.

56. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
Not that I'm aware of.

57. Are you comfortable with your height?
I'm ok but another couple of inches wouldn't hurt.

58. What is the most romantic thing someone has ever done for you?
Rented "Lady and the Tramp" and cooked spaghetti. (I was 18, it was sweet)

59. What is your favorite smell?
Recently showered skin.

60. What's something that really annoys you?
People that don't have the balls to be honest with you.

61. What's something you really like?
Vacations to tropical locations.

62. Do you give random hugs and kisses?
I'm a huggy touchy kinda person.

63. What's the latest you have ever stayed up?
Oh to be young and in college full time and working full time and doing an overnight radio show. Anyone remember Smart Drinks? LOL

64. Have you ever been rushed to the emergency room?
Several times. I hate ER's. 

Really really tired. Had a meet n' greet not really a date but it involved a dude. And then I saw "P" again.

 Will spill the beans later. Must. Get. Sleep.

I should be working on my taxes but noooooooo. How bored am I? I watched a documentary about turtle sex. Seriously.

Watching the boy turtle mount the poor female turtle and seeing him crane his neck out and make turtle grunting noises. Now that I've seen a turtle climax on public television, I'm not sure if I'm going to be continuing to support PBS considering they are showing turtle porn.

This is from MSN. Made me laugh my posterior off. I bet whoever sent this in is bright red...

Q: I have been encountering "nbsp" in profiles on dating Web sites. People say they are "into nbsp." I'm not sure what they mean. Can you help me?

A: Nude Bondage, Slapping and Piercing? Nummy Bananas with Syrup and Pancakes? Alas, "NBSP" isn't sex-related. The letters, computer code meaning "non-breaking space," are used to prevent a line of text from breaking. Sometimes the code winds up on screen. Of course, if somebody out there knows of some obscure "NBSP" subculture, let us know. (Nancy Boys in Shiny PVC?)

Hee hee. Happy Friday.

For the past several weeks, I've repeatedly advised the mother that I just can't deal with her right now. That although she means well, she only causes more stress and I need a break from her. But apparently this isn't very clear to her.

So after every time I tell her that, she sends a long martyr-ridden letter about how she wants to help me and that she doesn't understand why I won't let her help. (Apparently, she doesn't think that her guilt letters don't aggravate and stress me out more.)

Then she calls. Repeatedly. I don't answer. She makes up ridiculous reasons for her urgently seeing me - about signing a letter that she had already dated and she wanted to postmark to match the date on the letter. (It was a f'ing birthday card to my cousin that I haven't seen in 3+ years or spoken to in more than a year.) She was acting like this was a matter of life or death.

Then she called again yesterday saying that she was worried that I was laying dead at the foot of my stairs because I haven't returned her calls. (She loves to use this one) That she was coming over to check on me.

I left a note on the door telling her that I appreciated her concern but again, that I needed a break from her, that I had more stress than I could handle right now and that because she was incapable or unwilling to respect boundaries in our relationship, that I was unable to interact with her. That I knew she truly meant the best for me, but the best thing she could do for me right now was to leave me alone.

She didn't come over yesterday but she called again this morning. This voicemail again said that she was afraid the cats were starving because I had fallen down the stairs and was dead. (Perhaps I should tell her that if I do fall down the stairs and die, that I will call her immediately or train the cats to speed dial her?)

She showed up a few minutes ago and first did a drive-by. Then she checks my mailbox. Then she goes to the front door where the note to her is taped, she takes it and drives off.

I feel horrible about it. (She's told me I'm behaving selfishly on more than one occasion because I won't let her help me out.) But she knows nothing about the rape and the other stuff. She just thinks that the stress is related to my Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and dealing with the medical maze and financial stress... I'm an only child and she's said (numerous times) that I'm the sole reason for her existence. She doesn't get that I'm an adult and as much as there are times that I need help, I would never reach out to her because there are always strings and she takes over. (That old saying of give her an inch and she'll take a mile.) I need harmony and peace. There's not enough Klonopin for me to cope with her right now.

Even Shespecies have volunteered to call her and tell her to give me some space. Sweet gesture but my mother wouldn't get it and she only hears what she wants to.

I'm betting that I will be getting yet another letter from her in the mail on Tuesday...

Thursday, I decided to run into Big Lots to pick up a card to send to April (aka Krazedone, etc). The parking lot was rather crowded, but I saw a guy putting his stuff into his car, so I stopped, put on my left turn signal and waited.

 (As an interesting side note, scientific studies have shown that people take longer to pull out of a parking space if they know someone is waiting for it!)

And, this dude was taking his time. There were four cars behind me, and three passed me on my left to continue on their merry way. But car #4 pulled up beside me, positioning itself as if I was not there, to pull into the spot. I'm sitting there thinking "Are you a complete idiot? Totally blind?" I try to catch her attention by waving and a quick beep to indicate that I'm sitting there with the turn signal on for that spot but she ignores me.

The dude FINALLY pulls out and does it so that I can pull right into the spot. I grab my umbrella, purse and head into the store, not giving Ms. Clueless a second thought.

As I'm perusing the cards, I'm accosted by this 60+ish woman that says "Lady, you must think you're something else!"

I turned around, smiled, and said, "Why yes, my mother is quite proud of me."

So Ms. Not only Clueless but also Bitter and Rude then says "I was waiting for that parking spot and you STOLE it from me!"

I gently reminded her that I had been waiting for it, that she pulled between me and the spot despite my turn signal on.

Then Ms. Not only Clueless but also Bitter, Rude and dressed in cheap polyester said "You're a liar and you're going to get what's coming to you!"

I thanked her for the well-wishes and told her that I wished the same of her.

Then another woman came up and said to Ms. Not only Clueless but also Bitter, Rude and dressed in cheap polyester with a really bad purse, "This young lady was waiting for that spot long before you, I was in front of you and passed her because I saw her signaling for the spot."

That pissed off Ms. Not only Clueless but also Bitter, Rude and dressed in cheap polyester with a really bad purse and bad dye job even more. But she fumed off.

(Meanwhile, I had found a really cute card for April and decided to look around the place a bit more.)

And Ms. Not only Clueless but also Bitter, Rude and dressed in cheap polyester with a really bad purse and bad dye job and apparently psychotic started following me around the store with her shopping cart, saying shit about how I'm rude, blah blah blah.

My Southern decorum had reached its limits. I was beginning to think this woman resembled someone that you might see on Jerry Springer but I wanted her to back off.

So I reached in my purse and got my cell phone. Opened it up, turned on the camera feature, turned around and started snapping pictures of her.

She screamed "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

I told her that I wanted to remember this moment for posterity because I had never encounter such a bitter nutcase that couldn't admit she was wrong and I imagined she had a string of ex-husbands that she had driven to shoot themselves or driven them batty. (And I said it calmly with a smile)

She turned around and walked off.

Did I mention she was a Yankee?

Heard back from the Chief Investigator at the DA's office... Won't go into details but it appears like I have finally gotten someone's attention in the matter.

I'm not getting my hopes up about things because I just can't afford to be let down further. So anything that happens when you have zero expectations is a pleasant surprise.

So, please keep the positive thoughts that Todd might actually (finally) face the consequences of his actions. I'd really like to think that this will cause some sleepless nights and stress and expense for him. I know it will pale in comparison, but I'm still waiting for karma to even things up.

And as an interesting side note: today, Georgia passed the strictest sex offender law in the country.

Goundhog Day. My favorite holiday. Silly-sounding I know, but I have a long list of reasons:

1) No greeting cards or gifts are required.

2) No flowers or candy.

3) No family gatherings.

4) No holiday-themed sweets - but give them time, I'm sure they'll have GroundHog Marshmallow Peeps eventually.

5) No pressures to have a date or be romantic.

6) No company parties.

7) The banks are open and there's mail delivery.

8) No fireworks to drive my cats nutty.

9) No religous ceremonies.

10)  No Ground Hog Day songs or tv specials.

Have any others that I missed?

So, in summary, Happy GroundHog's Day!