Ironically, I got a call from the DA's Chief Investigator yesterday... Spoke to him at length today. Was quite shocked to hear from him out of the blue after months and months... Discussing criminal charges. Investigator was kind of an ass about why I didn't go to the hospital immediately - I explained to him that I was drugged and in a fog for several days afterward and the impact of what happened didn't hit me immediately - but as soon as it did, I was on the phone to my doctor.

Meeting with the civil atty's went well. They were quite nice and I felt very comfortable in the meeting. They said that since the criminal aspect of things is apparently not officially DOA, that I'm better off resolving that. Then I can decide if I want to pursue things civilally.

Tomorrow I'm meeting with civil attornies about pursuing the case against Todd, the guy who drugged and raped me. I've printed out emails, IM conversations leading up to it as well as interactions with some people on a message board about the experience. I initially contacted an atty in September but she hasn't exactly been responsive. The Rape Crisis Center gave me another firm and this firm seems more on the ball.

I'm not nervous about spilling the beans on everything - to this day, I have yet to tell anyone the details of it. I wish I wasn't going alone though.  My biggest fear is that they are going to not take the case. I'm not out for blood - I don't even care about the money - it'd be great to get reimbursed my my medical bills (in excess of $20,000 now) and counseling (I don't even know how much that is). If there was some sort of settlement or judgment, I wouldn't want his money - I would want to donate it to the Crisis Center or use it to get county policy changed in regard to how women that report sexual assault are handled.

This is a re-run, but since we have so many newbies, I thought I'd repost it to acquaint myself with folks.

[b]1. I'm a native Atlantan.
2. I'm an only child.
3. I placed 3rd in jr. regionals in figure skating when I was 11.
4. I won my school's spelling bee 3rd - 7th grade.
5. I interned for a republican congressman in DC (NO Monical Lewinsky jokes - but I wore a beret back then too!)
6. In high school, I was ranked one of the top debaters in my state 10-12th grade.
7. I was the first girl to join Key Club in my high school. The next year, 30 girls applied.
8. I had a dog named Daphne growing up. I named her after the character from Scooby Doo. I thought she was beautiful.
9. I had a MAD crush on Speed Racer and Donny Osmond.
10. I broke my arm falling off a bike when I was 12 - my mom didn�t think it was broken for 3 days. (MAJOR GUILT! LOL)
11. I met Henry Winkler as a kid. (The Fonz was SO dreamy back then)
12. I performed at the Grand Ole Opry when I was 13.
13. I met Tom Wopat that day too. (I'd rather have met John Schneider, but who can be picky when it comes to the Dukes of Hazard?)
14. I was hit by 2 drunk drivers within 12 hours when I was 19.
15. I was hit by a wrong-way hit/run (assuming) drunk driver 2 years ago that totaled my car.
16. My first college roomie went home after 3 weeks b/c she was homesick.
17. My 2nd college roomie was the daughter of the Minister of Treasury for Panama and was a MEGA coke dealer.
18. I have a brown thumb, but I still keep trying. A plant entering my home has a death sentence.
19. I was a finalist for a reality-tv show.
20. I have 34 purses total. Including 11 black ones. (Why???)
21. I have over 200 pairs of shoes, organized by season, color, heel height and occasion. They are in color-coded and labeled in plastic boxes.
22. My shirts are organized by color, sleeve length, occasion and season.
23. I have perfectly straight teeth - never wore braces. Instead, my mother had braces and I was soooo jealous!
24. My mom is an interior decorator to the ridiculously wealthy. (Ask me about some of the stories  they will crack you up!)
25. I didn't speak to my father from the time I was 13 - 21 and again for the past 8 years.
26. He's a headhunter/executive recruiter.
27. I am a recovered diet coke head. I'd do a 12pk a day. Coke stock is down significantly since I stopped.
28. I've NEVER consumed a Pepsi product. (It's an Atlanta thing.)
29. I've never seen an episode of Cheers, Seinfeld, Star Trek or Alias.
30. I have a MAD crush on Ty Pennington from Trading Spaces and Extreme Home Makeover. (I wonder if it's just b/c he could do me AND home repairs?)
31. I�ve never been married.
32. Never even considered it.
33. I can't imagine the concept of having to share closet space.
34. Never lived with a man (except a male roommate briefly)
35. And I kicked his ass out after 3 months b/c he was a SLOB. (Another series of funny stories there if you want to learn)
36. I have no kids and have no desire to spawn.
37. Couldn't even if I wanted to.
38. I used to be the queen of LDR�s. (Long Distance Relationships) Miami, Rome, Dallas, San Diego, Chicago, back to Miami, Houston�
39. And that was BEFORE the internet was around.
40. I was the scandal of 7th grade b/c I was dating a boy that was 16.
41. I wasn't allowed in his car.
42. We'd meet at the mall and walk around holding hands.
43. My classmates were sooooo jealous.
44. His father owned a large jewelry store.
45. My mom said I should have held on to him. (LMAO)
46. I still have the gold ID bracelet he gave me (somewhere)
47. I got my first real kiss at 14 from Matt.
48. He was a childhood friend's little brother but he grew up. (hee hee)
49. I have dated six guys named Matt.
50. Vinny Testaverde was at my 18th birthday party. (He was a friend of my bf at the time)
51. I have a SERIOUS weakness for Latin men particularly Cubans.
52. A guy can read me a grocery list in Spanish and I get weak in the knees. (I exaggerate a little�)
53. I'm fluent in French but getting rusty.
54. I understand most Spanish but I sound like a fool trying to speak it.
55. I love the smell of gardenias.
56. I'm not a fan of roses.
57. My bedroom is a pale purple with 16ft ceilings and I painted it all by myself.
58. In high school, I had dates with 2 boys in one day. They encountered each other at my front door as one was leaving and the other arriving. I carried it off like a champ!
59. And I smooched them both! ;)
60. I ended up buying the first house I saw but I insisted on seeing another 50 before making a decision.
61. I had a goal to buy my 1st house by my 29th birthday.  I made the RE atty move the closing date up to meet my goal.
62. I love to cook. I make great pesto, sangria, and have a great "knack" for improving recipes.
63. I have a monstrous recipe collection.
64. I'm a published author and poet (I got paid for it).
65. I read at least 1 book a week. That was a resolution several years ago and I've stuck to it.
66. I always have bottled water with me. I drink like a fish.
67. I�ve broken/sprained my ankle 7 (or 8) times since I was 18.
68. I've kept a journal since I was 6 and have a trunk full of them!
69. I got a double-barbed fishhook caught in the bone of my finger. That ended my fishing career. (Ask me about my father chasing me around his apt with a pair of pliers!)
70. I convinced my 7th grade class to jump out of our paddleboats in the middle of the lake at Stone Mountain Park on our graduation trip. No one pinned it on me.
71. I never had detention.
72. I was thrown in "juvey" my first night at college for minor in possession - I turned 18 the next day.
73. There were some hot beers in the trunk of my roomie's father's car under his golf shit.
74. We were on the way to buy beer (but the coppers didn't know it)
75. The charges were tossed out. But it was great for our reputation to be busted our first night at school. Subsequently, I was a little sister for "the" frat on campus.
76. I was a radio DJ for the largest college radio station in the country and "the" alternative station in town. I quit after a year in the "big time".
77. I DJ'd weddings for extra money. (I HATED it)
78. I did phone sex for research for my thesis on communication between the sexes.
79. I don't have cable or satellite tv. Otherwise, my ass would prolly never leave the sofa.'
80. I've truly been in love 1.5 times.
81. I have a Dive Master's rating (although I prefer "Dive Mistress").
82. I've fed black tip reef sharks with a 3 ft. pole
83. I dropped the pole when a Bull shark appeared.
84. I never win at gambling, lotteries, etc.
85. I haven't eaten "fast food" in 15+ years.
86. I haven't touched a potato in 3 years. (Except a sweet potato on T'giving each year)
87. My favorite dish would be fresh tomatoes, sliced with buffalo mozzarella, fresh basil and olive oil.
88. I looooove Mango Rum.
89. I have a chipmunk that lives under my driveway  I call him Alvin and I refuse to run him off.
90. I love pedicures but only if I do them myself. I don't like strangers fondling my feet. (Note, non-strangers are ok if they are hot dudes.)
91. The scene in Bull Durham when he paints her toes drives me nuts - in a good way ;).
92. I double-majored in college in Communications and Psychology with a minor in Film.
93. I have a bubble bath every Sunday evening except during the summer.
94. I can't stand air conditioning.
95. It takes me less than 30 mins to get ready for work, a date, etc.
96. It's a popular misnomer that I'm high maintenance.
97. I collect quotes that I really like.
98. I love cheesy disco and early 80�s music.
99. I've been to Antigua, Aruba, Belize, Bahamas, Grand Cayman, Mexico, Honduras, Jamaica, St. Croix, Puerto Rico, Tortola, Virgin Gorda, and I'm leaving a number out.
100. I don't have any fears of heights, speaking in public, etc. But, because I'm so accident prone  I won't even consider skydiving or bungee jumping.
101. If there is a mosquito within 3 miles of me, it will find me and bite me on the one spot where I don't have bug repellent.[/b]

I'm not a particular fan of Nicolas Cage - I can't think of anything of his that I've liked since say "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" or "Valley Girl". But I watched "Adaptation" yesterday. It really resonated with me. (Not Nic Cage in particular - but several of the lines from his character.) So much so that I want to watch it again... Some nuggets that make me reflect on some stuff that I really need to right now.

 Anyone else had a movie speak to them that made a prolific impact on their outlook?

 
BTW - Thanks to ProducerBoy for the call last night. No matter how shitty things are, he ALWAYS makes me laugh. We get into the oddest discussions. Somehow we ended up talking about Neil Diamond and how I wanted to see ProducerBoy on stage doing Neil Diamond covers in a navy blue velvet jumpsuit with a white silk shirt with a big collar and pouffy sleeves.

Couldn't go to sleep last night. All this stuff on my mind and my heart and my shoulders. My mind won't shut up. It was 2:54am when I stopped glancing at the clock. I dozed off for a bit but awoke with another nightmare - second time this week that I was screaming and crying when I woke up.

So then I laid in bed for a few more hours, mind going again. Ambien doesn't work anymore for me, otherwise Iw ould have popped a handful. (Ok, exaggeration, but I have to take 4 to even remotely make me fall asleep so I don't bother taking it anymore.)

I thought some more. I need to stop thinking. I checked online for a do-it-yourself lobotomy kit, but they don't seem to offer any.

And Sassy my cat is now harboring a horrid shaggy 'do. Very choppy looking. I tried convincing her that Glamour Mag said choppy 'dos are ALL the rage but she just gave me her infamous eat shit look. Maybe a deep conditioning treatment would make her feel better?  

This is one of those days where I just want to cry but can't manage to find any tears. Due to my own fucked-up self, I've had to shut out someone from my life that I love. I guess it can be filed under "Self-Destructive Actions". I think I need more filespace for for all the destruction I'm causing in my life. It's a long complicated story but sum it up to say that there's no middle ground. I feel horribly for me but I feel even worse for the other party. File under "Beat yourself up some more".

I'm out of vodka. I think my liver is giving a huge sigh of relief. I tried to eat but I can't keep anything down.

And joy of all joys, the mother wants to get together. I think if she saw me right now, she'd have me committed.

I know people out there care about me - you know the ones that actually know me - but I still feel so dreadfully alone.  I've tried calling Bryon aka Airborne multiple times but he apparently doesn't want to deal with me. I wouldn't want to deal with me either, but I don't have much choice in the situation.

I learned last night that taking several klonopin and having 2 grapefruit juice+ vodkas on an empty stomach and then standing up on the toilet to paint in the corner is not recommended.

Did you know that my head is hard enough to break a ceramic toilet paper holder? I didn't. How big is a goose egg? It feels more like a small chicken egg. On the upside, it didn't hurt at all. (Except the TP holder - it's smashed to bits.)