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| I look like a boy |
| 07.28.05 (4:40 pm) [edit] |
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I went to the Aveda Salon today to get a haircut. My hair was below my shoulderblades and in need of a trim. I wanted a change - told her I'd like it below my shoulders so I could flip up the ends some and that I wanted to keep the length so I could put it up in a ponytail. She grabbed my hair in a ponytail and cut off more than SIX INCHES. It's curled under my ears now. The back looks like a boy. I gasped. Everyone was saying itlooked cute but that's not the point. (And like they are going to say "Your hair looks like shit?" or "Don't worry, it will grow out eventually.") I'm not leaving the house without a hat. |
| 11 Comments |
| Magic Potion Needed ASAP |
| 07.27.05 (3:14 pm) [edit] |
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I just got a call that was marked "Private". I thought it was a friend of mine who regularly pops up as such. It wasn't. It was "T". I'm not going to get into the details of what was said but I'm not in a good place at all. (Not that I was in a stellar place to begin with). I kept my composure during the call and he was totally self-absorbed in the situation. (shocking, I know)I wish I could cry but the tears won't come. My eyes are burning, my ears are ringing, and I feel completely sick to my stomach. I feel so...empty, violated, angry, disconnected, alone, abandoned, betrayed, broken, unwanted, confused, guilty, self-doubting and a host of other emotions I can't even begin to describe. I wish someone could give me a pill or magic potion or spell to rid me of this. I just want to have a simple, drama-free life where good days far outnumber bad days. I can't remember the last time I had a good day where I felt unburdened and hopeful and glad to be alive. |
| 12 Comments |
| Diva's Bizarre Dreams Part Deux |
| 07.27.05 (12:04 pm) [edit] |
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Another one of my notorious strange-ass dreams last night. I don't remember much of it - except that I was stung by hundreds of bees. (I don't recall any pain from the stinging.) I took off my shirt to find tons of stingers in me. They looked more like cat's claws than stingers. I was plucking them out, one by one. I got tired of pulling them out - I had made some progress but there were SO many more to take out. Then I plucked one and there was a tapewormy-sort of thing attached to the 'stinger' that had begun growing inside of me. I wasn't getting the stingers out fast enough and they were mutating. I panicked and thought "Oh F**K!" Not sure where the worm or the bee inspiration came from. I was tweezing some yesterday (so I guess that's where the 'plucking' came from). Bees don't scare me at all - they've landed on me before and I've just sorta sat there and watched them. So it's not a scary sort of thing for me. However, that whole worm coming out of me grossed me out. |
| 4 Comments |
| Shacking up |
| 07.26.05 (4:59 pm) [edit] |
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Some of you may be shocked by this, but I picked up a guy at Lowe's today. He looked healthy, sorta quiet, but I could use some company around the house. He needed a place to stay, so I decided to take him home with me. We'll see how it works out. Not really my 'type', actually, he's not even my species. He's a Venus Flytrap. I'm still vascillating on the name. Vinny, Vin, Vincent, Vince, Vito, Vaughn, Vance... Suggestions are appreciated. I want a guy name, starting with a V. |
| 11 Comments |
| Lower than Pond Scum |
| 07.25.05 (12:45 pm) [edit] |
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I thought I would like to give everyone an update on Bryon/Airborne. I have spent the past several days calling all over Ft. Riley trying to get information on him. And I finally spoke to someone this afternoon that works with him. 1) He has not been in any sort of accident. 2) He is perfectly fine physically. 3) The unit commander (or whatever his title was) said that Bryon was in the office this morning and looked perfectly fine. So whoever Newbie was - you're fucking cruel to do that. I believe in Karma and there's a special place in hell for you. I had my doubts about whoever posted it because they didn't email me directly and did it anonymously. Shows what a lack of a spine they have. |
| 5 Comments |
| Maybe it's just me |
| 07.24.05 (6:36 pm) [edit] |
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I took a 90 minute Yoga class today. It was about 12 women and one man (who, incidentally, was pretty high up on the hottie factor). He put his mat next to mine. I figured it would be a pleasant diversion. Maybe it's just me, but there's something very unsexy about men doing the yoga poses for the most part. I guess we women are more supple and flexible, graceful - but he was sort of like a bull in a china shop. (Plus, he had on those long basketball shorts - with the waistband situated about 1/2 way down his ass so you could see his boxers. And he kept adjusting them. I wanted to scream "YOU are 30+ years old. Wear your shorts like a man!" The class, other than the hottie dude, was pretty disappointing. It was more about breathing than actual poses and stretching. We spent more time just laying on the floor "focusing on deep breathing" than anything else. I used to do Yoga at the health club I belonged to and we'd go thru the whole gamut in sequence. I'm going to continue to check out other instructors and see if any of them actually do Yoga instead of breathing. |
| 5 Comments |
| Good sign |
| 07.22.05 (8:09 am) [edit] |
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I somehow think it's not a good sign when someone suggests that I watch "It's a Wonderful Life". Intervention, media-style? Lack of sleep continues and I just want to curl up in the fetal position and sleep or weep or both. I haven't heard from Airborne in weeks, despite leaving tons of messages. I'm concerned and miss him. There are some people that you just have a connection with that their voice can put you at ease. Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. Don't think I'll be updating this weekend. Other than harvesting some of my tomatoes, nothing to report. |
| 9 Comments |
| Scurrying like Roaches |
| 07.21.05 (10:50 am) [edit] |
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I was taking a Yoga class this morning and in the class next door, there was a cardio-kickboxing class going on. I was laughing my ass off because at one point she had them hustling "forward" and then all of sudden, she'd say "left" and then a few seconds later "Right!" The best way to describe what it looked like was if you came downstairs in the middle of the night and turned on the lights and saw a bunch of roaches scurrying and running into each other. The yoga class sucked. I was expecting one that would go through all of the positions, ie "Downward Dog", etc. But it was just a slow-paced stretch instead. Ditto with the Tai Chi class I took earlier in the week - it was all 'mat work' vs doing balance work. (I will say that my abs were screaming this morning.) |
| 6 Comments |
| I knew it!!! |
| 07.20.05 (8:59 pm) [edit] |
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Last week, at the doctor appt, I asked her if there was any chance I was getting some sort of off-brand or substitute version of Ambien, because since I've been getting it filled thru the current system, I can take 3 of the pills and they do NOTHING. (Whereas before 1 would knock me out cold). The doctor said there was not a generic version of Ambien out, so that they couldn't be giving me an alternative. I asked the pharmacy when I picked it up today - if there was a chance I was getting something other than the Ambien which was written on the actual perscription because it wasn't working on me at all. She said that in fact, I was not receiving Ambien, but a substitute afterall. I knew it. Called my doctor back to ask what the hell I have to do to get Ambien. Pissed that I've been paying for utterly worthless pills for months while they were telling me I was imagining things. |
| 18 Comments |
| Louie Louie |
| 07.18.05 (5:46 pm) [edit] |
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This is becoming like Diva's Nature Blog... This afternoon, I was sitting outside reading my book, with the iced green tea. Looked up to see a regular visitor to one of the many bird baths on my property. "Louie" is a Robin that takes a bath in one particular location just about every day. He really gets into his bathing. This birdbath is under one of my Riverbirch trees, so there are, from time to time, some leaves that fall into it. I try to keep it cleaned out and full of fresh water. Louie was standing disdainfully on the large flat rock in the center. One by one, he was picking up leaves that had falled into the birdbath and flicking them out. He must have done 10 of them. Then he stared in my direction with an "eat shit look" (or so I'm hypothesizing) and then hopped into his bathing frenzy. He hops into the water and flutters his wings, water flying everywhere. Then he hops back onto the rock and shakes and then hops back into the water a few more times. Considering how anal, bitchy, and image-conscious he is, I think Louie is gay male. No straight bird would spend that much time preening unless he was a peacock. (And I think that if Louie knew I named him "Louie" he'd protest. He'd want to be called Louis.) |
| 21 Comments |
| Herbie and Foo-Foo |
| 07.18.05 (6:14 am) [edit] |
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Yesterday I had the energy of a limp noodle. So I plopped myself down outside in the lounge chair with a book and my tunes and a glass of iced green tea. I thought I saw a large bee pollinating a flower out of the corner of my eye, but realized it was a hummingbird. Then it flew right in front of me - had I reached out, I could have touched it - it stayed there for about 5 seconds and took off. It was cool - seeing his little legs. They looked particularly scrawny. I could hear the flutter of his wings and feel the breeze against my face. I named him Herbie the Hummingbird. He visited me three more times yesterday. Then, I heard a scuffle and a large screech. Sassy had something in the yard. I thought "Oh shit! Alvin! (the chipmunk)" I jump up and go chasing Sassy. Turns out it was a small bunny. She didn't have it but she was in fast pursuit of it. It was trying to make it under the fence, but it was going so fast that it didn't quite make it the first time, so it looped around and made it under the 2nd time. I hope Little Bunny Foo-Foo is ok. |
| 20 Comments |
| Do not drown |
| 07.16.05 (3:21 am) [edit] |
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Gotta love the National Weather Service. We've had "Flash Flood Warnings" pretty much on a daily basis for the past 10 days. Here's the last sentence of the most recent warning: IF YOU SEE FLOOD WATERS...REMEMBER TO TURN AROUND AND DO NOT DROWN. Making note to self: Do not drown. (Check) I guess this is the person that instructs us not to use our hairdryer while showering. |
| 7 Comments |
| L I V I D |
| 07.15.05 (12:51 pm) [edit] |
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Back from the doctor. She confirmed that the stroke was a 'recent occurance' in relation to when the MRI was taken a month ago. Since I have no family history of strokes, no recent head injuries or severe headaches, she said the likely cause of it was the "Rush" that "T" drugged me with the month before. I'm livid. There's a lot more to it. Still deciding what to do. |
| 13 Comments |
| C.H.i.P.S and Midget Hookers |
| 07.15.05 (6:30 am) [edit] |
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I don't have time to get into all of the details but I had another one of my strange-ass dreams. It involved the two guys from C.H.I.P.S. (Erik Estrada and that other dude), midget hookers from Malaysia, strippers, motorcycle chases, me dressing up as a stripper with a blue wig to hide my identity from bad guys, and being given counterfeit US dollars while at a bank in Italy. (I was given a $38 dollarbill among others..) I know where the "CHIPS" part of it came from - I fell asleep watching Extra last night and someone asked Owen Wilson if he was going to do a movie version of CHIPS. I'm particularly wondering where the Malaysian Midgets came from... Lesson: Don't fall asleep with the TV on |
| 13 Comments |
| Simple Question |
| 07.14.05 (9:31 pm) [edit] |
| What makes business owners think that having a person wearing a bunny suit waving at me will make me pull in and buy a car or rent an apartment? |
| 15 Comments |
| Money Shot |
| 07.14.05 (2:44 pm) [edit] |
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I joined the YMCA today. (They offer scholarships to poor people like me). I was going to swim some but there was a herd of tricycle motors screaming and splashing with swimmming lessons. Had I done laps, I would have felt the need to drown them collectively. My ankle doctor said to use the elliptical machine rather than the treadmill (my mainstay at home). But I had a traumatic experience last time I used the elliptical machine. I am somewhat balance-challenged and I fell off it at the gym last time. I gingerly got on it today. Held on for dear life. Did 5 minutes and thought my quads were going to die. So I went to the treadmill and did a brisk 1hr walk. Went to the locker room to get my gym bag, etc. O.M.G.! There was about 10 nekkid older women just chatting away in there. (Now, I am by no means a prude but it was sorta shocking.) I'm fiddling with my padlock and one older woman puts her foot up on the stool right beside me. Let's just say that I saw *A LOT* more of her than I ever really wanted to. The view should be reserved for her gyn, her husband, and someone paying to see that. I'm traumatized. I don't think I can go back in there. Ever. |
| 11 Comments |
| Spanking the Monkey (or Orangutan) |
| 07.13.05 (1:54 pm) [edit] |
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Zoo Atlanta officials will know in a week or so whether the zoo's critically endangered Sumatran orangutans — Biji or Hati, or maybe even both — are with ape. If so, it'll be a "very big deal," the first time one of the great apes has become pregnant through in vitro fertilization, said Dr. Hilton Kort, co-founder of Reproductive Biology Associates in Atlanta, a pioneer and leader in the development and refinement of clinical procedures that enhance pregnancy outcomes in people. A 34-year-old male Sumatran orangutan named Allen C. gave his semen voluntarily, which he learned to do after months of "behavioral training" at the zoo, said Dr. Maria Crane, vice president of animal health and senior veterinarian at Zoo Atlanta. *** In case you missed it, the above paragraph says that they taught the Orangatuan to whack off. I'm just trying to picture how they inspired him - gorilla porn? I wonder if we go to the zoo, if we'll see them tossing off. (Don't you think that male apes did it prior to being instructed or were they just taught to toss off into a little plastic cup?) *** An additional note, Dr. Kort used to be my doctor 15 years ago. I don't make this stuff up! It's from the Atlanta Journal. I guess the orangutan's months of behavioral training was pretty much hands-on.:) |
| 25 Comments |
| No exaggeration |
| 07.13.05 (11:10 am) [edit] |
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My internet was down this morning. I called the lovely people at Comcast. Took forever while talking to the rep. She didn't sound like she knew what she was doing. Kept apologizing for keeping me on hold. Said they had an appt available today, but the system wouldn't let her assign it. So I'd have to wait until Friday between 8-12. (Of course, if you want to sign up as a new customer, their advertising says that if you call by 2pm, you'll be online that day). So after 30+ mins, she confirms the appt on Friday. I hang up. Three minutes later, there is a Comcast truck on the street. (I am not exaggerating) He had me fixed in about 10 minutes. I spent more time on hold than it took him to fix it. Thurs AM: ANOTHER Comcast rep showed up this morning. (And one wasn't scheduled for today) What's up with that? He laughed when I told him what happened yesterday. |
| 12 Comments |
| Another Rant |
| 07.12.05 (9:23 am) [edit] |
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I've got a rant. If I offend anyone, perhaps I'm talking to you. (haha) Topic: Self-check out lanes at the grocery store or other retail establishment. Case example: This morning. Subject: Yours truly went in to the grocery store to buy a few containers of seltzer water and yogurt. Scene: 4 stations to check out. LARGE sign overhead and at each station saying "10 items or less". Station A: Woman with cart of more than 30 or so items in no sort of rush at all. Station B: Older man struggling to use bifocals to find UPC code, get it to scan and then studies screen to confirm price is correct. Station C: Another woman that can't figure out where the upc code is on anything. She keeps walking over to the Wizard of Self-Scan employee asking for help. Station D: Two teenage girls around 14 giggling and gaggling while scanning stuff. They realize they don't have enough money. There are 4 others (plus myself) waiting to check out. Station A has a bunch of flowers. Must do price check. Station B starts complaining because the price ringing up wasn't the advertised price. Wizard of self-scan tells him he has to use his "Kroger card" to get that price. He starts bitching. I walk over and offer my card to get it moving along. He grumbles. (I'm assuming it was a grumble of gratitude but I doubt it) Station C: Decides to pay by check. She starts filling it out. (The store has automated systems to actually do it for you but she won't let them do it) Station D: debating about what items to send back The moans and groans behind me as the line continues to grow. Station A gets price, starts complaining, but moves ahead with completing purchase. Then she whips out her checkbook as well. Station B starts to pay by cash. The system says to insert change first. He was apparently going to pay the $17 tab with a $5 bill and $12 in change. But he put the $5 in first. This led to Wizard of Self-Scan having to intervene. Station D: still debating and talking about the CosmoGirl cover. I think we, as a crowd, are ready to collectively revolt and strangle these people. Of course, we all *thought* we'd be able to run thru Self-scan in no time. There was only one check out lane open otherwise and those folks had tons of stuff in their carts. Remind me never to get a job as a Wizard of Self-Scan, as I would have choked each of these people. When there is a line, there seems to be an immediate attraction for idiots to decide to use them. I believe that they need to make you prove you are saavy enough to use the self-scan thru a proficiency test before being granted access to use them during peak traffic times. As well as reminding them that if they show up with more than 10 items, they will be electrocuted on the 11th item. I feel much better now. Thank you. |
| 28 Comments |
| Doctor's Report |
| 07.11.05 (2:49 pm) [edit] |
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Back from the neurologist. They said I've had a stroke in my frontal lobe. The drs were rather unconcerned, sending me to an opthamologist and having my MRI redone. Fed up the drs. They said it's going to be 6-8 weeks to get into the opthamologist. So I'm supposed to sit around and just wait. Every time I go to the dr. I get a different diagnosis. I just want to stick my head in a hole and disappear. |
| 18 Comments |
| Got Poked |
| 07.11.05 (7:44 am) [edit] |
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Have an appt with the neurologists this afternoon. (Wonder how long I'll have to wait this time?) Not expecting any major revelations or progress. Realized that I'm not quite as coordinated as I thought I was. I don't recommend trying to clean your ears while brushing your teeth. I think I poked my brain with the QTip. (Recalled that Simpsons episode where Homer does that.) And why is that sometimes one ear is really cruddy while the other is pristinely clean? *I'm sure Nurse Nancy will have theories on this. Maybe it's mildew in my ears from all this rain? They are saying we've had 5 inches since yesterday. I am going to need water wings to get to the doctor. *Sending hugs out to ProducerBoy's wife - she was in a hit/run accident over the weekend and experiencing the 'joys' of whiplash. *Also sending hugs out to SheSpecies. She's kicking some major booty with the new job but has had some 'personal drama' that has left her disappointed. *Happy to see that April aka Godsmack is back online in limited release under "Nightbreed". The local library finally completed their extensive background check and apparently thought she was worthy of a library card. (Anyone want to wonder how long it will take for her to get it taken away for overdue books or abusing the computer? LOL) |
| 5 Comments |
| Date Recap with "R" |
| 07.09.05 (7:06 am) [edit] |
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Yesterday, I met "R" for drinks at a Mexican place he suggested at 6pm. He was about 10 mins late (no apology). First impression: no sparks but courteous. He wanted to sit on the patio. It was hot (I felt my hair frizzing by the minute) and it was REALLY loud. Hard to have a conversation when you have to keep leaning into the table and yelling. Now, it's been quite a while since I've dated a latin man. What stayed in my mind was the steamy, sultry-esque vibe. What I forgot is how they loooove to talk about themselves. For 2 hours, we discussed his stereo system (at great lengths), his dream house layout (down to the shower nozzles), how he hates prissy people, and his musical tastes (although he did ask me what music I liked - which was merely an intro into his discussion). For the fashionistas, I was in a pair of white Calvin Klein wide-legged cropped jeans, an aqua v-neck t-shirt, a long aqua scarf as a belt, and nude-colored mules. He gave me a hard time about not drinking alcohol with him. I had water with a lemon and told him that I do drink, just not when I'm driving. He had 3-4 beers (nice to see he's not a lush). We had chips and shared some chicken quesedillas. He spoke spanish to the wait staff whenever he could, but was quite courteous and insisted on ordering for me. I got the impression that he's about flashy stuff and not about a lot of substance. He threw in how much his watch cost and said that if it was lost, he'd file a claim against it on his homeowners insurance (when I said that it would cause his rates to go up more than the watch - he completely discounted what I said). He has the high-end Beemer with the cliche BMW keychain and commented that he almost got a Porsche Boxster for a weekend car but his car insurance rate would double. He's not into marriage but also thinks it's inappropriate for a single woman to be friends with a married man. (Considering some of my closest friends are married men...) He walked me to my car, gave me a hug and suggested we get together for a concert downtown tonight. I said for him to give me a call. (He's going with a group of his friends and I'm not ready to do the whole "hang out with the friends" scene. I also would prefer something quieter so we could actually get to know each other.) I know that the harpies will say that I'm completely dissing him. But, I think that if he would not focus on trying to impress so much, he might be a nice guy to spend time with. |
| 8 Comments |
| Contradiction |
| 07.07.05 (8:20 pm) [edit] |
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Had my "I'm not sure if it's really a date" date tonight. I wasn't feeling well. I rested until 4pm, took a shower, got dressed and spent 90 minutes in traffic. This is a guy-friend that I have the upmost respect for, and at times, a semi-crush for. I wasn't in the mood to eat, so I just had some water. For the next hour, I listened to him talk about these three different girls he's seeing. One of them has demonstrated that she doesn't have the best character and has hurt him in the past month. But he's decided to take her back into his dating fold. I didn't really talk much. I just sorta sat there and 'uh-huh'ed a lot. He told me that he thinks about me a lot. A big impediment to us exploring the 'more than friends' is that we live about 45 mins away from each other. He said he was sorry that I wasn't feeling well - in reality, me not feeling well had very little to do with me being quiet. I just felt like I've been moved to third string with him. It's not that I'm seeking a romantic relationship with him - I'm not. What I find is that I'm envious of all the time he has for these other girls. Yes, I'm contradicting myself. Yes, I'm confused. I talked to "R" tonight for about an hour. We're meeting tomorrow evening for Mexican. He started pressing me about why I'm on leave. I really didn't want to get into it on the phone. I think I came off as evasive or dishonest. Deciding if I should send an email about it in the morning - I don't want it to come off as a big deal but I also don't want him to feel that I'm not being upfront. |
| 11 Comments |
| Muy Caliente! |
| 07.06.05 (12:39 pm) [edit] |
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Had a surprisingly nice discussion with "R" last night. He is intelligent, funny, and scuba dives (although he's a guppie). My friend Deb failed to mention that he's Latin (Bonus Points!). Faint accent but I find it Muy Caliente! (Hot) Passionate about his work. Well-traveled. Connected to his family. Never married. No kids. We ended up talking for about 90 minutes and it flowed well. "R" seems to be respectful and interesting. He wanted to meet soon but I already had plans tomorrow night, so we're going to meet for a drink after work on Friday... He works nearby but lives a good drive away (but planning on starting to look for a place closer to work soon). Decisions...what to wear! I will wait until he tells me where we'll be meeting but I'll probably go with my white Calvins and blue silk shirt with my baby-blue sequiny strappy sandals (Forgot I had them - discovered them in the closet yesterday). I haven't told him about the health stuff. Didn't want to get into something so personal over the phone. He asked what I do and I said I was taking a break from work to re-evaluate things. (Which is true.) Told him a little about my work background. Not dishonest - just being selective about my disclosure. "R" is the first one that's come along in a while that seems somewhat promising. (There's still plenty of time for him to screw it up, but let's think positively!) |
| 1 Comments |
| Lipgloss and Getting Laid |
| 07.05.05 (11:54 am) [edit] |
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My fortune for today: Someone thinks you are very special and lets you know it. (Laughing hysterically, yeah right!) Uneventful weekend. Had some invitations to do thing over the weekend, but I just wasn't feeling up to it. Laid low - did some gardening, a little bit of yard work, and a lot of reading. (5 books) Supposedly have a date on Thursday - although I am not sure if it's a 'date-date' or not. We'll have to wait and see. One of my married friends wants me to get together with someone - we've exchanged an email. He has asked to do the phone number exchange next. We'll see if there are any sparks or interest. Her husband has a 'buddy' (her word not mine) that he thought I'd click with - he owns a mortuary. Now, I (think) I could get over the initial creep-out factor of him and dead people, but I declined because he lives over an hour away AND works over 70 hours a week and has to cancel plans often b/c of the steady stream of business. (Guess it's sort of like dating a doctor but his patients are already dead?) Otherwise, I haven't really been out and about to meet anyone new. I guess I'm just not all that interested right now. I love meeting interesting people but I'm damn tired of the dating thing. If people could be honest and not play games, it would be so much more enjoyable. If men could come with letters of reference from past girls they dated (objectively) and they could be honest: ie "if I can't boink you in the first two dates, I won't ever call you back", then it could save us ALL a lot of time, trouble and lipgloss. |
| 2 Comments |
by Redonthehead