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| Not in the mood |
| 05.31.05 (4:34 pm) [edit] |
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I've been craving peach cobbler. I even went to the store to get the rest of the ingredients I needed. But I'm not in the mood to make it. Was supposed to meet a friend for dinner tonight that is in town but I've totally ditched him. I don't want to get into why I don't feel like going with him. I just can't fake my chipper self right now. I keep breaking down into tears. Major accomplishment du jour was taking a shower. I'm just going to crawl into bed. It's rainy and dreary and miserable outside. Pretty much how I'm feeling on the inside.] Sorry I'm such a bummer. Even my cats are avoiding me. |
| 4 Comments |
| He's NOT Deep Throat. |
| 05.31.05 (1:53 pm) [edit] |
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There is current news reports declaring Mark Felt as "Deep Throat". However, I'd like to clear the record. I am finally stepping forward and publicly admitting that I am Deep Throat. I'm doing this because they are releasing my movie on DVD for the first time. Oh wait. We're not talking about the porn movie, "Deep Throat", are they? Opps. Disregard. *I'm kidding, I don't think I was even born when the movie was out. |
| 13 Comments |
| Someone got booty |
| 05.30.05 (1:09 pm) [edit] |
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I know someone on Tblog that got laid this weekend. (Not me) Smiling like the cat that swallowed the canary. Anyone wanna make a guess? |
| 22 Comments |
| Should I suck it? |
| 05.30.05 (7:42 am) [edit] |
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Creative solutions requested: How to put on a bra with one hand. *Sure guys, you practice the one-handed release, but this is different! I have a watermelon in my fridge. (Hey Irish, it's seeded so I can spit the seeds.) I want to get it out and cut it up. Suggestions how to A) get it out using one hand B) cut it using one hand. My alternative is to cut a hole in it, fill it up with booze, pull a chair up to the fridge, stick a straw in it and start sucking. It's a rainy dreary Memorial Day here. I'm going to curl up and watch movies all day. So those of you that have my phone number (HINT HINT), I'm home and bored and happy to talk. As a side note, I spoke briefly to "T" last night. The conversation was not a pretty one. I was rather drugged when he called. I'll update on that later. As another side note, SheSpecies is kicking ass at her new job she started 2 weeks ago. (Which doesn't surprise me in the least.) She's heading to Dallas in a week for training. (She should rendezvous with Gambit and say hi). |
| 5 Comments |
| Peach Tree 1 Diva 0 |
| 05.28.05 (2:42 pm) [edit] |
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All day I have been plucking peaches from my tree. Big ones. They are so pretty. I broke out my 12 ft ladder to get the fruit that I couldn't reach just by climbing the tree. Going around picking the larger fruits - leaving some others to continue growing. I have five grocery bags full of peaches. (and more to come) I'm on the last section of the tree - and there's this huge beautiful one, I'm on my tip-toe to reach it. You know what happened, don't you? Yes, I fell. The ladder tipped and hit the fence -which I guess was a good thing but I have a deep gash in my forearm and I have a feeling that I've broken my arm. It's swelling up and it hurts to move my fingers. However, with my medical plan, the only place open this weekend is the main hospital downtown. (SCARY PLACE) I would probably be there for days. So I'm just going to self-medicate until Tuesday and go to my local clinic to get x-rayed. I don't want a regular cast - that will mess up my tan lines. (I am still the Diva, aren't I?) |
| 18 Comments |
| Juicy Peach |
| 05.28.05 (6:02 am) [edit] |
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I've been up plucking peaches from my tree this morning. There are TONS of them and they are very-nice sized. And many are ready for eating. (Which I had to 'test') I decided I'm going to use some of the ripe ones into peach sangria. It sounds good in theory, doesn't it? I'll let you know if I can still type when I'm done with the pitcher. LOL Going to sun today. Read a book. Listen to some tunes. Enjoy some watermelon (seeded). Maybe I'll pour some rum in it and make it a fruit/alcohol lush-o-rama? I promise, I won't hammock and drink at the same time. We all know that would end up being a nightmare! Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend filled with family, fun, kicking back and laughter. |
| 2 Comments |
| On a Mission |
| 05.27.05 (4:56 pm) [edit] |
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I'm doing something that some people are going to give me some flack on. I've left an email and vm for "T" using a different approach. I told him that I needed to speak to him about some medical issues concerning him. I would be at a local Starbucks this evening for an hour or I would be at his house tomorrow morning (with someone but I didn't mention that). If neither time was convenient, that he should let me know. The medical issues are to advise him that I've had the first round of STD tests and they have come back clean but I still have to go through a 2nd round in 3 months. And he needs to be responsible for the bill. And then I want an explanation as to what the hell made him do what he did and made him think it'd be okay. I know that what he says really doesn't matter - I'd like to get a sincere apology but I wouldn't believe it. I want to see the expression on his face. (And I will have my pepper spray with me.) I need this for closure. I'm not going to be a bitch and I won't be a basket case. I'm quite calm and resolved. I'm on a mission. I will update later. Wish me luck. **** Not surprising, he didn't show up. I admit I drove by his place - there were two cars in his driveway. Neither were his. He called about 10:50 - didn't leave a msg. I didn't answer because I was slightly inebriated. No email from him. I just want this done! |
| 13 Comments |
| My threesome with the Ramones |
| 05.27.05 (9:06 am) [edit] |
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I spent my freshman year of college at a Jesuit Catholic College in the metropolis (ahem) of Mobile, Alabama. (Why I ended up there, long story - I'm not Catholic although I look really cute in the whole Catholic School Girl outfit!) My best buds were Dork (star basketball player/stoner with a gf in Texas) and Mork (Gorgeous longer artistic type that just ooozed Holden Coffield/stoner). They lived across campus and I spent a lot of time in their rooms. (No nookie EVER happened between us) We were an odd trio - all the girls thought they were hot. They'd ask me which one I was sleeping with - I said both. (I would crash in either room on weekends due to my drug-dealing non-english speaking roommate) One Friday afternoon, I gave blood. I think it was in late January/early February. I was hanging out in their room - the guys were talking about taking a road trip back to Atlanta to see the Ramones play. (6-7 hour drive). They were pleading me to come along. I said I couldn't - I had studying and papers to do.(I had a 4.0 GPA and planned on keeping it that way). Then Dork said (with a smirk) "Here, have a beer." Next thing I know, I'm in Atlanta. I learned that after giving blood, alcohol hits you a lot harder. I had no recollection that we were pulled over going over 100mph. I had no recollection of the concert. But apparently I had a really good time because I ran into a number of friends while we were there. And those people told my mother that they saw me in town. I had to emphatically deny it. How could I have gotten to Atlanta that weekend when I had papers to write? (hehe) So, if you give blood, be wary if you drink... you never know where you'll end up! |
| 6 Comments |
| I need it bad |
| 05.26.05 (7:44 pm) [edit] |
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My fortune for today: You need a new environment - go on a vacation. (sigh) I need one bad... Somehow "Calgon take me away" ain't gonna cut it. |
| 6 Comments |
| Nekkid Chicks |
| 05.24.05 (9:45 pm) [edit] |
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I was having a clothes-related discussion with a friend who was getting ready for a date tonight. She's got an amazing body yet she was complaining about how bloated she was and that she would cover up a lot in case they 'got naked'. This led to an interesting question... Do you think you look better clothed or naked? |
| 13 Comments |
| Diva Doctor of Luv is In |
| 05.24.05 (8:38 pm) [edit] |
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My therapist shingle was out this evening. My friend "C" called this afternoon and asked if I had plans tonight. He's been having some 'relationship issues' lately. Poor "C" sounded awful and he said he needed to get out of his house. I told him to come on over. He went from good friends to getting really intense with his gf quite quickly and the problems started popping up like weeds in my back yard. "C" is on the verge of being divorced (like it's final in few days). I admire him - he's transformed his life quite drastically and he's been in therapy. His friend/gf has a lot of stuff that needs to be dealt with, and in her eyes, he can't do anything right. She's putting up walls, and giving out a lot of mixed messages - which in turn confuses the hell out of him. Granted, I'm only hearing his side of it. But, "C" is a pretty objective person. Since I'm quite an expert at commitment issues and pulling away when things get serious, I hope I was able to offer some perspective. Anyhoo, he just wanted to talk. The poor guy - he has it bad for this girl but there's nothing else he can do - she's got to figure stuff out on her own. Hopefully, she will realize it sooner rather than later. He's a great guy and clearly he sees something really special in her. I sent him home with a few of my Ambien and instructions to get his ass some sleep It was nice to focus on something else other than my recent drama and residual stuff. |
| 4 Comments |
| Bare-breasted |
| 05.22.05 (7:31 pm) [edit] |
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This afternoon was best described a "slackus totalus" in DivaSpeak. In the hammock, in the 'kini, catching some rays, catching up with some pals (details below!), catching some zzzz's and catching sight of "the creepy neighbor that has seen my boobs" girlfriend or something. They were debating trimming his bush (like shrubbery you dirty people!) She was talking to him like he was a child. She had gloves on so I couldn't tell if she was his Mrs. or what. (She could be his sister...) When afore-mentioned "creepy neighbor" finished mowing his backyard, I decided to work on my tan lines. I took off my top and threw caution to the wind. Sure, if he had been standing on his deck, he could see my ta-tas, but I kept an eye out, sorta. I figure, he's already seen them - so they might as well be tan, right? I talked to our long-lost Tblog pal Saint027. Here's the brief recap: he's closing on a townhouse (end unit) with "J" on Wednesday. They are paying $42k OVER the asking price. (Must be nice to be a seller eh?)It has a big soaking tub in the master bathroom. (So I said I'd send a rubber ducky and some Mr. Bubble as a housewarming gift.) He's enjoying "civvie life" for the most part but he's put on a few pounds. He sounds good. His car is doing just dandy. And he promised to send me a link to pics of his new place. (I told him I want one of HIM in his new tub!) Airborne, aka Bryon, also called me while he was on the road. He had driven over to Ft. Sill to see his son yesterday. "The boy" is doing okay. Has become a 'model troop' and is even going to church. Somehow our conversation got on a tangent and he's talking about me sucking his toes. (Trust me, I never agreed to any such action!) Apparently that discussion got his engine revving because next thing I hear is "I gotta go. I seemed to have attracted the attention of an Oklahoma State Trooper..." So I wait a while. I call him back. Three times over several hours. I page him. I'm worried that somehow he's gotten his ass thrown into jail. And I'm going to have to do a tblog telethon to raise funds to free Airborne. I figure I could offer to show pics of my new panties and have donations made for Paypal. (Do bondsmen accept Paypal?LOL) So if anyone sees Mr. Airborne in Tblurt tonight, tell him he has had me worried and he better be on his knees when he calls me to let me know he's ok. He's got some serious groveling to do because he had me worried. And FYI you horndogs, I was not bare-breasted when talking to you. So don't even go there! |
| 1 Comments |
| Dating Advice for Guys #306 |
| 05.19.05 (9:02 pm) [edit] |
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MAJOR DATING PET PEEVE OF MINE: Guys, if you want to ask a girl out, ask her out. Don't say I'd like to see you and then spend 20 minutes being namby-pamby about when/where/etc. I finally took the bull by the horns and said "How about Tuesday lunch?" (There was NO way in hell that I was going to do anything weekend-related for a first date that required more than an hour's time. That's one of my cardinal dating rules!) Then he went on about what time/where/what kind of restaurant. The dude has a busy work schedule, so I was *trying* to give him the leverage to schedule things but instead, he was annoying me. It isn't THAT difficult. Pick a day. Pick a time. Pick a place. Each of those are negotiable but geeeze louise, we gotta have a starting off point. I realize after that painful discussion that there is NO way I'm going to be able to tolerate a lunch with him. I'd want to stab myself in the neck before the appetizer got to the table. I'm even picturing what it would be like if he suggested splitting an appetizer. Shoot me now! And since someone will ask: I met "M" at the festival last month. He's smokin' hot (personal trainer). He works with a lot of the athletes in town. I didn't have a lot of time to talk to him, so I gave him my email because he was interested in sponsoring next year. We've been back/forth with emails. I'll admit that I had ulterior motives. I could use a trainer to tune myself up a bit. But I don't think I could put up with his less-than-take-charge approach. (Can you imagine him as a trainer? "Gee, I'd really like it if you would do 10 reps. Oh, it hurts. Ok. Stop then. Let's go get some Hagen Dazs instead.") |
| 12 Comments |
| Rescue 911 |
| 05.17.05 (6:39 pm) [edit] |
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It was a gorgeous day and I didn't feel like being productive in the least bit, so I decided to recharge my solar batteries (aka get some sun on my modestly-covered buns). I'm out on the deck and I notice Sassy in my garden. Now she's not supposed to be in it because she'll take a dump and start digging up my plants covering her poop. So I holler at her "Bad!" which usually gets her running out of the garden and promptly to my feet. But not this time... I yell louder and throw in a "Sassy! NO! BAD!" Still she sat in the garden. Then I slapped my book against the deck and she got out of the garden. I go back to my book. About 45 mins later, I notice Sassy is sitting right beside the raised garden bed. She's looking up into the tree next to the garden. Instinct tells me, something's up. So I go over to her, pick her up and she's going nuts meowing, looking at the tree. (It's not a big tree - maybe 10 ft tall). I look and I don't see anything. I thought maybe a baby bird was learning to fly and got caught up there. Then I see it. It's Alvin, my beloved chipmunk, that I've rescued from the cats three times already over the past year. Poor Alvin is at the very tip-top of the tree, on the very tip of a branch, in the hot sun, holding on for dear life. The poor fella had to be baking. So I have a firm grip on Sassy and advise Alvin that I'm going to help him out (again). I start to gently shake the tree. He's holding on pretty tight. I shake more and say "It's okay Alvin, she won't get you." Alvin plops down, lands right in front of me and we have another 'zen moment' when he looks at me as if to say "Thanks for saving my ass again lady!" and goes scurrying off along the fenceline. And Lulu, who is not known for chasing ANYTHING except Sassy on rare occasions, goes tearing off after Alvin and almost catches his ass but he disappeared in a bed of ivy. Lulu sat by that bed of ivy for a good hour waiting for him, but he made it under the fence. I know Lulu and Sassy wouldn't hurt him - they just want to play - but Alvin keeps getting himself in these predicaments. If I find out Alvin was munching on my strawberries, he's gonna have to fin for himself from now on. |
| 14 Comments |
| Delayed Reaction |
| 05.16.05 (3:36 pm) [edit] |
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Normally, I keep my postings light and amusing. I even take 'dramatic license' at time for humor's sake. This is not one of those postings. Something happened last week that I put a "Diva-esque' spin to. I told some folks close to me part of what *really* happened, but omitted or outright lied about the rest of it. For those people, I apologize. I consider myself a fairly saavy person. When it comes to dating, I've seen just about every trick in the book. I don't trust many people and they have to go through great lengths to earn that trust at times. Last week I mentioned about how I went over to chew "T" out for some of his behavior. We sat on his deck and talked for quite some time. He offered me a glass of wine or beer, which I declined, stating I was driving. "T" made a comment "Did you think I was going to drug you?" He surprised me and we had a really deep long discussion about things, clearing the air. He made a lot of apologies for errs in the past. Some big, some small. It seemed like we had turned over a new leaf and his intentions were genuine. We shared a kiss. It was nice. He proceeded to give me a tour of his house - which he had been remodeling for quite some time - most of it done by himself. He told me to have a seat at one point on his bed, that he wanted to show me some of a collection of his. I was hesitant - well-bred girl that I am, sitting on a guy's bed and all, but there was no place else to sit. Next thing I know, he grabs my head and puts something really foul-chemically strong stuff under my nose. It hits me - I'm dizzy, feel really out of sorts. I ask him what the hell it was - he said it was to 'relax' me. The room was spinning. What happened for the next several hours, I'll spare you the details. You can imagine. I tried to fight him for a while but when he said he would pour the bottle of the stuff on a rag and tie it under my nose, I shut up. He was sniffing it like crazy too. Add to it the pot he was smoking and forcing into my mouth. He kept putting the chemical stuff under my nose every few minutes when it started to wear off while his violation continued. I kept asking him what it was - I was worried this was something that might show up on lab work, drug tests in the future. He told me not to worry. When I could finally manage to get up - I was walking into walls. At 7am, I was still pretty dazed but pissed as hell - I kept pressing him for what the hell that was. He finally said "It's "rush"." I left after that. I hurried home to research what the hell the stuff was. It wasn't the sex so much that bothered me - it was the trust. If I can't trust a guy that I've known for 8 months and has been respectful physically with me in every sort of way - prior to that evening, we'd had two kisses. In November. No talk of a sexual or flirting nature since we started seeing other people. I considered him my friend. I was pissed that he used the drug on me. I was pissed that I was covered in bruises and cuts and welts. But I justified it - he got carried away. He was out of it and exercised bad judgment. Those that I shared it with (except that sex was involved) were livid. I wondered if I was over-reacting. The consensus was that I was UNDER-reacting. Then, all of a sudden, this morning, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Again, I had more flashbacks about the sex. The "R" word doesn't really fit for me - it was nonconsensual, that's for sure. I called the medical clinic to get tests done. I spoke to some special friends and fessed up this afternoon. I say that the sex part of it doesn't bother me (in reality, he was so messed up by the time he came around to intercourse that he couldn't keep it up but there was some penetration). But if it didn't bother me, why didn't I bother telling my friends the whole story? I have always had issues with trust. Not trusting people I should. Putting my trust in those that don't deserve it. Now this. It is shaking me to my very core about my own judgment. I haven't second-doubted myself about what I would have done differently - I don't blame myself for what happened. I did nothing to lead him on. In fact, I was pretty clear that we still had a lot of ground to make up. What reduced me to unstoppable tears this morning/afternoon was the trust. I don't want to let this experience to force me to put up further walls. I'm just trying to sort this all out. I'm an analytical person. HAD he come forward afterwards and apologized and said that he really fucked up - I think it would have helped a lot. At this point, I want to know why the hell he thought he could drug me and do all those things to me. (Had he behaved himself - he might have had me consentually - eventually) Am I so naive? Did I give off some sort of vibe that led him to think I'd be game for that sort of activity? NO, I'm not blaming myself -I'm just trying to make sense of a situation that will probably never make sense to me. I don't need "I'm sorrys" and stuff like that. This is one of those postings where I'm trying to figure it out. To decide how I can do damage control for myself. |
| 49 Comments |
| Empty Bed |
| 05.15.05 (6:50 am) [edit] |
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It's a rainy Sunday morning. In my Fantasyland, I'd be curled up with someone special, having breakfast in bed (in more ways than one), reading the paper and chilling out all day. Sitting in bed alone isn't quite the same. (No, I'm not desperate enough to invite Mr. Cyprus to join me - skin crawling....) Plus who wants crumbs in their bed? Not that they'd be there for long - Lulu the Hoover would take care of that. I think I'm going to go back to bed. One of those times when my relationship with Mr. Magic just isn't enough. He doesn't cuddle or spoon or nibble on my neck or... I'm gonna shut up now. BTW - SheSpecies had a date last night too - let's hope hers went better than mine!!!! |
| 4 Comments |
| Creepy Date |
| 05.15.05 (6:16 am) [edit] |
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First meeting date last night. I suggested someplace not too noisy so we could hear each other speak. His recommendation: Starbucks. (Not a good sign from the get-go) It was painful - and not in a good way. He's from Cyprus. I thought "mmmm. exotic." I was wrong. No chemistry in person. Zilch. Nada. He didn't quite feel the same way - kept going on and on about how gorgeous my hair was, my eyes are the deepest shade of green with golden flecks, blah blah blah. He kept trying to touch me. Apparently, he wasn't getting the "I'm closed off to you" body language. I told him that I had plans to meet friends and needed to get going after an hour of talking and (not surprisingly) finding that we have absolutely NOTHING in common except we both live in Atlanta, breathe air and have computers. I was thinking "Why again did I agree to meet this guy???" He was telling me how much he was looking forward to getting together again - I said we'd have to see how our schedules matched up. Meanwhile, he's trying to run his hands through my hair. I'm dodging his hands. Then I get to my car - purse (with pepper spray inside) in one hand, key (to stab him if necessary) in the other hand. I went thru a hug where he kept trying to kiss me and I kept turning to dodge them - I was backed against my car so my escapes were limited and I didn't want to knee the guy in the middle of a (surprisingly crowded) Starbucks parking lot. I made three U-turns on the way home just to make sure he wasn't following me. Someone pesky like that creeps me out. Reminds me of being on a date at 13. I was supposed to meet up with another 'friend' but I could still smell Mr. Cyprus on me, so I went home and took a shower and went to bed. |
| 10 Comments |
| Felt up by a ghost |
| 05.14.05 (6:57 am) [edit] |
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My date for tonight fell thru yesterday afternoon. (After I had struggled with finding the perfecto outfit.!) Figures. Never know what might develop afterall. The day is young. Strange ass dream again last night.Some sort of western-themed train park. While waiting for the train, I realized I needed to get film (I have a digital camera?!?!) So I was walking back to the car to get the film. I never got the film but I was distracted because Hillary Clinton was at the depot. (Let's just say I'm not a fan of the manipulative, power-hungry evil bitch). The train depot was supposedly haunted. Some guide grabbed my ass and then blamed it on the ghosts. I slapped him and told him he must have been possessed and I wasn't really slapping him, but the ghost. I heard the train whistle so I ended up jumping out the 2nd story of the haunted depot so I'm make the stupid train. (Knowing my accident-proneness, not a bright idea!) But I landed just fine - like a stuntwoman. The train (more like a trolley) was moving so slow that a bunny rabbit was hopping around in circles under the train playing games. That train/ferry wasn't the one we were supposed to ride and I got back to the waiting area in time. I think my mom and my annoying cousin Patty (who I haven't seen in 20 years) were there. (We used to take Patty with us on summer vacations - that's a blog!) Then it was 5:50 am and I had a 15lb cat sitting directly on my bladder and staring into my face, telepathically urging me to wake the heck up to feed her 'starving' ass. So my dream was interrupted... |
| 10 Comments |
| Suck or Chew? |
| 05.13.05 (3:26 pm) [edit] |
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Once again you pervs, clicking on this with something naughty on your minds... I'm referring to hard candy like Lifesavers - do you suck them or chew them? If you're a chewer, can you suck them or is it habit? |
| 10 Comments |
| Advanced Hammock |
| 05.13.05 (3:12 pm) [edit] |
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To those Tbloggers around last spring/summer, you recall my adventures with my hammock. I was convinced that there was some sort of odd gravitational pull that kept me from balancing on the hammock, or one side of my body was heavier than the other. I've graduated to more challenging hammock feats and thought I would share these helpful reminders: Laying on your back in the hammock is a piece of cake. Try laying on your stomach so you can snooze and catch some rays on your back. It is not a graceful process. But even more so... When sunbathing topless on your stomach in the hammock, it can be "QUITE" challenging to get out of the hammock when you can't find your bikini top amidst the towels. I also encourage you to make sure one of your cats is not laying under the hammock when you decide to clasp your breasts with one hand and roll out onto the ground. (Sort of like tuck and roll!) Thus concludes my hammock lesson of the week. I wish I could provide pictures (and I bet you do too) but it ain't gonna happen. |
| 4 Comments |
| Quickies Rawk! |
| 05.13.05 (7:30 am) [edit] |
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Quickie: Spoke to 'the mom' briefly yesterday. She FINALLY returned my call. I called several times on Mother's Day. I left a msg yesterday updating her on my appt with the neurologist. (I knew she'd call back to find out what happened.) She did thank me for the card and the plants. Worn out from the all-day dr. appt marathons this week. Think if it's nice I'm going to catch some rays and snooze in the sun this afternoon. I'm going to lay low tonight. Maybe I'll clean the house some (unless someone wants to do it for me?) Have a date tomorrow night - going to some exclusive club - he's more of a friend than a real date-date. Picked out what I'm going to wear - a black dress I've never worn before - it's form-fitting - v-neck, girly but not too much, but vascillating on which shoes. I just decided as I wrote this what shoes. (Thanks for helping me make up my mind! LOL) Anything else I've neglected to update on? |
| 5 Comments |
| White Trash Dream |
| 05.13.05 (6:34 am) [edit] |
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O.M.G. What a WACKY dream I had last night. And I don't even know where to begin analyzing it. I am going to put it in the category of comedic fluff... I dreamed that I had to go to my godmother's funeral. (Ironic since I don't have one, although I *AM* in the market for a Fairy Godmother.) My mother annoyed me about what to wear or what time or something (typical). She didn't like what I was going to wear. (Totally typical) The funeral was to start at 1pm but I got to the church really early. 10am. A woman in her 20's comes up to me, wearing a black bugle-bead ensemble and really flashy (cheap) jeweled brooch, saying about how hard it's going to be without her. I have no idea who this woman is, but she's acting like she knows me. I say something comforting. I thought that my mother had gotten the time wrong and that I was at the right funeral. People start streaming in. White-trash Jerry Springer would be the theme. Big hair. No class. One guy was wearing a white sportcoat with pink baby foot imprints on it with writing saying "Proud Poppa". One girl was in a strapless red-white-blue sequin short number. The funeral starts and they are talking about her - she died in her sleep in a nursing home. I got the impression people weren't visiting her very much. She left instructions for her funeral and will in her 'sewing notions box'. They read some letter and the people were all nodding and saying "that's right!" I realized that this was not my godmother's funeral. I said to myself that I was going to sit in the back of this very big church because I *HAD* to witness this. The church was really crowded. They sang Christmas songs because the deceased loved them. (It was summer). They had Xmas lights and decorations everywhere. Then they passed out cookies like they were passing out a collection plate. And big mugs of milk - that people were supposed to drink like they were taking wine - sharing out of the same mug for the entire row. (Blech) And there were these two girls in their 20's that were rather hefty that were talking and giggling. Then they just 'hopped' over the back of several pews to move forward. In dresses. Not very ladylike. Then the pastor was in the back row with me - we looked at each other, rather dumbfounded at the scene in front of us. The people started breaking out cakes and other food and started a buffet and drinking party right there. Socializing. He told me that we had to get these folks moving along to clean up the church for my godmother's funeral. So I'm encouraging them to take their food and get out of the church, they were generally rude and many folks were passed out cold. Including the chick in the sequined red/white/blue number. I tapped her on the shoulder and she rolled off the pew, with her dress in a rather unflattering way. There were people fighting - mullets were flying - sequins were popping. I was laughing through so much of this and I'm leaving out a ton of details - but as you can tell, it was ODD. NO drugs were used to assist in inspiring this dream. And I have NO clue what influenced it. |
| 5 Comments |
| Plucking my pussy |
| 05.11.05 (8:37 pm) [edit] |
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Oh you have SUCH a dirty mind! No, this is not what you're thinking. But thanks for clicking you pervs! I'm going nuts because I keep finding piles of black fur all over my house. Lulu (the tabby) keeps 'plucking' fur out of Sassy. I brush them both regularly - it is shedding season, but this is getting old! And Lulu keeps ending up with mouthfulls of fur - and she's going nuts trying to get Sassy's fur off her tongue. Once it looked like Lulu had a black moustache. And for you pervs, I don't pluck "that", I get it waxed. :P |
| 11 Comments |
| Curiosity and the Pussycat |
| 05.10.05 (4:37 pm) [edit] |
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If you've been a regular reader, you're aware of the travails, humiliation and heartbreak I suffered with "Ned". And the fact he still reads my more personal blog and that his live-in 19yr old gf also reads and feels compelled to comment on it. Well, "Ned" calls from time to time to shoot the shit. (Shoot the poop sounds too stupid). I always wonder what the purpose of his calls are. I haven't seen him since September. I never call him - I'm courteous on the calls but cut them short at about 30 mins. (He tends to go on and on.) I just don't see what we have to talk about - whenever he calls, we talk about the same stuff - work, family, weather. The conversations are pretty much carbon-copy. Now, "Ned" is a genuinely nice guy. If he wasn't, I wouldn't have dated him. (briefly as it was) I'm friends with just about every guy I've dated (latent-developing psychos excluded). But "Ned" is pretty much in a class by himself. Why is this relevant? "Ned" just called me and asked if I'd like to meet him for dinner tonight. I feel odd about it. I'm over him - I know it in my bones - and I'm curious to test it out. So I said yes. He offered to pick me up, but I said no - going to keep it on neutral territory. I'm assuming he's still with his gf - doesn't really matter to me one way or another - fortunately, "Ned" did us both a favor by dumping me. Why am I going? I guess it's a matter of curiosity... |
| 20 Comments |
| Update: Operation Seduction Part Deux |
| 05.10.05 (1:18 pm) [edit] |
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***If you'll go back to Saturday - you'll get some of the backstory on this in "Operation Seduction". The "rest of the story" was that Mr. Poop or Get Off the Pot didn't return my calls on Saturday evening anyway - turns out he had decided to go to an auction about an hour away and spent the night up there. I learned this when he called me Sunday morning. We spoke for a while. I said I was tanning. He said he was too. There was some discussion of me coming over to his place and sunning with him and doing some catching up. He said he needed to call his mom, grandmother, sister, etc first. Then he'd call me back. I said I was going to hop in the shower and wash off the greasy sunscreen so I wouldn't get it all over my car. So I showered. And I never heard back from the (insert choice descriptive words) on Sunday. I wasn't going to call him. Nope. Not gonna do it. Even made it on my cell phone when he called that it wouldn't ring at all. Yesterday. I'm doing my thing. Notice late in the afternoon that he's called. FOUR TIMES. I roll my eyes. I don't even bother to call back. Then around 7ish, I get an IM from him - we haven't IM'd in a month. He said that he wouldn't blame me if I never spoke to him again. (I didn't respond) That he wanted me to come over to talk if I'd give him the oppty. (I still didn't respond) I thought for a few mins. I wanted to chew his ass out. And I wanted closure. I had carried a tealight (not a torch) for this guy for a long time. (Well, 6 months) This is a guy that I talked to for hours upon hours while I was recuperating from my surgery last fall. I didn't want anyone to see me in that state. We had 3 or 4 dates before the poop hit the fan. This wasn't some grand relationship - but there was something there. So I replied that I would be over. I didn't "diva-fy" at all. T-shirt, shorts, tevas. Hair not perfected. We haven't seen each other in 6 months. He said he was shocked that I would actually let him explain. Thanked me repeatedly for coming over. I was distant, cold and a total hardass. He wanted a hug - I gave him a half-assed one-armed one. Sat out on his deck - he offered me wine - I brought my own water. He started chatting about this and that - I kept pressing the issue about why he'd been such an ass and not bothered to call me back and leave me hanging. He finally broke down and shared some of it with me - family stuff. I could tell he was upset about it. We talked for a long time about what went wrong and expectations in the future. He 'missed' me terribly. Promised me that he'd never do those stunts again, etc. He wanted another chance - but not in a groveling sort of way. It *seemed* sincere. Another hug. This one was not half-assed. It felt really good. He did this thing holding my face and just staring into my eyes while saying that he was utterly dumbfounded I'd be there. I told him he was temporarily off my shit list and on probation, but the slate was wiped clean. He's starting a new job on Monday, so he was taking off for Savannah for a few days - asked me to pack my bags and come along. I said no for a multitude of reasons. What do I think? I dunno. I'm going to withold judgment - actions speak louder than words. There are a lot of things I like about him. But if he is going to behave like an ass before getting in my pants (if he's lucky!) there are too many other fish in the sea. |
| 9 Comments |
| Stud Update |
| 05.10.05 (12:54 pm) [edit] |
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The delightful yet delusionally ill xAirborne called me this morning to spread his a.m. cheer. He's doing better - somewhat. He went out to the movies on Sunday with two nurses (a group non-date sort of thing). I am disappointed he didn't try to make a move on either of them. He said he's playing the stealthy disinterested type. (I wonder if they'll assume he's gay? LOL) ****Airborne has no internet access while recuperating otherwise he'd skin me alive for that one! He's still on the mend and will be out of work for a few more weeks. Light duty. (I'm not sure what that means) But he's eating "HungryMan XXL" frozen dinners on his dee-luxe bachelor 'china'. (Inside joke but if you're a bachelor, you know they don't typically have Fine China!) |
| 3 Comments |
| Mothers Day Recap |
| 05.09.05 (9:10 am) [edit] |
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For the peanut gallery, I tried calling my mother several times yesterday. Left messages. No return calls. So I drove over there and left her tomato plants on her back porch with her Mother's Day card. (I bet that she'll be a _____ and leave them there untouched). In contrast to her, I don't let myself into her home uninvited and unexpected. (ahem) While I'm dropping off her plants, my old next-door-neighbor's son was in the front of their yard playing baseball with his son. We grew up next to each other. He is 3 years older than me - was a year ahead of me in school. And creepy. I haven't seen him in at least 10 years. When I was in high school, my mother traveled 40 weeks/year. I stayed by myself. The neighors (we'll call them the Foremans) had keys to my house in case of emergency. Their son (we'll call him John) would take the keys and come over to my house unannounced. Once, I was 15, had just gotten out of the shower and found him in my room, going thru my panty drawer. "John" would come over and hang out sometimes - watching tv or we'd shoot hoops. He'd 'wrestle' with me - trying to grab at 'inappropriate' places. Sometimes, he scared me - he was a lot stronger than me and looking back - I should have spoken up to his parents or something. It ended when he was trying to pin me, wrestling - and I kicked him hard in the nuts. My senior year in high school, my boyfriend couldn't make it up for the Winter Formal at the last minute. (He was at the University of Miami). So, "John" took me. He was a gentleman - I guess wearing a suit made him feel more chivalrous. I don't remember anything about the evening. I doubt we even danced. Thinking about it, there's no way he danced. He was about as rhythmically-challenged as a white guy can get. I do remember my dress - I was apparently going thru a vestal virgin phase - it had a pale pink slip with a white lace overlay and a pink belted bow. I must have looked like a human doilie. It was nice of "John" to come down last minute from his college to take me. He dropped out after the 2nd quarter. I don't remember what he did after that. Anyway, I was polite and said hello to "John" and he introduced me to his wife. He hugged me when I said hello, and then twice more when I was saying goodbye. He brushed my boobs - twice - and I don't think it was 'accidental'. Once a perv, always a perv. |
| 4 Comments |
| Small Small World |
| 05.08.05 (8:11 am) [edit] |
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What a small world it is. Got a Tmail titled "Julie?" this morning. Turns out it's from a guy that worked at the same college radio station that I did. No, I'm not Julie. From my recollection, he was still paying his dues doing overnights (2-6am shifts) which sucked beyond belief. And, his family lives down the street from my father (no comment there - ahem!). He found me searching on scuba diving (imagine that!) and he says he's living in NZ (which is either New Zealand or a type-o for Nevada or some other "N" state. I can't picture him living in North Dakota. Or New Hampshire.) Hmmmm.... And I recall him being a fantastic artist. Cool comicky book sorts of stuff. (This coming from someone that struggles with basic stick figures and smiley faces) I don't think he has any dirt he can spill on me. I think we got drunk at a show once (maybe he can remind me - it's been so long ago!) Anyway, I'll leave it up to him if he wants to shoot the poop and introduce himself. It looks like he's just getting a blog started - he's got that traditional "Testing" first blog up. (Remember those folks?) Have a fabulous Sunday folks. Weather is going to be GAWGEOUS here. I still haven't decided what to do about the mom myself - being that it's Mother's Day and all. If I take enough Klonapin to make her tolerable, I'm not safe to drive. And I'm NOT in the mood for a maternal invasion. I just can't handle it. (sigh) |
| 12 Comments |
| Update: Operation Seduction |
| 05.07.05 (4:00 pm) [edit] |
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There's someone that things have been going around and around and quite frankly, I'm tired of it. That ole saying "poop or get off the pot" seems to fit. So, I'm all diva-fied (casually fabulous) short denim skirt, black strappy sandals, black sweater that has a deep scoop neck. Having a great hair day - it looks sorta windblown (unintentionally). So the plan... I've left him a message that I need to drop something by this evening and to give me a holler. (I do have something legitimate to drop off). We've going to have a talk about it and quit dallying around - so perhaps we can dilly around? (Kidding!!!) Anyhoo, I'm off to run some errands in the meantime. Wish me luck on "Operation Seduction". I don't often take things into my own hands, but sometimes we girls gotta take charge! Update: Sadly, I did not follow thru with Operation Seduction. I was so worn out after my errands that I washed my face, brushed my chompers, hopped into my jammies and turned my phone off. |
| 10 Comments |
| A Classic Diva Debacle |
| 05.05.05 (10:40 am) [edit] |
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I was in Lowe's to get some cinderblocks. (Don't ask) I'm putting them in my shopping cart and realize that they were all muddy. Hence, my wonderfully-manicured hands were muddy too. I recalled that being so well-prepared, I had some of those little packets of 'wet naps' in my purse. But alas, how am I going to get one without my grubby paws dirtying my handbag? A fair prince in a red Lowe's vest named Marcus walks by. I play the damsel in distress and ask Marcus if he could help me. I show him my dirtied hands and ask if he would be so kind as to reach into the side pocket of my purse and get out one of my "handi-wipes". He nodded and dove into the side pocket. And pulled out a condom instead. I realized it the second I saw it. It took fair Marcus a second to realize it. The poor guy was black but he was as red as can be. I said "Marcus, I'm always prepared for anything, perhaps you can try again!" Poor Marcus reached in again and produced the Handi-Wipe. I open it and start cleaning my hands. Meanwhile, poor Marcus is still standing there, dumbfounded with a condom in his hand. (Dare I mention a mangery-type Lowes dude took a second look when he walked by?) I reclaimed my condom, took a deep chuckle and thanked Marcus for his assistance. BTW, the condom, I think, was past its expiration date. But I was too mortified to check. |
| 10 Comments |
| The Mom and The Fridge |
| 05.04.05 (8:06 am) [edit] |
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The mother and I had tenatively spoken about working in my garden today. But after the argument we had (see posting a few days ago) I told her to forget it because she would not agree on guidelines, etc. Typical her - she has just showed up. Unannounced. I am SO not in the mood to deal with her. She's ringing the door bell like crazy and hollering "Yooo Hooo!" Last night, I got dressed for dinner. Sat down for a few minutes because I was tired. Couldn't get back up. Just didn't have the energy. So I didn't see him. Someone shoot me now. Or at least pour me a REALLY big shot of tequila. Make it a jug of the stuff. UPDATE: She used the key and comes walking in (after 30 minutes of ringing the bell). I told her to leave - that this was a perfect example of our entire argument about her not respecting my boundaries. She said I had her "scared to death". (Bullshit - I told her that I was not expecting her.) She *could* have called - but I would have told her again that she was not welcome today - so she didn't call. She said that "we are wasting time when we could be working". I reminded her that our conversation ended with me telling her to 'forget it' because she wouldn't agree to ground rules. (Whenever she has come over before, there's been an agreed-upon time, etc). She hung up Monday and that was it. As usual, she completely disregarded everything I said on the phone. She really means well but the woman does not hear anything contrary to her own agenda. Martyr exit stage left. |
| 12 Comments |
| My Juicy Peach |
| 05.03.05 (7:03 am) [edit] |
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I had another strange-ass dream last night but I can't remember what it was about. I want to crawl back into bed. Cats are fed and frolicking outside. I have a burning desire to go buy a bikini. (Funny for a multitude of reasons) The peaches on my peach tree are larger than golfballs now. By Memorial Day, I"m going to be up to my ying-yang in peaches. My strawberries are looking good too. However, I don't think I'm going to get more than a pint or two from them. I could let them take over my back yard and then I'd have strawberry fields (forever). I'm going to get my tomato plants in the ground tomorrow. Need to lug some more dirt into the garden. (Where's a strong strapping stud when I need one?) |
| 10 Comments |
| Pain in the Grass |
| 05.02.05 (7:53 pm) [edit] |
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It's that traditional time of the year in the ScubaDiva family when the poop hits the fan. Of course, Mother's Day is approaching. Now, don't get me wrong, I love my mom and she means well but SHE DRIVES ME FUCKING NUTS. Example: This evening I call her. She said she was worried that she hadn't heard from me (in 24 hours). I told her that I wasn't feeling well and stayed in bed most of the weekend. She said "Well, you told me you had plans so I didn't come over, I'm not psychic!" I replied that I didn't feel well and didn't want to deal with anyone or get out of bed. (Especially her) So she wanted to come over and help with me getting my 2005 garden started. She's been on my ass for weeks about wanting to help. I asked her how Wednesday was - she said it was perfect. Then I said that we needed to make some ground rules to avoid any conflicts. She said there was no need for ground rules (like she disregards all of them anyway) that I was going to sit in a chair and point to what went where. I told her NO - that this was my garden and I would be actively involved and should could help or she could not be involved at all. I told her that it was essential to set up some ground rules to make sure that boundaries were in line so there would be no problems. So then she had another hissy fit saying that perhaps they should be written down and negotiated and she'd sign them. I told her that in past history, it really didn't make a difference because she disregarded them anyway. She asked for an example. So I told her about how I forbade her from mowing my yard repeatedly over the past five years. (She would come over when she knew I wasn't there and mow it. I went so far as to change the code on my garage door so she couldn't get in.) She said that she was sick and tired of me making threats and using 'gray areas'? How was that a threat? And what was gray about that? I said "DO NOT MOW MY YARD EVER." Hissy fit continued from her with a dash of martyrism, bitchiness and spin-control. I got sick of her shit. I told her to forget coming over on Wednesday. I just couldn't deal with her and I'd need a near-fatal dose of Klonopin to deal with her. |
| 8 Comments |
| Solicited Advice |
| 05.02.05 (6:44 am) [edit] |
| If you could give yourself some advice when you were younger and REALLY make your younger self listen, what would it be? |
| 15 Comments |
by Redonthehead