I Can't Make This Stuff Up

Single 30-something Female Dating Debacles and Random Musings in Coffee Shops


Blog For Free!


Archives
Home
2009 November
2009 September
2009 August
2009 July
2009 June
2009 May
2009 April
2009 March
2009 February
2009 January
2008 December
2008 November
2008 October
2008 September
2008 August
2008 July
2008 June
2008 May
2008 April
2008 March
2008 February
2008 January
2007 December
2007 November
2007 October
2007 September
2007 August
2007 July
2007 June
2007 May
2007 April
2007 March
2007 January
2006 December
2006 November
2006 October
2006 September
2006 August
2006 July
2006 June
2006 May
2006 April
2006 March
2006 February
2006 January
2005 December
2005 November
2005 October
2005 September
2005 August
2005 July
2005 June
2005 May
2005 April
2005 March
2005 February
2005 January
2004 December
2004 November
2004 October
2004 September
2004 August
2004 July
2004 June
2004 May
2004 April

My Links
Scuba Diving Pics
Pussy Pics
My Bush
My new pal Dan The Music Man's site
Scuba Diving Mag
Info on Breast Reductions
The Fair Tax

tBlog
My Profile
Send tMail
My tFriends
My Images


Sponsored
Blog



Ned Update
10.31.04 (3:05 pm)   [edit]
Yesterday was "Ned's" birthday. I called him to wish him well. I was mega-doped up at the time. Turns out he did close on the condo that's 2 miles from my place (vs a 45min drive before) and he's moving in this weekend. Nice chat. Need to think of possible birthday/housewarming gift that's not too frou-frou or over the top just in case...

(And if any of you guys suggest sexual favors as an appropriate gift, I'm gonna sic Kraze on you when she's horny to whip your ass into next week)
 
I hwurt
10.30.04 (9:31 am)   [edit]
Wah wah wah. I'm bored. I can't get comfortable. I've read all my magazines. Twice. I wish that I could reach my toes to paint them.

 
Advice
10.27.04 (5:26 pm)   [edit]
This is "THE REAL" Diva...

I'm recuperating from surgery and need to find a way to keep the Trick or Treaters from bothering me Saturday/Sunday. I've tried keeping the lights out but many of them still come banging on the door and ringing the doorbell.

I've thought of putting something over the doorbell to keep them from ringing it. I've thought of putting a sign up that says "Do Not Disturb" but figure that wouldn't stop the heathens either.

Thoughts? Suggestions?
 
Handing over the reins
10.26.04 (2:35 am)   [edit]
Ok folks. I'm having surgery tomorrow so I am handing over the reins of my blog to two guest-stars. (I take NO responsibility for what's posted here in the next couple of days!!!) And even when I'm back and under the influence of Demerol, I'm taking no responsibility for what is posted on here. ;)

I have one friend dropping me off and another picking me up and making sure I get settled in at home. (He asked "Do I get to see you naked?" to which I replied, "Not on your life!!!")

Surgery isn't until 3pm but they told me I couldn't have anything to eat/drink after 10pm Monday night. Now, I'm one that can go an entire day without thinking of eating but now that they've put this restriction on me, I KNOW I'm going to be starving to death all day. So I went out in style and had a HUGE chicken burritto with all the fixin's that will keep me full for at least a week. (They didn't say how much I could eat prior to 10pm, right? LOL)

So, you can try your guess at what I'm having done... Brain transplant? Sex change (don't they call that gender-reassignment surgery now?)? Heart transplant? Breast enlargement? Getting the hump removed from my back? My getting a Beyonce butt? None of the above?

Ya'll behave! There are folks taking names for me!
:)
 
Out of the Blue
10.24.04 (10:45 pm)   [edit]
I was doing some paperwork last night and turned on the radio - I never listen to commercial radio. I heard the lyrics to a song that made me feel like I was a 14 year old heartsick girl. The song you ask? "The Reason" by Hoobastank The lyrics hit home bigtime considering what is still somewhat fresh with "N". The wounds seemed fresher suddenly. (Now I utterly loathe people that just blog song lyrics and you can go read them somewhere if you wish)His birthday is this week. I had been debating about sending him an e-card. I've been hoping that perhaps he'd reconsidered (utterly pathetic, I know!) I was in total sappy mode.

Fast forward. This afternoon. Phone rings. I look down, it's "Ned". OMG. I took a deep breath. Answered it. He said that he had always enjoyed our conversations and indicated that he had been keeping up with reading my blog (where I've said that I was still kinda pining away from him.) While talking to him, I'm wondering "What do you want?" I'm knowing that if he turns this into a booty call, that I would say no and it would put him the category with all those other oafs. But he didn't.

Three hours later. Yes, we talked for three hours. Not about how things ended or trying again or anything that offered any sort of glimmer of possibility. I found myself the whole time wondering if perhaps he could see past things and start things over. For now, I don't think I can handle the 'let's just be friends'. As much as I might try to deny it, I still miss him. He mentioned talking to another girl right before he talked to me. (Dagger into my heart) But he may perceive I've moved on - PopTart guy, but I haven't. And plans are still to move buy a place around the corner from me.

Could I deal with the reminder of what was once between us and be friends? I dunno.
 
Nut Magnet
10.23.04 (12:52 pm)   [edit]
I'm dealing with a bit of unanticipated drama at the moment. A "tool" that I met for coffee once way back in August. Good conversation and felt some chemistry. Saw him a 2nd time. Red flags started popping up. Did some checking and found a lot of 'inconsistencies' as well as talked to a girl he had seen a while past (gotta love that grapevine!) She pretty much said he's a Jekyll & Hyde and a nutcase. (Things she said rang completely true from my experience). Details of his personal life screamed LOSER! So I met Mr. Tool at a restaurant to tell him that I wasn't feeling the love. As I started to mention some things that seemed inconsistent (and give him the oppty to correct), he saw it coming and advised me he was unable to see someone that did not trust him. (If he needs that for his ego, fine...)

Haven't seen him since. Fast forward to last week. I moved email addresses and sent out a broadcast email to my address book advising them of the change. (Guess who's email was in there? Yep! Mr. Tool)

I got a rather shocking/unexpected email from Mr. Tool on Tuesday. He missed me and he knew I missed him, that we both knew we were destined for each other, blah blah blah. That I was to 'think carefully' and call him that evening.

Well, that evening, I was on a date with the Non-Democrat (yet another fine specimen to hang on the wall of men I choose not to revisit) and did not take his call. He called again when I was driving home. As I was struggling to navigate my way in the Land-Boat (aka Yukon Denali Extended Stretch Beast), I just answered my cell phone.

Of course, it was Mr. Tool. I am nice, ask how he is, sorry he's been sick... He asks if I got his email. I tell him that I did and I was rather surprised and flattered (thought I would throw that in to soften the blow) but we were looking for different things. He gets all pissy and tells me that "when I change my mind and realize that we are destined to be together, to call him and suck his cock - then he'd decide if I was worthy".

As you can imagine, there was a long pause. Then I started laughing. For some reason, he didn't like that and hung up. (Gee, wonder why?)

Fast forward to Friday afternoon. I'm home from my aforementioned facial and see that someone I don't recognize made a comment on my blog saying "Fucken Bitch". I delete it. But I follow the links - this idiot made an entire blog yesterday making such poetic statements as "Well, dick in your ass then you stupid twit" and "Hope he fucks you good and hard up the ass and breaks your fucken legs".

I'm sure his mom is so proud of that mouth! Well, it's Mr. Tool behind the blog. I don't know how he found it, but he did. The logo he set up on the "Tribute" blog is the same on his personal one.

Resourceful me printed out his blog, the matching logos, photos of him, and thanks to Sitemeter, I have his IP address too. Gotta love technology and paper trails! And thanks to a friend at Verizon, I'll have his personal information on Monday morning. One more peep from him in any form and I'm calling a contact at the local police department and filing a complaint for terroristic threats and requesting a restraining order. I had a stalker for 4 years and I will not deal with that shit again.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRR.

UPDATE:
Thru the grapevine, an acquaintance that is PI offered to stake him out and have her partner "send a message" if he tries anything out. Gotta love that!

Monday:
Not a peep from him since Friday... But I'm armed. Go ahead, make my day. GRRRRRRRRR
 
Retail Orgasm
10.23.04 (11:09 am)   [edit]
Yesterday turned out to be an utterly FABULOUS day! First of all, I got my beloved car back from the dealership with a full tank of gas and washed. (They were also supposed to detail it, but I was so fed up with them that I just wanted my car back!!!)

I was sitting around yesterday feeling like I could REALLY use some pampering when I remembered that I had a gift certificate for a facial that was screaming to be used! And they had space for me yesterday afternoon! Yippee!

I decided to sashay through one of my favorite shoe spots and found the CUTEST pair of black leather mary-jane pumps on clearance. Regularly $119.00 - on clearance plus 40% off - I ended up paying $13.99 plus tax!!! (It HAD to be mismarked but the cashier didn't really seem to give a flip) What's better than a new pair of shoes? A new pair of shoes at a ridiculous price!

Off to the facial. Ummmm. Divine. Except when they do the whole blackhead thing. (I think that hurts more than a bikini wax.) My face is glowing and smooth.

Came home, glass of wine, long soak in the tub with candles and some great tunes. Slipped into some comfy PJ's. Then I admired my shoes some more.

Granted, my nose looks like Rudolph...
 
True Colors
10.22.04 (12:47 pm)   [edit]

The former bf that swore he had changed (see yesterday's posting) called yesterday afternoon... We chatted a bit - I was able to offer him some advice that will bring in a boatload of cash that he needs pronto. So he said "Let me take you out to dinner at least."

There's Chinese place around the corner from my place that has a sushi night special that rocks on Thursdays and I was craving California Rolls (I can't eat raw fish so it's the best I can do.)

I asked if he was in the mood for sushi and he enthusiastically said "Yes!" (I think that if I had said I was in the mood for crushed glass he would have said the same thing)

We talked a little more. I reminded him that if he was looking to try to get laid, he was barking up the wrong tree. (We never climbed that tree to begin with)

So he shows up at my door promptly at 7pm. It was obvious he had put a lot of time into getting ready. He went on and on about how I looked fabulous, beautiful, blah blah blah. I grab my purse and off we go. He opens the car door (something "Not a Democrat" would have a clue about) for me to get in AND out of at the restaurant. (It was a little overkill - it's the gesture - he was opening every door we encountered).

He orders sushi for both of us - finding some choices without raw fish. We eat and talk. He's got that gushy puppy-dog look in his eye. I hear about how he's exploring Buddhism, and how he's entering a new cycle in his life (being that he's a Gemini and all). That in the past he was trying to date (read as 'screw') as many women as possible, but he realized that it left him feeling empty. That I was one of the few women that didn't go for the drama, that wasn't needy, and had the world at her feet. (Could he lay it on any thicker???)

So he asks me about who I've been dating. I tell him I was dumped 3 weeks ago over miscommunication by a guy I really dug but I was over it. And that I was continuing to date around. He asked if there was room in there for him, that he realized he forsake quality for quantity. (Apparently, I'm the quality?)

I replied that things ended for a reason... That we could try to be friends, that I was happy that he had decided to pursue the quality approach. 

We're done with dinner at that point and he takes me home. He came inside because I was getting a phone number for him out of my Rolodex. He comes up behind me, his woody pressing into my ass, grabbing my boobs and whispers into my ear "Do you feel how much I've missed you?"

I laugh hysterically and said that he was right on schedule because I had guessed he couldn't go more than 3 hours without showing his true colors. Deflated (I'm assuming), he tried to dance his way around things. I told him he was full of cow-manure and that I told him from the get-go that he wasn't going to get laid. He said I always played hard to get.

I gave him "The Look". Without another word, he left.
I was most upset that I had left my sushi doggie bag in his car. 

 
I've changed...
10.21.04 (3:42 pm)   [edit]
Odd thing happened this morning. I got an IM from an old bf. Heck, I wouldn't even consider him a bf. We dated maybe a month. I felt he was just looking to get laid and I let things fizzle.

He said that he wanted to take me to dinner tonight and talk. I asked why. He said that he realized he had something really great with me and didn't even realize it. Then he said sometimes people miss their 'soulmates' because of timing. He wasn't in the place at the time to be open to it. (I wanted to hurl at the 'soulmates' comment.)

I told him that the entire time we dated, I got the impression he was just looking for sex and not into me at all.

He said that he had changed a lot. I asked how. He said that he just found himself comparing girls he dated to me. That they were needy and not me.

***I'm finding this entire conversation very...suspicious and not buying it for one second***

Yes, he *could* have changed but I think that some things are better left in the past. I told him we could explore being friends but we would not go down the dating/romance route again.
 
Update
10.20.04 (4:08 pm)   [edit]
Quick Recap -
I'm stuck in the tank for another day. (sigh) Last night I parked at the far end of the lot for my date to avoid parking close to any cars I might hit. And I climbed down out of the beast and landed in a puddle. Lovely..

Date was ok. Verdict is still out. Turns out he's not a Democrat. He's an Independent (I thought, ok, that's a relief) that voted for Nader (what the F***!?!?!?!) Conversation was fairly good. He was somewhat soft-spoken, which made it hard at times to hear him with the music in the background. (Maybe a method to get me to sit closer?) Apparently he thought the evening was going well because he asked me if I wanted to go back to his place to watch a movie. (Riiiiiiight - we ALL know what that means!) After about 3 hours of talking and me rejecting his offer of the movie, he offered to help me figure out some of the buttons in the beast (aka Yukon Denali). We went to another place that was more quiet to hang some more (I drank water all night - I was a good girl!). It got late and was time for me to head home. He didn't even offer to walk me to my car. (Mega Negative Points as this was not the greatest area and it was dark)

Still there were some nice things about him. Nothing that blew my socks off really (except he played with my hair a bit which I really dug). There's someone else that is in the background that I'm hoping will nibble, so maybe that's why I'm so ambivilant about the "Not Really a Democrat".
 
Assistance Required
10.19.04 (5:14 pm)   [edit]
I took my car into the dealership to fix something for the FOURTH time this afternoon. I got a loaner car. Or perhaps a loaner boat would be more appropriate.

It's a Yukon Denali.

I need a ladder to get into the thing. How do women get in/out of one of those things with grace? I'm going to end up falling flat on my face.

Maybe I can get one of those electric cherry-picker lifty-doodle things to help me up?
 
How NOT to make a Booty Call
10.18.04 (5:08 pm)   [edit]
Okay boys, in the spirit of public service, I'm going to give you another lesson in what NOT to do in a Booty Call.

Calling someone you dated 2 years ago and haven't spoken to since, puts you on tenuous ground to begin with. So if there is someone you would like to keep in the 'prospective booty call category', a call or email every once in a while helps.

Discussing your 1) gout 2) ulcers 3) bout with Irritable Bowel Syndrome
are not great ways to 'create a mood' where the Booty Callee will find tempting.

When she tries to be polite and ask what you've been up to in the past two years, and all you can say is "not much", the thought of conversation seems rather, shall we say, lacking?

Moving right into "I've been thinking about you a lot but have neglected calling" (for two years) screams 1)I'm pretty damn desperate 2)I'm an idiot or 3) All of the above

Which is followed directly by, "why don't we get together and catch up?"

My reply "I'm busy." He replies "When?" I reply "For you, until hell freezes over."

Sending an email to the Booty Callee afterwards saying that he enjoyed the conversation and hope we can get together soon when my schedule frees up just made me laugh harder.
 
Bet I can make you feel old...
10.18.04 (12:26 pm)   [edit]
Hey Gen-X-ers, I get I can make you feel old...

Joanie from Happy Days turns 43 today.
 
Happy Birthday Chicalookate
10.17.04 (12:15 pm)   [edit]
Everyone wish Kate (aka chicalookate) a happy birthday. She's one of the uber-coolest chicks on tlbog. And her blog rocks. It's her birthday TODAY. Do it! Now!

http://chicalookate.tblog.com" title="http://chicalookate.tblog.com" target="_blank"http://chicalookate.tblog.com...

 
New Words
10.16.04 (11:39 pm)   [edit]
Essential NEW WORDS FOR 2004 editions for the work-place vocabulary.

TESTICULATING Waving your arms around and talking Bollocks.
BLAMESTORMING. Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
SEAGULL MANAGER. A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
ASSMOSIS. The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.
SALMON DAY. The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.
CUBE FARM. An office filled with cubicles.
PRAIRIE DOGGING. When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see that's going on. (This also applies to applause from a promotion because there may be cake.)
MOUSE POTATO. The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
SITCOMs. Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business".
STRESS PUPPY. A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
XEROX SUBSIDY. Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE. The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
ADMINISPHERE. The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" needless paperwork and processes.
404. Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.
OHNOSECOND That minuscule fraction of time in which you realise that you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all')
WOOFies. Well Off Older Folk.
CROP DUSTING. Surreptitiously farting while passing through a cube farm, and then enjoying the sounds of dismay and disgust; leads to PRAIRIE DOGGING.
 
Laugh or cry?
10.16.04 (3:34 pm)   [edit]
I don't know if I should laugh or cry...

I was looking for something in my nightstand, came across a box of condoms.
They had expired in 1999.
That's the last millenium.

*For the record, I've boinked since then. Just not in my boudoir.
(Usually in dark alleys and behind trash dumpsters)
I am kidding about the last part.

Anyhoo, I'm laughing about it.
 
In my world
10.16.04 (11:56 am)   [edit]
It's definitely fall in the Diva-ville. I've had my first huge mug of steaming hot Red Zinger tea.

Plus, I have 3pr of thick socks on and my toes are STILL cold.

Update:
Kilt Boy just called. We have the Highland Games Festival this weekend. He wanted to know if I'd like to go. (Of course the wind is gusting to 25mph today.) Friendly Reminder: Kilts & Windy Days guarantee seeing A LOT more than you probably want to see of some Scotsmen. And it's never the hot studly Scotsmen that you see their (ahem) 'bagpipes' - it's the old fat hairy wrinkly geezer types.
 
The Octopus
10.14.04 (10:53 pm)   [edit]
Way back when Diva was 12, she was in Hilton Head on vacation going horseback riding. As soon as she hopped on the horse, her pre-pubescent stud-seeking radar locked to a definite hottie boy. She 'giddy-upped' next to him and started full flirt mode.

Turns out he's originally from Atlanta. (Cool! me too!)
Turns out he lived in the same area.
Turns out he lived on my street.
Turns out I was good friends with his sister and I recall him chasing us all the time and being a little heathen from hell. But he's grown up at bit since then.
Quite nicely, I might add.
Turns out he comes to town to visit his dad during winter and summer break. (Yee haw!)

So this young boy and I spend time together in H.H. during our week there. (All VERY innocent by today's standards)
We stayed in touch via letters (the old-fashioned ones with stamps!) and occasional phone calls).

When winter holidays came around, we had dinner,walked around the mall and held hands. (awww - I remember his hands were clammy!.) Then we went to a movie. Where the Octopus emerged. All hands. All over the place. Kept grabbing for my boobies. I was hopping all over trying to avoid the incoming gropes.

It turned out that my dreamy 18yr old high-school senior/star quarterback neighbor was sitting directly behind us in the movie. He tapped me on the shoulder and asked if my date was giving me trouble and invited me to sit with him and his date. That made the Octopus chill a bit. Then one of our parents picked us up and took us home.

(Side note: when my dreamy neighbor would be in his yard washing his black camaro shirtless, my girlfriends would come over and we'd sit in my yard in louge chairs watching!)

The next summer, The Octopus turned 15. His dad had connections and got him a "hardship drivers license" which basically meant he could have full driving privileges at 15. So he picked me up for a date. Another dinner and movie. More groping attempts. But I kept his paws at bay.

He's driving me home, goes past my house and stops in the dark empty cul-de-sac at the end of my neighborhood. In one fell swoop, he's leaned over, released my seat back and is leaning over on top of me going in for a smooch.

I had a really odd feeling. (No, it wasn't that it was his pubescent woody.) It was more of a feeling of motion. I realize... we are rolling backwards/downhill! I grab the emergency break and pull it up - HARD! Stopped the car but also probably stopped the Octopus from any sort of possibility of reproducing for a good 10 years.

When he could stand up again, we got out of the car. His father's brand new Mercedes' bumper was about 3 inches from a telephone pole. I had sacrificed his nuts for his father kicking his ass to kingdom come.

Let's just say that Octopus never again forgot to apply the parking break - ever, for the rest of his life.
 
Hot Plumber Update
10.14.04 (10:37 pm)   [edit]
I'm laughing my ass off at the moment.
I'm on the phone with the Hot Plumber.
He's BACK yet AGAIN with his on-off-on-off-on-off-on-o ff girlfriend that has been cheating on him.

My reply was:
No offense, but I really don't want to hear your boo-hoo-ing shit about her anymore.

His reply:
I know, I know.

He will never learn. Nothing sadder than a stupid hot guy with a pierced tongue and an ass to die for....

 
LINGO / Primus Telecom SUCKS Monkey Balls
10.14.04 (6:31 pm)   [edit]
I read about Lingo phone service and thought it sounded like a great deal. It's phone service through high-speed internet access.

I had some questions, so I called their Sales Support line. They immediately picked up and were rather helpful. My questions were answered and I signed up. I gave them my credit card # for $39.99 to pay for equipment.

I received the equipment. I read the instructions and find out that everything the sales rep told me was false. I called their Sales Support. Since they had my money, I was of no interest to their Sales team. They told me to call Customer Support.

I sat on hold for more than 45 minutes, to be hung up on before I spoke to someone. I redial, rather pissed, and isit on hold another 57 minutes. The 'phone center' is in India and the rep I spoke to was unable to do anything more than read from a card.

I sent back the equipment. It's returned to me saying "Refused: Return to Sender".

I call back and sit on hold for an eternity. I raise hell. They send me a UPS airbill and I promptly send the equipment back.

Three weeks later, I'm looking over my bill to see if I've been credited, but instead, they have billed me ANOTHER $39.99 as a 'cancelllation fee'.

My credit card company is of no help.

So I've been communicating via email. They have 'assured' me that I will be credited back 'promptly' and my 'cooperation' is appreciated.'

Bullshit.

Three weeks later, no credit.

So today, I sent them an email.

Well, perhaps "emails" would be a more appropriate description. I sent their "sales department" email about 100 emails.
I feel better.

So my advice: Stay away from Lingo / Primus Telecom because the make unauthorized charges, their customer service is abysmal and their sales staff lies/misleads people.

https://www.lingo.com And if for any reason you feel like contacting them, their email is sales@lingo.com
 
Back Tracking
10.13.04 (10:29 pm)   [edit]
I can track a lot of my traffic using sitemeter. I was checking out how some folks came upon my site.

Some interesting ones include:
paddle + sister + panties + bare
denim + skirt + hiked + up

Now I'm scratching my head wondering where I used those words in my blog because they certainly weren't together!
 
Mr. Easy Access
10.13.04 (1:13 am)   [edit]
A year ago, I was on a sales call with someone I had been trying to get an appt with for weeks. He was hot but politely declined my sales proposal on budgetary reasons.

As I'm leaving his office, I get a text message on my phone from him saying: "I turned you down because we are not allowed to date vendors. Have lunch with me tomorrow?"

I figure, what the heck.

We have lunch. Good conversation. Feel some chemistry. Phone calls/emails back and forth. We were both traveling so little time to meet up again.

He bought a new condo and invited me over for dinner. Sounded good...

Until he said "Wear something with easy access."

Now, there's NO way I could have misinterpreted what he said. I replied that I suddenly had a change of plans...

He tried to get back in my good graces thru emails/calls but he was so f'ing cocky that I had ZERO interest in him - I don't care how hot he was!

So, I have't spoken to him in 9 months. I get an email from him wanting to know how I was etc. He wanted to know what he could do to get back in my good graces (aka get laid). I reminded him of what an ass he was which conveniently escapes his memory. I'm feeling like perhaps he should be toyed with a bit.

I'm meeting him for dinner tomorrow night (at the most expensive restaurant in the area). Going to let him think he's going to get lucky and then tell him I'm not interested. I still have to do some strategizing on that... He needs a serious dose of his own medicine.

Payback is a bitch. ;)
 
The Booty Calls are popping up all over the place...
10.13.04 (1:01 am)   [edit]
Hooray for Karma! I'm absolutely laughing my posterior off. I got a call from the 39 yr old Pizza Delivery Guy. (I can't remember the name I christened him with - sorry) About a month ago, out of the blue, he sent me a bizarre email saying that he couldn't see me anymore b/c I was a 'distraction'. (The reality was I had already written him off, but whatever)

So this afternoon he calls... He says "It's me." I have NO clue who it is. I keep asking who it is. Then he says his name and it takes me a few seconds to register. I never thought I'd hear from him again. (He's a nice guy but not cutting it on my list)

He makes some blah blah blah small talk. (I SO know what is coming...) He mentions he's in the area (Ironic as he lives 2 miles away!). It was his pathetic attempt at a booty call. I promptly told him to enjoy his errand and thanks for the call.

He replies (sounding sorta dumbfounded) "well, keep in touch."

Uh, not on your life.

For the LAST time - guys, if you are going to booty call, AT LEAST come up with something remotely creative instead of "I'm in the area..."
 
He offered to make me poptarts
10.11.04 (11:03 am)   [edit]
Quickly as I'm heading out for a dr's appt....

Had a great time last night with "Darnell" (not his real name). Shared a lot - he's going thru a divorce and of course that offers a lot of struggles.

Stayed up very late talking. I ended up spending the night (GASP!) on his spare bed. For the record, he slept in his bed all night as well. In the morning he offered to make me a "poptart and coffee'. It was cute. He's cute. Not someone I'd date for a multitude of reasons but will be a friend and is nice eyecandy.

As I talked to him while he shaved and got ready for work dressed in a towel (may I add "YUM!"), I was pondering - what is it about a guy in a towel shaving that is so damn sexy???

He walked me to my car, gave me a peck on my forehead and I left with a smile. (I'm saying I've forgotten what went on with "Ned", but it was nice to have a hot stud's attention for an evening...)
 
Needs!
10.10.04 (11:12 pm)   [edit]
How do you differentiate between stating your needs and being needy!!!
 
Back on the saddle
10.10.04 (7:44 pm)   [edit]
You guys are going to laugh at me. I just had drinks with a guy that's been a friend for a while. He said several weeks ago that he'd like a chance if "Ned" fell through. He read my entry about last night and asked me to have drinks with him this afternoon. I had a great time. (And he kisses a lot better than "N" does - a beer on a stomach that's had no food for a week will get to a girl's head)

Anyhoo, I'm having dinner with him tonight. He's working on having me say "Who's Ned"?
 
Dumped Again
10.10.04 (9:04 am)   [edit]
Well, "Ned" called me last night (just as I was walking out the door for my date with the tall hot guy). Lovely.

Anyhoo, his reply was that he 'just wasn't feel it anymore'. To which I asked if he could expand on that. (I mean, helll, he's had access to my personal journal that shares a heckuva lot of my thoughts, feelings, actions) but he couldn't/wouldn't.

I'm really disappointed...

The date I went on last night - truly a nice guy - he made some rather flattering comments but I wasn't open to hearing him. He invited me to come along to his party but I passed. Then he tried to kiss me, but I turned my cheek (OUCH!). I just couldn't deal with kissing him - I thought it would make me cry. I figured that wasn't a good thing. I was home in about an hour, in my jammies and had taken some sleeping pills to knock me out.

I think I"m going to feed the cats and go back to sleep.

 
Waxing about Halloween
10.09.04 (4:28 pm)   [edit]
The lovely and talented SheSpecies and I were talking last week about what she should be for Halloween... I'm not doing any parties this year, so I'm not stressing over what to wear. I traditionally do something rather topical in the news.

A couple of years ago, I wore an overcoat with a bunch of clothing with tags hanging out. (I was Winona Ryder)

Last year, I simply wore a toy white tiger affixed to my neck. (Remember Siegfried & Roy?)

This year, I think I'd do something along the Martha Stewart behind bars. (Since I've often been referred to as her when I entertain).

I told SheSpecies she should go as a female pimp. Some wild-brightly printed (maybe zebra) spandex leggings, some flashy sequined trashy top, a purple fur jacket and matching hat. She's ROCK.
 
Date Update
10.09.04 (4:12 pm)   [edit]
The call I've been waiting for since Tuesday, from "Ned", happened yesterday afternoon. However, I was in the middle of cleaning my whirlpool, so I didn't hear the phone ringing until it was too late. No vm left. I thought/hoped he would call back. But he hasn't. I sent him an email - he sleeps such odd hours...

Nonetheless, I have a date tonight with a new prospect. His name is "Charlie" (Have I used that name before?) Anyhoo, we're meeting for drinks. He's invited me to a party afterwards but it's just not my scene.

In all actuality, he's not really my type BUT he's an avid diver. (Since my other diver-pal has been ignoring me, I figured I needed to seek attention elsewhere.)

*I've thought of what I would do if "Ned" called and suggested getting together tonight. I wouldn't ditch my date with "Charlie" - since it was set up when he had been MIA for a week. And I misplaced "Charlie's" phone number- so I couldn't call him to cancel anyway.

I've been toying around with what to wear. Couple of ensembles in my head but nothing firm. (If only you boys knew how much time and effort and thought we put into a date with you!!!)

And, I've been toying with coloring my hair brown. Although my red hair is somewhat of my trademark, maybe I need a change. (I can always color it back or shave my head completely)

Oh - and not a peep more from the Felon... Guess he found someone else to molest.
 
The Gift
10.08.04 (6:06 pm)   [edit]
Often when I'm taking a pee (sorry it's relevant), my cat Sassy often comes in to say hello and get patted on the head.

Yesterday morning, she comes in from outside and drops a f'ing cockroach at my feet! It's alive! I jump up off the throne and I'm looking for something to smush it with. (I'm a single girl, so there are no magazines or other reading materiall laying around there). I almost fall over myself because my shorts are down and now around my ankles. I finally grab a big glass candle and squash it.

Sassy was rather proud of her gift to me.
 
From Under a Rock
10.06.04 (10:30 pm)   [edit]
I don't know if I ever shared the story of "The Felon" that I dated (briefly). I met him at a professional networking group about 21/2 years ago. He was new to Atlanta and, friendly Native Atlantan that I am, I offered to show him around a bit . (He wasn't too bad on the eyes either...)

So we dated for about 3 weeks. Nothing serious. I got the feeling that there was some stuff that he wasn't sharing with me on a personal basis. I remember our first date, we went out on the mid-term election day. I asked him if he had voted and his response struck me as unsual.

Then, the day before I went into the hospital for my boob surgery, I get an email from him titled "The Bomb". Now I thought that this was like "you are the bomb" email. Nope. It was a 10 megaton thermonuclear device sort of bomb.

The short version: He's a convicted Felon. Not only that, but a convicted sex offender. Not only that, but convicted of Attempted Sexual Assault on a Child. (I"m sure Mom would LOVE this guy eh?)

He bitterly explains that it was an internet set-up and he was trapped, etc. He offered to let me talk to his probation officer about it. (OMG) Now, I'm not one to make snap judgments (ok, sometimes I am) but I thought how awful it would be if he was innocent to have to deal with this all the time. I talked to some atty friends that said it was plausible. The Felon talked candidly about it and I thought I'd give him the benefit of the doubt for the moment, but wasn't going to pursue anything serious...

Then, he came over to my house to set up my stereo/dvd player etc. He got rough. Too rough. Had I not taken a self-defense course, it would have been date rape rough. I saw something in his eyes that was different. And at that moment, I believed he could have done it.

SO, FAST FORWARD. I HAVEN'T SPOKEN TO HIM IN EONS. I GOT AN EMAIL FROM HIM THIS MORNING ASKING ME TO CALL HIM, THAT HE WANTED TO TALK. NO DETAILS OR EXPLANATIONS...

Part of me wonders what he wants (as he ain't getting squat). Anyway, bottom line, that's how being a convicted felon got on my non-negotiable list for dating.
 
Dumped Update
10.05.04 (5:50 pm)   [edit]
After a long talk with a friend, I decided to follow his advice and call "Ned". We had a long and very open conversation. He said he needed a couple of days to process it but said some other things to allude that it isn't over. He apologized for violating my privacy - and seemed quite sincere about it.

I feel better about things, even if it doesn't work out.
Thanks for everyone's kind words.
 
Bitten in the ass
10.05.04 (1:59 am)   [edit]
Sometimes keeping an honest account of your life can come back and bite you in the ass...
I got a taste of karma today.
"Ned" dumped me via email - yes, email.
Despite my warnings, he found my blog and read it.

For someone that I know, reading it is sort of like a violation of privacy - this is my sometimes journal, sometimes a place for me to vent and sometimes a public service to men everywhere to point out what not to do.

I share it with people I know on a very exclusive basis... The things he said stung and I'm not quite clear on what he meant, but the tone was clear enough. I made a promise to myself that I would never edit what I wrote that was personal and I wouldn't go back and change what I wrote. It's a matter of free-association and hashing things out.

So Diva had herself several shots of rum, long rambling convos with some dear friends and is about to go cry herself to sleep. I really liked this guy - despite my what I may have alluded to on here.

Final though: Dumping someone via email - sucks.
 
Ned resurfaces
10.01.04 (8:19 pm)   [edit]
Lo and behold, "Ned" called me this afternoon after not a peep from him since Sunday. My reply was "Oh wow, you're actually alive."

Supposedly, "Ned" has been 'swamped' with work and school ALL week long. And he's really busy this weekend too. But he wants to take me out on Monday. I told him I wasn't sure what my schedule was going to look like.

He was super-chatty. He seemed interested in how my week was and also offered to give me some $. (Waiting on some fundage)

After 90 mins, I told him I needed to go. Not sure if I buy it or not... I
 

DIVA'S WORDS provided
by Redonthehead