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| I don't know what to title this one... |
| 07.31.04 (6:58 pm) [edit] |
|
Owning a house is cool and all, but there are times where I really HATE yardwork. Especially mowing my 'yard' of newly-sprouted weeds and dead grass (Thanks again Spectracide!). I've procrastinated mowing and edging for a week or so. I was going to do it on Thursday, but JUST as I was heading out to mow, a HUGE t'storm came thru... I bribed myself yesterday. I said if I mowed/edged my yard that I could have some frozen blueberry yogurt. (I'll do just about anything for it - now Saint, don't get any ideas! LOL) I ended up having a long lunch with a friend and we were shuffled out of the restaurant at 3:30 so they could set up for dinner. We decided to see a movie (Manchurian Candidate - thought it sucked). I got home A LOT later than I had planned... But that blueberry yogurt was beckoning me.... So I got out the edger and the mower and started on the back yard. I edged and mowed - things went smoothly. Now to the front yard! I start edging the curb and around the beds. (My method of edging is more like 'scorched earth' than actual edging.) About 1/3 thru, the little plastic doo-hicky thing that actually chops the grass got cut off. Unplugged the weedeater and pulled some more length out - realized it was almost gone. Got started again when the little plastic doo-hicky thing went flying off. I muttered a few choice expletives. I have another roll of those plastic doo-hicky things but didn't know where it was and it was getting dark and that blueberry yogurt was calling even louder to me since I was grimy, covered in grass and HOT. So I said screw edging and started mowing again... My blueberry bush decided to inflict some revenge on me. The last time I edged, I kinda beheaded my blueberry sapling. I apologized profusely to it... Well, while mowing, I stepped in the hole where the remains of the blueberry plant is. Twisted my ankle (the one I had surgery on a few months ago and have spent a total of 3 years in a cast for). Not bad but I hope the blueberry plant feels revenge was inflicted.... It's beyond dusk. I'm pretty much mowing in the dark. But I was relieved it was a little cooler. I just kept thinking about my blueberry frozen yogurt... Got the equipment put away. (Shoulda been hosed off outside) Carefully went upstairs to shower away the ick. Got myself into my jammies, decided I needed a maniure/pedicure. Painted my toes/fingers a pretty mauvey peachy pink. Then I realized. Shit. I can't open the yogurt container with wet nails... So, the blueberry frozen yogurt is still in my freezer... BUT, my toes took great! I am NOT cut out for this yard work stuff. Manual labor that involves getting dirty and grimy is not for me. Let me sit in the hammock, sip lemonade and watch some hot strapping stud do it for me. Shirtless. Preferably in tight shorts.... And throw in another one to fan me and feed me peeled frozen grapes. Oh my... That sounds good, doesn't it? |
| An Announcement |
| 07.31.04 (1:56 pm) [edit] |
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For those that have thought I was MIA... "Karl" proposed Thursday night and we ran off yesterday to get married. I figured he could help with the yardwork and he can keep his clothes in his trunk. He likes my cooking and I'll even indulge him with sex every once in a while. Maybe. (Ok, I kid. Just haven't been feeling great. Uninspired. Apologies for not posting. I'll try better!) |
| I LOVE IT!!!! |
| 07.31.04 (1:53 pm) [edit] |
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[b](As Saint asked if we girls ever really do this - YES, here's the proof!)[/b] The potential dream date has turned dour, a fact that not even a rib-eye steak and a bottle of merlot can soothe. If only the cellphone would ring. Please. Your message has been heard. And answered. Technology and romance have melded again, but this time, it's a lifesaver, not a matchmaker. Cellphone giant Cingular has launched a service that allows customers to schedule a rescue call to ring during a date. The aptly named Escape-a-Date doesn't just ring like a hotel wake-up call, it offers a (somewhat) palatable excuse — and a chance for beleaguered daters to show off their thespian skills. The prerecorded Cingular message isn't just a simple ring. It provides one of eight various excuses to dump the dud. Here's a sample script: Hey, this is your Escape-a-Date call. If you're looking for an excuse, I got it. Just repeat after me, and you'll be on your way! "Not again! Why does that always happen to you? . . . All right, I'll be right there." Now tell 'em that your roommate got locked out, and you have to go let them in. Good luck! Dating experts see this not only as a way to end an unpleasant evening, but a precautionary measure. They already suggest you have someone call during a date. |
| Looky~ |
| 07.29.04 (11:16 am) [edit] |
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Woo Hoo! I'm sitting here in front of my brand-spanking new 19 inch flat screen lcd monitor using my shiny new computer. No more shutdowns. BUT... all these damn cords - gotta figure out how to configure them. I'm straddling some of them! Now I can surf porn and see it MUCH bigger. (kidding!) But seriously Saint, now you can email me pics of your cute butt and I can see it in almost realistic size! |
| Opps! |
| 07.29.04 (6:48 am) [edit] |
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BERLIN (Reuters) - A German woman became so furious after a fight with her husband she stormed out of the house armed with a hammer and smashed up his car -- before realizing she had vandalized the wrong vehicle, police said Wednesday. The 43-year-old from Essen, western Germany, told police she shattered the windshield, broke the headlights and wrenched off the wing mirrors, causing more than $1,200 in damage, because she was filled with rage after a telephone quarrel. After going back indoors she realized she had battered the wrong car. Only noticing the color, she had attacked her neighbor's blue Opel Corsa and not the blue Ford Fiesta belonging to her spouse. [b][i]Lesson learned. Make sure you have the right car before vandalizing. I just have a picture of this case going to Judge Judy and hearing what she would have to say about it. LOL[/i][/b] |
| Only in Georgia... |
| 07.29.04 (6:36 am) [edit] |
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Okay, I've shared about the wild jungle cat roaming midtown Atlanta, the barracuda off the Georgia coast jumping into a boat and biting a guy, now we have.... [b] HOGZILLA![/b] Here's the link including a pic: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/5540839/" title="http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/5540839/" target="_blank"http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/5... Sum it up to say: a 12 foot hog, 9 inch tusks, 1000 lbs. Wonder how many pork sandwiches he'll make? |
| The second date... |
| 07.29.04 (6:30 am) [edit] |
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Had a nice evening with "Karl" and his dogs. He came over after work. (Yes, the new one that he adopted on Tuesday which led to our rescheduling of our date...I can confirm the dog's existence!) I made garlic basil pesto with lots of parmesan cheese from scratch with basil from my garden. Served with toasted french bread and sliced tomatoes from my garden. Bottle of Italian vino. Surprised him with a little birthday cake for his belated bday (2 weeks ago). Was a very chill evening. (He arrived about 45 mins late - which kinda annoyed me - but traffic was bad and he did call to let me know he was almost there eventually...) Talked about college days, music, if he's going to keep the new dog or not, etc. Then he tinkered with my laptop and determined it's not a viral issue but a hardware one. (Good thing I'm picking up my new 'puter today. :) ) He left with a rather small smooch (A slight step above a peck on the lips - sorry RiverRat, no boinking!) and a bag full of tomatoes. (One of the reasons I had him over - to unload tomatoes on!) Overall, nice date. Good convo. Dressed fine. Still hasn't done anything to warrant disposal. And, get this... He took off his shoes when he came in the door! I didn't even ask him! LOL That's all folks... May not update rest of day, depending on how the computer thing goes... UPDATE: He sent me a sweet email this a.m. thanking me for dinner and the company. |
| Websites |
| 07.28.04 (8:31 am) [edit] |
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Other than T-blog (duh), what websites do you visit on a daily basis? Any that you visit on a multiple basis during the day? |
| Talk about going for the gold! |
| 07.28.04 (12:39 am) [edit] |
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ATHENS (Reuters) - Athletes at next month's Athens Olympics are expected to go for gold in the bedroom as well as on the field, with 130,000 free condoms being made available throughout the Games. [b]In the Sydney 2000 Games, each competing athlete was given 51 condoms on arrival at the Olympic Village, but another 20,000 had to be shipped in when supplies began to run low. [/b] [b][i]Ok. ANYONE that can go thru 51 condoms in 12 days AND compete in Olympic events DEFINITELY deserves a gold medal. (I wonder if there are judges? How would the scoring system go? Would there be compulsories? How would the qualifications go?)[/i][/b] |
| Update: Round Two |
| 07.27.04 (7:19 am) [edit] |
|
Oh my. "Karl" and I had a rather long conversation yesterday evening. (He wanted to stop by after work but I was zapped with lack of sleep and the house was not clean enough for me.) So I countered that he could come over this evening after work. I could unload some tomatoes on him - and make some bruschetta and basil pesto. He'll be in charge of the wine since I think he only likes red. I have maybe 10 bottles of wine from hostess gifts but I'm clueless if they are any good. (They could all be $3 bottles of wine from Kroger. Big deal for me to let a guy know where I live. I'm sure some of his eccentricities will present themselves. He's brining his dog, Hannah, along. (She goes to work with him.) I wonder how my cats will be feeling about a canine around? (Hannah will stay in the back yard. What shall I wear? Maybe greet him at the door in just an apron and heels? (KIDDING!) I'm off to see the latest redecoration at my mothers house. (She's an interior decorator and has completely redone the house - it looks amazing - like something out of a magazine) Something about faux painting. I know she's a decorator and all - but it's not my style. She's chomping at the bit to redo my place. But I want it to be my place, not my mother's version of my place. And my massage is afterwards.... Where is my xanax??? [b][i]Karl just called. He is rescuing a dog after work. aka adopting. Need to reschedule. (At least he didn't wait until 3pm to tell me.) GRRRR. He's gonna have some making up to do to me. [/i][/b] |
| Does your Masseuse Feel U? |
| 07.27.04 (7:16 am) [edit] |
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I'm off to a massage. First one in several years. I had a bad masssage experience about 2 years ago. A friend had given me a certificate for a Day at a Spa as a gift. A place I had never heard of before. Wasn't exactly the calibre of salons I'm accustomed to. Anyway. I had a facial and a body wrap. Then a body massage. I undressed and was under the sheet. The masseuse walked in. He gave off a creepy vibe. When I was on my tummy, he got a little too close to my ass but I said that was enough and flipped over. He brushed my breasts a couple of times. Then at the end, he asked if there was 'anything else that needed attention'. I said it was great. He reached in for my twat. NO mistaking what he was doing. I jumped off the table, wrapped in the sheet and ran out of the room. I told the mgr what had happened - which the masseuse denied. I dressed. Then she told me to sign my cc receipt for the 'mandatory 20% gratuity'. I refused and told her she was lucky I was not calling the police. I finally wrote REFUSED due to inappropriate contact by masseuse on the charge slip, took my copy and walked out. She was hollering that they were running the card. I told her I was on the phone with my cc company and advising them to decline any charges made by the place. This time, I'm keeping my undies on. ;) |
| All Candidates are Asses! |
| 07.26.04 (8:05 am) [edit] |
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FLORISSANT, Colo. (AP) - No elephants need apply. This unincorporated area on Saturday re-[b]elected Paco Bell, a donkey, as its mayor, and that wasn't even close. Two of the four candidates didn't show up.[/b] "We had one who was colicky, so he couldn't make it, and another one's trailer broke down, so he couldn't come either," said organizer Tracie Bennitt. Volunteers the Pikes Peak Historical Society stuffed Paco Bell's ballot box with donations - ensuring him a second term. Dagney Hales, 8, and Sam Easto, 7, fed the mayor wild goldenrod, green stalks with little yellow flowers, and Teller County Sheriff Kevin Dougherty swore in the incumbent. "This is good and rural," Dougherty said. "We love doing this kind of stuff." |
| Booty Calls |
| 07.26.04 (7:49 am) [edit] |
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2:39a.m. Phone rings. I wake up and look at caller id. Determine it's a booty call. Let voicemail get it. 2:40a.m. Cell phone rings. Surprise, it's the same person. 2:41a.m. I get a vm indicator on the cell phone. I listen to the message. "HI it's (insert name here), I woke up and wondered if you were up." 2:41:30a.m. I delete his VM 2:41:45 Home phone rings again. Answering machine gets it. No message. 2:42 a.m. Home phone rings again. Message this time said "I wasn't sure this was the right number. Call me if you're up, I want to talk." 2:43a.m. Cell phone rings AGAIN. 2:44 a.m. Cell phone rings AGAIN AGAIN. 2:45a.m. Home phone rings again. I take it off the hook. Turn cell phone off. (In case I left out a call - he called my home phone 4 times and my cell phone 4 times!) I REALLY thought about calling him at 6am when I normally wake up and I know he'd be dead asleep. But I opted to send an email instead. It said: "Hi. I saw you called early this a.m. - several times - must have been urgent for you to call at such an odd hour. I was sleeping. Everything ok?" MEN! *And FYI - it wasn't "Karl". |
| My date last night. |
| 07.25.04 (1:24 pm) [edit] |
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Okay folks. Sit down... I had a date last night. New prospect. We'll call him... Karl. I was very apprehensive about a first date for dinner. Actually had a great time. It wasn't that he swept me off my feet or swooned me. Just a nice guy. I guess after the recent streak I've had, a basic nice guy can be refreshing. Scary to say but there is nothing I can particularly make jest of. Maybe I'm losing my touch? Or maybe I'm just too darn tired to come up with anything? Oh - and someone asked what I wore. Denim Jones New York skirt - above the knee. Pink jersey shirt - ruffle along a deep v-neck. nude colored strappy sandals. And surprisingly, had a decent hair day!!! |
| Here we go again... |
| 07.24.04 (10:25 am) [edit] |
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Diva was supposed to have a lunch date with a new prospect today at noon, but she was out too late playing love therapist last night and has a crashing headache. She called to cancel. He countered with dinner. Now, normally, dinner on a first date is a no-no for me. Especially on a weekend night. You're trapped there for hours. And there's no way to say "I've got an early meeting in the morning" to make an early departure. I could say I have church in the morning, but I think I'd crack up saying it... I guess I could always use the emergency phone call technique. (You know when you have a friend call you at a certain time and you use code words to say the date is going ok or not and can feign an emergency to ditch the date...) He seems nice. He loves his dog. (Hopefully he doesn't love his dog as much as the guy that loved his horses a little too much for my taste.) But as many of you know, I have this amazing tendency to find the SEEMINGLY most normal well-adjusted men only to discover they are something out of our nightmares. So now, I have to rethink the wardrobe. Saturday night date requires a little bit more effort. Sometimes I'll pick out a couple of outfits, throw them up in the air and whichever one hits the ground first, I wear. I don't know what sort of mood I'm in. I think I'll wait until the headache passes so I don't think that a bright floral skirt and a striped bouse and plaid jacket look good together. Wait. I don't have any bright floral skirts. or striped blouses. or plaid jackets. I guess I'm relatively safe. At least fashion-wise. I still could have a date with an ax-murderer. But at least they can say I was dressed impeccably in the obituary. Optimistic, aren't I? |
| The Single Life |
| 07.23.04 (1:21 pm) [edit] |
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[b][i]This article made me think... Reasons why I'm happy I'm single. My list is below this article. Feel free to add your 2cents worth.[/i][/b] BERLIN (Reuters) - [b]More than 80 percent of single German women are perfectly happy without a man [/b]in tow and say living solo gives them more freedom to do what they want, according to a survey for Stern magazine. Coming amid mounting political alarm about Germany's low birthrate and aging population, the survey of 1,003 women showed [b]only two percent did not enjoy their solitary lifestyle and 36 percent opted to stay single because it was more fun.[/b] Almost half the women said they preferred single life because it was easier to keep their homes tidy and 36 percent said with no man on the scene they didn't have to endure watching sports on television. Reasons why I'm happy I'm single: 1) Closet Space 2) Having the bathroom to myself 3) Closet Space 4) Having the bed to myself 5) Closet Space 6) No snoring (other than my cats) 7) No picking up after someone else 8) No "while you're up, could you bring me a beer?" 9) Closet Space 10) No interruptions while I'm watching Ty Pennington 11) Did I mention Closet Space? |
| Tequila! |
| 07.23.04 (1:05 pm) [edit] |
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I was on a dive trip with a group of people in Cozumel. We are pretty serious divers, so no drinking while we were diving... After our last dive of the trip, we headed to Carlos & Charlies to do some celebrating. It's a group of 8 of us and I'm the only female (lucky me!). A man comes up to me - that was not part of our group -and says that he will buy me a shot of tequila if I'll let him lick a press-on-tattoo on my neck. I look at him and say: "It will take a heckuva lot more than one shot of tequila for me to let you do that." He walks away. The guys say "CRASH & BURN!" We go back to our celebrating, recanting funny stories of our adventures when the man comes back. With a HUGE bottle of tequila. Top Shelf. I pull my shirt down and let him lick the tattoo just about my boob. It was painless and he said thanks and walked away. The guys were dumbfounded. I said "That's a $70 bottle of tequila!" I was a bad bad girl! ;) |
| Sick Pussy(cat) |
| 07.23.04 (9:20 am) [edit] |
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I've been up all night with my kitty, Lulu. She has a "hot spot" on her booty. She had a very nasty one 2 years ago. This one was caught early. I have one of those collars on her that prevents her from licking it. She looks miserable. So does her mom who stayed up all night... :cry: |
| Bigger Breasts for Free: Join the Army |
| 07.22.04 (5:35 pm) [edit] |
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NEW YORK (Reuters) - The U.S. Army has long lured recruits with the slogan [b]"Be All You Can Be," but now soldiers and their families can receive plastic surgery, including breast enlargements, on the taxpayers' dime.[/b] The New Yorker magazine reports in its July 26th edition that members of all four branches of the U.S. military can get face-lifts, breast enlargements, liposuction and nose jobs for free -- something the military says helps surgeons practice their skills. "Anyone wearing a uniform is eligible," Dr. Bob Lyons, chief of plastic surgery at Brooke Army Medical Center in San Antonio told the magazine, which said soldiers needed the approval of their commanding officers to get the time off. Between 2000 and 2003, military doctors performed 496 breast enlargements and 1,361 liposuction surgeries on soldiers and their dependents, the magazine said. The magazine quoted an Army spokeswoman as saying, "the surgeons have to have someone to practice on." |
| Got MILF? |
| 07.22.04 (5:30 pm) [edit] |
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This is from thesmokinggun.com JULY 21--This is the story of GOTMILF. In May 2002, Michael Syravong filed the below "personalized license plate application" with Washington's Department of Licensing. GOTMILF was Syravong's first choice among the three possible personalized tags he listed on the state form (he would have settled for SUPL8EZ or RCKSTAR). [b]Asked for the meaning of GOTMILF, Syravong wrote, "Manual Inline Lift Fluctuator," [/b]which he would later claim was some kind of automotive gizmo. The 25-year-old software engineer's license plate choice was, amazingly, approved by bureaucrats who obviously never saw the film "American Pie" and were clueless about the acronym's real meaning. Unfortunately for Syravong, however, two offended citizens knew that the plate was actually his sly play on the Got Milk? slogan crossed with the raunchy acronym. In February, 21 months after Syravong got the personalized plate for his Toyota (pictured above), an aggrieved Washingtonian e-mailed a complaint to state officials. A second beef was received in April from a disgusted Snohomish parent who did not want "my children seeing this and inquiring as to what it means." Acting on the first complaint, state officials wrote Syravong seeking his response to the complaint. Fighting to keep GOTMILF, he responded with a letter that desperately tried to explain away his license plate. [b]In April, the state review committee voted to cancel Syravong's tag. He got the bad news in an April 13 letter chiding him for providing "inconsistent information regarding the definition of the plate." [/b] Stripped of GOTMILF, Syravong was forced to replace his distinctive tag with PUNISHR. We're counting the days until a motorist writes in to complain that Syravong's new plate advocates domestic violence or has S&M undertones. |
| No Makeup in the Slammer |
| 07.22.04 (5:22 pm) [edit] |
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[b]Good thing Michael Jackson is being tried in the US and not Australia... He'd be screwed. [/b] MELBOURNE, Australia (AP) - Prison officials Thursday rejected a mass murderer's application to be allowed to wear makeup while serving his 30-year sentence. Denyer, 31, was convicted of stabbing and strangling three young women during a three-week killing spree in Melbourne in 1993. Since being imprisoned 11 years ago, [b]he has made headlines by asking for a sex change and demanding the right to wear makeup. [/b]His request for a sex change was also rejected. |
| Ziggy and Me |
| 07.22.04 (10:03 am) [edit] |
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I was reading that Ziggy Marley is performing at some benefit at the DNC convention next week... I had a Ziggy experience about 10 years ago. Was, um, rather odd. I don't understand the whole reverence with Ziggy. He's got a beautiful smile. And he's got some amazing musical heritage. But he's nowhere near the level of his dad. I was working at the local 23,000 seat open-air amphitheater in Promotions. (I was responsible for radio /club contests, making sure the concert riders were abided - ie 5lbs of green M&M's and particular brands of bottled water at room temp. Plus I had to recruit 'girls' for the after party. Sum it up, I was a madam or a pimpette. I'm not quite sure. That's a whole 'nother story that I would have to work on to disguise particular celebs) Anyway, Ziggy was performing as part of a festival. Midnight Oil was playing. Can't recall who else. I was interviewing Midnight Oil for the radio station -doing double duty that day - working behind the scenes with the promo dept and radio. Then I got a call that the guy from the radio station who was supposed to interview Ziggy couldn't get off of work and wouldn't be able to interview him. And that I would have to do it. Ok. Let me sum up my knowledge of Ziggy (and his father). I like Reggae music. I have a couple of Bob's albums but I know nothing about it. I understand that it's reflective of their tyranny, poverty, joy, spirit, etc but, sum it up that I have liked it because I could keep rhythm. Then I get a call from the Program Director at the station. It's going to be a LIVE interview. Oh great! (NOT) So I go to Ziggy's dressing room. Knock on the door. A very large man with dreds opens the door as a billow of smoke escapes. (I remember that I'm there for radio and not the venue, so I don't say a word.) The smoke clears some. I see people KNEELING in front of Ziggy. It's like he's holding court. A woman presented her child to him - saying she named her son after Ziggy. He's puffing away and nodding and chilling. I'm realizing that I'm WAY out of my element... I tell the large man that resembles a Jamaican version of Jabba the Hut that I'm doing the LIVE interview for Ziggy. They start giving me a hard time. White chick here to interview him, blah blah blah, it's disrespectful to send someone like that here. Fortunately, Speech from Arrested Development was in the room. (Our station broke them - and Speech recognized me.) He told Ziggy that I was cool and he should let me do it. I tell Ziggy that we're going live in 75 seconds and I needed to know if it was on or not. That we could promote his new album or not. His choice. So we did the interview. Talk about shooting in the dark. It ended up being a great conversation - except the silences that you could hear his inhalation of certain herbal substances. At the end of the interview, he said I was the coolest white chick he'd met and offered me his bong. On air. I laughed, thanked him, and left him to continue holding court. I just don't get it. |
| Take Him Out for a |
| 07.22.04 (8:55 am) [edit] |
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Beavsgirl blogged about how her Hubby is going to get snipped (aka vasectomy). Reminded me of another story of the Non-Ranger. For those of you that don't recall the Non-Ranger - read up first here: (Fuck it - I gave up trying to figure out how to post the link. Click on April's entries, go to the 4/28 entry for "Payback is a Bitch). When we started dating, he said he had no kids and had been rendered sterile due to a bad case of chickenpox at 18. (Funny how he has 2 sons that were born after he was 18!) Anyway, about a year ago, he called to tell me he was going to get snipped. I asked why he was going to do it since he was sterile. He said that it was because of a history of prostate cancer in the family, blah blah blah. (Whatever - still wonder what the real story is) I asked if he needed a ride to/from the appt. (Being a caring person). He said he would be ok. He called me or I called him a few hours after his procedure. He said he was sitting on a bag of ice and it hurt but not too bad. And then he asked me to come over and put ointment on his incisions. I laughed and told him he was a big boy and could handle it himself. He then said that he couldn't have sex for a week. I told him I hoped he would make it thru that week ok. He called after the week to tell me he could have sex again. (I bet it's been years since he's actually knocked boots). I told him that I was happy for him and I hope his equipment worked perfectly. He asked if I'd like to test drive it. I said I'd pass.. Men. |
| The Straight Sign |
| 07.21.04 (12:19 pm) [edit] |
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I came upon a this article about men offering some sort of 'secret straight sign' to another man to let him know he's straight. Never really thought that those sort of things really existed. It reminded me of an experience I had many years ago. And revealed how f'ing naive I can be sometimes. The radio station threw a party for me to get to know everyone. It was a pretty wild event. They were rubbing pretzel sticks together to get the salt off them to do tequila shots. A guy called "The House Fairy" took me under his "wing" to introduce me to people, etc. He was sweet (in more ways than one). From appearances, I was A LOT more 'clean cut' than everyone else. The booze was gone, the party was moving on. I was standing by "The House Fairy" and a couple of other people. One woman said that they were going to another club and asked if I'd like to come. I was having fun, so I figured why not... "The House Fairy" said "Don't worry, I'll take care of you." (I'm thinking "huh?") So I follow them to the club. We go inside. C. asks me if I'd like to dance. I say I'm going to grab a drink - maybe later... I am at the bar. I order a drink. I see 2 ladies sitting next to me. They are kissing. (First time I'd seen that). Then I kinda looked around. The club was 90% female. LOTS of plaid. It hit me. C. thought I was lesbian and that's why "The House Fairy" said he'd protect me. He came up to me about then and said that when I was referring to "my girlfriend Julie" that C. thought I was referring to MY GIRLFRIEND. I laughed. C. laughed. Had fun the rest of the evening. (or was it morning). So, I tell my mother about the experience. She laughs and says... "Even I know that's a lesbian club!" I felt like such a dork. Here's the link to the inspirational article http://www.blacktable.com/zoellner040715.htm" title="http://www.blacktable.com/zoellner040715.htm" target="_blank"http://www.blacktable.com/zoe... |
| Tfriends |
| 07.21.04 (7:42 am) [edit] |
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I've been around Tblog for a couple of months and one thing I have never quite understood. Perhaps some of you guys can illuminate something for me... I get "friend requests" constantly from people that 1) never comment on my blog 2) I've never communicated with on Tblurt 3) never communicated via tmail 4) never hear from again. [b][i]Is it just a matter of adding more notches to their bedpost? Am I being used? Should I feel cheap? [/i][/b] |
| Keep him away from Fido! |
| 07.21.04 (7:36 am) [edit] |
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[b][i]Ok. This is sick. But why would someone do it especially with a Pit Bull? I mean, what if it gets pissed and turns around and chomps down? Can you imagine that guy's experience in jail? His mom must be so proud![/i][/b] Police are searching for an Elburn man charged with molesting a [b]pit bull-boxer mix[/b]. A warrant was issued for Daniel J. Joyner, 27, Thursday after a 2 1/2-week investigation into complaints from the dog's owner, a Geneva woman, that [b]Joyner injured the animal in June after having sex with i[/b]t in Geneva. [b]Joyner faces felony charges of engaging in sexual conduct with an animal and criminal damage to property. He could face up to nine years in prison and $75,000 but is also eligible for probation. [/b] The dog has recovered and is back with its owner, said Debra Bree, assistant Kane County state's attorney. Joyner is 6 foot 4 inches tall, 200 pound with brown hair and blue eyes |
| Roberto the WunderBunny! |
| 07.21.04 (7:31 am) [edit] |
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[i][b]Hmmm. I don't even know what to say. That's a big f'ing bunny! [/b][/i] A 27-pound rabbit from Holland is believed to be the world's longest rabbit, according to a Local 6 News report. Roberto the 2-year-old Continental Giant is [b]almost 4 feet long [/b]and sleeps on a dog's bed because he can't fit into a normal-sized hutch. Roberto is larger most 3-year-old children, according to the report. Although Roberto is believed to be the world's biggest bunny, Guinness World Records said it has stopped listing "biggest animal" titles out of fear that it may lead to people deliberately overfeeding their pets to win the coveted title. Continental Giant rabbits can live for up to 12 years, suggesting that with at least 10 years left, Roberto may still have a bit of growing to do. Here's links to video and pictures of Roberto: http://www.local6.com/news/3547722/detail.html" title="http://www.local6.com/news/3547722/detail.html" target="_blank"http://www.local6.com/news/35... |
| Presumptions |
| 07.21.04 (7:23 am) [edit] |
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I need to check my horoscope because something is making old boyfriends come out of the woodwork... Got an email last night from a guy I dated in 2000 during my "Jason" phase. (I dated 4 Jasons pretty much simultaneously) Typical "nice guy". He's a stock broker. Does well. Does truckloads of volunteer work with kids - coaching, mentoring, etc. I think I met him at an Atlanta Chamber of Commerce event... I can't even recall why we quit dating. I think it was nothing official but he was just too damn busy with all his volunteer-work. Oh wait, I think it was that he was always hounding me to let him handle my 401k's and investment accounts. So in reality, he just wanted me for my money. (LOL) He hasn't seen me since I've had my, um, surgeries. I wonder what he'd say? Nah, I don't want to deal with him asking me about my investment accounts. We never smooched and I got the vibe that he'd be like a jackrabbit in bed. Why? I have no idea. Do any of you have presumptions about people you date - and do you often find them wrong? |
| Another Radio Adventure |
| 07.19.04 (1:08 pm) [edit] |
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After working at the college radio station for a year or so, "THE" major station in town called to offer me a job. I was torn because I loved the independent attitude of the college station and the cutting edge approach but the thought of actually getting paid for work sounded like more fun. So, my first shift at the station was on a Saturday night. I was doing the 12am - 7am shift. (VERY long for a radio shift.) All my friends were going to be listening, etc. I'm on the air and all is rocking... One of my best friends is on the speakerphone keeping me company. I have to go to the bathroom. The station is in an office building where the bathroom is shared by everyone on the floor. I put in a long song (something by REM) and sashay to the bathroom sans shoes or my purse. I do my 'business' and go back to the door to the radio station. I enter the 4 digit code. It doesn't open. I try again. No luck. (I have a great memory for that stuff). I keep trying. It ain't opening. I think "SHIT!" I still have 4 mins before the song is over.... I don't have my shoes or my car keys, so I can't go get help. I don't have the access card to re-enter the building, so if I leave, I have to make sure I had a way in. I tried propping open the door to the outside to trigger security to come. No luck. I think to myself that my friends live down the street, when they hear us go off-air, that they'll come down and figure something out. The program director's number isn't listed in the phone book, so I couldn't just call information to get it. I figure someone from the station will come up here.... So I sit in the lobby. Until 6:45am when the next dj walks into the bldg. He asks me "WTF are you doing here?" I explained to him that we had been off the air since 1:45 am. Sirens go off in the radio booth when there is deadair for 30 seconds or more - the sirens were going off when we entered the studio. It turns out the Program Director had fired someone Friday afternoon and neglected to tell me that they had changed the security code on the door... My friends' response was "we wondered what was up". Thanks a lot. Thanks a f'ing lot! |
| Blizzard |
| 07.18.04 (7:33 am) [edit] |
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Thought I would share a couple of funny stories from my radio days... If you missed the earlier blogs, I used to be a radio DJ for a couple of 'the big boy' radio stations in town. I left because of the sucky money, hours, and the egos. I loved radio and continuing would make me hate it. I got started at a 100,000 watt college station. It used to be touted as the most innovative station in the country. WRAS broke REM, Indigo Girls, Sheryl Crow, Nirvana - I could go on and on. Nowadays, it's in the crapper. Anyway, one of the shifts I did was Saturday's 6am - 10am. It was relatively quiet and I got to catch up on shit in the process. The studio has no windows. Your only connection with the outside world is the phone. We were expecting some snow that a.m. (Remember the Blizzard of '93?) People started calling in saying that they had a few inches of snow, etc. Then the reports started coming in about roads being closed. By the time my shift is up, campus security came to notify me that I was stuck and wouldn't be able to get home unless I had a 4wheel drive. (I didn't) And the guy following me couldn't get in b/c of the snow. The Program Director told me to stay on air as long as I could. And for the next 18 hours, yes 18 hours, I stayed on the air. My theme was "Come on Down FCC, shut me down and haul me to jail". I played stuff that had dirty words and completely abandoned our format. I lived on vending machine coffee and whatever was in the machines. Someone offered to bring me food to keep me on the air. (Security won't let strangers in the studio) I had no voice by the end of the 18 hours. But people still remember me for that b/c a lot of the other stations had shut down... They didn't understand that I was doing it really to avoid being snowed in with my mother for a couple of days! LOL |
| Assault with a Deadly Weapon? |
| 07.17.04 (6:32 pm) [edit] |
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[i][b]Domestic violence is never funny. But this one is. Will he be charged with assault with a deadly weapon? Of course it happened near Daytona Beach. I bet they were fighting over the Dale Jf. Collectible Chicken Bucket collection.[/b][/i] PORT ORANGE, Fla. — A man was arrested after hitting his girlfriend with a pet alligator he kept in his bathtub, Volusia County Sheriff's deputies said Friday. David Havenner, 41, was charged with domestic battery and illegal possession of an alligator. Deputies said Havenner [b]he got into an argument with 39-year-old girlfriend, and at one point grabbed his pet 3-foot alligator from the tub and began swinging it at her, striking her on the arm. [/b] Havenner was being held without bond. |
| What next!?!?! |
| 07.17.04 (6:29 pm) [edit] |
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I was doing my best impression of a couch potato this afternoon when my jaw hit the ground. [b]I saw Lenny Kravitz on tv for a TARGET ad.[/b] I had the pleasure to rub elbows with him on several occasions. The dude absolutely exudes an amazing sexual vibe - even though I'm not attracted to that type at all. Why? What the hell was he and his mgmt team thinking? I guess Lenny's career is rather inactive at the moment. Except for appearing at Target. What the hell is next? Marilyn Manson for American Express? Or maybe Anthony Kiedis for Jockey? |
| Video has definitely killed radio |
| 07.17.04 (6:24 pm) [edit] |
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In a "previous life", I used to be a radio DJ / Personality / On-Air Talent. (Call it what you want.) for a couple of "major stations" in Atlanta. It was fun but the hours and pay totally sucked. I also wasn't that thrilled with the lifestyle - staying out all night drinking, people with questionable goals in life, etc. Ever since I left radio to 'get a real job' as my parents referred to, I haven't listened to commercial radio. I listen to talk radio, but otherwise, I spin my own CD's. Today, I actually listened to the radio for a few hours while I was cleaning. OMG. It SUCKS. The playlists are getting shorter and shorter. The public is being spoon-fed or having this format shoved down their throats. No wonder such crap is topping the charts. If you listen to shit songs that are replayed every 90 minutes, it's going to grow on you most of the time. I haven't seen MTV in years either - I don't even wanna know what that has denegrated to... |
| Vote for me |
| 07.17.04 (9:56 am) [edit] |
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Our Primary election in Georgia is Tuesday. I was reading up on some of the candidates yesterday. In one forum in our local newspaper, candidates were given the oppty to share some of their BS on 'topical issues' and some personal information. One guy included that he's "[b]Single, Jewish and has blue eyes". [/b] He's running for CEO of our county. Ohhh! He's single AND Jewish AND has blue eyes. I'm going to vote for him because of those blue eyes. I bet his mom wrote the details. LOL |
| Garage Sale Idiots |
| 07.17.04 (8:50 am) [edit] |
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I'm cursed with being an early riser. I was up until 2a.m. yet my internal cuckoo-clock went off at 6a.m. I was up diddling around, cleaning, working on the closet, etc. When I hear the doorbell ring. It's 6:37a.m. I think "WTF!" I'm in my aforementioned jammies, and I go downstairs. Some strange woman is at my door. She asks when the garage sale will be starting. I look at her, puzzled, and say "What garage sale?" She said the one in the paper and the one with the sign in my yard. I tell her she's mistaken and go back upstairs. At 7:20, three cars are in my front drive. Again, someone is at my door. I tell them there is no garage sale here. He points to the sign in my yard. I walk out - and see the problem... I live at the the foot of a hill - an inverted T. The sign is supposed to point going up the hill. But the dumbfuck made a sign pointing in the wrong direction - namely at my home. I take the sign down, lay it on the curb. 7:45a.m. The sign is back up. 7:47a.m. I take the sign into my garage. Fuck 'em. I should get a bunch of shit out in my driveway and insist on a cut of their own garage sale. [b]Lesson learned: Don't go thru all the expense of advertising a garage sale with an arrow pointing the wrong way at a critical location. And don't put shit in my yard.[/b] GRRRR. |
| The Octopus |
| 07.16.04 (12:11 am) [edit] |
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My dating debacles and adventures have consistently required a sense of humor. One of my first boyfriends was a perfect example... Matt and I grew up on the same street when we were kids but he moved to Dallas, Tx with his mom when his parents split. We were accidentally reunited when we were 13. He'd spend summers here with his father. We'd do Six Flags, play tennis (codeword for making out) or go to movies. That is where he earned his nickname, "The Octopus." The boy could not keep his hands to himself. Very grabby. So much so that one of my neighbors (the high school football star) was seated behind us and tapped him on the shoulder to behave himself. The Octopus was my first kiss. Retrospectively, it wasn't a toe-curler, but I had nothing to compare it to. He got his license. One night after coming back from a movie, instead of returning me home, he took me to a secluded cul-de-sac. In a very swift motion, he pulled my car seat back and was on top of me smooching. I realized we were moving. I grabbed the emergency brake, to stop the car, which ended up stopping about 6 inches from a telephone pole. (And incidentally, his crotch was in the general direction of the emergency brake.) I imagined what he would say to his dad about the brand new Mercedes with its own telephone pole. So, The Octopus takes me home. The mom said she was watching tv and we should go to my room. I looked at her like she was making a death sentence. She knew I called him The Octopus! Up to my room we go, I turn on the radio and start dancing to avoid having to sit down. Eventually, he went home. But there are a few more amusing stories to share about The Octopus... |
| Birth Control |
| 07.15.04 (2:38 pm) [edit] |
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Back from haircut. I don't get called back for my appt until 2:40. Meanwhile, I've pretty much dug my nails into the palms of my hands and I'm wondering where the closest bar is... Completely inappropriate to bring children into an upscale salon like that. Experiences like that remind me why I don't have kids. It's the biggest reminder for birth control I can think of. Hair seems too short but I'll make a decision on that tomorrow. I didn't even bother having her dry it - I just had to get the hell out of there. (If you haven't guessed by now, I have zero patience for kids - especially unsupervised ones) And update on my yard... Spectracide said that they will completely reimburse me for the repair of my grass that their products killed. Yea! |
| Hair Hell |
| 07.15.04 (7:40 am) [edit] |
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I gotta do it. I haven't done it in so long. And I really need to... I'm trying to recall the last time I got a haircut. Maybe February/March? I've got longish-hair, so it's not like it's that noticeable. I need to do something with it. I have such a hair dilemma that I'm sure some of you ladies will understand. When I was 10, I had long gorgeous luxurious hair. But that summer, I was being shipped off to 8week horse camp (while my parents started their divorce). The mom required that I whack off my hair. At the time, the "Dorthy Hamil" was 'the' cut. I cried for days afterwards. To make me feel better, the mom bought me Dorthy Hamil's special shampoo "Short n' Sassy". My hair was short but I never felt particularly sassy. So, ever since then, I have been on the pendulum between letting my hair grow out and then getting tired/frustrated about the situation and cutting it shorter. (Never as short as that god-awful Dorthy Hamil cut). Lately, it's been more about layers than length. The layers are somewhat grown out. Somewhere inbetween. I have such a love-hate relationship with my hair. I'm a Leo, who are known for their mane of hair. And I'm very much identified with my red hair. But my illness has my hair shedding - a lot. I feel like I'll be bald by xmas at this rate... Anyway...because I'm on medical leave from work, I haven't had to do much fussing with my hair. I've been keeping it twisted up on my head for the summer. Summer + my hair = SHEER FRUSTRATION It's very humid down here in Atlanta and my hair loves to kink up. Now, if it would kink in a consistent manner or a curly manner, it'd be ok. But it looks more like those "Before" pictures by John Frieda where the woman looks like you took her lollipop away. So I must apply a zillion products and straighten it. But, 5 mins later, when I walk outside, it looks like I never touched it. I really think I should take a pic every morning when I do my hair - and wear it around my neck with a sign that says "I really did do my hair this a.m., I swear!" Something about a bad hair day that just drives me nuts. Thank goodness for hats. I have quite a collection of straw hats for summer. I can hide under there. So, I'm heading off to get my hair whacked, I mean cut, this morning. Not sure what I'm going to do to it. I've also been toying with the idea of becoming a brunette for a while. Maybe I'll do that this fall... Maybe I won't have any hair left. Maybe the bald Demi Moore look will come back into vogue, but I won't hold my breath. |
| Pussy Dreams |
| 07.14.04 (9:49 pm) [edit] |
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[i]You weren't expecting some sort of racy entry, were you? LOL[/i] My darling kitty, Sassy, is curled up on a chair at the window sleeping. All of a sudden she starts howling. I look over at her - the tail is flicking, paws fluttering, and she's asleep. I'm laughing. Wonder what she's dreaming about? |
| PFC Pussycat |
| 07.14.04 (9:25 pm) [edit] |
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[b][i]Since he's technically a war veteran, does he get full medical benefits? How does he salute a senior officer? Is it rude to lick oneself in front of them too?[/i][/b] [b] Pfc. Hammer is an Iraqi tabby cat [/b]the unit adopted after he was born last fall at a base in Balad, 50 miles north of Baghdad. “He has been through mortar attacks,” said Bousfield, a 19-year Army veteran. “He’d jump and get scared liked the rest of us. He is kind of like one of our own.” Pfc. Hammer got his name from the unit that adopted him, Team Hammer. [b]Soldiers would tuck Hammer in their body armor during artillery attacks, and in return, Hammer chased mice in the mess hall.[/b] “He was a stress therapist,” Bousfield said. “The guys would come back in tired and stressed. Hammer would come back and bug the heck out of you. He wiped away some worries.” [b]The kitten earned his rank after nabbing five mice.[/b] Hammer left Iraq with his unit in March, then flew from Kuwait to San Francisco in cargo-class. [b]He traveled first class with an Alley Cat Allies volunteer to Denver[/b]. |
| Updated: Mr. Easy Access |
| 07.13.04 (4:19 pm) [edit] |
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My my, they are poking their heads out of the dark this week... I got an email from "Mr. Easy Access" today. Haven't heard from him in almost a year. The email was simple: said "Haven't talked to you in a while. What are you up to?" Now, I met Mr. Easy Access about 2 years ago at a business function. He is HOT. We're talking model-hot. Unfortunately, he knows he's hot and has an ego to match. Mr. Easy Access and I had lunch several times - primarily business but flirting ensued and it became social as well. Steamy emails and IM's. He invited me over to his new place for dinner. I asked if there was anything I should bring. His response: "Wear something with easy access." I laughed and told him to go to hell. We had a huge spat afterwards about his attitude. Haven't spoken to him since. Gee, I wonder why he's making contact now??? Updated: He emailed me again. Asked me if I was 'seeing someone'. I replied that I was touched he was concerned about my well-being. (Haven't heard back from him since!) LOL |
| Bad Joke |
| 07.12.04 (2:53 pm) [edit] |
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How do you eat a frog? You put one leg over each of your ears. (If you don't get it, don't ask me to explain) |
| Enlighten me |
| 07.05.04 (7:16 pm) [edit] |
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Was watching tv for a few mins to determine there's nothing but crap on tv when I see a commercial that made me laugh my ass off.. [b]KFC's "Collectible" Dale Jr. buckets.[/b] [b]A 'collectible' chicken bucket? [/b]Do you use this for 'special occasions' in the future? Or maybe as a planter? This confuses me. Are there any rednecks out there that can shed some light on how a greasy paper chicken bucket can be collectible and what you would do with it? |
| Ambush Fix-Up |
| 07.05.04 (8:11 am) [edit] |
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I guess my blog makes it abundantly clear that I'm single aka not married, shackled, betrothed, etc. Yet some of my married friends feel it is necessary to drag me into 'marital bliss' with them. (I think it's a conspiracy because they believe misery loves company.) Anyway, my friend Deb & her husband invited me to go along with them to a park for a picnic and fireworks last night. I talked to Deb Saturday afternoon when she told me to 'dress really cute'. My "WARNING! WARNING!" alarms went off in my head. Deb & her husband pick me up and lo and behold, there's someone else in the car. A guy. I cringe. The sudden urge to flee hits me but I know there's no escape. I'm trapped. [b]AMBUSH FIX-UP.[/b]Deb introduces me to "Wendell". (Who the hell names their kid that? And who the hell wouldn't pick up a nickname or use a different name as an adult? ) "Wendell" is an unadulterated geek. He is the epitome of all things geek. [b]Apparently, married friends think that just because you are single and over 30 that ANY male that is also single and over 30 is your PERFECT match.[/b] Wendell laughs about something (that the rest of us didn't get). He laughs so hard he starts wheezing and breaks out an inhaler. I suddenly recall that we have no alcohol, it's Sunday (no alcohol sales), and there isn't enough alcohol around to make this experience go quickly enough. Wendell doesn't realize it - but we went to school together when we were in 4th/5th grade. He pretty much hasn't changed except grown 3 feet and is still trying to grow a mustache. Deb pulls down the visor and is 'fixing' her lipstick making eye contact with me in the mirror. The darts my eyes were shooting did not inflict an immediate and painful death as I had hoped. I take several very deep breaths and realize that I have to make the best of it. I try to carry on a conversation with Wendell and the happily married couple. Wendell can't keep it up. (The conversation.) We stop at a convenience store to pick up some drinks. "The men" get out to handle that. Leaving me with Deb. I ask her "What the hell were you thinking???" She said that Wendell wasn't the guy she was thinking of when she told her husband to invite that single coworker. (Her husband knows me fairly well - what the hell was he thinking) I told Deb that if he mentions doing Dungeons and Dragons or talks about online girlfriends, I'm going to leave. Even if that means walking home 15 miles. "The men" come back. Apparently Deb's husband has given Wendell a pep talk. I can see him replaying the advice and pointers in his head as we approach the park. He tells me I have 'lovely brown eyes'. I say "why thank you". (They are as green as grass) The next 8 hours were painful. Highlights included his sweaty hand trying to grab mine. I mentioned that I was dating someone. (I used someone I know as a 'figure' that seemed rather daunting to him - I [i]thought [/i]that would make him back off). He tried putting his arm around me several times. I got up several times to get away from him (I made many trips to the bathroom, trashcans, etc). And he did mention D&D and his past couple of g'fs had been 'online'. (OMG) Walking back to the car, Wendell suggests we get together again sometime soon. I told him that was a nice idea but I was dating someone and it would be inappropriate. He asked for my phone number. Six times. (If I had call-blocking, maybe I would have given it to him.) So instead, I finally made up a number and gave it to him. I told Deb in no uncertain terms that they were not to give him my number or last name. On behalf of single people everywhere, I plead to you married/committed folks - [b]DO NOT set us up without prior knowledge, approval, permission. [/b]Please use some judgment - would YOU date that person? [b]And never, ever do an ambush set-up on an outing that ends up being almost 10 hours long...[/b] [b]Unless you have a lot of booze. Or an escape vehicle. [/b] |
| Wishing you a happy 4th |
| 07.04.04 (8:00 am) [edit] |
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I won't be bloggin' today as I'm off to do the picnic thing/fireworks thing with some friends. Something is up with them - I'm not quite sure what it is but my friend is acting somewhat suspect... I have my suspicions, but I'm going to wait and see. I don't want to hear about any firecracker accidents. |
| If... |
| 07.03.04 (9:33 am) [edit] |
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If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? And what are you doing to change it? |
| BreakUps |
| 07.02.04 (5:49 pm) [edit] |
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We've all been a dumper or a dumpee when it comes to ending a relationship. What's the worst breakup scenario that you have been a part of? |
| Steal a kiss? |
| 07.02.04 (8:27 am) [edit] |
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COEUR D'ALENE, Idaho (AP) - [b]Stealing a kiss is not a crime, a jury has decided.[/b] A computer repairman who kissed a customer during a house call was acquitted of battery Wednesday. Steven Allen Moyer, 40, said he figured the woman was lonely and might want companionship. "She said she didn't have a steady boyfriend," Moyer testified. "I asked her if she wanted a boyfriend for 15 minutes." Victoria Franich said [b]Moyer cornered her, grabbed her and kissed her twice - after billing her $20 for the service call. [/b]She said Moyer also asked her if she wanted to show him the bedroom. "I said no and he left," she said. Franich then called police. The five-man, one-woman jury took 90 minutes to acquit Moyer. [b][i]My thought: was the $20 service call for the kiss or the computer repair? If it was for the kiss, was it worth $20? I can't say many kisses I've had would be worth $20 but for computer repair, that's a steal! How insulting for the guy to say she seemed lonely (aka needing a lay?) Do you think it should have been considered a crime?[/b][/i] |
by Redonthehead