I Can't Make This Stuff Up

Single 30-something Female Dating Debacles and Random Musings in Coffee Shops

Blog For Free!

2012 February
2011 August
2011 April
2010 October
2010 September
2010 August
2010 July
2010 June
2010 April
2010 March
2010 February
2010 January
2009 December
2009 November
2009 September
2009 August
2009 July
2009 June
2009 May
2009 April
2009 March
2009 February
2009 January
2008 December
2008 November
2008 October
2008 September
2008 August
2008 July
2008 June
2008 May
2008 April
2008 March
2008 February
2008 January
2007 December
2007 November
2007 October
2007 September
2007 August
2007 July
2007 June
2007 May
2007 April
2007 March
2007 January
2006 December
2006 November
2006 October
2006 September
2006 August
2006 July
2006 June
2006 May
2006 April
2006 March
2006 February
2006 January
2005 December
2005 November
2005 October
2005 September
2005 August
2005 July
2005 June
2005 May
2005 April
2005 March
2005 February
2005 January
2004 December
2004 November
2004 October
2004 September
2004 August
2004 July
2004 June
2004 May
2004 April

My Links
Scuba Diving Pics
Pussy Pics
My Bush
My new pal Dan The Music Man's site
Scuba Diving Mag
Info on Breast Reductions
The Fair Tax

My Profile
Send tMail
My tFriends
My Images

Create a Blog!

Groundhog Day
02.03.12 (4:11 am)   [edit]
In case you didn't notice... My last posting was on April Fool's Day. I'm alive. Still in Atlanta. Had a lot going on. Many people I believed in, trusted and relied on - well, I found out that they lied, deceived, used me. Common denominator... me. Not only did Hot Stud father a kid while we were supposedly exclusive, but I also found out he's had an 'open relationship' with a woman for nine years. Bi-guy calls me, asking my opinion about some random girl being a good fit for Hot Stud. (Hot Stud is the one who told me Bi-guy had been in a relationship with a man for 7 years. And Bi-Guy tells me about Hot Stud's girlfriend of almost a decade...) I quit dating more than a year ago. Completely. It's not in the cards for me. I've accepted it. I realized I'm clearly not as savvy about people as I thought. I don't believe in others and I certainly don't believe in any intuitions I have about myself. I've retreated. From just about everything. Professionally, I've disappeared. I've successfully alienated my friends. My closest friends have been people I have never met. I pushed to meet in person and it didn't happen... You have no idea how humiliating, humbling and alone one feels when they are shamed by medical professionals because you don't have any one to look after you, to pick you up after surgery. So incredibly alone. I've taken up... backpacking. It's an escape. I now go 'into the woods' for 4-5 days at a time. No showers, no flat irons. I only wish I could take the felines with me, but they wouldn't be good trail cats. I've been bitten by a pit bull on the trail, had a close encounter with a bear in the middle of the night, and gotten seriously lost when it was going below 20degrees. Not sure why I'm bother to post.

08.29.11 (5:40 am)   [edit]
Just poking my head in. Alive. Not in Montego Bay. Not in Atlanta. Lots up in the air. Hope all is well.

Diva's Relocated
04.02.11 (1:08 am)   [edit]
I'm alive. Apologize about the absence. I met a guy & have moved down to Montego Bay to live with him on his boat. (it's a very nice largeish sailboat ) All's swell except it's hard to wear heels on a yacht gracefully. Trying to sell my house and most of my belongings. Know anyone that wants to by a 2002 Grand Prix Coupe with 73,8 miles, loaded in excellent condition...

Diva Updates
10.14.10 (12:19 pm)   [edit]

I don't feel very inclined to update here often. Nothing worthwhile to report.

Staph infection required another PICC line put in for a few weeks. Foot still very sore but it's cleared up.

I feel rather - not sure how to describe it - but I am doing a lot of cleaning house in a variety of ways. My life is too cluttered with lots of stuff taking up useless space and time.

Ended things with guy I had given multiple 2nd chances - his actions repeatedly were inconsistent with his words. When I called him on it for the final time, he didn't even respond. (Surprised? Not really.)

Evaluated lots of 'friendships' and realized many were not exactly friends, so ended them. I want people in my life that I know they will be here for me or there's no need for them in my life. Included in the list Hot Stud. Asked repeatedly for keys back, but he claims he's lost them. He hasn't had $ to repay me $1800 for the new tv he took or the time to do the things around my home to repay me for 3 years - but he's been off to Paris for 2 weeks and now a 6 week long cross-country trip. When he's back, we're having a 'chat'. 

Took a trip down to Cocoa Beach to do some kayaking and communing with nature. It was quiet and reflective. 

Diva is Oozing
09.09.10 (4:22 pm)   [edit]
I came home early from 'undisclosed sandy location' Saturday evening. Sunday afternoon, I went outside to inspect some work done on the house while gone. 

It was huge!
Pulled about 1/2 of it out. The rest of it was lodged straight down like a puncture wound. Tried soaking. Googled for variety of home remedies to remove - including wrapping in bacon, peanut butter, duct tape, electrical tape, Elmer's Glue, SuperGlue, Bikini Wax... 

Monday am, awoke to swollen foot, red streaks up calf, 101 fever... Went to ER. Doc McSteamy shot me up with Lidocaine and dug around in my foot to pull out a splinter 1/2 inch long. Shots of antibiotics. Tetanus. Oral antibiotics. 

Tuesday am. Still horrible.
Wednesday, still oozing gross stuff. Back to Dr. McSteamy who drains it. More antibiotics.
Thursday drain again. Not as much ooze, but I got a lot out on my own earlier in the morning. 
They are mentioning MRSA again. 

No high heels (ball of foot is cut open). No sun (antibiotics). No alcohol (antibiotics). 

Diva & Mystery Location
09.09.10 (4:15 pm)   [edit]

Took a diversion recently... Enjoy the sunset



Diva has P problems
08.30.10 (9:17 pm)   [edit]
Started to think I had a twinge of a UTI on Wednesday evening. Drank massive amounts of water and cranberry juice - Thursday afternoon, called the doc, asking for antibiotics. Friday am, I am peeing blood. (Gross, I know.) I've had UTI's from time to time, but it's been eons since I've had one. And never something like this... Get in to see doc in the afternoon. 102 fever. Excruciating pain in back. Can't urinate, but when I do... the pain. Doc was dumbfounded that it came on this fast/aggressive. Doped up on Cipro, Pyridium, and Diflucan. Doc said cranberry juice was good, that I might add in some vodka as well - may kill the bacteria. My doc is cool. Not sure if she was kidding or not. Fever down, back still hurts like a beeyatch.

Diva Update
08.13.10 (4:50 pm)   [edit]

Brief update:
Bought a new car. Selling old one myself is driving me bonkers. Idiots calling asking if I will finance it for them, asking me technical questions about the engine - I reply I don't know and then I'm insulted for not knowing about spark plugs, etc. Also the reports on CarFax/AutoCheck indicate my car was in an accident 6/2008 when a bellman at a hotel hit my taillight putting my suitcase in the trunk. They are reporting it as "an accident" and indicate damage was done in Atlanta (it was Florida) and it was in center rear bumper (my taillight is not in the center of my bumper).

Have made decision to 'divorce' my mother. She had the title to my car in her safe deposit box. She didn't feel I needed to get a new car, so she refused to give me the title to my car. Numerous ugly scenes. Tired of the manipulative and mean things she does. She may mean well, but love isn't supposed to make you hurt like that.

All the mom drama really sucked most of the joy out of getting the new car. She has done that with so many things in my life that should be celebrated or recognized. 

Lawsuit related to my car accident was completely f'd up by my attorney. Due to 'unclear' wording in communication with the defendant, the judge ruled that I agreed to settle for the minimum. (I never did.) Nothing in writing indicating that I was agreeing because the minimum didn't even cover my medical expenses. (And that's before attorney fees). Extremely pissed about the fact that thanks to his error, I am out of pocket more than $8,000 - not including lost wages, scars, out of pocket expenses, and my shoulder still isn't healed.

There's a guy on the radar. Still early. Had an amazing date with him in June but things imploded right before date 2. I inadvertently included him in my bulk email about selling my car and we started talking again. Which led to having iced tea and talking. Which led to another date and lots of talking and clearing the air. Despite me having meltdowns in a variety of areas in my life, he wants to stick by me. I'm impressed with his character and passion. He's still active military - has a few years before he retires. That lifestyle is kind of different than mine. But, we'll see...

Working on some projects that are outside my normal realm. Still surprised about how this is evolving. Many extraneous life things beating me down and leaving me with little spunk to keep up. Feel like I'm just treading water in my life. I genuinely wouldn't care if I got hit by a bus tomorrow. I just don't care anymore.

Social Media Part Deux
08.13.10 (4:23 pm)   [edit]

Read earlier posting about Power of Social media so you'll be up to speed...

The manufacturer said they were sending me a refund. Didn't hear anything for ages. Then I got an email asking if I got the money. I was out of town, so I told him I'd check when I got back. Nothing. He said they sent CASH via FedEx and didn't require a signature.

Um, hello?

None of the neighbors indicated they got it (and we know how my neighbors love me - they didn't know I was out).

He sent me an email earlier in the week saying they had 'fufilled their obligation' and I had 'agreed to take down the blog'. If I failed to remove it immediately, they "would take legal action for" my "malicious attempts to damage" their "reputation".


(I actually didn't say I'd remove the blog - but I had intended to take it down. Nothing in the blog was malicious. I merely cut/pasted email exchanges, included text/copy from their website, and included pics of my cooking with their crappy pans. All completely objective. Either they don't understand that thing called 1st Amendment, or they are bluffing.)

I replied back that sending cash to me via FedEx without advance notice and not requiring a signature isn't exactly fufilling their obligation. I encouraged them to send a CHECK and require a signature for delivery. I explained I was very busy next week and would be on vacation after that without access to Internet for a month afterwards.  (Want this over with.)

As of Friday afternoon, not a response to previous 2 emails. I don't appreciate his snarky attitude. I haven't updated the blog since April. But, perhaps this would be a good time to try out my new HD video camera and shoot some video, tag it for YouTube and share with the world about my experience with their product. And I haven't even tried to promote the blog. Had 857 visitors last month without trying. :)

I can ramp this up incredibly if they want to drag this out. I know they don't have a leg to stand on. They are afraid of bad PR now? Wait until I really want to share my experience.

Diva & The Power of Social Media
07.03.10 (8:11 am)   [edit]
Amusing quick story about the power of social media and the consumer...

I purchased a set of non-stick cookware that is supposed to be safer than traditional cookware almost a year ago from Target. After a few weeks, it started being non-non-stick. Then it was completely stick cookware. I attempted to return to Target, they said it was no longer carried & suggested I contact the manufacturer.While tracking down the manufacturer information, I saw a lot of postings about how horrible this cookware is - apparently the company acknowledged they had a 'bad batch'...  I sent an email where I detailed everything, including the fact I purchased it from Target. I got a response from a customer service supervisor, saying they would send me a replacement. Based on what I read in the reviews, I didn't want another set. I told her I had already purchased another cookware set. She said she'd send a refund - they were sending me a UPS label to return it to generate the refund. (All of this was via email... documentation!) She called me to confirm the address for sending the label and I asked how long before I should anticipate the refund. She said 'it depends on HSN'. 


I told her that I bought the set from Target, not HSN, and my email very clearly noted that. She said they wouldn't issue refunds except thru purchases by HSN. I told her that her failure to keep up with the facts wasn't my problem and she had promised in writing the refund. She said "sorry, we can send you a replacement set". 

I then emailed several people higher up in the company to which I got a 'sorry'. 

So I created a WordPress blog, pasting the entire email exchange, including photos and tagging it like crazy. I also put a Twitter feed for every hour automatically using keywords related to the brand (and HSN). And I waited... I knew it'd take a bit of time for the search engines to pick up the results and index them, but they are now ALL over online. :)

I got an email a few weeks ago from one of the VP's asking if I would remove the blog & Twitter feed if they sent me a refund check. I said yes. He then asked if they could send me a full new set of cookware to try and review online. I told him the reviews I've seen have been consistently poor. I would give it a shot, but it was in no way guaranteeing a favorable review. At worst, I would write about how (finally) someone had taken the time to make good on the promise to refund the money.

Awaiting the new cookware and check....  The blog and twitter feed are still going in the interim. 

Divas Date Updates
07.03.10 (7:56 am)   [edit]

There are plenty of interested men, I'm just not really interested in them...

We have C, who I saw intermittently, casually about 6 years ago. He was really into diving, was just divorced... Not particularly passionate person. I found him... boring-ish. He found someone else, married her, and is now divorced (again). He's suggested giving it a whirl again, but I'm trying to be polite. He seems to lean toward women with drama. I have endured his whining for the past 3 weeks about a married woman he's been schticking for about 7 years on/off. She's now found a new distraction. He's so terribly upset. I have a hard time being supportive for anyone involved in that situation. Yesterday he said he's 'giving her another chance'. I told him to never bring up her again to me because he's an idiot.  (Not quite so polite)

There is E, a young man (30), who has been extremely persistent. Met him at a music festival (after ditching my date before an uncomfortable attempt to kiss me). He has built up a rather impressive company... He's also recently-divorced. I have told him he's too young. I correctly predicted he has black leather sofas, that he cannot cook anything that doesn't involve a grill, and that he will try to overcompensate for being younger. I am amused by the standard retort of younger guys who claim they are really mature & established for their age (as they eat their Cocoa Puffs). This one is so enchanted that I could manipulate him like a puppet - he'd do anything I asked or mentioned. (But that is not my style.)

Recent slew of military guys.
"A" is in town until September, back from Afghanistan since March. He helped me at Pep Boys with picking out a valve stem for my car (and then offered to put it on so I wouldn't mess up my manicure). Intelligent, funny, but got too demanding after one date. Shame as he could have been fun to hang with this summer. 

"S" is also recently-divorced, also just back from Afghanistan, here indefinitely. Met him on the train ride down to the concert when I met "E". He's a Falcons fan with season tickets and wants to enjoy the games with me. Has a 5yr old son. 

"O" is former military. We met at Piedmont Park - also recently divorced, has a 3yr old Autistic daughter (undiagnosed, she doesn't speak & won't interact people...), ex-wife is a bipolar recovering drug addict that is still completely dependent on him. Super-geeky and he was turned on by the fact I can talk semi-geek (I think the word "malware" gets him off.) Not into him but his mom died 2 weeks ago, he's a nice guy and really was getting attached to me - I wasn't feeling it, but didn't want to have that "I'm just not that into you" convo with a guy that is already down. I've been transitioning into 'friend' mode.

The only one smooch-tested was "A". Very good kisser but his behavior post-first-date was turn-off. Haven't written him 100% off. The behavior was really inconsistent with everything else. He's apologized. I may give him another whirl, but he's on double-secret probation. 

Payback's A Bee-yatch
07.01.10 (12:43 pm)   [edit]
I've blogged about my neighbor from hell that has been reporting me to the county for having a 'weed' in excess of 11 inches (it was a tree), putting notes on my door about not having furniture in my front yard, for having a trashcan in front of garage before sunset to take out, etc.

Over the past several years, I haven't been able to mow my yard as often because of the car accident I was in 3+ years ago. I hurt my shoulder and it was impossible to 'pull' the cord and my hip was bothering me so much I couldn't push the mower... It is not as pretty/green as it used to be and because of my neighbors being such an ass, I've opted not to put in effort. I've deliberately let the grass get 8-10 inches before cutting it (still w/in law).

Now, that neighbor's home is for sale. Of course, the neighbor has put a lot of effort into painting, landscaping, etc. Neighbor should have thought of not being such a turd to me - I'm sure my 'well-kept' home is going to make some think twice.

Mr. Soccer Player
07.01.10 (12:35 pm)   [edit]

I mentioned the soccer player in my last post...

I have kept him at a distance because he is based in the San Francisco area. Long-distance has never been a healthy relationship choice for me. Over 2 months or so, he had worn me down a bit. I told him that I was 'open' to the possibilities. I was going to take a chance, that I felt that he was worth disregarding one of my 'rules'. He pushed some and I compromised. But I didn't feel he was compromising on something I felt was important.  We had an 'intense' conversation on June 14/15.

It was a 4+ hour conversation. I had an early meeting and it was after 3am... I was barely awake and told him we needed to finish it later.

Then I didn't hear from him. We had emailed, IM'd, texted during most days. He didn't appear on IM. At all. For days upon days. I sent an email on the 15th. On 24th - I sent another email saying that I hadn't seen him on IM, the silence was deafening. I wasn't going to continue to chase. I was confused and disappointed.

I'm not one to torture oneself, so I deleted all our emails and removed him from my IM - didn't want a reminder of the situation.

Then later last night, I heard from him. He explained he had a family emergency and had to go out of town with little notice. Why he couldn't text or email while away, I don't know... On the fence. I'm going to give him a bit to get resituated from being out of town. If the compromise I've asked of him doesn't materialize, I won't be putting more energy into him.

Diva is Alive & Even More
06.30.10 (8:42 pm)   [edit]
I'm alive. A lot of stuff going on. Most not in the mood to delve into as it stirs up more negativity. Of note... 2 weeks ago, "Hot Stud" made a comment about 'the guy' - saying something about him being bisexual. Huh? He said "You didn't know?" Um, no. They are "friends" on a fetish site. Hot Stud directed me there. "the guy's" profile says he's bisexual. It says he's had LTR's with both men and women. (He told me he was straight & has had 2 LTR with women...) Livid. It's not as much about the bisexuality, but I would not have given him the time of day had he disclosed that. He deceived me. (Since he doesn't believe in lying by omission... deception fits the bill) I did not speak my peace back in March when he admitted he had failed to tell me that he was seeing others (assuming women) He calls every once in a while - I am waiting... I am going to once and for all get everything off my chest. Dealing with complications from root canal 2 weeks ago from chipped tooth 2 years ago. Mucho pain. Advil ain't cutting it. Resorted to the medicinal properties of Patron Tequila. Romantically... There was this amazingly beautiful and exceptional former Olympic/Pro soccer player that is now an entrepreneur. It fizzled because of the distance...ended without closure. Still saddish about it. There was the guy whose mom was dying of cancer. Super-nice guy but when he disclosed he believes in 'open/swinging' relationships, it put a fork in it. However, he is one of those stoically-strong men that doesn't rely on others - but he was leaning on me while his mom was in final weeks. I didn't think it was appropriate to have the "I'm just not that into you" convo while the guy is down. I've been shifting to 'friend' mode. Other dates but no one that strikes a fancy. Not feeling inspired to go on the prowl, just evaluating any incoming offers. Quality has been...eh. Mucho life drama wearing me out. I just want to disappear for a few weeks without all this crap.

Diva & Drama You Cannot Make Up
04.30.10 (4:48 pm)   [edit]
I wrote this really long post about all the drama this week (full moon). Somehow Tblog ate it. Will have to start over. We are talking Jerry Springer sort of crap.

Diva's Dating Updates
04.12.10 (5:21 am)   [edit]

Weekend was mostly unproductive man-wise. Several irked me enough that I put a fork in them.

One had to cancel our plans earlier in the week for a work emergency. Understood. Friday, we rescheduled for "late Sunday afternoon or "early evening". I asked him to let me know when/where so I could plan the rest of my day. Sunday at 2:30, he calls. I didn't answer. He wanted me to be ready at 5pm (per vm). I sent an email saying I had made alternate plans since I didn't hear back. I'm sorry, but for a first real date, I need a bit more consideration.

Then another guy had gotten rather stalkerish over the week. I was genuinely interested in him but the long emails were getting close to obsessive. I replied back very briefly telling him to chill. I ended up canceling our date and telling him that he was just coming on too strong. If you are thinking about how you can avoid him seeing your car, getting your last name, etc on a date, that's a sign...

I was hosting a cocktail-y thing last week at the St. Regis - a nice upscale hotel bar. I ran into a rather nice British man while waiting for my guests. He gave me his card and said he found me utterly charming. We had a drink later... He loved that I dove, and wanted to know if I'd let him fly me and a friend to Bonaire in 6 weeks to meet his yacht for a week of sailing and diving. I asked him how often that line worked for him. He said he was genuine and would have no problem with me inviting the large black man that later joined me (he's a former pro football player). Flattering offer... (And I did some checking... he is legit with the yacht.)

There's another gentleman that is relocating to Atlanta who I met networking. He seems nice. A little shy. I love sharing the city with newbies but not sure I feel any zing. Think we're meeting for cocktails again later this week when he's in town.

Hot Stud asked me on how my dating was going... He always poo-poos anyone. I encouraged him to get photo releases from 'the guy' - as I was being extremely polite to him and I wasn't sure how much longer I could do that. Hot Stud said that I have always been able to keep things professional and he would do that as well. I told him he seemed to slip every once in a while with me, but he was doing better... If we are going to work together, we have to keep those lines clearly defined.

And that's it for now. I'm finding very few promising prospects that are worth me curling my eyelashes for. 

Diva is Back!
04.02.10 (8:37 am)   [edit]

All better now. It was like flipping a switch on how I felt about him. Over it. Don't feel sadness or longing or really anything. I've regained all composure. I did some de-briefing for myself to see what I could have done differently and what I learned so that I will not repeat it again. (That's another posting)

I had client appt on Tuesday that went quite well. Had another meeting Wednesday and a 3+ hour lunch with this amazingly sexy Latin guy that I've known for a few years professionally. The lunch was, in theory, about business, but about 1/2 way in, it was taking a shift. He's not someone I'd 'date date' because of his business partner. I will not be in the same room with him. We're meeting for drinks next week while he's in between trips. 

Indulged in pedicure, waxing. Have hair appt next week. Hosting one of my cocktail-y things next week and need to be completely fabulous. 

I had a date last night with a guy I dated looong ago. He's been re-married & divorced in that time. It was nice seeing him, catching  up on all his drama. He's intelligent, has a good heart - he's comfortable. Not a fit for me, but it was a pleasant distraction. 

"the guy" actually emailed me yesterday - it was a lame-ass excuse - he said he needed the phone number of someone I had introduced him to earlier. (He had the dude's email...) I called him, kept it quick and polite, telling him that I never give out someone's phone number - that was for the 2 parties to handle between themselves.  

2 dates on the schedule this weekend. One is more about curiosity. He's sorta famous (no, don't ask, won't tell). We've circled around each other for quite a while. He can be impetuous at times. I enjoy our interaction most of the times. This man loooooves my shoes & feet. (That's how we met - at a Starbucks - he complimented me on my shoes while people were bothering him for autographs.) But he'll get this attitude - I don't respond well to that #hit, and it irritates him that tantrums don't work on me. He seems a little more mellow now. He wants to learn to dive and spend a few months in the Bahamas. He asked if I might be free... Eh. I'm not into the public lifestyle - I think I could make him putty in my hands if I wanted to but that is not my style.

The other candidate is extremely grounded. An old soul. A little younger than myself, but it's not a concern for me. Neither of us recalled Sunday was Easter, so we may reschedule.

Diva Puts a Fork in it Face to Face
03.29.10 (6:31 pm)   [edit]

Had the face to face with "the guy". I purposely chose the place where we first met. I figured it was full-circle.

Unfortunately, I have a lot of other things going on that have me stressed, anxious, and feeling very emotionally 'wobbly'. I wanted to be a cold indifferent bitch that called him on all his b.s. but I was more in the state of mind to wear waterproof mascara and sunglasses during our meeting.

He suggested going to his place so we could be 'relaxed'. I declined.

I asked him several questions that I deliberately waited until we were face to face so I could pay very close attention to his responses.

He crashed and burned.

Sum it up to say that I was good for his ego, he thought I was the most amazing woman he'd ever met, but he wanted to make sure he wasn't 'settling'.

*Note to men, referring to a woman as 'settling' is not a consolation.

I told him I was not waiting around any longer. I was moving on. He wanted to know if we could still date. I told him that I was only dating men that were interested in a serious exclusive relationship, so no.

This led to him talking about some various women he was screwing - how they all fell short. I told him that I never ever wanted to hear anything about what he was doing. I asked him how he'd feel about hearing me banter about a man I was screwing. (He got the point.)

That he hoped I would still be searching when he figured things out and dealt with his own drama... some crap about the stars re-aligning soon so we could 'pick things up'. (Sorry, but I am not going to go on this merry-go-round again.)

He asked if we could be friends, if we could 'stay in touch' with movies and dinners weekly.
I didn't tell him no, but there is no chance in hell that I could ever trust him to be a friend. He is not at all the man he led me to believe.

He walked me to my car, tried to give me a kiss, I turned my cheek. He gave me a hug to which I just stood there.

I cried on the way home. And in typical Diva style, I already have 2 dates for later this week. They are distractions for now. I am not ready to open my heart again yet. But I've got to get back on the dating saddle.

Diva's Not Collecting Dust
03.28.10 (2:20 am)   [edit]

I called "the guy" the other day. I just had to have closure. Turns out he's been in the hospital - food poisoning led to hurting muscles in his chest and the paramedics thought he was having a heart attack...

Doesn't change what happened before that. We had a long talk. I agree that I should have returned his call and talked instead of just continuing to fume. The talk reminded me about how he is different from other men I've encountered in my life. But I still feel that he misled me about 'exclusivity'.

And I am starting to have a deja vu.

This is Hot Stud, the sequel.

I'm supposed to sit around, faithful, loyal, waiting, hoping that he'll eventually cross paths with enough women that I still am at the top of the pile and he'll want to 'explore things'. (Of course, he'd really like it if we were having sex while he figures this out.)

*I'm making it a little more dramatic than it really is, but it is true...

"The Rock Star" called me to check in. He says he's played enough women and can recognize a game when he sees one. He thinks that this guy is despicable. "Rock Star" says that on those rare occasions when he's met a spectacular woman, he didn't need to keep looking, he grabbed her and enjoyed every moment with her. That if 'the guy' hasn't recognized it by now, then he's not the guy for me.

I wrote about it at length in my other blog - 4 men said pretty much the same thing. Reality check. Not doing this to try to provoke him to make up his mind. I just can't wait around for a man to make up his mind about me. I don't think he's despicable.

I think he's confused. I think he's letting past experiences/relationships dictate a future one. So I'm moving on. What that means, not really sure. I'm going to make myself open to other dates. Will I write off "the guy" completely? Nope. I still see a pretty amazing guy.

I'm not going to collect dust waiting on a hope and a dream.

Diva Dismisses
03.20.10 (9:20 am)   [edit]
Because of my 'expertise' in Internet marketing, I'm often asked for help with web design. I've deliberately avoided getting into that area because it's not where my core talents lie. For the past 3 years, I've referred a lot of business to one particular designer. His prices have been reasonable, service was good, and he would keep me in the loop with my clients.

He said he pays a 20% referral for all new business. It was never why I recommended him - I always give my clients 3 different designers to choose from. I don't want them to blame me if the project goes bad or feel like I have an ulterior motive.

He paid me a referral fee back in early 2008 for several jobs. Since then, squat. He kept saying he 'owed' me... I told him I always appreciated the acknowledgement. I wasn't referring business to him bc of getting a rebate - it was a benefit to the client. (He didn't need to know that.) He said to me several times that I've referred him more than 60% of his business over past years.

Meanwhile, there were some issues with him not following up with existing clients and passing off work to others that were not as committed to level of service I demanded for my clients. They were calling me complaining. I ended up doing copy for companies that I had referred to him, but were not clients of mine. I was working for free and he was earning the $.

Since I left my job in January, he offered to design my logo, business cards, & website in addition to catching up what he 'owed' me. I told him that I had to have logo/cards by Feb 10. He said no prob. Kept following up with him but no movement. So when another designer I have worked with knocked it out in a week. Around February 5, he asked about the logo/cards - I said I had them covered.

I've sent a couple of emails asking him to please take a few moments to figure out the commission due. I have mentioned several other web design projects I have in the wings - he's been taking time/interest to inquire about those jobs but not doing anything on what's due me.  I've deliberately not forwarded business to him in past month.

He FINALLY sends a spreadsheet. I asked about a couple of things that weren't on there. He got rather snarky about it. (He also reduced it from 20% to 10%). 

This was the nail in the coffin.

Diva & the Roofing Contractor
03.20.10 (8:56 am)   [edit]

It's going to be a gorgeous spring day. Decided that I'm going to take a very long walk around a park. Location TBD. 
Last night included a very long bath, tunes, and Velvet accidentally falling in. 

One of the 'issues' I'm dealing with include major work on my house. I went into my guest room for the first time since July and discovered a huge black wet mark on the ceiling. One of my clients is a roofer, so I called him and my homeowners insurance. They came out - turns out wind damage - they could see sunlight from my attic! Turns out there were also water leaks in my guest bathroom, garage, living room, and my master bathroom.

Insurance was covering it (thankfully) but I had a $2500 deductible. Roofer said that insurance was being 'extremely generous'. They were including painting the walls of my guest room & entire ceiling in master bedroom/bathroom suite (which is huge). I told him I didn't need that. He said that with the numbers, that he could not only write off my deductible, but also upgrade me to architectural shingles.

I said I wanted to get feedback on that. I spoke to 3 realtors that are familiar with my neighborhood and that I trust. All three said it wasn't going to be worth it for resale value - that a new roof in past 5 years is much more important.

I got the breakdown from insurance, and saw that they didn't include my garage, the living room or the small leak in the breakfast nook. They came back out - added another $2500 to the amount.

Then things got weird with the roofer. I asked him to send me a quote, reinforcing that I didn't want the garage touched, or the walls in guest room, or my master bedroom. He kept pushing the architectural shingles again. I told him that I didn't want to go there. He got a bit snarky with me on it. I told him that I wanted to review his quote, to please send it over - I'd review and get back with him. That was Monday afternoon. First he said I could send a check, then I could leave a check, then he'd come over Monday evening and pick up a check. 

Red flags started going off. I recall a conversation I overheard from him about workers comp/liability insurance - he said 'there are ways around it'. I needed to investigate if he was adequately insured. I also recall that he had pressure-washed my home several months before and 5 of my window screens were ruined by his crew (latches torn off). When I pointed it out to him, he said the screens can't be fixed, but he knew of a company that would get me new screens. (Not taking any accountability for them.) I haven't gotten estimates from other roofers, and what was the harm?  
He sent the quote at 2am Tuesday. I didn't have time to review it before my day began. He texts me at 8:45am saying he was in the area and wanted to pick up the check. I didn't acknowledge it. He knocks on my door 10 minutes later. I don't answer because I do not dig this sort of pressure. He texts me 10 minutes later saying the dumpster will be delivered that afternoon and the workers would be there in the morning.

I replied via text that I had not authorized work. That I said I would have to review it. I would follow up with him. I felt pressured by him. He calls. Texts. I do not respond. Then he texts me offering hockey tickets.

Okay, hockey tickets? Really? (If you even know me remotely, you would not think 'she's a hockey girl')

Have some other 'stuff' I have on my plate early in the week, but afterwards, I'm going to get a few other estimates just to make sure I've covered all my bases.




Diva Gets Reflective
03.19.10 (4:58 pm)   [edit]

I get a text from "the guy" a moment before a client called.

Perfect timing.

It said:
"Ok I'm not sure what you overheard but it's been 5 days now. And you're not returning vm or text"

Client calls. I've known her for a while - she often vents about work and has gotten into some personal stuff. I prefer to keep that line between personal/professional clear. She asks what's up. Casual chit chat. Roof, another new client... she asked about weekend plans and any dates. I said no dates. Just ended something. She wanted to get into it but I said I was okay, had talked it out. 

Still, my mind was only partially focused on what she was saying.  Normally she rambles on for a good hour, I just wasn't in the mood. Cut her off after about 20 minutes, saying I had to get something done by 4pm.

I have been accused of responding with a knee-jerk reaction at times. I've been very deliberate in thinking carefully before replying.

I waited 2 hours before sending my reply. My words were chosen carefully. 
"Apparently what I heard was significant. Five days doesn't undo the profound disappointment."

I've gotten emails from several professional contacts that he's finally reached out to them in the past 2 days. I had made introductions that would be beneficial for professional or personal situations...  So, it confirmed earlier in the day that he was alive, his phone worked, and he was able to send emails. (Clearly, he wasn't tied to a chair being held hostage - he was able to communicate with others.) Most of the contacts are unaware that we had been dating. I thanked them for keeping me in the loop. The contact that did know about what's been going on wanted to know if he should interact with him. I told him that despite my personal relationship with 'the guy' is over, that it should not impact their professional relationship. I was able to keep personal feelings out of it. 

Theories of why he said what he said are:
a) he was speaking the truth and he completely pulled one over on me.
b) he was speaking in male bravado but feigning ignorance over what was said is no excuse considering the tone of my replies.
This was suggested by a friend last night...
c) he was sharing a story and 'quoting' someone else.

Yeah. Right. Good try.

What I don't understand is how he was able to accidentally dial me when his iPhone is password-protected. (Any iPhone gurus care to share?)

Have a lot of crap going on otherwise - roofing drama, work drama, old job drama... it seems like the entire universe of crappola comes at once. (that's another posting!)

Diva Can Kick Ass if She Needs To, TYVM.
03.17.10 (11:02 pm)   [edit]

Hot Stud & I had biz meeting this afternoon going over more details. He said he didn't want to ask what I wasn't comfortable sharing, but what went down with "The Guy".

I shared.
He offered to kick his ass for me (Sweet, but I'm a big girl & can kick someone's ass if necessary.)
Then he offered to sever his contact with him. I told him that wasn't necessary - I still think he's a nice guy, just not the guy for me. He shouldn't hold it against him. 

He said he was always impressed with how I was able to keep things professional and not personal. 

Finished up work and as I was leaving, he suggested fooling around.
(Will that EVER stop? At least he didn't suggest a bj - I guess it's an improvement of sorts.)

And not another peep from "The Guy". Still dumb-founded but moving on. I declined three dates since yesterday.  Not ready yet...


Diva's Done with "The Guy"
03.15.10 (10:29 pm)   [edit]

Around 8:15pm, Laptop on lap, working on recap from meeting with prospective new client when I get a call from "The Guy"...

I answer, but for some reason, I don't say a word. I turned off the TV.

Turns out he had accidentally dialed me. What I overheard was clearly the Universe - Fate - whatever you want to call it.

(As I type this, he's calling me back right now, but let me finish this...)

I hear him talking about how he's dating around but can't find any 'bitches' that are worth a long-term relationship. (Can't recall the exact verbage but that was the gist of it.)

He texted me later saying that he was on the way to Hot Stud's to pick up a disk of the photo shoot and that he was not going to be able to call me back until tomorrow. (I instructed him not to call me after 9:30 pm)

I replied via text that he inadvertently called me earlier and I overheard things that he clearly wouldn't have wanted me to overhear.

He replied "I know" and then "Sorry".

I answered that I believed it was more than a coincidence.

Just listened to his most recent VM - another accidental call - this time he was discussing drywall. I have turned his phone number to ring silent - whether it's an inadvertent call or attempt at explanation - it doesn't really matter.

Diva Feels Deflated Toward The Guy
03.13.10 (8:11 pm)   [edit]
After the threesome with Hot Stud & "The Guy" yesterday afternoon, I hadn't heard a peep from "The Guy".

He called me a little while ago (I didn't hear it ring), thanking me for bringing Hot Stud over, that he really enjoyed spending time with me. He went to the park this afternoon to walk - and it made him think of me - that was the place of our 2nd date...

He said he wanted to talk to me.

I'm just not feeling particularly compelled to call him. He's unlike any man I have ever encountered before. I am willing to compromise and let him figure things out, but he's unwilling to accept (without ongoing commentary) my needs. It breaks my heart to see him struggling. I don't want to kick the guy while he's down, so I'm just doing my best to distance myself emotionally and encourage things to fizzle slowly.

Diva + Hot Stud + The Guy
03.13.10 (8:03 pm)   [edit]

Crap. Lost entire posting.

"The Guy" has a large collection of paintings that date back 300-400 years, with some more than 1,000 years old with significant religious meaning. Many of them are virtually priceless, having been in his family for generations. One of them needs to be restored, and it will cost more than $4000 to fix. He is having them appraised, and needs each one photographed for insurance purposes.

(Hot Stud photographs things for insurance purposes and happens to know someone who has a museum named after them - with a strong ancestoral tie to the paintings as well.)

It's a win-win for both of them. "The Guy" gets his artwork professionally photographed and will be shown to the museum person with the intention of getting them restored/shown/loaned. Hot Stud gets some amazing pictures to show additional clients with a kick-ass testimonial.

Hot Stud doesn't know "The Guy" is the guy I've been dating. "The Guy" hasn't really dug Hot Stud before. They were both at a cocktail party I threw in January - I specifically asked "The Guy" not to make any public displays of affection when Hot Stud was around. I explained that Hot Stud is incredibly protective of me, is very important in my life as a friend and a business partner - I wanted to make sure Hot Stud got a chance to know him as a guy rather than as my guy first. "The Guy" got somewhat snarky about it - I explained to him about how he helped me get through the rape. That our relationship had changed significantly but there was NO possibility of romance or sex.

Hot Stud & I were to show up at "The Guy's" place Friday at 10:30 to shoot 26 paintings. We called and there was no answer around 10:15. Around 10:50, he called, he had been out drinking all night - just gotten up. Lovely.

We set up the gear, determine best place for light and navigation, start shooting while "The Guy" is taking a very long shower.  Hot Stud is being polite, but he's also in his "photo zone". I'm playing assistant, adjusting lights, switching out paintings, etc. (Holding lights for hours on end leads to arm cramping!)

Eventually, "The Guy" comes down. He's hungover. (Hot Stud doesn't drink at all - lots of alcoholism in his family - so not a great first impression to meet The Guy hungover.) He starts making chatter with us, and then asks Hot Stud how 'we' met. (Not cool.) He then makes a comment about the way we interact, clearly we have dated...

The shoot takes more than 5 hours. I was famished - I hadn't eaten breakfast - Hot Stud & I had planned on talking business for a good 4 hours - but the extended time of the shoot made it impossible. I was getting lightheaded and somewhat cranky. Hot Stud had a protein bar. (The Guy could have offered me food but I didn't want to overstep things professionally.)

The Guy offers to take us to lunch when we're finished - as he asked us to shoot his comic book collection and figurines. He was really warming up to Hot Stud. I was pissed at him for disprespecting me by talking about Hot Stud & I dating, etc.

We go to eat. It's almost 4pm. I'm sitting there at a table with Hot Stud and The Guy. They are totally bonding over comic books and it turns out (I already knew this) that "The Guy" has three rental properties right around the corner from Hot Stud's home. They are making plans to get together later in the week.

Hot Stud still doesn't know that "The Guy" and I have been involved. (Past tense). I don't think things are going to work out between us, but perhaps "The Guy" and Hot Stud can be pals.

Diva's Latest Dating Debacle
03.13.10 (7:30 pm)   [edit]

I started writing this and decided it needed to be broken down into 2 posts...

"The Guy" and I had lunch on Tuesday(?) - I had an opening in my calendar. It was a pretty day, I wanted to sit outside. Nothing too exciting. Just chatting but he asked me if I had 'seen anyone else in the past two weeks'. (He didn't want to be exclusive, so that's really none of his damn business.) I replied that I had not, that I had no desire to date anyone else at this time. I did not ask about his status - it's none of my business.

We went to a concert on Wednesday evening. I had been running non-stop all day with meetings. Turns out he hadn't even gotten out of bed all day. He was in the shower when I called saying I was on the way. I had to pee... Got to his place, his cars were there, no answer, so I went to a restaurant around the corner to pee and grabbed a quick bite. It was 6:45. (I was supposed to be at his place at 6pm - he hadn't returned my call.) He called a few minutes later, said he had 'been in the shower'.

When I got to his place, his energy was like sludge. We drove to the concert and he was on the phone most of the time between sets and before the show started. He kept telling people he was 'with' (using my name) like everyone knows who I am... He started to get into the music eventually - I was loving the music so I wasn't going to let him rain on my parade. He started getting all snuggily.

After the show, I went back in his place (to pee again). We talked for a little while where he made comments about how I "don't want" to have sex with him. And he said something that caught my attention - he lied to me when we met - he said very clearly that he had 'never cheated' in a relationship but he had been cheated on. That evening, he said that he had cheated on his gf at the time - because she had cheated on him. I didn't make a huge deal about it but I did say "You told me when we met that you had never cheated". I went home - only kisses on the cheek.

He talks about me to his friends like I'm his girlfriend. He shares about his life and struggles. I will not sleep with him if he's not exclusive. I do not want him to jump into a relationship with me just to have sex again. I see him struggling with depression - I get it - I've been there. I want to help but he's got to take the initiative himself. He has a potential job back in Charlotte - I think it'd be best for him to take it - that way he can get all this figured out. (I won't say that to him.)

Diva & Desserts
03.06.10 (9:38 pm)   [edit]
A man in my life cannot have his cake and eat it too.

Not for the Faint of Heart from Diva
03.01.10 (7:32 pm)   [edit]
Went for my 2 month post-op on my nose. I can breath fabulously most of the time.

(Disclaimer: if you are eating, move on)

Recap: they took cartilage from the back of my ear and bone from my chin to create a 'support' for my collapsed nostril.  However the cartilage has created 'scar tissue' that feels like a huge mosquito bite inside my nose. It doesn't hurt or itch, but it leads to a 'collection' of boogers that is extremely annoying and restrictive in my breathing.

So the doc gets in there with his headlamp and was amazed at how large it was.

(Disclaimer, if you are squeamish, move on)

He breaks out a needle - injects lidocaine into my nose which hurt like a MF. Then he uses a scalpel to 'cut back' some of the scar tissue.

There was blood. I have a gauze tampon up my nose. Hopefully, the boogers will have clear access.

DeMagic is De-Ending for Diva
03.01.10 (7:23 pm)   [edit]

The Guy has been OOT - he's been considering a job offer that would take him back to Charlotte.

A week ago, he wasn't interested. It was a position beneath him. And he didn't want to move back to Charlotte.

Now, he's jazzed about it. Looks like he's going to accept it based on the conversations we have had today. He claims he's going to be in Atlanta 4 days a week, but he's going to unload his condo. (He has 4 homes south of Atlanta that are sorta in the 'hood' that he wouldn't live there.)

He's asked my opinion - I have brought up the points that he raised early on. I said that I understood his need for cash but there were numerous opportunities here in Atlanta that I have warmed up for him, but he has delayed investigating.

He was also interjecting a lot of terms of endearment as he was driving back to Atlanta. (It was notably obvious.) Since he shared he's dating others, I haven't felt disenchanted, but I am keeping things in perspective.

His ex, whom he had sex with at Christmas, lives in Charlotte. Not jealous. I'm seeing that the likelihood of "this" happening fading. Just being a realist.

Diva Hits a Hiccup
02.27.10 (10:52 pm)   [edit]

Things have been moving at a nice pace with "The Guy". Line of communication has been honest and healthy. But some of that intuition made me ask a question... If he was seeing anyone else.

There was a looooong pause.

He said that he was. That he had ended his previous relationship in September and I was the first woman he had dated since. That he wanted his next relationship to be the last one - that he wanted to get engaged and married. That he wasn't expecting to come upon someone so amazing so quickly. That he wanted to make sure that he was making the right decision. That he moved too fast into his last relationship.

You may be shocked by my response. (I was...)

I told him that I had been dating a lot over my adult life and was able to determine 'efficiently' what was a good fit for me and what wasn't. That right now, I didn't need or want to date anyone else. That this didn't mean that I was picking out wedding invitations but I wanted to focus on getting to know him better. But I realized that people don't have that 'aha' moment at the same moment. I wanted him to make that decision without hesitation, to figure that out.

but... I would not be sleeping with him anymore unless we were exclusively monogamous.

He said he understood. That he had not had sex with anyone else since we met and that no woman he'd met had even come close to matching what we had together. He wanted to continue our 'intimate' relationship, but he'd respect my position.

I'm not heartbroken. I'm fine with it. Not sure how long I'm willing to sit in the wings, but I'll figure that out. I decided to put my heart on my sleeve - to tell him that I really liked him and that I'm willing to let him come to the same realization. If not, it'll suck, but I'd rather have been bold speaking my heart than going silently into the night.

Diva Feels Emotional Ping-Pong
02.20.10 (1:09 pm)   [edit]

Guy & I saw each other Thursday - he gave me a sweet Valentine's Day card - saying he had wanted to spend it with me instead of being snowed in with his mom. 

He confessed that he felt he was unworthy of me right now since his work/financial situation was up in the air - it impacted his self-esteem and self-confidence. I told him that I realized it was just a hiccup, that I was looking for something much more than a job. I could give him space, but I needed some sort of interaction - be it an email, text or a quick call. I am not psychic and have no clue what is going on otherwise.

I was really touched that he could be honest with me about what he was feeling - admitting those feelings, vulnerabilities showed me that there was opportunity.

He fixed me dinner - he had opened an award-winning restaurant, the guy can cook like a champ. We talked for hours. He was coming down with a cold/flu - so I played nurse - got some medicine for him and put him to bed (alone). No smoochage or anything b/c I didn't want to get sick as well.

Diva Decides to Back Off
02.14.10 (11:23 am)   [edit]

Valentine's Day. I've never been a fan of all the commercialization and hoopla. I believe your special someone should feel like every day is Valentine's Day.

But then again, maybe I am a romantic. 

Not sure what is ahead for 'the guy'. He's got a lot on his plate with professional, personal, financial, physical, and family 'stuff'. I told him that I would like to be someone he could lean on - that I can listen, distract, or offer feedback. As much as I dig him, I think that he's got too much going on in his life for anyone new to be a part of it. 

He said Friday he had to head out of town for something related to his mother and a doctor's appointment on Monday. (Per voice mail) We have barely spoken in past week - short conversations, voice mails and extremely brief texts. 

I am not sure if it's all the stuff going on, but it would seem to me that a guy who was interested in a woman would want to connect at least once a day to say hi. 

Still a believer that actions speak louder than words, I told him via email on Thursday that I would like to be someone he could lean on - but I would not chase. 

What I did not say was that I will not contact him further. If/when he wants to reach out, he can. I'm not throwing myself back into the dating pool immediately. I have a lot on my plate as well. I feel like he's worth waiting on. I'm not upset or feel slighted - I hope that this is just a reality check - we both voiced we felt an amazing connection - but I shared I did not want to rush things. I was being deliberate in making sure things did not evolve prematurely without a firm foundation.

How long I will wait? I don't know. If it is meant to be, it's meant to be. 

Diva Goes to Funny Farm
02.03.10 (7:11 am)   [edit]
Blogging while on the elliptical... Multi-tasking! The new guy called last night just before 8, saying he was 'in the area and wanted to drop by'. We are not at 'the drop by' point. He hasn't been to my home yet (need to clean house more). But I sent him a shot of my candle-lit bathtub the other evening, & I imagine that stirred his imagination. I was polite - I was icky from working out & had work to do for my meetings today. Haven't seen him in a week but we chat semi-regularly. Going to see Black-Eyed Peas tomorrow evening. Friend of mine is associated with them, so I am set up with VIP tix. (Not a particular fan but...) Officially filed my LLC for my company. Finalizing logos & business plan. Excited about these next steps. I am making efforts to keep balance with time for myself, personal relationships, and work. I am fortunate that financially, I am okay - I am not under pressure to take anything proect-wise just for revenue. Only frustration is I am trying to get back into shape - been eating super-healthy (I don't use word 'diet'), exercising at least 9hrs+/week. Haven't lost a f'ing pound. And clothes ain't getting looser. Grrr. Upside is I have a proposal out to do marketing for a gym franchise - may have them add in personal training to the deal. Former coworker that has been on medical leave for 2 months came back this week to discover I was gone. She was going on about how sorry she was. I told her repeatedly that I was thrilled. I couldn't tell her details of how most of my former clients are asking for assistance... Life is good :-)

Diva Wants to Pinch Herself
01.29.10 (2:11 pm)   [edit]

I keep wanting to pinch myself at how unbelievably my life has changed in the past few weeks… Overwhelmed with new clients – I have landed a law firm, a high-end remodeling company, pet services company, medical practice, event company, private school, gym, and large commercial/industrial roofing company. Each of these are ongoing projects with monthly retainers. I’ve actually had to tell people that I cannot even entertain new projects until the beginning of March.

I inadvertently landed the gym – was working out the other day, had a chat with the manager – as they had been dealing with a Groupon that was a pain in the rear. He asked if I had a few minutes & introduced me to the owner of the franchise. After a few minutes, owner asked me to come up with a proposal for handling this location’s marketing. I thought it would be an interesting one to do – so agreed. He called me later and asked if I’d be open to implementing such a plan for all the franchise locations. (Um, heck yeah?) I’m working with people that genuinely appreciate and value what I do. I am working about the same hours as I was before, but it’s different. I enjoy it. And I am working for me…

The one thing I’m struggling with is the financial/legal details. (I hate that stuff!) People I trust/respect helping me with it. But two of the main folks are telling me different things. (LLC vs S-Corp or some sort of hybrid) Things like double FICA, deferred distributions or dividends, filing minutes, etc. It’s like me talking to small businesses about Internet marketing – they get this glassy-eyed look and feel overwhelmed. So I am having both of these trusted people meet me for lunch next week and I will let them debate it out in front of me. ;-)

On a totally different note… Have really enjoyed this new guy. We’ll call him “Greek Guy”. He’s quite attentive. Worldly. Intelligent. Fun. Interesting. We had a date last Saturday for a walk in the park – it was 42 and very windy. Still, enjoyed his company immensely. We then went to a local coffee shop, camped out on a sofa in front of a fireplace and talked for hours. Until they closed. Then had late dinner. Time flies when we are together. Feel like I’ve known him for ages but still find learning more about him fascinating. He fell down the stairs overnight Sunday – was pretty banged up. My Monday am appt was near his place, so I picked up lunch & brought it over. Had a lovely time – although men are so damn whiney.

Wednesday evening, I had a cocktail-y thing with some of my closest business associates. Small, intimate. Suggested he come by at the tail-end so I could introduce him – he wants to lease/sell his townhome – these folks would know people that would be able to afford it – and we’d go to dinner afterwards. Greek guy wanted to know how to dress, how he would be introduced… (Was cute) He kept calling this a ‘leads group’ (which this is absolutely not). Oh, and did I mention Hot Stud was coming too? I talked to Greek Guy beforehand – explained that Hot Stud is important to me as a friend & business partner, as was Greek Guy. Hot Stud could be quite protective of me, and I asked him specifically to not be even remotely affectionate when he appeared. That I wanted Hot Stud to get to know him as a person instead of going into uber-protective ass mode. That Greek Guy was a lot more mature in handling it. None of the guys attending had a clue that Greek guy was anything more than a professional contact. Hot Stud briefly met Greek Guy, he only made a brief appearance. These events usually last 90 minutes or so. At 9pm, it was still going. Greek guy ordered food for us – sushi – started feeding me with chopsticks. (Hot Stud gone) Some of the guys saw that and raised an eyebrow. (Had they been sitting next to me, I would have accepted a sushi/chopstick feeding from them too if I was hungry.) Around 10:30, things still going on. (Started at 5:30) My closest biz pal & I were chatting. He asked how my date the previous weekend had gone. I said “apparently well since I brought him here & introduced him to you tonight.” He gave his approval. And then went totally ‘big brother’ on Greek Guy telling him how special I was and how much I was loved. (Totally made me blush) Then he told Greek Guy that he better treat me like a princess or they’d be having a ‘chat’. Amused me.

However, I’ve expressed concerns about consideration for my schedule. Simple enough request – if we have discussed doing something – I need a time – so that I can plan my schedule accordingly. I explained that leaving things in air stresses me out. He doesn’t appear to be keeping that in consideration – if it continues, it’s going to be a deal-breaker for me.

Diva Does Business
01.19.10 (3:29 pm)   [edit]
Quick Update. Totally slammed in a good way. Trying to balance people wanting to hire me for projects with getting the silly details like business plans, llc, website, etc set up. (I say in jest because they are important) Helps to pay it forward, as I've got so many people offering advice, help with getting the technical things set up. As of today... have 5 projects committed to and several other meetings set up. I am not out soliciting business/leveraging relationships yet. I'm genuinely happy. Had an a-ha moment last Thursday - realized first time in years that I didn't think TGIF because of work. :) I am just as busy as I was before, but it's different. And once I get all the 'detail stuff' worked out, I can focus more on the stuff I like. Cleared for working out - so hitting the gym - and that feels fabulous. And there's a someone that has me intrigued. But you know me - give him a few weeks and the bubble will burst. ;)

Ask and You Shall Receive
01.12.10 (2:37 pm)   [edit]
Haven't blogged in ages or regularly because I have been so slammed with work. 

That situation was resolved for me yesterday. 
I got fired.
It was stupid, unjustified, etc but I realized I didn't want to 'fight' for it.
I've hated my boss and didn't like the majority of my co-workers.
I got up every day because of my clients.

So I was axed at 3:30. By 6pm, I had 3 job offers and 3 marketing projects. (Unsolicited)
My clients are being contacted to be advised someone else will be handling their accounts. 
And I am getting calls/emails from just about every one of them.
Some say they won't stay with the company - that they had signed on because of me.
Some were offering me jobs. (Some waaay out of my area of expertise)
Some are asking me what I want to do and they'll make it happen.
Even had one offer to give me $ to set something up.

Flabbergasted. I am booked through next week. 
I had wanted to make a change and I guess fate sort of shoved me off the precipice. I'm totally fine financially, so no need to rush into things.

Is it wrong that I'm excited?

12.25.09 (11:51 am)   [edit]
Merry Christmas. Joyeux Noel.

My nose resembles Rudolph. Red and swollen. Not sure if it'd be good to lead a sleigh, but I'll consider options for next year if it doesn't improve.

Watching the ENTIRE series of Nip/Tuck on DVD. Figured it was appropriate. Medicated but not helping with the pain. Laying low. 

What's the difference between Santa & Tiger Woods?
Santa stops at three Ho's.


Diva Survived Surgery
12.25.09 (12:48 am)   [edit]

Okay. Take 2.
Typed everything and it disappeared.

Clearly, I survived surgery. It wasn't bad. They took cartilage from back of my ear and bone sliver from my chin to work on my nose. 

Good news, I can breathe out of my left nostril for the first time in 2 years! Problem is there is lots of caked blood up there that is bothering me. Can't exactly jab Q-Tips in it.  Saw doc this am. Back on Tuesday.

Bad news is that my ear hurts like a MF. Pain meds don't help.

I sent a hysterical pic to some friends - me all swollen, puffy, bruised. Hot Stud Photoshopped it and sent it back. I didn't recognize it except it was my jammies...

And for one of those "of course it happened"... I opened my fridge and a bowl of 18 eggs slid out and went crashing on floor. All broke. If I lean over, my nose bleeds. So trying to clean up with keeping head up was quite a challenge.

I bet I could go back to work Monday, but I'm afraid I will still look really scary, swollen & bruised.

Merry Christmas. Visions of Demerol dancing in my head.

Diva Un-PIC'd
12.13.09 (6:45 pm)   [edit]
PIC line out. I feel better - partially from being able to sleep more than an hour. The abscess is down significantly. Docs confirmed I had MRSA/Staph again. The PIC line goes into the heart - I kept having 'fluttering sensations' when I lay down or even worse, on my left side. The pain has subsided 90%.

Now we are in a wait and see. If it comes back shortly, they will go ahead and immediately remove the tissue. Otherwise, they want to wait a few months for another mammogram to see if it is progressing or not. 

I saw the ENT on Thursday. Talked about the scheduled sinus surgery next week. The Infectious Disease doc said as long as I wasn't running a fever, or the abscess was back, he didn't have a problem with proceeding. ENT & I discussed as well - he's going to take extra precautions and start me on antibiotics a few days before surgery. 

Fun times.

Diva's Alphabetized Movie List
12.05.09 (9:14 am)   [edit]
Absolute Power
The Abyss
Air Force One
Alexander (Directors Cut)
All About Eve
Almost Famous
Altered States
American Beauty
American Pie/2
American President
Analyze This
Arlington Road
Austin Powers 1/2/3
The Aviator
Bad Influence
Barenaked Ladies
Basic Instinct
Best in Show
The Big Easy
The Big Sleep
Black Dahlia
Black Hawk Down
Blade Runner
Blair Witch Project
Boiler Room
Boogie Nights
Born on the 4th of July
Bourne Identity 1/2/3
The Breakfast Club
Breakfast at Tiffany’s
Brewster’s Millions
Bronx Tale
Bull Durham
Bye Bye Birdie
Casino Royale (BR)
Cat on a Hot Tin Roof
Catch Me If You Can
A Christmas Story
Citizen Kane
City Hall
Close Encounters of the Third Kind
Con Air
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Dances With Wolves
Dangerous Beauty
Dangerous Liasons
Dawn of the Dead
Day After Tomorrow
Dead Calm
The Departed
The Devil Wears Prada
Dial M for Murder
Die Another Day
Die Hard
Dirty Dancing
Door in the Floor
Dot the i
Drop Dead Gorgeous
Eastern Promises
East of Eaden
Easy Virtue (Hitchcock)
Eight Degrees
Entourage:  Seasons 1-5
Ever After
Fast Times at Ridgemont High
Fatal Attraction
Father of the Bride
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
Finding Nemo
The Firm
The Flamingo Kid
For Love of the Game
For Me and My Gal
40 Year Old Virgin
Friday the 13th
Funny Face
Girl, Interrupted
Girls Just Want to Have Fun
The Godfather 1/2/3
The Good Girl
GoodFellas (BR)
Good Night and Good Luck
Gone with the Wind
Hard Candy
The Heartbreak Kid
Heaven Can Wait
The Holiday
Honeymoon in Vegas
Hunt for Red October
Imitation of Life
Independence Day
Indiana Jones 1/2/3
In Good Company
In Her Shoes
Interview with the Vampire
The Italian Job
John Adams
Jurassic Park 1/2/3
Karate Kid
The King and I
Knocked Up
Kramer vs Kramer
Lady Vanishes (Hitchcock)
Last American Virgin
Last Chance Harvey
The Last Kiss
Last Seduction
Lawrence of Arabia
Legally Blonde
Less Than Zero
Lions for Lambs
Live Aid
The Long Hot Summer
Lord of The Rings Trilogy
Lord of War
Lost Seasons 1/2/3
Lost In Translation
Love Story
Mad Men 1/2
Major League
The Man Who Knew Too Much (Hitchcock)
Manchurian Candidate
Memoirs of a Geisha
Mildred Pierce
Miss Congeniality
Meet the Parents
Moll Flanders
Mommie Dearest
Mr. Brooks
Mr. Mom
Mrs. Palfrey at the Claremont
Murder By Numbers
Murder in the First
Muriel’s Wedding
The Muse
Must Love Dogs
My Big Fat Greek Wedding
My Cousin Vinny
My Date with Drew
Mystic Pizza
Nanny Diaries
Never Been Kissed
Nights in Rodanthe
9 to 5
Nip/Tuck  1-5
The Notebook
Now Voyager
The Object of my Affection
The Office Seasons 1-4
An Officer and A Gentleman
Office Space
One Flew Over Cuckoo’s Nest
The Osbournes
Other Boelyn Girl
Pay It Forward
Perfect Murder
The Perfect Storm
Picture Perfect
Poison Ivy
Poseidon Adventure
Postman Always Rings Twice
Presumed Innocent
Princess Bride
PS I Love You
Pump Up the Volume
Purple Rain
Pursuit of Happyness
The Queen
Rain Man
Raising Arizona
Rear Window
Rebel Without a Cause
Red Dawn
Reign Over Me
Revolutionary Road
Rich & Strange (Hitchcock)
The Ring
A River Runs Through It
Road to Perdition
The Rock
Rock Star
Romancing the Stone
Roman Holiday
The Rose
Sabotage (Hitchcock)
Saturday Night Fever
Say Anything
Saw 1-5
Scent of a Woman
Sea Biscuit
Secret Diary of a Call Girl 1/2
The Sentinel
Sex & the City Movie
Sex & the City Seasons 1-6
Shrek 2
Silence of the Lambs
Shawshank Redemption
Shakespeare In Love
Sixteen Candles
The Sixth Sense
Some Like It Hot
Sound of Music
Splendor in the Grass
Slumdog Millionaire
Smokin’ Aces
Star 80
Stealing Beauty
Streetcar Named Desire
Sunshine Cleaning
Survivor: Season One
Swimming Pool
Tailor of Panama
Thank You For Smoking
The 39 Steps
Thirteen Days
There’s Something About Mary
The Thomas Crown Affair
This So-Called Disaster
Top Gun
Touch Of Evil
To Kill a Mockingbird
Tristan & Isolde
True Lies
The Truth About Cats & Dogs
21 Grams
27 Dresses
U2 Rattle & Hum
V: The Series
Valley Girl
Wall Street
Walk the Line
War of the Roses
The Way We Were
Wedding Crashers
Wedding Singer
Weeds 1-4
West Side Story
When Harry Met Sally
Where the Boys Are
Witches of Eastwick
Working Girl
Zack & Miri Make a Porno

Blue Planet
Planet Earth
Sharks: Ultimate Guide to Sharks/Great Whites
Sharks: IMAX
Workout: Training w/ Jackie                        
Bellydance for Wimps

12.05.09 (9:00 am)   [edit]
On Black Friday, since I was homebound, I ordered several pairs of boots and shoes. They were delivered yesterday. (I have stuff delivered to the office because UPS will not leave anything without a signature at my home since they decided to leave a flat panel tv on my front doorstep 2+ years ago.)

Of course, the HUGE box was dropped off during the Friday (exhaustive) meeting. I was wanting to dig into the box and try on the boots. 

But I was a good girl. I waited until I got home. Purple (eggplant) suede boots, black suede platform boots, and the ones I was really looking forward to - red leather boots. (All knee-high) Sadly, the red leather ones were super-cheap looking. Supposedly 'real leather' but there is no way they were - no lining either. For the price, not a bargain at all.

I am still waiting on one more pair - leopard print. Meeeow.

I also ordered a bunch of movies (and yes, they are all in alphabetical order) Maybe I'll post all of them for you to review and make suggestions of new ones I should get.  

Diva's Docs
12.05.09 (8:32 am)   [edit]

I haven't 'felt myself up' related to the lumps in about a week - I didn't want to aggravate it. Checked myself yesterday - they are much smaller. Still very sore, but reduction in size is significant.

Infectious Disease doc wants another week of IV antibiotic infusion. They suggested I take it earlier in day, and it is helping marginally with the insomnia. He said that I'll have to have the tissue removed, but he hadn't gotten the radiology reports by my appointment. Grrrr.

The preliminary cultures from the 'turkey baster experience' were negative - but they suspected that. I've been on antibiotics for 8 weeks now, so little will show. They are doing additional testing to see if anything else grows.

I see the doc again on Tuesday for updates. Laying low again this weekend. Working a slower schedule right now.

Diva & Doctors
12.03.09 (4:26 pm)   [edit]
Had Ultrasound & Mammograms on Monday. Had PIC line put in.
Saw Reconstructive Plastic Surgeon Tuesday - he does breast reconstruction post mastectomy. He used a syringe the size of a turkey baster to pull 'ick' from the abscess. I'm not squeamish, but he was 'getting at it so aggressively - reminded me of the tv footage you see of liposuction. 

Back to infectious disease doctor today. More antibiotics. More IV. Back Tuesday. He said if it hasn't improved in a week, we'll have to talk about surgery. Still don't know about the results from the 'ick'. Should be in today... 


Diva's Day at the Hospital
12.01.09 (3:13 am)   [edit]
It's 3am. Slept about an hour tonight. PIC line was "installed' - hurts a lot this time. Then had an ultrasound and multiple mammograms. 

Radiologist confirmed things. I have necrosis of the scar tissue in my breast. Waiting for the Infectious Disease doc to decide if I should continue with the IV infusions longer to get more control of the infection or if it should be surgically removed now. I don't want to lose my breast... getting referral to 'the best' breast reconstruction doc locally thanks to a client. (Helps to work in the medical realm.)

Trying to keep my cool. Keeping positive to focus on getting through this. But it feels overwhelming. And it sucks to be all alone. Yes, I have friends but there's something to be said for having someone to lean on through this. 

Felines are doing their best to be attentive. They are snoring right next to me. Wish it'd rub off. Prayers and positive thoughts appreciated.

Have to come up with clothing to hide the PIC line. Busy couple of days - with work. 

11.29.09 (3:21 pm)   [edit]

Had to venture out yesterday to get a script filled. Ventured into nearby Best Buy. Oh the deals! Bought Seasons 1-4 of Weeds, a bunch of Blu-Rays, season 3 & 4 of Nip/Tuck (they were out of 1,2,5).

Slept a total of 90 minutes again last night. (If you follow me on Twitter, you see how nutty my Tweets get after 2am.) Watched "Revolutionary Road" - didn't get engrossed. Will need to see again when I'm not sleep-deprived. Watching Falcons game with hands over my eyes. Snoring cats beside me. (Can cats have sleep apnea and is there a C-Pap machine for them if that's the case?)

Sorta hungry. Anything that sounds good is frozen or requires too much effort. Medication kicking in - will minimize pain of watching rest of Falcons game. (And yes, the new DVD's are integrated alphabetically already.)

Have to report to hospital at 7am tomorrow for PIC line inserted & mammogram/ultrasound. I'll certainly be up by then. I seem to drift off at 9pm and wake up at 10:30pm - even after taking max dosage of Benedryl to knock me out. (Noooooo Ambien!)

Diva Does Retail Therapy...Online
11.27.09 (4:51 pm)   [edit]
Stuck in bed. Gave some money to Amazon.com and Overstock.com and Zappos.com
movies, a knife sharpener, and 3 pair of boots and 1 pair of black Steve Madden pumps.
I ordered Mad Men, Diary of a Call Girl, and I can't remember what else...

I would really like to take a shower but I'm not supposed to get IV arm wet. When I was 'uploading' the antibiotics, I couldn't unscrew the connector. Ended up using my teeth to unscrew it. (I'm sure the nurses would have a coronary if they saw that.)

Tasted the chili - yummy. Spicy. Put it in containers for freezing. Have dishes to wash. Laundry to wash. Sheets to change but I can't do it 1-handed. 

Bored. Bored. Bored. Not in the mood to read some of the 3 feet of magazines I have to read that I ordered in January when high on pain meds. Movies... I guess I'll dig around and find something to watch. I do have 400 dvds (organized alphabetically). 

Diva Tries to Get Spicy
11.27.09 (2:12 pm)   [edit]

I've been craving some spicy homemade slow-cooker chili. I defrosted the chicken, and got out all the other ingredients. Not very hungry, but knew I needed to cook it so it wouldn't go to waste.

Chopped up the onions, garlic, red peppers and chicken. Added all of that to the crock pot with some olive oil. Plug in the crock pot.

It won't turn on.

Crap. This is a fairly-expensive slow cooker that I've used twice. Didn't use it last year. Of course it has a 2 year warranty. It's just over 2 years old. 

So I dump all the chili fixin's into a pot and cook on the stove. And I went online. Costco still carries the same model. I will be 'exchanging' it this weekend. 

Meanwhile, the chili is cooking. Smells good. Added beans, tomato puree, lots of spices.

Still not hungry. Anyone want some chili?

Diva is Bored
11.26.09 (1:23 am)   [edit]

Apparently, despite Cubicin's known side-effects of insomnia and anxiety, I am happy to report it does not affect the felines of the infected patient. (As Velvet is snoring beside me and Tux has decided to camp out in the laundry basket at the foot of the bed.)

I am actually a bit hungry - but that may be because I haven't eaten anything all day? I am kinda jonesing for some really good chili. I think I have all the fixings for it, but the chicken is frozen. (So I could thaw it out.) I hurt, otherwise, I would get up and make the chili.

I've been somewhat productive - set up RSS feeds for a new client (high end flooring store). I am a shopping fiend. I loooove Black Friday sales. Obviously, I'm not heading out to do that on Friday. I've been following all the Black Friday sales - but it was getting confusing keeping track of all of them. I'd like to see about getting a Blu-Ray player... 

I need to wash/change sheets but I have to be VERY careful about not screwing up the IV until Monday. (Think I can train the felines on how to change sheets?) Me either. I'm still waiting for them to change their own litter boxes.

Diva Update
11.25.09 (7:43 pm)   [edit]

The doctor's office called this morning - said they called around and the hospitals wouldn't be able to get me in to have the PIC line inserted until Monday. Have to have Mammogram, Ultrasound and then the PIC line insertion. (It's an IV that can stay in for an extended period of time and it goes thru vein into my heart.)

Tasty eh?

So I had to go back to doctor's office this morning to have a temporary IV inserted to last until Monday. I have the medication to hook up to my IV for 2x a day until mid-week. It took the nurse three attempts to get the IV in. (And I have two large blown veins in my hand from where she couldn't get a vein - hurts and bruised.) She finally got one that is midway up my forearm (somewhat easier to hide under a jacket). 

The medication (for me) causes really wicked insomnia and anxiety. Plus this hurts. Asked to have something called in for the pain. While I was getting set up, the nurse reviewed I was allergic to Codeine, Darvocet, Percocet.  

I go pick up my medication and - they f'ing called in Hydrocodeine. (Thanks to the Target Pharmacist - I told her about how I had a bad reaction to a hydrocodone cough medicine a few weeks ago... It was 4:55 and I called the doc's office - had them switch up medication on the spot.)

After the IV was inserted, I went to an appointment and closed at $10k deal. And the guy gave me 6 strong leads. (Ties into my speaking last earlier this month...) 

Took the medication - and thankfully, it's helping. While I was waiting for the 2nd medication filled, I picked up a can of Cranberry sauce and a box of StoveTop Stuffing. That's my T'giving dinner. (Jealous?) 

Not Feeling Thankful
11.24.09 (8:34 pm)   [edit]
Friday evening when I got home from drinks with the dreamy NFL player et al, my left breast was feeling really sore. Investigated - large hot cysty thing. Increasing in pain, and getting discolored. I knew what it was - the MRSA/Staph infection was back. 

Call my Primary Care doc Monday am. She's out for the holiday. Nurse suggested calling my Infectious Disease doc. Got in to see the doc I'd seen before's partner. He asked if I had been hit on my breast (um, no.) He did a bit more investigating. I have to have an Ultrasound in the morning and going to have another PICC line inserted in the afternoon. At least 2 weeks of daily antibiotic infusions. (I couldn't sleep at all on the medication.)

The staph is now in some scar tissue from my breast reduction. The doc said that I need to get in touch with the plastic surgeon that did the procedure because I'm going to need to have it removed surgically. 

My plastic surgeon moved to Pennsylvania. Fortunately, I work with lots of docs - so I called around and have some people checking around on who is the best to handle the surgical stuff.

I tell my boss I may need him to cover me tomorrow afternoon. He is a total ass. I'm just about in tears - he's not getting how serious this is. 

And, it's one of those moments where I feel monumentally alone. Friends far away send their support, but the local forces are sparse. I really hate trying to be brave and strong - just wish I had someone to lean on right now. I could use a good cry. 

Where are my cats? They should be here loving on me. 

11.24.09 (8:25 pm)   [edit]

11.22.09 (9:55 pm)   [edit]
Had a fabulous Friday evening with clients & some other pro contacts. Had a strategy session on Saturday with a new client - car dealership. Visit with "the mom" afterwards - trying to show her how to use her computer & cell phone. (Lost cause.) Had to bake more cookies for clients Sunday - baked 12 dozen more cookies. (And burnt my fingers again!)

hectic week ahead. Packed with customer appts (delivering cookies) and referrals. 

I also bought the most yummy red leather Steve Madden 3-strap Mary Jane shoes with 4 inch heels. Wearing them during the day will require a very understated ensemble otherwise it will be too... 

My Furry Little F*cker
11.18.09 (8:59 pm)   [edit]
I've lived in my home for 10 years. Recently, when I come downstairs in the morning, the door going out to my garage has been open. I haven't always locked it. 

(I know, bad homeowner.)

I thought maybe wind was doing it. Or maybe the house was settling and causing the door to open.

It never occurred to me that my cats might be opening the door... Until I got home late one evening, and I had to pee really really urgently. So I dropped everything and used the bathroom right by my garage entrance. All of a sudden I hear a noise.

A sort of 'head-butting' noise. I peek around the corner.

My little furry fucker Tuxie is head-butting the door to the garage and it opens!

Problem solved - Lock the door. He will end up with a headache but I figure eventually, he'll give up. ;)

Rollercoaster Ride
11.18.09 (8:13 pm)   [edit]

I've been doing more speaking engagements and radio interviews. Today was one of each - I was interviewed for an hour about medical marketing for a podcasted radio show. Then I was asked to fill-in for a lunch seminar (I was asked yesterday afternoon).  

The radio interview was no biggie - since our company is going public, I am not allowed to speak 'on record' for the company. It was challenging for me to not talk about the company, the technology, but instead about myself. 

But the lunch seminar was a hoot. About 30 women. The group meets monthly. I told them that I could talk on Social Media, Email Marketing, Online Advertising, Internet Marketing, or I could answer questions... Decided to answer questions and start conversations from there.

Then, an hour in, MY BOSS SHOWS UP.
(Uninvited, Late, and without a twat)

I acknowledge him and he stands in the back. I'm answering a question about email marketing strategies and he interrupts me - and starts rambling about stuff that I have already talked about.

Every one just looks at him. I have fun poking jokes about how men have shorter attention spans, etc. 
I think he was pretty clueless to the fact that he was intruding...

I haul tail to my afternoon appointments. I was seeing my IVF doc (who referred me to his brother/client from hell). I deliberately haven't brought up his brother to him. The doc said to me in our meeting "I am sorry I referred my brother to you, I know he's a total asshole."

Thank goodness! (I was afraid he was going to hold his brother's ridiculous rantings against me.) My doc thinks his brother is unrealistic, doesn't listen and irrational. 

Had a great visit with him. And knowing that I don't have to handle his brother with kid gloves know is SUCH a relief!




Rollercoaster Ride
11.18.09 (8:12 pm)   [edit]

I've been doing more speaking engagements and radio interviews. Today was one of each - I was interviewed for an hour about medical marketing for a podcasted radio show. Then I was asked to fill-in for a lunch seminar (I was asked yesterday afternoon).  

The radio interview was no biggie - since our company is going public, I am not allowed to speak 'on record' for the company. It was challenging for me to not talk about the company, the technology, but instead about myself. 

But the lunch seminar was a hoot. About 30 women. The group meets monthly. I told them that I could talk on Social Media, Email Marketing, Online Advertising, Internet Marketing, or I could answer questions... Decided to answer questions and start conversations from there.

Then, an hour in, MY BOSS SHOWS UP.
(Uninvited, Late, and without a twat)

I acknowledge him and he stands in the back. I'm answering a question about email marketing strategies and he interrupts me - and starts rambling about stuff that I have already talked about.

Every one just looks at him. I have fun poking jokes about how men have shorter attention spans, etc. 
I think he was pretty clueless to the fact that he was intruding...

I haul tail to my afternoon appointments. I was seeing my IVF doc (who referred me to his brother/client from hell). I deliberately haven't brought up his brother to him. The doc said to me in our meeting "I am sorry I referred my brother to you, I know he's a total asshole."

Thank goodness! (I was afraid he was going to hold his brother's ridiculous rantings against me.) My doc thinks his brother is unrealistic, doesn't listen and irrational. 

Had a great visit with him. And knowing that I don't have to handle his brother with kid gloves know is SUCH a relief!




11.08.09 (8:23 am)   [edit]
In bed enjoying a steaming mug of coffee. Tuxie is laying across my lap - appears that he is fascinated with what I am writing. Anna Karina is on tv - Velvet seems to be fascinated with that. (I guess she's a romantic?)

Tuxie says hello. Additionally, he says, send tuna and catnip. And rub his tummy. 
He can be a total pain in the ass, but sometimes he is a total loverboy. This is one of those moments. 

You asked, do you REALLY want to know?
11.07.09 (4:22 pm)   [edit]

Office slut has texted me three times today and called twice. The last text said "Are you pissed at me?"

My answer is no, I just have no desire to interact with you outside of the workplace or in any personal way.
Reality is that there is nothing you can do. We are coworkers. I will not put any energy or emotional currency into it. 


For Your Amusement
11.07.09 (9:35 am)   [edit]
I was having lunch with a client/friend. We've known each other for a few years. We always have fun. She was telling me that Overstock dot com now offers sex toys. 

I get texts from Overstock about special discounts - it may be 15% off things for only 3 hours. So my strategy is to shop - put stuff in my 'cart'. When I get a discount code, I can check out. 

So I'm doing some random shopping while having a cocktail or two surfing. Remembered what she said. I was interested, couldn't find them on the navigation bar... I entered in the search category - typed in 'butt plugs'. Took me right there! I'm just looking around at what they offered (nothing impressive).

Then a chat box opens - offering to be of assistance.

You know I couldn't resist.

I have used the chat box before - asking about heel heights for some shoes, that sort of thing. 

I typed: "I have some questions about a few items." and cut/pasted an item number. For a butt plug. It was HUGE. Looked like a fire hydrant almost.

They said they'd be happy to help.

(Apparently, they hadn't looked at the item yet.)

I inquired as to the girth of said plug.


They replied. Said it was a 3 inch circumference. 

I imagined some outsourced Indian person was rolling his eyes.

11.07.09 (9:23 am)   [edit]

Dating lately has been rather... bleak.

I dated a Persian guy a few times. Coffee, dinner a few times. He brought flowers several times. He offered to trim the bushes on the side of my house one Saturday while I was working. If I had hired a blind drunk yard person that used dull scissors, it would have turned out better. I had to hire someone else to fix it. (Don't get me wrong - it was a sweet gesture - but how someone could do such a crappy job?) Particularly when you read on...

We're both Falcons fans, so we watched the game at his house about a month ago.

HUGE house. Gorgeous. Nicely decorated. But something was odd... The place looked like a model home. Nothing personal - no pictures, no clutter... His pantry had a box of pasta and a bottle of sauce. Fridge had some bottled water & condiments.

I asked him how long he had lived here. 

Four years.

The plan was to cook dinner & watch the game. He didn't even know how to turn on his oven. 

Four years.

While watching game, he got excited with at TD and spilled his red wine on his shirt. We went up to his laundry room (thru his bedroom closet). The closet was huge but there was maybe 6 pairs of pants, equal number of shirts, and three pairs of shoes. 

I dunno. It was just too odd for me. I can't put my finger on it, but my inner voice was saying "Danger Will Robinson! Danger!"

11.07.09 (9:19 am)   [edit]

Dating lately has been rather... bleak.

I dated a Persian guy a few times. Coffee, dinner a few times. He brought flowers several times. He offered to trim the bushes on the side of my house one Saturday while I was working. If I had hired a blind drunk yard person that used dull scissors, it would have turned out better. I had to hire someone else to fix it. (Don't get me wrong - it was a sweet gesture - but how someone could do such a crappy job?) Particularly when you read on...

We're both Falcons fans, so we watched the game at his house about a month ago.

HUGE house. Gorgeous. Nicely decorated. But something was odd... The place looked like a model home. Nothing personal - no pictures, no clutter... His pantry had a box of pasta and a bottle of sauce. Fridge had some bottled water & condiments.

I asked him how long he had lived here. 

Four years.

The plan was to cook dinner & watch the game. He didn't even know how to turn on his oven. 

Four years.

While watching game, he got excited with at TD and spilled his red wine on his shirt. We went up to his laundry room (thru his bedroom closet). The closet was huge but there was maybe 6 pairs of pants, equal number of shirts, and three pairs of shoes. 

I dunno. It was just too odd for me. I can't put my finger on it, but my inner voice was saying "Danger Will Robinson! Danger!"

11.07.09 (9:05 am)   [edit]

I was invited to the Halloween party of a client of mine. He owns more than 5 car dealerships here in Atlanta. Also does a lot of other stuff. Hot Stud & I went to his mountain home last fall. Genuinely super-nice guy. (Married, kids, etc).

I was looking forward to it. But I was in a quandry. I wanted to look hot/sexy but not slutty. Never been a fan of the slutty look - just not me. Hot Stud had told a mutual friend that he was going with several 'slave girls' (me rolling eyes). I just wanted to 'bring it'. 

Spent a lot of time looking for a costume. The party said it was a 'gothic' theme and must wear mask. Hmmm.

Ended up with a gorgeous black/red floral corset, a short black crinoline, a gorgeous black velvet cape with red velvet interior, black thigh-highs with bows pulled down to just above my knees. Found a beautiful back mask with red beading. I must say, I loved the corset.

My mutual friend was going to go with me, but he was sick as a dog. So I went solo. It was kinda like "Pretty in Pink's" prom scene. I had to go, and I wasn't going to let Hot Stud dictate things. I knew if I looked hot, I'd be more confident.

House was UNBELIEVABLE. HUGE. Valet parking. I knew this guy was wealthy, but this was a completely different level of wealth. Spent a couple of hours there. It was mostly married couples, so I felt a little out of place. There had to be more than 300 people there. Amazing costumers. Four different women complimented the corset. 

Hot Stud texted me that he was on the way. I figured we'd run into each other - but the place was so crowded - I never saw him. I went home after midnight.

The corset was getting uncomfortable after 4 hours, when the valet delivered my car, the first thing I did was take it off. I could breathe! The cape covered "things" driving home - but I was praying that I didn't hit a DUI check or get a flat tire! There was NO way I'd be able to get back in that corset discreetly!

After I was almost home - Hot Stud texted me again - asked where I was. I deleted it. Didn't respond. It really didn't matter.

Alive & Well-ish
11.07.09 (8:51 am)   [edit]

Yes, I am alive. Work has had me slammed and I've been dealing with a relentless sinus infection for six weeks now. I am scheduled (finally) for surgery on my broken nose right before Xmas. I haven't been able to breathe out of my left nostril for almost 2 years now. Caused wicked headaches and is contributing to the sinus infection. 

Last week I spoke at a national small business convention. I did a 90 min. seminar on marketing. It went well - they asked me to do a 2nd one in the afternoon due to demand. Uber-flattering. Had fun and would LOVE to do more. (And get paid for it!) I will probably end up with 4 or 5 new clients as a result. Doing another radio interview in 2 weeks as well. I am trying to keep a low profile with this stuff at work.

Nothing else very exciting to report. All work, no play. I have a new client that is a former NFL player. He's married so no chance. But he is sooo dreamy and nice. I am getting some traction with professional relationships that is taking me to a higher circle of people.

Have had 2 client issues that have been sucking the life force out of me. I have been asking my boss repeatedly for assistance. He's always busy. I was finishing up some work Friday evening - office is empty except him. He comes over and asks if there is anything he can help with. I start going into the details with these two clients. This leads to a 2 1/2 hour 'intensive' conversation. Instead of offering ideas of what to do to handle the situations - he starts getting into philosophy of what I should have done. If I had a magic wand (other than my vibrator which is called 'Magic Wand'), I would have never signed these two up. I need guidance in what to do NOW. A girl calls him on his cell phone - I can hear what she's saying. (He asks her what she's doing tonight. He walks away from my desk. He keeps pushing her to watch a movie together. She apparently tells him she doesn't want to.) Then another person calls and he asks them if they want to do something.. (I was relieved he didn't suggest we do something!) I haven't had 5 minutes with him since February. This was MORE than I needed at any one time.

However, 1 of the problem clients is coming in Tuesday to do a campaign review. (If he wasn't the brother of one of my bigger clients that refers business to me... I wouldn't have taken him.) The client is being borderline abusive to me. I'm keeping my cool with client, but it's really driving me bonkers. My boss said he was looking forward to customer coming in. (I just want to sit back and let them duel it out.)

After the boss left (finally!) at 8:30pm - I texted coworker (the office slut) that I had been subjected to 2 1/2 hours with him. She called me. She thought it was one of those sessions where he makes coworkers cry. Nope. Told her it was just too much of him. Then she asked me what happened to 'us'. She said "we used to be such good friends". Her version of "good friends" is calling me with her problems and crying. Me listening and trying to be supportive. Her calling me at all hours because of drama. I invited her to my birthday lunch clusterfuck. She said she'd be there. Talked & texted about it. I told her that I was heading to the restaurant. She never showed. Never said another word about it. (Her bday was a few months before - I gave her a very nice gift and card - which was never acknowledged.)

The no-show for the bday lunch was the straw that put a fork in our 'friendship'. I've been cordial to her, but I am not going to invest any more energy. She's a taker. I told her about the birthday stand up. (This was August.) She said she never knew anything about my birthday. (Bullshit). She said my 'friendship' meant the world to her. (Apparently.) I am patient with people, but there comes a point where the equation of relationship ain't worth it. 

She said it was really awesome that I was 'recognized' by the company to receive stock options - there were about 50 people that got them, so it wasn't that big of a deal. I said it means little - there is no IPO date. I'd gotten options before at other jobs. She said I was 'ungrateful' for it. Um, fuck you.

Reality is, my office is really clique-ish. The main group drinks a lot, spends money like it's going out of style. The rent apartments that were more than double my mortgage, they drive leased Mercedes and Land Rovers. There are a few other coworkers that don't run with this main group - they are the married w/ kids folks. I am just not interested in hanging with any of them. (Only 1 I had done anything with socially was the office slut - and that was a visit to IKEA) I love my job - what I do - but I absolutely HATE being in the office. Fortunately, most of my time is spent out of the office.  It's funny - I am SO different in the office than when I am out and about.

Update: she texted me at 9am "Good morning Sunshine". Barf. 

Diva Does a Pack and Unpack
09.09.09 (8:28 pm)   [edit]
I've actually been working while at the beach. In fact, right now, I'm sitting out on the balcony overlooking the ocean, sun has set... I had an appt with a referral from a client to another fertility clinic - was going to pack up the car (with felines), park in the hospital garage to keep them cool while I met with the doc, and then drive home.

Car packed. I needed to depart at 9:45 am to get to Jacksonville on time.

At 9am, another referral emailed me, saying to call her at 9:30 about getting together. I call her, she wants to meet me tomorrow in Orlando.

So I unpack the car in 10 minutes, and head up to Jacksonville. Have a great appt. Drive back to Daytona. Now do I want to drive to Orlando with kitties and then straight back to Atlanta? Or back to Daytona to pick them up? This appt isn't at a hospital - so it's not covered parking... Debating about what to do

Diva Gets Tackled!
09.07.09 (8:47 am)   [edit]

Last week at the beach was quiet... Too quiet but good. The folks at the condo complex this week are much more interesting.

Yesterday, in my lounge chair on the beach, was in perfect position to admire some truly tasty looking male specimens. (Nice scenery to glance up from book to see a gorgeous tanned back and washboard abs nearby.) Yummy.

Did I mention I got a text from the former bipolar artist from 8 years ago that relo'd to Lauderdale, became a tattoo artist and has got quite a following of 18-22 year old girls wanting to trade sex for tramp stamps?  He came up Saturday to hang at the beach. I made it abundantly clear that he was welcome to visit, but he was sleeping in the other bed and there was NOTHING going on between us.

He thought I was kidding.

So he left yesterday - too much sun and not any sex. I sunned until 4ish. Packed up my stuff, walking back to condo and apparently got in the way of a pass. Beach football. He was running backwards. Right. Into. Me. Sand. Towels. Flip flops went everywhere. I think I ingested some sand but he was so cute, I was distracted completely.

Profuse apologies. Offers of beer to make it up. Turns out there were 5 guys down here for the long weekend. In the condo above me. Invited me to grill with them since I'm here alone. There was drinking. And a game where you toss little bags of sand into holes on a board for points. It was entertaining with alcohol involved. I was afraid they were going to pull out Twister next...

Evening ended around 2:30 am. There was some people swimming buck nekkid in the pool. (I was not one of them.) I was most amused.

They said we are going to be 'boogie boarding' today. Um, I'm not sure if that's when you ride in on the waves or when you glide across the shore - both of them don't sound conducive to my sunning attire.

Hot Stud's Bombshell
09.03.09 (6:37 pm)   [edit]

The bombshell "Hot Stud" mentioned... is rather ironic.
Turns out he has a kid.
2 1/2 years old.
A girl.

He, who never wanted to have kids... and swore to me when we were seeing each other regularly (3-4 years ago) that we were 'fluid bonded'. (Meaning we had been tested and wouldn't be sleeping with anyone else without protection.)

I wasn't sleeping with anyone else. But it's kinda hard to knock someone up when you're not using protection.
Am I upset about the kid? Nope, I think it's a good thing - someone that he can hopefully love unconditionally.
I would like to know why he's decided now, after so long, to disclose the child.
(He claimed his family was 'embarrassed' about his 'bastard child'. Um, ok.)

What I am upset about is that he was taking my own life in his hands. If he wants to get some disease, that's his choice. But exposing me to it, something different.

Yes, I had doubts about his exclusivity. I'm not a fool. But I believed that he wouldn't risk unprotected sex with someone else.

I've already closed the door on us being physically involved any further. Now I have some doubts about continuing our friendship at all. I mean, if he can be so cavalier about exposing me to who knows what, how good of a friend can he be?

Maybe, it's time to move on and leave him behind.

Radio boy battles (I've lost count...)
09.03.09 (6:29 pm)   [edit]
Tuesday night, Radio Boy C calls me. (He's muted so he goes straight to vm)

Wednesday am, I check vm. He's STILL ranting about Radio Boy B. Still thinks Radio Boy B has conspired against him to make sure he doesn't get a job at radio station D.

Ironically, one of Radio Boy C's best radio buds is now working the same morning show as Radio Boy B. So if he's that much of a bud, wouldn't he pull strings to get him a gig?


I've told Radio Boy C to NOT mention Radio Boy B ever again to me. Three times.
So this latest rant on my vm, I responded via text: "I've asked you to NOT discuss Radio Boy B with me now for the FOURTH time."

He calls.
It goes to vm.

He leaves another ranting vm. Saying I need to see a neurologist.

Um. yeah.

I'm not the one that has an anger problem, has repeatedly gotten fired from various radio gigs and has a reputation for being a hothead/pothead.

I send him an email making it abundantly clear - I tell him since he cannot stick to my request about not bringing up Radio Boy B, to NEVER contact me again. I wished him well but he has problems that are beyond my help/support and my patience has worn out.

So far, no further contact. I feel sorry for him. I hope he gets his shit straight. At his core, I think he's a neat, intelligent, talented guy that has made some bad decisions and needs to grow up.

Diva asks for an
09.03.09 (6:18 pm)   [edit]
So I'm on vacation. "The Boss" and I had a discussion about it on Thursday last week. He calls me Monday at 8:14 asking me where I am (as I am 'late' for the meeting).

I say "name, I am at the beach. I am on vacation."
(long pause)
"Oh. So you won't be in the office today?"
(me -long pause)
"No. I am on VACATION."

Tuesday 8am. He calls. Again.
I answer.
"You in the office?"
I pause, this is a joke, right?
"No, insert his name here, I am at the beach still."
"Oh, okay."

Wednesday... silence.

Thursday. 2pm. He calls.
2nd time, leaves a vm.

Know what? The entire purpose of this vacation is to have some time away from him.
I'm not even checking it.
I'm on f'ing vacation.

Can I get an "AMEN!"?

For any of you nutcases, my friend Carter, who is 6'9 with two big-ass dogs is staying at my home. And he better f'ing be alone because if I find out he's boinking sluts in my bed, he's dead.

Diva's Boss is a Bully #44
08.28.09 (3:59 am)   [edit]

Yesterday afternoon, I was in my office working on two new campaigns... The boss comes by and starts talking to a coworker. I can't help but overhear. He is really being an ass to her. Talking to her like she's 4. They get on speakerphone with our company's account support team - he's being an ass to them too - the support person has enough of him and puts on a supervisor who is fed up with him too - hearing her tone with the boss was a hoot. I wish I could have seen her expression.

The call ends.

Then the boss just lays into her. Talking down to her. She's getting really frustrated. He continues going on and on. She tells him they need to stop now. But he continues.

I don't really interact with this co-worker much, but I really wanted to slap him for being such a bully to her. Demeaning her.

I try to diffuse the situation to let him know I won't be in his morning meeting - I have a referral appointment that is a good hike away at 9am. He said "reschedule it for 10am". I explained that I already have an 11:30, a 2, and a 3:15. It's a contractor that can only meet at 9. I say "It's the end of the month. Wouldn't you like the revenue?" (Sitting in his exhausting meeting will not lead to business.) He just gave me a look of disdain. (Feeling's mutual!)

Then he tells her to go to his office. She knows what is about to happen. We make eye contact. (I would have needed a bottle of Patron and a ball-gag to go in for one of those 'one on ones'.

She's in there for well over an hour. I get up to go to the printer, etc - see her sitting there - body language said it wasn't good.

When she gets back to her office, I ask if she's ok. She said "he made me cry again." The he asked her why she was crying.

(I would have said "Because I am a human being and humans have emotion.")

She said "Because I am a girl."
(Rolling eyes. PLEASE!)

Still - a 'manager' that makes multiple employees cry is NOT an effective manager.

Diva's Birthday Debacle
08.26.09 (5:03 am)   [edit]
My birthday was Monday. Weekend was spent with various friends - spa day, dinners, etc. Was nice - low key. I had wanted to throw myself a birthday party but I have 'issues' with throwing one - 15 years ago I had organized a holiday party. Invited a lot of people. Not a single person showed up. Mortification...

Anyhoo, while getting my 'birthday auto emissions' done, I decided to shoot out a mass text to friends & customers that I like to join me for lunch. Restaurant near work where the chef & I are friendly. He had the VIP room reserved (since it was Monday lunch, guess it wasn't a highly-needed area!)

Several people couldn't make it - texted me apologies - it was sorta last minute. I figured I'd invite Hot Stud. He replied back "Your birthday? It's not on my calendar!" (I responded, "if it isn't on your calendar, does it mean it doesn't exist?")

Anyhoo, I invited one coworker. She said she'd be there. Monday I was being interviewed for a piece for a Construction Marketing piece. It ran late - so that made me late for my own party.

I hate being late.

I get there. Parking lot empty. No one is there. I'm starting to freak out. If I didn't have three appts that afternoon, I would have sashayed across the street, picked up a bottle of Patron and a cupcake and headed home for an afternoon of 'poor me'.

Oh, no. It gets better!!!!

I get a text from one person saying he was running late. He's the one that seems to be flirting with me. I said "no one else is here." He thought it was just me + him. (Uh, no, not on my birthday - don't know him that well.) So he wanted to take me 'to dinner to a really nice place'. (That's a whole 'nother posting...)

Then I get a text from radio guy B. He said he's running late. He'll be there in 5.

Okay, so it's just the two of us. Radio guy B.

I sit down at a table and in walks... Hot Stud. Wow. Wasn't expecting it. Haven't seen him in six months. Then I realize - how odd this is going to be. Hot Stud + Radio Guy B (I was going to feel like a whore in church. Radio Guy B & I never had sex. But still there was some moments of undress. And I don't know what I said when I Ambien dialed him.)

Then Radio Guy B comes in. HUGE bouquet of flowers. Card. Gift.

This is going to be interesting...  I can see Hot Stud's eye raise. I do introductions. I didn't lie but made it somewhat vague. I focus on business stuff. They could both help each other professionally. (more on that later)

Lunch isn't too painful. Radio Guy B has to leave to get back on air. I still have some time before my 2:30 appt. So Hot Stud and I talk some. He drops a 'bombshell' (his word). Yes, it was quite a doozie. I was expecting him to say he had gotten married.

But it wasn't that. I just sat there. Listened. Not sure if he expected me to say anything or what.

I thanked Radio Boy C for the flowers  etc. He said I should 'make more friends and not invite clients to my bday lunch.' I laughed and said that Hot Stud and I were involved long ago and have been friends for ages. Apparently he had no clue... (Guess I'm a better actress than I give myself credit for!)

And my coworker never showed up. Never even acknowledged my birthday and never apologized for not being there. I brought her a card & flowers for her bday, and a beautiful windchime for her new apartment. Done with her.

A far away friend said that the people that love me & are my friends will be there. And, they were.

Diva + Hot Stud #9474
08.08.09 (8:58 pm)   [edit]
I had a 'come to Jesus' convo with Hot Stud a few weeks ago. Well, not really a conversation. I sent him an email after he canceled last minute for the umpteenth time.

Told him that I hadn't seen him since March - and that was a business function. That we are drifting apart, I don't like it and I've been trying unsuccessfully to get some time to catch up.

He said he had been trying to get together (texting me during the week during business hours asking if he can 'come by') No. And I have told him that last minute get-togethers don't work for me.

So he texted me earlier tonight saying he'd like to stop by -he'll be here in 15 mins. I told him no. I had plans. At least it wasn't a weekday. He did acknowledge it was last minute.

Maybe he'll learn. Or maybe he won't. I'm not going to continue business as usual. Part of me misses him a lot. But it's the person I knew a year or two ago. I don't even really recognize him any longer... I've reached out as much as I can without being put on the backburner yet another time.

Diva Almost Quit Her Job
08.08.09 (5:42 am)   [edit]

Thursday was a sucky day. I closed a large deal last Friday that needed to be fast-tracked as it's promoting an event 14 days away. Discussions with implementation team in the days leading up to the deal being closed to make sure it was do-able. I was told to call Monday at 10am to give them the heads up. I did that. Was told it was fast-tracked and it should be up by Wednesday.

"Up by Wednesday usually means going live around 6pm". So Wednesday night, I am checking, it's not.  Thursday am at 10, I call and I'm told it wasn't fast-tracked and I would have needed my manager's approval.

This sort of stuff irritates me to no end. I walk into my boss' office and ask his assistance. He starts telling me I shoulda done this, I shoulda done that. (He has no clue what had transpired in the previous week.) Then he starts getting into things with me....

I tell him I have to leave in 15 minutes to make my 11am appt. He rolls his eyes at me. (seriously). He says I'm 'always rushing'.  (I run the most appointments in the office consistently and I have, numerically, a large number of clients that require attention, so I'm at the office before 7am and often working until 10pm and weekends... Does he think I'm lolly-gagging around?)

Then he tells me that he is "always" dealing with "complaints" with "most of my clients". I ask him who and what the beef is. He says it 'isn't important'. I say it certainly is. (I've been recognized as having some of the highest client retention in the country so I find this... bullshit.) Then he tells me that he crosses paths with people that have "met" me or "interacted" with me in networking functions and says that "consistently and unsolicited" they "always" say that I have "no integrity".


I don't claim to be perfect by any means, but I walk away from deals because I don't think the client can benefit. I help people all the time - regardless of getting revenue from them. I'm invited several times a month to speak because I seem to offer something of value.

I tell him that I'm open to constructive feedback but these generalities are not helpful. If he can come up with some concrete examples, then I'm more than willing to take them to heart.

He said that we needed to talk 'philosophy'. I told him again, I prefer the facts, no innuendo, black and white. Otherwise he's wasting my time and NOT being very effective at managing me.

It was 10:55 - he got mad that I said I had to go. He actually TOLD me I could stand up. (I was already standing.)

After my meeting, I texted him saying that I was open to feedback but again, I needed concrete examples.

I'm told to make 200 calls and book at least 7 appts every Monday. I book 9-10. I jump through every hoop that is asked of me. I endure his completely ridiculous sales meetings 3x a week lasting for 90+ minutes where he recounts how he was top rep at x company, where he cured malaria, invented sunshine, and how he's never had alcohol or caffeine (or sex). I 'take notes' when I'm really using the time to coordinate my day and things I need to do. I don't socialize with most of my coworkers because they spin gossip about other people. I don't want to be around them. Others party too much.

So in the painful Friday am meeting - he tells the office (not naming me) about his recantation of what went on with my deal not being fast-tracked. But his 'version' held NO resemblance to what actually went down. It was his way of trying to rub my face in it publicly.

I called him later. I got in his face. He was starting with this "you should have done this..." I reminded him that he was COMPLETELY unaccessible the previous week and that he didn't even know the FACTS.  That in the past, he tells me to call the implementation team, to not rely on email - I spoke to the head person in implementation numerous times leading up to the deal getting done. She told me what to do. I did it. He started to say that I should have followed up more. I told him that on MONDAY I was told it would be two days so I didn't feel it was necessary to get in their ass about it.

Since I've been back from leave in April - the ONLY interaction I have had with him is texting him to say "I have another deal I need you to sign" and his reply to "leave on his chair". Over 4 months. Our office has doubled in size since he's been here. Yet our numbers continue to decline. (Wonder if there may be a connection?) My numbers have increased steadily. I don't require babysitting by a manager - but I am NOT going to tolerate being personally attacked. I have ZERO respect for him. He's arrogant and rude and completely clueless about how to interact with others.

I think after the experience Thursday, I have negative respect for him. And two more of my customers that are "always complaining about" me - renewed for a year each and INCREASED what they were spending. (Sounds dissatisfied don't they?)

Diva Update
08.02.09 (12:04 pm)   [edit]
Crazy week. Normal end of the month closing sales chaos x 10 because I was working on a deal all last week that required multiple meetings and last minute scrambles. I pulled 14 - 18 hour days - 6:30 am meetings and dinner meetings that lasted until after 10pm.

I decided to indulge in another microdermabrasion series. I really loved looking forward to the Saturday morning ritual. I had my first treatment, did a little bit of retail therapy (sales tax holiday), and then had drinks with my former non-roomie. Odd. He wanted to come in and 'hang' but I shut him down. Said no a/c and we'd have to go somewhere. He's still not back into my good graces.

The man that I have yet to meet but passed me the big deal I closed on Friday and I talk often. And the familiarity is continuing. He said "Talk to you later baby". Huh? But I'm really interested in meeting him. There's some chemistry... but how can you really have chemistry with someone you haven't met?
And Hot Stud... Still haven't seen him since our business lunch in MARCH. He's been drifting away. We had plans - he was coming over week before last. And last minute, he bailed again. Sent him a note that said I'm really getting tired to trying to reach out to keep our friendship alive. It feels like a one-way street. When/if he wanted to catch up, he had my number - that I wasn't going to try to keep making attempts.

So he texts me one evening last week saying he could 'pop in' in the way to visit someone. I was working - replied saying that. (He will consider that MY fault and equivalent to him making plans and then calling 20 mins before he's to be there to cancel.) I wonder if I hadn't shut down our sexual relationship if he'd be so MIA? I don't even feel very sad about it?
And... my birthday is later this month. I'm thinking of throwing a get-together for a bunch of people in my life that haven't crossed paths with each other. Still debating it. 
I'm heading to the beach next month. Two glorious weeks. I am really leaning toward going alone. A couple of people have expressed interest, but I think I just want chill time without the complications of another person around. 

Diva + Radio Crap Part Deux
07.26.09 (9:09 am)   [edit]
So 2 weeks ago there was drama between a friend + someone I thought was my friend.
As it was left, "B" and are are okay - he acknowledged that he never told me that it was a secret that he was waiting on another job offer. It hasn't impacted his situation at the radio station because everyone thinks "C" is a nutcase. "B" wanted to get together last week but I wasn't feeling swell and was pain med'd out.

And I advised "C" that I had no desire to speak to him ever again. I wonder if he's delusional. Maybe 2 months ago, he mentioned he thought a friend of his had been killed in Afghanistan but couldn't get any info. I know someone that might have access to info. Told him that if he wanted, he could email my friend. (After clearing it with friend.) I didn't know the name of the suspected dead soldier, and didn't give my friend with connections any details. "C" goes on a rant about how he's being investigated by the State Dept because I told my friend about this guy dying in Afghanistan and it was preventing him from getting jobs.

Um, yeah.

So I run across another one of my radio friends in the parking lot at the office on Friday. We chat. (not about the drama - keeping my mouth shut completely on that!) Then not 20 minutes later, I get a phone call from "C". I have already programmed his calls not to ring. It goes to voice mail. He leaves a completely sane friendly message about his upcoming trip, and how he wanted to know if there were any updates with "B". He wanted to know if I could help him get 'in' with the Programming Dept at that station.

I haven't been in radio for more than a decade. I don't know anyone in radio station management.

I'm just going to let him continue down his own self-created downward spiral. It's my nature to want to help people, but he's beyond help.

Diva as Debra Winger
07.26.09 (8:52 am)   [edit]

Just had an epiphany.
Well, maybe not that earth-shaking.
Watching "Officer and a Gentleman".
Dreamy Richard Gere before he turned into a nut job.
The character Zack Mayo totally reminds me of Hot Stud.
Tormented by some inner demons. Always keeping people at arms length. Not wanting to get close. Going out of his way for others.

If only I was Debra Winger.


Diva's Slutty Coworker Gets Judgmental
07.25.09 (10:52 pm)   [edit]
My slutty coworker (the one that was getting drunk & having sex with strangers in bar bathrooms) called me to tell me she was breaking up with her boyfriend.

(This is the one that she was 'in love with' three days after being dumped by another guy.)

People in the office that have met this new guy have raved about what a great guy he is and how he dotes on her. I have steered clear of her since she didn't repay me money I fronted for her for a business associate of mine.

She said she found 'porn' on his computer when she was checking her email.
I asked her what sort of porn it was.
(I mean, if we're taking underage, animals or gay porn, it's something to be concerned about.)

But no.
She said it was a girl dressed up as a school girl.
I asked if she was underage.
She said no but the implication that she was a school girl was 'wrong'.

I asked her if she thought he had a porn problem.
She said no.
I told her that her guy, from what she's said, has been a breath of fresh air. And most straight guys have indulged in some porn from time to time. As long as it's 'mainstream' and not an addiction, I didn't think it was something to break up with about.

I suggested that she might take a cue from the flick and make his fantasy come true - dress up like a school girl.
You would think I suggested she do a live sex show with a midget and a goat!
She said she could "never do anything like THAT!"

(But she'll have sex with five different guys in a weekend and can't identify three of them)
Um, ok.

I told her that maybe she was looking for an excuse to get out - that this is the first somewhat healthy non-chaotic relationship she's had.

Nah. He's "a pervert."
And she's still a judgmental slut.

I told her that she'd be in bed with some other guy within a week.
(she's in Florida this weekend visiting some dude she met on Facebook.)

'Nuff said.

Diva + Hot Stud #9321
07.25.09 (10:42 pm)   [edit]
So I haven't seen Hot Stud since... we had a business lunch in March.
Repeated tries at getting together but hasn't happened.
Several times plans have been made but he's had to bail for various reasons.
Did it again last week.

I have gotten tired of it.
Told him many times that I miss him.
And I really do.

He texted me yesterday saying he was going to the mtns for a long weekend.
That he'd 'try' to get to me when he got back.

That was it.

I sent him an email saying that I adore him but our 'friendship' isn't working.
We've been drifting away.
Our conversations are less frequent and I'm out of the loop on his life.
I need time to connect with my friends.
I am getting really tired of trying to suggesting we get together.
And him bailing.
(last week, he was coming by before a shoot. then he called and said the shoot got moved up.)
That this was not good for my self-esteem.
I wasn't going to try to initiate lunch or coffee or anything else.
That if/when he wants to spend time with me, he has my number.

He replied later that he was frustrated too.
That I declined 2 different times he suggested last week. (I had dr's appts + a meeting)
(I have never agreed to a meeting and then blown him off.)

I didn't bother replying. I know he's going through stuff, but I can't help him.
But I can look out for myself.
I recall what a friend recently said to me - if he REALLY wanted to spend time with me as a friend, he'd make time.

I also wonder if he'd be more available to come around if he thought there was the possibility of hooking up... (ain't gonna happen)


Diva + The Vet
07.25.09 (10:31 pm)   [edit]
Tux & Velvet will have their 2nd birthday next month. Time for their check-up this morning. I got them stoned on Catnip before the drive.

That didn't help. Tux & Velvet haven't been in the car often at all. They've been pretty good before - but this time - they were very naughty. Kept trying to sit on the front dash. And the meowing. I didn't want to keep them in the crate the entire time, but I should have.

FINALLY got to the vet. Got them in the crate in the car. Set the cart out. Got my stylish walker out. Trying to balance the cat crate with the walker was challenging at minimum. Opening any door is a challenge with a walker. Add to the cats, even worse.

And the receptionist at the front desk (at 7:50am) just sat there. She saw me and did nothing.

I struggled but finally got them in. Got checked in.
And then we saw the (very cute single) vet.
He gave them a once-over - said they were the picture of health.
Tuxie is a solid 11 lbs and Velvet is a petite 8 lbs.
I told him that they were brother/sister.
He didn't believe me because they are so different body-wise and coloring.
I assured him they were.
And they were the best-behaved cats he'd ever seen.
He wanted to know what my secret was.

I told him he should have seen them in the car...
On the ride home, everyone stayed in the cat crate - it was much more peaceful.

Diva has a date (sorta)
07.25.09 (10:20 pm)   [edit]
I chilled this afternoon, reading and sunning. Then I hopped in the shower. Having dinner with my friend D - we dated briefly 5 years ago but he smokes and admittedly has issues with commitment/love. So we're pals.

After the shower, the power went off.
I called to report it, automated message said it would be off for 3 hours.
That sorta put a crimp in me blow-drying my hair and opening the garage door.
Called my pal to let him know we'd have to alter plans - him picking me up.
He wanted to pick me up to begin with, but he has a big SUV and it's REALLY hard for me to get in/out of.

Magically, the power came back on JUST in time - was able to blow dry and get out.
We met at a friend's restaurant. He's been a chef to oodles of famous people here in town.
Amazing authentic Caribbean food.

I got there before D, so the chef and I were catching up. I adore him and want to do whatever I can to promote the place. He wanted the scoop on who I was meeting - told him it was just a friend. (He was going to send over some aphrodisiac appetizers.)

While we were sitting there, the entourage of a 'well known' Atlanta R&B artist came in.
Everyone in the place was staring.
Me. Not impressed. Irritated that the wait staff was suddenly ignoring us.

There was a live reggae band playing that was good. I was dancing in my seat. I really wanted to get up and dance, but no way my hip was going to permit that. Even the dancing in my seat was causing major pain.

Food was delish. D was so stuffed, his eyes were rolling back in his head. He, who never compliments places, said he was in love with the place all over again. (We ate there about 3 years ago.)

I ate more sensibly. Jerk salmon salad. Delish.

I came home in total misery. Took pain meds and curled up on the sofa.

07.25.09 (10:06 pm)   [edit]

I was introduced to a man (professionally) two months ago - via email - that someone thought might be able to refer business to me. We've spoken on the phone numerous times. He's made some introductions for me and I've done some for him.

We were supposed to get together for lunch about a month ago, but he had to cancel b/c of a client emergency. He's been getting really friendly. Texting me at 9pm. Calling me on weekends.

He keeps saying he finds me fascinating. An enigma.


He mentioned that he couldn't find a single picture of me online.
(I know. That's intentional.)
He's made comments of how much older he is (mathematically from my LinkedIn college grad dates). I think he's 8 years older.
Sort of freaking me out. But it's somewhat flattering as well.

He calls me on speakerphone with his business partner. Very chatty. Felt like he was putting me on show for him.
He called/texted me several times last week to see how I was doing.

I guess if I didn't feel some sort of flirtation between us, then it would bother me more.


Diva Recap
07.23.09 (1:46 pm)   [edit]

Had my post-op appt. He said things are looking really good - that staying off it the past week really helped. I'm to start Physical Therapy in a week. See him in a follow up appt in a month.

 Stopped off at the grocery store afterwards to pick up some fruit. Enjoyed the motorized cart. It cornered really well but was slow.

Don't feel like I overdid it but I'm hurtin' now. Camped back on the couch.

Holding off on pain meds though. Hot Stud called to say he's coming by. He wants to 'fix stuff' and work on my yard. I told him I'd rather him just come by and visit.

Him showing up... I give it a 30% likelihood. If I take the time to change into something remotely cute or fix my hair, he won't show. If I don't, he will. That's how it works.

Diva + Side of Drama
07.21.09 (9:09 pm)   [edit]

Drugged out of my ever-loving mind at the moment.

Stopped pain meds yesterday. Caught up on emails, client calls, etc. Had a roundtable lunch - one client picked me up and another dropped me back home since I can't drive.  That was my first 'excursion' since the surgery. I'm supposed to be staying off my hip - I just used my crutches...

Got home and the pain started creeping in.
Took care of some additional work but was scaling back since I was feeling, for lack of a better word, residual druggedness.

Ice wasn't working, so I broke out the pain meds.
Doctor called again - he has the perfect talent of calling when I am not by my phone. I see him on Thursday... I have only gotten a recap from the nurse.

Then my coworker that has had the drinking problem, etc texted me. She's breaking up with the guy she's been dating for a couple of months. I haven't met him - but he seemed nice and a good guy for her from all I've heard. I think she's just so used to chaos/drama/guys treating her like crap - that she finds a stable relationship 'boring'.

She said she decided to end it b/c she found 'porn' on his computer. I asked if it was gay/underage/animals or something odd. She said no. She just thinks it's 'creepy'.

Okay, I don't know ANY straight sexually-stable man that hasn't peeked at porn from time to time. I'd be more concerned if he didn't have any - make me think he's hiding it. Or has something to hide.

Anyhoo, told her I was drugged but she went on and on about it. Told her exactly what I thought - that she had been involved with some crappy guys and stuck with them a lot longer despite 'bigger shit'.

I told her that she might want to take a relationship vacation for a bit - since she's literally gone from one to another for at least 8 months. Next guy that comes along and BAM! she's in love again. She said she would take a break - i replied "more than three days?" She told me to shut up.

I bet she'll be in the sack with someone else within a week.

Diva Does Surgery
07.18.09 (5:07 pm)   [edit]

I survived the surgery. Camped out on the sofa with an ice pack. Dr. told my friend that brought me home that the cartilage in my hip was 'shredded' and was a lot worse than he had expected but he fixed it. Was in minimal pain last night. Only took advil. Woke up in no pain - the iv spot was more sore than anything else. Got up to make some b'fast. Was careful to do very little but the pain kicked in.


Took the pain meds - Didudal or something like that. Not helping. Pretty day outside. So I put on the bikini, greased up with spf and hung out in the sun for a few hours. (Staying off leg in sun rather than on sofa)

Smelled really antisceptic/mediciney... Took shower. Felt so much better.

Took more pain meds. They don't make me feel really drugged. Bored. People calling to check in. Coming to visit requires me to get up to go to the door and back to the door to lock it. So unless they have a key (hot stud + my guy friend that takes care of my kitties), not interested in being disturbed.

That's it. Have a nice day.

Diva + The Cute Doc
07.17.09 (7:46 am)   [edit]
Woke up at 2am. Decided to make the most of it. Cleaned house. Laundry. Litter boxes, put away clothes.

Had a few moments with my heels. Told them I still loved them, we'd just not be spending a lot of quality time together for a while. And even if I was wearing flats, they were still my favorite and it was beyond my control.

Felines know something is up. Wondering what they are going to do when they see my walker? I have the crutches out - they seem unfazed by that. But Tux is notorious for walking between my feet...

Of course, I'm hungry. No food after midnight. (Remember the movie Gremlins?) I did have some diet coke at 2am. (O.M.G.!) Life goes on.

Let's hope my super-cute doc got a good nights sleep and he's going to fix me right up. All I gotta do is lay there.

07.16.09 (6:41 am)   [edit]

Morning meeting Wednesday. The team was telling the boss what we needed from him. Since he's come on board, our sales have continued to slide. (Granted we are in a recession...) He's created a less than fun environment. He's not available. I make an appt to talk to him after the meeting yesterday - I have not had a sit-down with him since I came back from leave on April 1. So after the meeting, he is heading out to go on an appt with another team member.

I said "I thought we had an appt?"
He said "We'll meet afterwards."
I told him I had three appts back to back and then my pre-op appt with my doctor.
He said to "Come back afterwards"
I told him it was a late afternoon appt - deliberately scheduled that way b/c it would take a long time.
I knew I wasn't going to drive back after the dr's appt which lasted until 6pm.

10:15, me leaving office to go to my first appt of the day.
On the phone with another prospective client, discussing the proposal we have out.
The boss calls.
Me still on phone.
Boss calls again.
And again.
And texts me saying "You always get my texts, get back with me immediately."
Two more calls from him.

I get off the phone with the rather large deal with a home builder I'm closing. I'm at my 10:30 appt.
I call him.
He says he needs to know where my appt is because he's going to come and 'close it' for me.
I explained I had already 'closed it' - I was picking up the paperwork.
He said he was on the side of the road waiting to come to my appt.
He said where he was (it would take 25 minutes to get there). I told him that I was walking into the appt now.
I got the signed paperwork as I knew I would.

Call him later about a question. He wants to go into details while I'm driving - I told him that it was better to talk face to face because I'm focusing on driving/gps. 

I get that he wants to help - but I've given up on him. Even when I'm 'in his office', he takes calls and lets other people interrupt us. Ditto when we are on a sales call. Can you imagine? Answering your phone when you're making a presentation? Not cool. Ever. I do not ask a lot of him - I do what I'm asked to do regarding metrics of performance, etc. He is new to town, refuses to get a gps and expects us to give him directions from wherever he is. I suck at directions. I've told him - Don't ask me for directions - anywhere. I've printed out directions to the appts he has appeared on - he still refuses to use them. REFUSES. Calls and asks if he needs to turn east or west somewhere. (I have NO clue.)

Each appt he's appeared on, the client has said to not bring him back in the office. I got the deals later - despite him. He's just a much different personality/energy that comes off indifferent.

Funny thing is, I sent him an email with the time-off request for surgery Friday/Monday three weeks ago. He has yet to mention it. No clue if he's even seen it.

Diva was wrong
07.15.09 (2:26 am)   [edit]

so after all the drama over the weekend from the radio guys... The offender/kiltboy and I spoke briefly on Sunday. He was a lot chiller. Said he was "done" with that station. (He seems to think it's a vast conspiracy that they won't hire him. Not that he may be a f'ing nutcase.)

After his behavior on Saturday and the absolutely insane voice mails he left - I was done with him. I was merely trying to get him to keep his mouth shut about the other guy potentially leaving the station.

Late yesterday, I got a text from him asking if there was any word from former non-roomie.

Silly me thought he might have been concerned about the status of my friendship with him - that whole guilt/conscience thing.
I hadn't talked to the former non-roomie about it - but even if I had, I sure as hell wasn't going to be disclosing it to him! I replied that former non-roomie & I aren't really talking. (He's still on the air, that's all I know but kiltboy isn't up by 10am to hear former non-roomie on-air.)

I get yet ANOTHER ranting voice mail from kiltboy. He's still focusing on why the station won't hire him and is convinced the non-roomie is instrumental in it.

I put a fork in things. Emailed him that I knew nothing about the situation and if I did, I wouldn't tell him since he's already a stellar bastion of keeping confidence. That I wanted NOTHING to do with the drama. And I asked him to never contact me again.


Diva - No Good Deed Goes Unpunished
07.11.09 (9:48 pm)   [edit]

Diva has several friends in the radio biz.
"B" is the former ex-roomie. He was rather successful in Dallas and since coming back to Atlanta, is back on a morning show.

"C" is 'kiltboy' who has had a less than stellar record in radio. Fired from 1 station after another in Atlanta. It's a wonder anyone will hire him. In the past six months, he's been fired twice - once for hitting a coworker. Then another for getting very confrontational to the point someone felt they were about to be hit. Additionally, he's gotten in numerous fights in bars, etc. "C" is smart but he's got serious anger issues. He could deal with stuff with his mind/verbally, but he's gotta resort to fists. I feel sorry for "C" - he's done a lot of this to himself.

"C" has been doing various little gigs to keep himself afloat. I knew that "B" wasn't intending on staying onair in Atlanta for long - he has higher ambitions and has been expecting another offer in the near future.

"C" could have gotten "B's" gig if he had gotten off his ass and gotten his hat into the ring before "B" got to town (if they would have hired him).

So when I mentioned recently to "C" that "B" was working at the station. He flipped out. I told him to chill. I had a feeling there'd be an opening sooner rather than later there and I'd give him the headsup. I told him in confidence what "B's" situation was - and to be patient.

Instead, "C" calls "B's" boss saying that he head "B" is leaving and he wants the job.

"B" texts me this morning, telling me that it was supposed to be a secret. I was the only one other than his family taht knew.

Me Livid. I call "C" at 10:30 am and wake his hungover ass up. Asked him if he betrayed my confidence. He said yes and then started trying to wiggle his way out of it. NO excuse would work. Hung up on him.

He then starts blaming "B" - saying that "B" is badmouthing him and is the reason why no one in Atlanta will hire him. ("C" has never met "B" who would NEVER say anything bad about anyone.) Then "C" starts saying stuff about me.

I wouldn't take his calls so I got all this via text. I told him that he needed to keep his mouth shut about the confidential info.

Needless to say, the situation sucks. "B" is in a predicament at work. Fortunately b/c of "C's" track record, people don't give him the time of day. I am interacting with "C" only for the purpose of getting him to chill and encourage him to drop the fight. I told him to chill out. I would talk to him tomorrow afternoon - hopefully he'll have some time to cool down and rethink things. Really really disappointed in him and how this has impacted my integrity.

"C" is 5'5. "B" is 6'5 and calm as a cuke.

Diva has sad news
07.11.09 (9:34 pm)   [edit]
I got an email on Friday that caught me off guard.
The Turkish Photographer is moving to San Francisco.
Apparently he's boinked every chick he could on the East coast.

He suggested we boink since he's going away.
(to San Francisco - not to war)
I told him "thanks but no thanks. Good Luck"

He told me to come with him. So I could be his sexy girlfriend.
Um, yeah.
I haven't seen him in approximately 2 years.
And he's been a total dick since.

SO sorry to see him go.
I'm so upset, I think I have to go sob uncontrollably.
(Laughing hysterically)

Women of San Francisco, be on alert!

Diva Sucks
07.10.09 (5:22 am)   [edit]
Surgery next Friday morning. Heading to pre-op appt @ hospital this afternoon. I have SO much to do this weekend... Laundry. Cleaning. (House is a disaster zone). Grocery shopping. Cleaning out anything furry or liquified in my fridge. Getting my air conditioning fixed...

I have been speaking to the mother some. (Reaffirming as to why I ended communication with her.) I mentioned the surgery and of course she wants to swoop in and play nurse. I shut that down immediately. I like to be alone, quiet when recuperating. In the past, she has used that opportunity to do things like regrout my shower (which didn't need it). It wasn't done properly and I ended up with water stains on my kitchen ceiling and having to pay someone else to fix it.

I also don't believe in having people needlessly waiting around at doctors appointments or waiting rooms. Stupid. Will have someone drop me off @ the hospital before surgery. Will get someone else to pick me up. This doc only operates at a hospital that is a hike from me - 45 minutes. Will find out how long the surgery will be so I can choose who can 'deliver the package' (ie getting me home).

There's a lot of people that are offering to help otherwise, but I hate imposing. I suck at asking for help.

Diva Gets Freaked
07.10.09 (5:08 am)   [edit]

I was referred to a guy that could potentially refer me more business. We've talked several times. He lives nearby - which is odd that we haven't gotten together for lunch. He's friendly.

But I think he's been getting a little TOO friendly. This all became sort of blaringly obvious yesterday.

He said to me "Do you realize you have NO photos of you on the web, at all?"
(Yes, yes I do. That's very deliberate.)
I thought it was rather odd that he would say that.

Then we were talking a little more and he makes a reference to how old I am.
(What does this matter with a business relationship?)
I asked how he made that assumption - he said from my LinkedIn profile. (College grad year...)
I said that wasn't completely accurate as I double-majored (to which he immediately responded with the college I graduated from.)

I'm kinda freaked out by that. I know that I'm outgoing and I think that sometimes the friendliness can be misconstrued... However, he's not contacting me after business hours - so at least we're keeping it somewhat under the context of professionalism. But he did want to meet me for drinks...

Diva Goes Flat
07.08.09 (8:21 pm)   [edit]

I was at Walmart yesterday picking up some meds. Noticed they had voluminous amounts of ballet flats for $7/pr. Since I am burning them when I can be back in heels, I didn't want to spend a bunch on them.

Found out that I will be on very restricted walking (like with a walker) for a week.
A week?
A walker?


I am going to totally have to bling it out. Wonder if I can get spinners for my wheels?

I did send my boss the official time off notice on Monday. He hasn't even acknowledged it.
Am I surprised?

Feels like Monday for Diva
07.06.09 (6:46 pm)   [edit]

Back from the beach. Had a nice long weekend. Nothing but reading, sunning and listening to music. Played in the waves although my top wasn't rated for big waves. Opps!

Saw a daschund surfing. Seriously. I guess b/c their center of gravity is so low, it's a good fit. Only problem is that dog wasn't a good swimmer. I think swimming is somewhat important when it comes to surfing.

Drive home sucked tremendously. Usually takes 5 hours. I left at 3:30 - gps said I should be home by 8:45. Hit three major traffic incidents - one I was going no more than 7mph for 80 minutes. I got home after 10:30. And our state navigator system said there were NO incidents.  Bullpucky!

Then the boss went on an hour long rambling rant (short of a tirade that made Palin's speech concise). I really wanted to throw up. A client texted me about meeting - so I sent a quick note  back to him that I'd be back with him a few. So that led to him going on another rant about how we text during meetings to each other. And he knows we do it. (If he had a meeting that was informative and remotely engaging, maybe we wouldn't be tempted to text or do something else.)

Still haven't shopped for flat shoes. Sigh.

Michael Jackson
06.27.09 (9:16 am)   [edit]

Okay, I get that Michael Jackson's death was unexpected. He had three kids - so of course that is horrible for them. Yes, he was an amazing musician that significantly influenced a generation and impacted the industry.

But he also was a child molester. He shouldn't be heralded as some sort of innocent artist. If you can seriously believe that serving 'Jesus Juice' to young boys, sleeping in bed with them, luring them in was all a Peter Pan-like syndrome, you are an idiot.

And this 24hr constant news coverage - MTV - I get. But CNN? Fox? STILL? There's a lot more important things going on that can potentially impact ALL of us a lot more. North Korea + mad man + nukes. Trade Caps. Socialized health care.


Diva + Worlds Worst Kisser
06.27.09 (9:08 am)   [edit]
I had lunch with "Worlds Worst Kisser" yesterday. He's signing up as a client. Am I going to regret it?

Oh my.... He looks most heinous. His boobs are bigger than mine.

Diva Tries To Help
06.27.09 (9:06 am)   [edit]
Busy bee...

Meetings at 7am and not getting home until almost 11pm. Work work work. Weekends are a mish-mash of work, cleaning house, trying to do some yard work (hip doesn't let me do much), and trying to get some chill time in.

I 'hired' a friend who is out of work $100 to mow my yard, edge, put down some fertilizer, spray weeds. He did an uber-crappy job on the mowing. Said he'd come back to do the rest. He broke my hoe, dumped grass clippings instead of putting them in trash cans I set out. (And he TOOK my edger without asking.) So I ended up doing the rest of work myself (except edging since he has it!)

You try to do something nice for someone...

He wanted to come over to 'finish it' when I was home this weekend - translation he's hoping for a hook-up. (No chance in heck.)

Diva is Depressed
06.20.09 (7:58 am)   [edit]
The really cute orthopaedist is married. sigh. Surgery scheduled for July 17. I will have 'months' of 'extensive rehab'. Fun fun. I should be at 100% in 8 months. Dr. says NO driving for 2 weeks. NO heels for at least 2 months. So I went to Target and bought 6 pairs of ballet flats. I think I will wear stilettos to surgery. Anyone a size 8 that wears flats - you're welcome to them when I'm cleared for heels again. But I would really like to burn them in a magnificent bonfire. Have a lot to do ahead of time. Like get my air conditioning fixed. High today 98. I keep forgetting to call for someone or I'm just not going to be around. Off to see a customer Yes, it's Saturday.

Diva is Alive
06.11.09 (10:30 pm)   [edit]

Sitting on sofa. Laptop on lap. Velvet is all over me purring wanting to love while I try to type. She makes me feel guilty. A) I am alive.

B) I am working ridiculous hours. I am fortunate that there are more people wanting to meet with me than times I can schedule. It's a great place to be.

C) I need to close as much biz as possible right now because... going back under the knife.

Yep. Seen three specialists. I have a 'labral tear' in my hip. I thought the doc said I had a 'labial tear'. I looked at him dumbfounded for a second - thinking I only WISH I had had some action 'down there' that would lead to needing repair work! Bottom line is, I have to have arthroscopic surgery. He says it's not a big deal. But I will not be able to drive for TWO weeks and I will have 'months of rehab'. This doc is 'the hip doc' (body part-wise, but he is UBER cute!) I went home and read up on things - all that I'm reading make the recovery process very prolonged and painful. I'm in daily pain already. Part of me wants to get it done asap so I can get healthy.

The other part has concerns about work - telling my boss I'll need to work from home for two weeks... He's going to LOVE that.

And I have a feeling heels are going to be... out of the picture for a while. Oh my.

I've been asked to speak tomorrow at a medical seminar about Internet marketing. I'm honored. Excited about it. And then I'm indulging myself with some sand.

Diva Reflects on The Rape
05.16.09 (10:23 am)   [edit]

I hate the word anniversary. Especially when it comes to the rape. It was four yeas ago. If it wasn't for a couple of unrelated events, I wouldn't have even connected it.

That's what sucks about events like that.

You think everything is okay. You've done countless hours of counseling, self-reflection. You think you are getting past it when something incredibly completely innocuous occurs.

And it puts you in a tailspin. Something like someone coming up behind you and touching you on the shoulder. The 'floaty' feeling of nitrous oxide at the dentist reconnects you with the drugged feeling during the rape and you freak out.  Or wondering about men - I think that's why I still cling (in varying degrees) to Hot Stud. He's proven himself - he's 'safe'.

I no longer feel like I have to disclose on a first date that I was raped. That was an evolution. It's something that I would certainly disclose to any man I am intimate with - because something simple as a hand on my throat can still send me into a full-fledged panic attack.

But we all have traumatic events in our lives. Some believe we are never given more than what we can handle. I don't subscribe to that. However, we have a choice. We can let an event beyond our control our future. Those events will influence us.

I hate the fact that what Todd (the rapist) did to me - so significantly changed WHO I am. He 'got away' with it. The police chose not to pursue it. In the deposition last fall, he lied and contradicted himself so ridiculously that I was dumbfounded that his attorneys could keep a straight face.

We were moving forward to a trial date.

And he files bankruptcy - listing me as a creditor.
Now mind you, there's been no judgment, no settlement, nothing.
But with one stroke of a pen, a Judge that has never even read the case or knows about what HE did to me, erases it all.

So he gets away with it yet again.

Still, I believe in karma. I wish that fate will yield me the opportunity to have a front row seat when it comes around for him.

It no longer hangs over my head as a word I would use to define myself - but the event still defined me more significantly than anything else in my life. I hope one day that I will have a positive defining event by another man that will help refine that definition.

Until then, I am still me. They say that a bone broken grows back stronger - and I feel like I was very broken, even destroyed - in some ways I am still me. I feel stronger in some ways but also still feel incredibly fragile.

Yet there are moments when I smile and laugh - it is genuine - those moments mean so much more nowadays.

And that is a good thing.

Diva Gets Snarky
05.16.09 (9:43 am)   [edit]

My coworker - the one that was urgently looking for an inpatient rehab program in February, was having drunk sex with strangers in bar bathrooms, then 'fell in love' with a female friend's former bf that lived many states away. He was a dork - two weeks ago, he dumped her via text saying he 'met the woman he was going to marry' that weekend.

Lovely. She was devastated. They'd spent two weekends together. She confided that he was a pothead - loser - had no job...

I suggested that she might want to take a break from romance - focus on her. She's got some issues. She agreed.

So she meets another guy here locally - had a date with him three days after being dumped. She's already smitten with him. Drinking involved.

She insists that she's going to 'take it slow' with him. (Yeah, right.) She's already obsessing if she doesn't hear from him texting/calling every few hours. She's not going to get naked with him - she swears.

Which explains why she had an emergency lunchtime Brazilian wax yesterday before their date last night. She has to call me and tell me she's in love and going to have sex with him.

She texted/called this morning to tell me how fabulous it was.

I'm really not interested in hearing it because I know it isn't going to end well.  I give it until the end of the month to crash and burn. One cannot have a solid relationship when someone is so shaky and unstable - she's looking for someone (or something) to fill voids she can't do herself.

And until she does, she's doomed for more disaster.



DIVA'S WORDS provided
by Redonthehead